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Monday, June 7th, 2004
4:46 pm
so i haven't been updating in a while. why do i resume? cuz i decided that i felt like using a journal where i didn't know 50 million other ppl that use the same one. i'm pretty sure that sentence made no sense, but i'll continue nevertheless. sat IIs sucked ass. frikkin' math. school year's almost done. i'm excited/worried/relieved/sad all at the same time. i mean, i'm gonna be a senior. gah, so much change! not that change is a bad thing. i just feel like the years have passed me by. and yeah, along with it all i have dance recitals coming up and then campus ministry retreat, and then i'm still trying to get a job. isn't that great? well, i have to get at least 80s and 85s on all my finals, and considering the classes i'm taking, i do think that will be difficult. so yeah, back to studying

take care and God bless

oh yeah, i have ddr now. i rock.

current mood: tired
current music: "dip it low" christina milian

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Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
11:42 pm - this is me...now (stolen from J. Lo)
i didn't really do a year wrap up like always but i saw this question thing and i felt like one question could sum it all up, so here it goes

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
Through death, I learned to live. Ironically, this is the most alive I have ever felt, and though I still need some work on it, I'm beginning to let go of things and just...breathe. I guess this also somewhat answers the question about the greatest lesson you learned. Hey, the way I see it, no matter what I do, if I hold on to my integrity, my faith, my love, my trust, my hope, and my ambitions, I'm going to be just fine. Whether I get into some crappy college, or end up on the streets, or become "successful," or even become gravely ill, nothing can take my LOVE and my FAITH (which I figure encompass all of that) away from me. In my eyes, I will always be a success, granted I hold on to my idealism of present. There may have been people I grew apart from and those I became closer to, but regarless of whatever time has done, the footprints are still on my heart.

To add to this whole fun semi-philosophical entry, I would like to add, that though I retain my original standpoint that essential truths can't be different for each person, seeing as no matter what, something is always what it is or what it isn't, I feel that discovering "essential truths" must be done by the individual. Otherwise, you wouldn't be sure they were true, would you? Just a youth group thought. That has to be one of my favorite youth group discussions.

Oh, and believe it or not, I agreed with Kiely on one thing. The whole 10 nice things about a person really does make them feel better, well, not all the time, but I know it did in my case, and I am keeping mine. I think I'm gonna try to say something nice to someone everyday. It just feels good.

In continuance of the whole idea of living, I have realized that I need to follow my dreams, even though I'm not sure what I want anymore. As much as I wanted to do more drama stuff, I have decided to go with dance, because even though I did start late, well, it's something I love.

I guess I'll put random lyrics throughout this entry that pertain to the discussion:
"While you see a chance take it
Find romance fake it
Because it's all on you"
- some Steve Winwood for you. I actually really like that song. Ok, I've liked almost everything my dad introduced me to, but that's ok.

Oh, and as little of importance family might sometimes seem to you, the bonds of blood are undeniable. As much as my parents frustrate me, or certain sides of the family tick me off. At the end of the day, they were the ones that kept me going. I mean, my friends, too, but even the family members you see the least have an impact on your lives. (i.e. Karaoke - "Somewhere Out There," "Tonight I Celebrate my Love) If you know me well enough, you know what I'm talking about.

On a lighter note, don't let your grandmother make your fashion decisions. You end up with a powder pink sweater with a poodle on it. Or a cardigan which even though you think is somewhat cute, you know you will never wear it.

Watch the International Channel. If it isn't always insightful, it is almost 100% amusing. I love the music videos. Unfortunately, the only news I can watch on that channel is the Filipino News because I can actually understand what they are saying. Sorry.

Open yourself up. I'm still working on that one. In fact, I think this was the aspect of living that I'm struggling with that I spoke of earlier. You will feel better knowing that you gave everyone a chance. Sure it will hurt 100+ times as much if you face rejection, but wouldn't you like to know that you gave it a shot? I have trouble showing people who I really am at times, including myself. But hey, that's part of growing up, and I'm trying to fix that. Ok, I wish I had lyrics here, but I don't, you can deal.

