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[06 Jan 2004|06:10pm]
School started today.. again?
I dont know how to explain that one
it was all right
infact it was pretty good
I enjoy all of my classes
I can see it right now
some of them will kick my ass
so Im attempting to stay positive
and on top of things
but if you know me at all
you know thats just some bullshit.

Anyway I've been all sorts of made over
I should take a picture
a little before and after deal
Thats effort I just don't have
I feel good though, and thats what counts.

Tomorrow for art
for some reasons
we've been told to bring
I am going to go see what I can collect up.
1 Gangsta | Hit Me Up

Bumble Bee Children <3 The Rain. [03 Dec 2003|10:13pm]
[ mood | discontent ]
[ music | Co&Ca - Hearshotkid Disaster ]

Once again I managed to fall behind, but reading everyone elses journals made me want to write again.

I see such pretty words and thoughts from people, but they seem so stretched. It doesn't make sense anymore why everyone tries so hard to be things that they are not. And it seems especially prominent in people that say so boldly they follow no path but their own. I just don't believe there are any roads unforged, I don't believe there is any place on this world that's not already been tred upon. Is that cliche itself?

Thoughts of tonight.
I should care more about things that matter to me
I should pay closer attention when people talk
I should do more things out of selflessness
I should help out more in my community
I should do my part to bring happiness to other people.

I know! It sounds cheesy
Everything sounds cheesy
I don't mean for things to come out
so wrought iron
so stupidly slammed together
in an attempt to make
something meaningful.
to put a slip cover on a damaged person
and call it a new couch.
it is not a new couch..
its broken springs cannot be coiled back up with a sheet.
its loose feet cannot be secured..
all of my problems and issues
cannot be masked
they must be faced.
I must call them out
but I fear that perfection isn't a real thing
and to call all of my flaws out into the open
is simply to ask for more
or to recognize a helplessness in myself
and when I feel helpless
I don't feel alive.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Does it bother anyone else that I only know one person that recognizes Blind Melon is? Damnit. Where'd the culture go?

1 Gangsta | Hit Me Up

[30 Oct 2003|05:40pm]
" started off as a sickness, where i couldnt be happy, no matter what i did, no matter how hard I tried.. and one weekend.. I felt something Id never felt before.. but it subsided and the sadness returned. And after a while.. Everyday became a choice, to be who I was or to be who I needed to be.. and before I knew it, there were no more decisions to make.. and life, for the first time. was a good thing."
Hit Me Up

[05 Aug 2003|07:06pm]
Its the Sadness I fear
Most Definitely..

So.. Here's my story..
This is probably going to be where I write everything
Because I can.
And it's going to be my personal thoughts
And I'm going to make it private.
But anyone can add me and I'll add them back.
It makes life easier on me.
And thats the point, isnt it.
4 Gangstas | Hit Me Up

[19 Jul 2003|11:22am]
Well, here comes another day.
And I'm standing on both feet, sir.
Hit Me Up

[18 Jul 2003|12:56am]
I have started research for my novel. For real this time, haa.
This is part of it. To find myself. <3


(1) The singular boring question: Amanda Nicole
(2) If you had been born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name have been? .. Scott
(3) Would you name a child of your's after you? .. Definitely not.
(4) If you had to switch first names with a friend of your's, who would you switch with? .. Collin, I derno. Thats a cool name?
(5) What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? Amanda Nicole Poe.. It's really hard to mispronounce it.
(6) If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name (like Madonna, Cher, Roseanne)? .. Why would I?

(7) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? .. Not so traditional, but for sake of this, yeah.
(8) Do you think God has a gender? .. No. Feminists, get over yourselves.
(9) Do you think science counteracts religion? ..No.
(10) Do you believe in organized religion? .. It causes problems.
(11) Where do you think we go when we die? .. Wouldn't that depend =)
(12) Do you feel a little funny thinking about the questions in this section? It would be worrisome if I burst into laughter while taking a survey.

(13) How easy is it to make you laugh? Really easy.
(14) What person you know makes you laugh the most? Too many to choose.. Raymond, David, Collin.
(15) Do you laugh at jokes you know you shouldn't? .. Probably.
(16) Do you tell jokes you know you shouldn't? .. Probably.
(17) What words instantly make you laugh or at least smile? .. It sounds like an issue.
(18) What do you think is the funniest thing you've ever said or written? Err.. "I Could Owe You 50 Bucks And You Wouldn't Be Any COOLER." =) i love you tom. haha.

