~KEL~

11:28am: scared I'll seem different...
It's weird because I really want to have what happened to me this weekend typed out in here so I remember it and all, but I for one do not feel like typing it all out right now. And for two... some of the things I really don't want everyone to know about. I feel like some of the things people will look at me different for. I don't know, I'll probably type more later, but for now.... Thanksgiving was fine and my sister's home so I hung out with her a lot. Maybe I'll be more motivated to type more later. kelly

9:04pm: The simple, easy, fun life... (at least some of it is)
To all my avid readers out there, which I'm SURE there are tons of... sorry for such a long time without typing in this. Well I don't remember where I left off so I guess I'll talk about last Friday. Well Friday I got out of v-ball at 7:30 with the hockey game starting at 7:45 so I busted my butt to get to the game but I ended up missing some of it. (oh well) we won anyways and I sat with Sara, Maria, Ashely, Diana, and Ally. I talked with Sara alot about her whole Nick ordeal. I'm trying to be a supportive ear and give good advice and she's helping me come over my shyness when it comes to guys. Then I asked Diana what she was doing later (maria was going off-roading with her bro, and some other people, and sara needed to get home and sleep) Diana and Lindsay picked me up at my house after the game and we had to go get Lindsay's car which was in the stadium parking lot.. not to mention all the gates were locked. So yeah... we went off-roading in the Lexus for a few minutes down the old railroad tracks and down a steep muddy hill to Garden street. We had like a foot on each side of the car before a pull so it was kind of scary but such an awesome rush. Lindsay just floored it like mad down the hill! Then we went to her house and hung out with all the people that I guess are usually there. I spent the night at Diana's house. In the morning I had my last rec-game... we won, but I was so sore from v-ball the day before. Let's see... I went home and watched the Michigan football game. I even skipped out on the other hockey game to watch it, but who can blame me!! Michigan vs. OSU!!! I mean come on, that's a no brainer. Well Michigan won and I was estactic!!! My sister even called from the stadium there and I got to hear the crowd, it sounded nuts! Well I'm going to skip sunday, cuz I don't think I did anything worth typing!!!
Monday I had v-ball then honor society inductions! what a complete bore and waste of good time! Corey wanted to fall backwards on stage just to get people to laugh because it was such a lame and serious thing or something. I told him to take Katie and me down with him. But seriously, it was so stupid and pointless. oh well i survived thanks to Katie and Corey who I could try to talk to alittle bit at least (Werner kept looking at me). Then Today I made Varsity Volleyball which I wasn't sure I was going to, so all that work and soreness paid off which is an awesome feeling when your work pays off. And I found out my chemistry grade is a 99.4 % and my class rank is 3 in that class! so I had a pretty good day! Well there are some more little things I could write about, but I'll save them for another day. Oh yeah... my sister is coming home tomorrow, I can't wait I love her so much, she's like my best friend. We can talk about anything now, it's so cool that we get along now!
WOW! it's not late but I'm tired! til next time... KELLY

8:40pm: I'm aching
I had volleyball try-outs tonight... man I felt so out of shape but I'm sure everyone else did too. I just hope I'll heal up by tomorrow and stop aching so much. I got tons of homework I need to do so I better get going. Sorry this is so short and all, but I try typing more tomorrow. -Kelkel

9:56pm: Don't really have much to type right now... just in a blah mood all around. Well school sucks right now, just because it is school and includes work. It just feels like everyone is in a crapy mood and the people who aren't just seem to be annoying. I don't know really though what is going on... i've just been completely BLAH! Like I'm not happy, but I'm not sad. I'm confused with what I'm suppose to feel. Just everyday we get up, go to school, see the same people, do the same ole routine. It just simply gets boring and not interesting. But I have an idea on how to fix some of it... I'm going to take a different route to my classes. Even if I have to go out of my way, I just want to see different faces. It's kind of sad how you know exactly who you will see around every corner. Everyday when i walk down the halls I know who I will see and where I will see them. I mean how completely BLAH!!! Life right now is so gosh darn repetitive for me... I need some change. I can't wait til Thursday for Volleyball practice, hopefully that will mix the routine up at bit. Well I'm tired and should get to bed... so I can wake up and do the same thing I did today! 118 days til SOFTBALL!! (I know I'm such a loser!) -Kelly