Believe it or not, I have just recently come to the realization that I am capable of many things. Which makes it hard for me to decide what I want to do in my life, because there are so many aspirations I have, but nevertheless, I feel somewhat accomplished now that I know that there are so many doors open. I mean, a month ago, I started considering business and marketing. I had never even thought about it before, and now I'm intrigued.
"I know I can
Be what I wanna be
Be what I wanna be
If I work hard at it
I'll be where I wanna be "
- Nas.

Ok, those lyrics were a bit lame and corny, and that song somewhat freaks me out when the children start speaking, but hey, it fit.

Oh yeah, and being a bitch isn't always good. I mean, when I"m treating Peter like a bitch it's ok. JK, but seriously, I'm not a bitch at heart. I just have tendencies to bitch at people I'm really comfortable with when they really upset me. Well, furthur than that. For instance, the weekend at Steubenville and at times having Peter as the only one to talk to led me to this. John's my cousin, he's seen me in the most interesting times, and well, it's all in good fun. Russell, well, he's my little brother, I'm just doing my job.

I guess another big thing is find what fits you. For instance, I was studying for my US test, when I realized that I had never bothered to find out what form of studying worked for me. Or, I have never really had a "style" till this year. One that was my own, and not just bought by my mother, aunts, etc. Now we all know for sure that I'm a preppy. So sue me. It's not like I'm hard core preppy. Oh wait, I'm not just a preppy, apparently. I'm a preppy preppy princess.

I have learned to do things without expectations. For instance, favors, without expecting the person to do something for me in return, because not only do you rarely get anything back. It's really lame. And though I generally was free and stuff towards that sorta thing, when it came to people that ticked me off, for some reason, I actually expected something out of them. I was a tard, oh well.

I think this is enough reading for you. I really should go back to studying, but I will show you all what my card from kiely's said because it really did make me feel better, as I already said:
1. funny - good sense of humor
2. very inteligent w/ a good head on her shoulders
3. Close to her family
4. pretty eyes and features (although if I do own this one, I think make-up helped out)
5. She loves Christmas (in reference to my attempts to decorate the Chemistry room and how I made construction paper stockings for everyone)
6. She loves to plan - organize things
7. She goes all out and puts 100% in everything
8. She's reliable and responsible
9. She's a good singer and can always get you singing
10. She has a warm smile and welcomes everyone she meets.

You can call me egotistical if you want, but I believe I own pretty much everyone of those. I also believe there's nothing wrong with believing in the good in yourself. Do it every now and then.

So much more in my head, but so little time. Sorry to leave you. Take care and God bless. Mahal Kita.

~ Eheu! fugaces labuntur anni. Alas! The fleeting years go by.
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero. Seize the day, trusting little in tomorrow. ~
Love to Mr. Steves and Matt, and everyone else we temporarily parted from.

current mood: contemplative
current music: "while you see a chance" by steve winwood

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Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
12:39 pm - beginning of year wrap up
During the summer of 2003, a group of friends became infinitely stronger - 7 people, or maybe more...my counting is so so - bonded at the hospital, morning the loss of a friend, at each other's houses, at boomers, at sea world - those who weren't present had trouble finding their way back in. not because they were loved less, but because they had missed out on so much, so many deep conversations, so many laughs, that they felt out of place, that thigns seemed different with them, that people became unrecognizable. it took a lot of work, but some made it back, while others slipped. many semi-arguments, lengthy conversations, uncomfortable situations - those people are still around. others let things fall. but one thing remains clear. that summer made or broke people. now it is up to individuals to mend the the brokeness and time to heal the wounds.