(19) Do you ever dance to music when nobody's watching? .. Doesnt everyone.
(20) What is/are the worst song(s) you have ever heard? .. Hm.
(21) What song(s) do you wish you could understand a little better? .. Derno.
(22) What song(s) are constantly in your head? SHAKE THAT THING.. DUDDA DUDDA DUH.
(23) What song(s) do you think describe your personality best? Hah! Dashboard Confessional - Anyone, Anyone. To anyone who's ever been close to me.
(24) If you were to serenade the object of your affections, which song(s) would you use? .. =) Coldplay. TEH Used. Lifehouse - Everything.
(25) If the object of your affections were to serenade you, what song(s) would you hope he or she used? I just ask. =) sameee.

(26) What movie(s) do you love that almost nobody else seems to? Vanilla Sky.
(27) Do you agree with the idea that sequels are always worse than the original? Yeah. Definitely.
(28) Who's your favourite Star Wars character? Chewie
(29) What kind of movie do you think there should be more of? More Pirates movies!
(30) What movie(s) do you simply not understand the appeal of? .. Err.. Movies, where the plot.. is proving that an idiot can suceed.. even if it was completely luck and in real life their sorrie ass would have long since been killed.

(31) When eating, are you more concerned with taste or healthiness? Health.
(32) What's your favourite kind of cheese? .. string. !
(33) What do you think your answer to the previous question reveals about your personality? Err.. Is it supposed to reveal something?
(34) If you knew exactly what went into Chinese food, hamburger meat, etc., would you still eat it? I don't eat it now, so I suppose not.
(35) Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? Haha.. Actually.. Yeah.

(36) Mac or PC? Okay.. PC.
(37) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer, as long as it works? .. Care? Not at all. But I know enough to fix things when they break.
(38) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversation? With certain people. Heh.. You can't put an away message up on the front door..
(39) Do you find you're different talking through IMs than face-to-face or on the telephone? Most of the time, I'm decent online, because I can say the mean things outloud and type only the happie thoughts.
(40) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? Never bought anything offa eBay.

(41) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? .. All the time, dude.
(42) What do you love most about the other gender? ..Er.. all they have to do, is put on a button down shirt, and that's Dressing up. I have to spend an hour messing with my hair. AND! they get all the cool wallets.
(43) What do you dislike most about the other gender? .. That some of them have no remorse for not showering daily.
(44) What do you understand least about the other gender? ..What is so scary about communication.

(45) Do you sometimes see a movie or watch a show just because a good-looking celebrity is in it? Pirates of the Carrabean. Only went to see Johnny.
(46) What celebrity's autograph do you want most? ..Why on earth would I want someone's name in cursive? OOOH.. How cool am I. Let's change this question.
(46) What celebrity do you want most? yay.. johnny depp!! haha.
(47) Have people ever said you looked like a celebrity, and if so, who? ..No.
(48) If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)? Should? Err.. Christina Ricci .. cuz, well. She's got her own beauty. She's ana. She's sarcastic. Yep.
(49) Does it ever annoy you when you know someone is a celebrity but you can't remember why? Haha.. Sure. But then I remember, they must not be a celebrity for the right reasons.
(50) If you could enter any celebrity's mind like in "Being John Malkovich", whose would you enter? ..I'd never want to enter anyones mind.
(51) Do you want to be John Malkovich? Nah. Sara's right. He isn't a pirate, no thanks.

(52) Do you laugh when you hear or read the number 69? ..No.
(53) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? ..No.
(54) Do you actually know your Social Security Number? ..Errr.. Yeah. I think everyone should.. Unless the rest of you just guess?
(55) Do you actually know your IP address? If you do. Please, dont answer honestly to this question.
(56) Do you know what an IP address is? Yes'm.
(57) Do you know the four-character extension on your ZIP code? Hah. You learn something new everyday.
(58) Are there too many numbers floating around in our lives? ..I could go for that.
(59) Does your head begin to hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers, etc.? ..Not really..
(60) What do you think of pi? My hand said Pi all day yesterday. I was writing PILL and the ink ran out. I think it's good to have on your hand. Indeed.

