Hey well where to start off...Let me see! I graduated from Valley High already. "Class of 2005" yai yuh. While I wuz a senior it waz the best. Having fun, going out, shopping, working, I had lots to do, had lot of friends, never in a relationship, just enjoing life to the fullest... Meet a guy. My three month old girl *dAiLeEn LinNae*z dad. He seemed too good to be true! Real kick back, honest, "trust worthy "something actually true", someone to fall back on, reliable, responsible, out going, fun, funny, goofy, I could go on...but Im not...for what. He's daddys boy. haz been and always will be. Can't even manage money. Hez all about DRINKING FOURTEEZ, TU-PAC, HIZ HOMMIEZ "PAQU1E, B-BOY, AND "R.I.P EDWIN", THE COMPUTER, BEING LAZY. "He haz a job though" Here'z somethingz I wrote n another journal. Enjoy..... JULY 20, 2006
The night befor Daileen waz really fussy. She slept nothing at night and morning. Gosh I waz so tierd. She went to sleep late and woke up early. WoW! I got no rest. Anyways... She's adorable more and more each day. She's so white. It's weird cuz, im not white...and neither is her father. But yeah. Oh yeah and she is a big peepe and poopo monster. She either pees or poops on something every day. It's not even funny.lol. I have to wash her swing cover mostly everyday. No joke. As of Luis...Uh he's around.I dont really have much to say. Our relationship has grownw apart. I honestly dont know why. It seems hes not the funny, easy to talk to, cool to hang around with, clean cut, humoris boy I feel in love with. He turned me into a girl I always swore I would ever be. It's a disgust now. I feel unworthy of myself. Not confident, but boring with myself. Not pleazed. I cant even have sex with him. I try...but it never feels right. Sometimes I question a lot of what if's. Like... what if... I never quit B/K and left to Mt. Sac. what if...I never meet him...where would I be. What goals would I have accomplished in life. I had a lot of goals for life. I loved being me. I cant be myself. A friendly, talkative, goofy, out going, dancy, bouncy, smiley, hyper girl I always was. I miss all that. Waking up early... doing my hair... then make-up... dressing nice with clean matching shoes... always having money in my pocket... being independent... and always having somethin to do. Even if it was turning up the music, cleaning and dancing at the same time. "LOOKING THRU THE FRIDGE REFLECTION WATCHING MY SEXY DANCE MOVES" Or taking a stroll around my blocks just to think a little bit. Something i cant really do here. It's freaken hot! I JUST WANNA BE ME AGAIN! The real RUTHIE, RUTH, RUTH!