current mood: contemplative
current music: "learning to breathe" - switchfoot

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Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
10:10 pm - procrastination
1 MINUTE AGO: i was singing, then again, when am i not?
1 DAY AGO: i was heavily rehearsing
1 WEEK AGO: i was sleeping?
1 YEAR AGO: i was juggling 2 aps and it was isnane
I HURT: my voice all the time
I LOVE: my people
I HATE: when i sing out of tune
I FEAR: losing the ones i love
I HOPE: i can focus
I FEEL: energetic
I BREAK: stuff
I LISTEN: to music in my head all the time, haha, and occasionally i listen to my people, JK
I HIDE: a bunch of stuff
I DRIVE: my barby dream car, just playin
I PLAY: the piano, and attempt guitar
I MISS: my childhood...i don't think i had a real one
I LEARNED: that if i really want something, i can't count on anyone to bring me there, i have to do it myself. if i want to dance, i have to make it friggin known that i want to and demand that i get to (in reference to tap, jazz, and ballet)
I KNOW: i have to enjoy life because i don't have much time, and in the end, it's the what i do that counts. not what grades i get or how many awards i get. what counts is how i treated people, how i let people know i love them, how i lived how God wanted me to, etc.
I SAY: what i feel
I DREAM: ed a dream in time gone by....haha, as i said, when am i not singing?
I FALL: because i am such a klutz (sp?)
I WAIT: for no one, haha, i'm impatient...just kidding, i know how to wait for stuff
I NEED: more time
I THINK: about everything

LAYER ONE:
Name: Rose Lyn
Birth date: October 23
Birthplace: Chicago, IL
Current Location: San Diego
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: dark brown (to idiots that don't know ne better, black)
Height: 5'2
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: depends where you look - libra/scorpio

LAYER TWO:
Your heritage: filipino
The shoes you wore today: sparkly denim chucks
Your weakness: ummm? cheesecake?
Your fears: i said this already
Your perfect pizza: cheese, yummy crust, good sauce
Goal you'd like to achieve: touch the people i meet, inspire someone, make someone's life easier, something along those lines. i love the emerson quote about success. it's now my motto

LAYER THREE:
Your most overused phrase on AIM: lol, haha, jk
Your thoughts first waking up: i want to go back to bed
Your bedtime: whenever i'm tired
Your most missed memory: good times with Matt Wilson

LAYER FOUR:
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: burger king, i don't eat burgers, so i go by who has the better chicken. besides, the chocolate mouse cake (sp?) at burger king is yummy
Single or group dates: iono
Adidas or Nike: nike, like mike you guys! haha
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: i haven't triet either of the 2
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino

LAYER FIVE:
Smoke: no
Curse: yeah
Sing: i think you know by now
Take a shower everyday: yes
Have a crush: maybe
Do you think you've been in love: no
Like(d) high school: certain aspects, like break, lunch, choir, gold days...
Want to go to college: yes
Want to get married: yes
Believe in yourself: usually
Get motion sickness: yeah...but strangely, i can handle weird roller coasters, it's swings and rides in john's car that gets me
Think you're attractive: not really, but my hair is nice right now
Think you're a health freak: nope, haha, far from it
Get along with your parents?: not really, well, sometimes
Play an instrument: yup, not well, but i do

LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
Drank alcohol: no
Smoked: no
Done a drug: no
Had Sex: no
Made Out: no
Gone on a date: no
Gone to the mall?: yes
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
Eaten sushi: no
Been on stage: yes
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: yes
Made homemade cookies: no
Gone skinnydipping: no
Dyed your hair: no
Stolen anything: no

LAYER SEVEN:
Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: no
If so, was it mixed company: -
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no
Been caught "doing something": no
Been called a tease: no
Gotten beaten up: not really
Shoplifted: no
Changed who you were to fit in: no

LAYER EIGHT:
Age you hope to be married: don't have one i don't think, whenever it's the right time
Numbers and Names of Children: at least 2, not sharing the names
Describe your Dream Wedding: in a pretty church or out door, one of the family friend priests (granted they're still alive), traditional stuff, the guys have to be dressed filipino style like in my parents picture
How do you want to die: peaceful and asleep, please?
Where you want to go to college: los angeles, san francisco, chicago, new york
What do you want to be when you grow up: not sure, but as long as it doesn't have to do with science or math...
What country would you most like to visit: philippines

LAYER NINE:
In a guy/girl..
Best eye color? no preference
Best hair color? no preference
Short or long hair: short
Height: anything taller than me, not much of an accomplishment, but that's just prefered, i'm pretty open minded
Best weight: no real preference, but healthy, i don't want him dying because of starvation and not enough nutrition, same goes for obesity...i don't want any heart failure or anything
Best articles of clothing: my pjs
Best first date location: wherever, i can't think of a best
Best first kiss location: i unno?