(61) Did you get a little frightened or uncomfortable seeing this as a section title? Frightened? Oh yeah, I'm hiding under the desk right now.
(62) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? ..Pretty bad telling them they'd have to lie to someone else.
(63) Do you prefer getting to know someone first before dating them or going in "blind"? Welp. Me and my raymond did half and half. So. I think. You should get to know them, then you don't have to bother breaking up.
(64) Could you carry on a relationship with someone with the same first name as a family member? ..Uh.. Like that would be something horrible? Unless his name was Alison. *Shrug*
(65) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? Not really.. I don't care either way. If he's too shy. Then it won't happen. Deal?
(66) What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? Impossible. Someone'll feel something sometime.
(67) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? No.. Cuz if I'm romantically attracted. Then I'm physically attracted also. Can't have just one in my mind.
(68) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good-looking? I know at least one does.
(69) Would you be willing to give up sex in exchange for an emotional commitment you knew would last? I'd say yes, if I didn't know I had both.
(70) Do you think the number of the last question was a coincidence? Remember when I said 69 didn't mean anything to me.

(71) What is your favorite possession? My life.
(72) What do you want most that is physical, and tangible? The Used Poster. -=(
(73) How badly do you want it? Much more than I should.
(74) Have you ever seen 'The Exorcist'? I tried.
(75) How long did it take you to understand why the last question is in this section? As soon as I read what the title was, der..

(76) Does Christmas music too far away from Christmas annoy you? ..Like somehow it's better when you hear it in season?
(77) How old do you think you will be before you stop liking getting older? ..I won't get to that point.
(78) What was the best Halloween costume you ever had? ..Er.. I was a lady bug one time. that was cool. Raymond wins this one.
(79) What was the worst Halloween costume you ever had? I was 12. And I went out as a teenager. Crazy, huh.
(80) What holiday do you think has still managed to retain its original meaning? If St. Patrick intended to get the whole world drunk. Then, there you go.
(81) There are currently no federal holidays during August - what should be put there? ..Err.. Why should there be one?

(82) How good is your short-term memory? I can remember everything from three seconds ago. So, check.
(83) How good is your long-term memory? I can remember some stuff from a LONG time ago. but most of the middle left me.
(84) What is your earliest memory? My dad eating circus peanuts at Dollar General.
(85) What is your happiest memory? ..From Recent..My birthday...
(86) What is your strangest memory? ..I remember making hot dogs out of purple play dough.. Does that count?
(87) What song, movie, etc. do you wish you could memorize? Aw. I wish I could recite Fight Club.
(88) What movie(s) makes/made you cry? Requiem For A Dream.
(89) What book(s) makes/made you cry? God Shaped Hole.
(90) What song(s) makes/made you cry? Lifehouse - Everything. Almost every Coldplay song, when I think about Raymond.
1 Gangsta | Hit Me Up

[11 Jul 2003|05:27am]
I can't sleep..
Maybe if I ran laps about my room I could tire myself out..
I can't see that working out so well..
Damn it to all hell. I'd like to call Raymond.
I do believe a little sexin could make me feel better.
We could just cuddle.<3

*Goodnight, I hope.
Hit Me Up

Lalala. [07 Jul 2003|03:54pm]
I walked inside.. And sat down..
And already I am tired of being here.

Something about the smell of my room, the way the lights are never on, my house feels cold and distant. Like so many people I know. What is it that makes us all so harsh. Has the world stolen everyones happiness! Has something evil crept in at night and taken away your ability to smile..

I see so much in life. I just looked around while I was outside.. and besides swallowing a fly and accidentally running into the car door.. I feel like there is so much to be taken for granted. Like how clean the air is.. Or how warm it feels.. Or how nice everything is if all you wanted was to enjoy the day..

Maybe we've all grown used to having money in our wallets, clean clothes on our bodies, and a house with a constant invitation.. Though not all of us have that, obviously with the clean clothes; I don't think I have showered in two days. That's wrong isnt it. Haha. Oh well, I don't care. I'm in such an akward mood all of the sudden.
I want to go out with someone. I want someone to come pick me up and just.. Take me somewhere, anywhere. I dont care. Hell, I just want to drive for hours.

"And I said Go, Please Dave, Just drive. Get us as far as far can go, Get us away from tonight..
And I said I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I'm having a bad week."

I need a hug.

the more the merrier right?
Hit Me Up

[05 Jul 2003|01:16pm]
Every thing.
All Right.
3 Gangstas | Hit Me Up

[01 May 2003|08:20pm]
(Saturday, February 23, 2002)

Tonight we have the infamous LISTS! except you'll notice mine is an odd length, I'd appriciate not commenting on that.. Yeah. ::wipes sweat.

