Friday, September 10th, 2004

10:01 am
well, my attempts failed at bringing nazi back into my life. fuck... knew i had no chance. She's got a gf... hmm... she wasnt exactly happy to hear from me... figured as much. All i can say is she wants me to get over her cause shes over me. But i told her a long time ago that if i say those words, its for eternity. Love is forever... she used to love this fact... now that she no longer is infatuated with me, its not a happy thing anymore.

I guess loves like that though, someone falls for a beautiful goddess, loves em forever in a pathetic existance... then tries again the next life around. ... damn

     Þ h4ve su|\/|th1ng 7o saY¿
     Þ vi3w 3

Wednesday, September 8th, 2004

8:07 pm

.: ::    stupid stupid stupid    :: :.

u know when u do things without thinking? and then just after u do them u frown at ur deperate attemps and wanna off urself due to ur sheer stupidity... YEP sent nazi a poem... shes gonna think im stalking her for sure

i listen to my heart n whats it always end up getting me... into trouble... but i figure if i dont attempt conversation with her... the rest of my life is damned... an eternity without is surly hell

     Þ h4ve su|\/|th1ng 7o saY¿

7:50 pm

.: ::    ahhh    :: :.

The first star in the night sky... naazma. God im pathetic... It doesnt matter though...

So yeah outside having a cig... the smoke drifted up... and again i thought of the beauty i once had... wishe i couldve at least held her once... kissed her... my loss. My major loss. FUck me im screwed over forever... fuck this shit... agh i need some shit.

     Þ h4ve su|\/|th1ng 7o saY¿

Monday, September 6th, 2004

6:06 pm

.: ::    Look who's back    :: :.

Yeah, it has been a while quite a while. Actually my life is fucked over and i had no comp to get online with. Been living on the streets for a while, sleeping at the park, and out in the swamp. Made a makeshift tent out of plastic n sticks. It was nice, fire... canned foods ... toilet built out of an old kegger and grass... mmmm fun. Well thats over, but now granpa offically disowned me thanks to my uncle joe... (NOTICE: from this moment forward he is to be dubbed FUCKASS and should be reffered to as such. Thank You) I asked granpa what was up... n next thing u know... CHAOS... fuckin cops and alot of bullshit... so my moms letting me stay here... i was supposed to rent a room for a while. SO much for that.... either way i have a place for the winter.

Yada... agh blah. Enough of the run though! My current main objective, and the most serious thing i have so far to do, is find Nazi. She's all i think about to this day... You know those mistakes you make that bring your existance crashing down on a cosmic level... terrorizing your own mental and physical being... yeah... i did one of those numbers... n i fucked up so long ago shes gone. But for some reason im still thinking about her. Heh, some reason... LOVE? yeah no shit sherlock.

So yeah, i went to sleep and my dream told me to find her if i have any hope of anything. Fact is theres no chance of getting her back, or even having a friendship relationship with her is improbable... actually she may think im some sort of stalker... but for some reason theres a whole hell of a lot of shit that i need to do. Like apologize for being a lier and and moron and a stupid child... fuck it im going to look for her now. Hope she dont hate me for it... god... i hate feelings.

     Þ h4ve su|\/|th1ng 7o saY¿
     Þ vi3w 4

Saturday, April 3rd, 2004

10:54 pm

.: ::    moms    :: :.

cj n sammy are asleep on the floor... n im thinking about her again... her smile... the way she laughs... everything im missing now... i dont think ill ever forget her... love is fucked up like that

i find myself still drawn to thoughts of a future... one no longer existing... why? Love is stupid

     Þ h4ve su|\/|th1ng 7o saY¿