LAYER TEN:
# of drugs taken illegally: 0
# of people I could trust with my life: iono, at least 5? i really don't know...actually, i'm just lazy to count, but whatever
# of CDs that I own: over 30
# of piercings: 2
# of tattoos: 0
# of scars on my body: too many to count...i wasn't careful as a kid and we had a gravel/sand field
# of things in my past that I regret: too many to count

current mood: bouncy
current music: "season's greetings" - a christmas medley

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Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
1:36 am - hello goodbye
hello

anticipation...school has been so hard to get through, seeing as i'm spending the whole time waiting for christmas.

we're having a little break at dance, kinda sad about that. i wish i had started earlier with tap and jazz and the sort, but i guess better late than never. but yeah, audition class thing on saturday. woo hoo. good times..

i guess i'll get back to homework...

current mood: bouncy
current music: "what i did for love"

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Monday, December 15th, 2003
11:44 pm - procrastination is like masturbation...
i'm pissed off, so i can't work, so here's one of these things:

[1]name - rose lyn
[2]nicknames - rose, lyn, rosa, rosie, mozelyn, moze, random rose, ate, slut (according to holly, but she's a whore), there's more...i just can't remember
[3]college plans - loyola marymount (if i can pay), university of san francisco (if i get 4 year scholarship), northwestern, marquette, loyola chicago, UCLA or Berkley (if i can't pay for them private colleges), but if i end up in LA, i'm so getting a car, then i'm so getting a year round pass to disneyland. forget paying for food and all that crap. i just need a car and a year round pass and i'll be happy
[4]birthday - october 23
[5]birthplace - somewhere in chicago
[6]horoscope sign - depends where you look...libra/scorpio
[7]siblings - lil bro
[8]parents - ummm...yeah, i have parents. that's kinda how i was born
[9]best friends - they know who they are, but for purposes of this survey, my 2 best girls are holly and nana and i'll stop there
[10]hair color - black
[11]eye color - brown
[12]glasses/contacts - contacts, but i have glasses
[13]height - 5' 1" i think
[14]piercings - ears
[15]righty/lefty/or ambidextrous - righty, but attempting to be ambidextrous
[16]whats one thing you would change about yourself - less lazy, more in shape
[17]whats your most comfortable piece of clothing - those pjs they brought me from the philippines, freakin warm and comfy
[18]song to describe your life- can't really think of one, but when i'm really pissed, the song i relate to most is "the way i am" by eminem cuz i just want to yell that to all the people that think i'm a bitch or whatever. but i say the one that works most is the one i'm working on
[19]who would you want to be with - not sure
[20]are you the center of attention - i always try to be, what can i say? i'm an attention seeker
[21]whats your idea of a dream date - just being with that special someone, not fighting of course, haha, disneyland would be cool
[22]are you timely or always late - i'm generally late, but that's because no one at home cares about my agendo so they take me wherever i need to be last.
[23]wheres the best hangout - eh, just being with cool ppl ne where is fun. haha, although my favorite memories are boomers and seaworld. freakin good times. gosh, i swear, i would have laughed if we got kicked out of seaworld. haha, i made money that day though! so most of it came from lance...woo! yeah, i think we only got a quarter from someone taht wanted us to go away (we and us meaning mr. golden sun). haha, good times
[24]do you like being around people or alone - around my friends, but away from people i dislike
[25]which ex induces the gag reflex - umm...no real ex to name, but a certain someone comes to mind (haha, holly and john know what i'm talking about)
[26]whats your biggest turn on- a guy that's into music and can play an instrument or sing (dayum i'm a dork), a guy who can do any sort of dancing (well, not john aquino or challman style)
[27]who do you argue the most with - my mother, my father, russell, i don't get in that many arguments, but people piss me off a lot
[28]who do you always get along with - holly, nana (seeing as we're known to be pissed at the people at the same time)
[29]who is the most trustworthy - God, haha, but holly, nana, whitney, and john are pretty trustworthy, and i can vent at charles about anything.
[30]who makes you laugh the most - david a...omg...the penis farm thing was hilarious, joelle always cracks me up, and john of course. but the combination of david a and john comedy = priceless. man, my sides hurt so much
[31]who has been there through all the hard times - nana, holly, john (of course), pretty much all of them i think, i just made good choices, lol, cuz yeah, unfortunately, there were several hard times, and well, we all just got closer, so i could keep on listing, david, charles, etc.
[32]who always has a man/woman - i really don't know, but holly used to get cutomers (HAHA)
[33]biggest loser - i have to say me. what can i say? i'm a dork
[34]most unique - they're all "unique" (coughCRAZYcough), haha