7:45pm: Blister...
I got up at 4:45 am today to go downstate to the SVSU hitting clinic... oh yeah good time. Actually I learned quite a bit and got my confidence up alittle which is always important. Besides that I have a huge blister on my thumb and a smaller one on my ring finger! OUCH! The skin is peeling back nicely. (sorrry for the detail) So that was a fun time... anytime there is softball it is fun for me. It just keeps my mind on something that I love so much that when i play or practice I'm in a whole other world with nothing else bothering me or worrying about. I love it so much and I can't wait til season.
Yesterday I was going to go to the hockey schrimmages and meet up with some people there but after my rec b-ball I got a huge migraine and threw-up a few times (yeah, not fun) it sucked to because then I took a nap and woke up fine, but it was just after the schrimmage was over. Talk about bad timing! oh well. Today after I got back from SVSU I just kind of took it easy... watched an end of some movie on tv, cleaned my room, listened to relaxing music, looked at some old things I wrote and some quotes I collected throughout the years. It is quite amazing how much I can keep myself occupied with senseless little things in my room. Well my blister is starting to hurt more from typing so I'm out... -Kelkel

6:22pm: I'm crying on the inside...but it doesn't show
I don't know why exactly but 'm crying on the inside. I'm so confused with everything right now and feel like I just need a break from everything. A trip leading nowhere with absolutley nothing to worry or think about. But who am I kidding... I will always be thinking because i can't truely escape it and I know that running away will only cause me more pain. Everyone today just seemed like they had plans with friends for the weekend and then there is me. I don't know why I feel like such an outcast. But I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. I'm so scared of trying to be one... scared to let them in. I'm always scared to tell people my feelings and how much they mean to me. I think that is my main problem. I just want to feel important in someone's life, like I really mean something to them. Maybe that is why half of me misses Tony and Matt. For alittle bit I felt like I was liked for who I was. I didn't have to act different and like someone I wasn't. I meant something to them... for a bit at least. I really miss that feeling. And I have a problem with telling people that I have feelings for them. But I do want that feeling. And it seems like everyone except me has that. Ok now I am actually crying... I hate feeling sorry for myself cuz I know if I just get the guts to put myself out there and take the risk. But I'm so scared of rejection and feeling even less important than I already do. I hate putting myself out there cuz I know there is risk of just being crushed and I've felt that too many times before. I want someone I can hang out with and have fun with and feel so important to. I want to feel in a way... loved (or even liked at first) by someone other than my parents. That someone can see me for me and like it so much that they want to be a part in it. so it's a friday night and I'm so alone.....

9:16pm: these are my words, that i've never said before
why can't I really stand anyone in our school and it seems like I just don't fit in. I'm so confused with how I should act and everything. Nobody ever seems to want to hang out with me and sometimes I really feel like a complete loser, but some of the people I don't want to hang out with. AHH why is this so confusing. I just feel like I don't get involved with anything and that nobody really likes me or something. But then I think about wether it really matters cuz in a few years everyone is going to have to start from scratch and I'll be able in reinvent myself. I just hate when people judge you by things... like how you used to be, who you hung around, how you dress, etc. It drives me crazy when people say that they know me when they really don't. They might have known the old Kelly, but people change. I mean I don't have as bad as an ego or attitude problem that I had before. Are people judging me by that? Maybe I just don't have enough self-confidence in myself to go out and do things and ask people things. I don't know though it just bugs me to sit here and think about it. I just feel so alone like no one likes me. Kind of like that old song about eating worms and whatnot. And people are so fake too.. I mean they talk shit about someone to me yet in two minutes they are all hanging around that person and sucking up to them. I just don't get it... if you don't like them why do you try so hard to hang out with them? I'm so confused though I just now can't wait to get out of here so I can start all over again. And then I think about that and how hard it is going to be leaving this all behind, and trying to start all over again.