1.. I wish my name was Clay.

2 perfect guy, has different colored eyes.

3.. Sometimes I wonder if I don’t go to school just to have a reason to change clothing.

4..I have a bad day if I forget to put on my ring.’s a silver whale

6.. Which replaced my favorite one.. a Japanese dragon.

7..but it cracked.

8..I’ve always wanted someone I love to call me Sunshine as a pet name.

9.. I wonder where people wipe there hands after they do naughty things in the theater.

10..I once ate a ho-ho covered in Texas Pete for a Dime.

11.. I will never do it again if my life depends on it.

12.. My father lives in a trailer home, which I think is nicer than my own three story house.

13..I don’t really believe this number is cursed, rather insignificant.

14..I don’t think anyone is going to read this.

15..I have a glass bottle of ketchup that is about three inches tall

16..I stole it from a hotel, I was amazed.

17..I’m never too old or too young to be who I am.

18..Sometimes I remember everything really is going to be okay

19..My number one fan’s name is Trick.

20..Is that a sign?

21..Someone asked my science class “Why Does It Not Rain When It’s Sunny Outside”

22..No, I couldn’t speak either.

23..I have more shoes than years I am old.

24..I miss my friends most when they stand next to me.

25..I never really got it.. What is the Rock cooking?

26..Little kids make words up.

27..Sometimes parents have to lie, to keep themselves sane.

28..You never really wanted to know the answer anyway.

29..I hate writing in pencil

30..I eat Jello with a fork.

31..I didn’t want to be a vegetarian to save the cows, more to save my taste buds.

32..Are there rules to this?

33..You still reading??

34..A Picture sits on the right side of me that says Cherish Your Dreams in scribbled handwriting.

35.. A mirror is to the left, so that I will never forget my own face.

36..Men laugh 14 times a day more often than women

37..Yes that’s an honest fact.

38..Most people didn’t guess “laugh” as the answer to that.

39.. I am one of those gutter minds

40..I can usually only stay mad for all of four hours.

41..I wore Red pants today

42..This is easier than I thought

43..I secretly never minded being a cheerleader

44..I’d rather sing than anything in the world

45..I actually know the meaning of Supercilious.

46..I don’t think I’ve used the word “I” this much since I was in middle school either.

47..I’m proud to be a Southerner.

48..I eat the stems of my broccoli

49..You don’t really care

50.. Look at that, half done.

51.. And look at that, over half done.

52..I don’t cheat, I bend rules.

53..I’m still unsure if there are any to this. walls are Orange

55..every time I go to Ruby Tuesday’s I get a balloon

56..I only have three so far

57..I am never too old to color a child’s menu

58..I can touch the tip of my nose, with my top Lip.

59..Can you?

60..I’d rather be smiling for no reason, than because I read a joke.

61..I don’t regret anything I’ve done

62..Though I’ve still done horrible things.

63..My life would be lived the same.

64..I already have my future planned out.

65..Why be wordy when no one will read that far anyway?

66..One time I opened the refrigerator, and literally there was only Chez Whiz

67..And two beers.

68..My sister has a collection of just about everyone she knows getting high.

69..This number is so overrated

70..Wyatt wanted that to say “This number makes me think upside down”

71..He doesn’t get it

72..I rather like just lying there

73..I think Vanilla Sky was a great movie

74..It reminded me of my first love

75..His name is Jimmy

76..I’m eaves dropping on my mother and sister’s heart to heart discussion

77..My mom’s a drama queen

78..And a wimp.

79.. I could make a whole list of negative things about her

80..But I’d rather not, I’d get annoyed

81..My mom just called me down to dinner.. She said “Manderrr”

82..She should be beat with a stick for that

83..But it smells good, so hold on.

84..::just shaking my head of that whole dinner

85..The one night when I wanna see someone, and I can’t.

86..I want to sing Alanis Morsette now.

87..I like the taste of Ketchup on my teeth.

88..Jarrett is quizzing me now

89..I think it’s his own fault

90..I’ve already forgotten I was mad at him

91..Cow print is like Polka dots gone retarded

92..Sabrina The Teenage Witch is on.

93..I always wanted Jafar to win.

94..An extra for good luck

95..If I’m lucky, someone’s thinking about me ;D

96..If I’m not.. SCREW YOU.

97..There isn’t a number 97.

Anyway, if you read this.. YOU ARE THE COOLEST.
4 Gangstas | Hit Me Up

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