[35]who has the coolest house - i like holly's house, and nana's, well, just chillin in her room, and david's, wait, truxton has a niice house
[36]who is the most encouraging - all of them are pretty encouraging, but i think i'll say whitney for this one :-D she always cheers me on
[37]who is the shyest - joelle i guess...and JOHN...haha, awww
[38]who is the most outgoing - david , haha, serena's party was funny.

[39]who is the most horniest - lance! and nana, LMAO
[40]who is the most perfect - ME, JK
[41]who is the laziest - me, holly, and john...oh, haha, david, too, he's a circle (LMAO - that was such a good one)
[42]who is most likely to end up in jail - lance and john, haha, and holly for conducting her business
[43]who will get married first - too early to say
[44]who will lose their virginity first - wow, charles, that was a good one, but i'll also say i don't know to this one, well...i guess we could already say holly (JK). haha, that reminds me of the "blow me" joke (who was that directed to? any dog within the vicinity)
[45]who always wears a smile - you kno what? i really don't know.
[46]who is the smartest - me (haha, jk), john (though he doesn't apply himself), holly friggin tests well (now if only she wasn't lazy like me), mike hara, lara!
[47]who would, without thinking, die for you - my true friends and family
[48]who is the biggest flirt - hmm...iono
[49]who needs a good man/woman - iono, but holly needs someone to set her on the right path.
[50]who has the best fashion sense- people with good clothes? haha, kristine has nice clothes, not that i'd wear them regularly

[51]who has the weirdest taste in the opposite sex - serena, haha, she has some competition (LMAO, that was so great)
[52]best form of entertainment - just talking to my friends is entertaining, although karaoke is really funny
[53]color - pink, red, black
[54]animal - monkey! zebra! penguin! panda!
[55]book - i'm illiterate, haha, well, i actually finished dr. jekyll and mr. hyde, and the secret garden
[56]tv show - family guy, daria
[57]movie - breakfast at tiffany's, the breakfast club, there's more, but i'm lazy
[58]band - too many, it changes by the week or day
[59]music videos - hmm..do i have one? omg, music videos on the international channel are great!
[60]holiday - Christmas
[61]vacation - can't think of one
[62]number - 4

[63]soda - dr. pepper, coke
[64]candy - i like the sour stuff, and peanut butter stuff
[65]fast food place - does rubios count?
[66]alcoholic beverage - the little i've tasted tast like crap
[67]disney movie - beauty and the beast, lion king (well, after nana recited it to me...), aladdin, haha, too many, i'm such a 5 year old

[68]odd make out spot - hah! at church... haha. oh man... if i saw someone do that.. id LAUGH...(stealing charles' answer and joelle's) in front of your parents, haha
[69]amusement park - disneyworld, disneyland. knotts is fun, too
[70]thing to do when your bored - sleep?
[71]concert - sugar cult was awesome! haha, that was a good time! then the problem with parking the cars at UNI
[72]have you ever been suspected of committing a crime - no
[73]how long does it take for you to get ready to go out - 30 minutes
[74]what super power would you want - fly i guess

[75]do you make fun of your friends - of course, why else would i spend hours laughing?
[76]words or phrases you use - i don't really have a special phrase...i call people dingbats sometimes...
[77]do you enjoy talking to yourself - maybe not enjoy, but i do practice the activity
[78]whats your biggest fear - losing people i love
[79]whats the funniest word you can think of - flabbergasted, befuddled
[80]what songs bring back the most memories - there's a lot, "drops of jupiter" now for more reasons, "tell me it's real," "lean on me," the list goes on
[81]who/what are you thankful for - life, the people in my life, etc.
[82]do you get along with your parents - lately
[83]what time do you go to bed - it depends, but i generally take a nap and then go to bed extremely late
[84]if you were stranded on a desert island - that would suck

[85]if you were given one day to live...what would you do - spend time with my people, prolly go to disneyland

[86]whats your best physical feature - i don't know
[87]how have you changed in the past year - i can't really put my finger on it, but i'm definitely different, maybe more appreciative, more carefree with the understnading that i don't have much time on earth so i might as well make the most of it
[88]first grade teacher - ms. gibbons?
[89]last word you said - "baby" i was talking to my lil bro
[90]last song you sang - "waht i did for love" i had choir rehearsal
[91]last song stuck in your head - "happy x-mas (war is over)" by john lennon
[92]last person who chatted with - in person, my grandma. on phone, holly. im, holly
[93]last movie you saw - in the theater-kill bill (i think, i might be forgetting something), at home, half of gangs of new york
[94]who do you want to marry - someone i love deeply that loves me back deeply
[95]are you going to college - yes
[96]where do you want to go - loyola marymount, etc. i said this all already
[97]what is your career going to be - something that has nothing to do with math or science, maybe something that has to do with writing
[98]where are you going to live - most likely leaving san diego, torrance maybe, iono, just not in san diego, i should prolly move more north or something seeing as i hate sunny weather
[99]how many kids do you want - at least 2

[100]kid's names - not telling
[101]what age are you going to get married - whenever i'm ready

[102]now that this survey is over, what did you think of it - maybe i should do that hw

[103] so what do you think about "most" ? - tired...

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11:42 pm - grrr...people are stupid...
i'm just pissed right now. maybe i don't have a right to be, maybe i don't. i really don't give a care what anyone thinks.

so there's disneyland right? holly and i decided to get a suite, because we weren't about to get 2 rooms and take care of it for other people and we figured taht if people wanted to go, they could get another room, and if it was only a few other people, they could stay with us. we figured that we were covered (because this wasn't our idea in the first place, we just really wanted to go), and that if other people could figure out how they were getting there and how they were gonna pay for admission, everything would be ok. holly's mom even offered to pay for the entire suite. of course, i'm not letting her do that, but still. so there was a misunderstanding, or maybe i was just being stupid, so it turns out we have less rides for people than we thought. well, me being the stupid person that i am decided, ok, i want people to go so i'm gonna try to work it out. so when i was asking around, someone im yelled at me "JUST RENT A VAN," well, excuse me, but this person wasn't even part of the plan in the first place. this person was the last one to be invited, and it was just because his gf wanted him to go. second of all, i'm not gonna expect holly's mom to rent a van after doing so much, and i'd help her pay, but i don't think we should have to. we already figured all this other stuff out. and we even said that people have to figure out how they were getting there. it's not even like people are politely asking, "can you please figure out the ride situation for me because i just don't know what to do?" and saying "thank you so much for all you're doing;" people are flat out expecting it and think their top s h i t, and you know what? thats BS!

sorry if all i'm doing is bitching, but i did not have a good day.

so i was trying to figure out how to decorate latin for mr. steves and all this crap. trying to make decorations and such (same for my chem class btw). well, caitlin and i have been the only ones trying, the only ones working on it and trying to figure out the decoration situation. people said, "oh that's a nice idea," but they didn't try to bring decorations, or make anything, or made any effort at all, and as much as i wanted to do it, caitlin was right, if no one else is gonna help, well, then there's just no point.

that's pretty much my day in a nutshell.

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Monday, December 1st, 2003
9:16 pm - so tired...
i just took a nap that lasted 4 and a half hours....freakin headache. so yeah, i got one of these things...cuz i'm a tard, and apparently 2 online journals wasn't enough. actually, i just do random things when i'm procrastinating. but yeah, i can't think of anything to say right now. i can't remember my day. oh i took a stupid test in AP US and i bs-ed the essay. umm..that's pretty much all i can remember.

bye

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