11:03pm: Caleb finally called me yesterday but also with some bad news that they were now going to stay down til Sunday. And I have pitching on Sunday at 9:00 am in Saginaw which really sucks that I had to choose between the two. My dad said that he didn't care which one I chose but when I reached for the phone to call Caleb back to tell him I was going to go and skip out on pitching my dad went on and on for so long on how even though he doesn't care he still thinks pitching should come first. Because I will have other opportunities to go down to GVSU with those guys. Which to be honest I don't see why he said that because I might never get the chance again. I just hope that maybe Caleb will be inpressed that I am so committed to my sport because I know he is. But it really did suck having to choose. I went back and forth so many times my head was spinning in circles. So instead of going downstate I had a girls night out tonight with Maria and Ashely. Jason and Kevin had a hockey thing so we decided to show them that they don't need them to have fun. Afterschool I went over to Maria's and then we came back in town when Ashley called and then we went downtown Alpena shopping! Actually none of us bought anything but it was still so much fun. I mean I've really never been down there to all those little stores and all the antiques were cool to look at. Then around 5 we went to Applebees for dessert. Then we hit up the mall, and I bought a winter hat. After going to FYE we decided to go to WalMart (cheaper CD's) and I bought the new nickleback cd there and we looked around at everything. Then we cruised around trying to find where the guys were at. And around 10:30 we found Kevin's truck parked at his house and decided to call it a night. It was so much fun though and we are going to get together more often now that it is hockey season. Just screwing around talking about anything and trying on anything... we didn't care really about anything so it was so fun just to chill out. So that was my day/night and tomorrow I have a rec game at 11:00 and then I'm meeting up with Ashley at the hockey schrimmage... hopefully Maria will show up after her work. All in all it was a good day and I got some quality time with them and I felt like all of us belonged equally.... even though I don't have a bf. Hey I'm working alittle on it, but most guys here are either taken or asses. That's all for now... -bAbY bRo

7:04pm: There's some things in this world you just can't change
Lately I've been decently busy and when I'm not I like to sit at home and think... sometimes I feel I do that way to much cuz I come up with some pretty weird, depressing, and complex things. Not that I want to sit at home every night but I do because it seems like people are out doing things that I don't want to be a part of or they have a bf who they hang around or they seem to have a job. I like being occupied lately though it keeps my mind off everything and relieves my stress. Monday I had softball working out at the TBJH weight room. Tuesday I was suppose to have b-ball practice but it got cancelled because our coach was not feeling well. But that was ok because Caleb called and we are suppose to go down to GVSU tomorrow after school to see Tony and whatnot (like get out of Alpena for a bit) but so far that is all I know. He was suppose to call again yesterday but he never did... oh well. Then Wednesday I had a German meeting afterschool then pitching with Marwede. And today I had volleyball open gym. So as of right now I'm in every sport. Oh yeah in English we had to make letters for everyone (we are in the midst of the Scarlet Letter) and Lauren Brown I figured out had my name and she made me an "S". We had to wear it around school the whole day without knowing what it stands for. That was yesterday so today I found out it stood for spirited. Which I still don't understand but whatever! I guess she said that I have a good attitude which I think I don't but shows what other people think. haha Guess she never read my blurty!! And I got my report card today which proves how much Wilson's class really does suck. All A's and only B+ in that class. UGH! oh well I'm sure I'll get over it soon......... oh look I'm over it! That is a funny class though cuz Wilson flips out all the time on us. One time he even slammed his book on the ground and told us we will all be working at McDonalds if we don't pay attention. What a huge slam that was! haha yeah right. I don't see how that would make us work there but once again Wilson whatever you say! Then another time he flipped out on someone for not having a pencil and paper out, it was quite funny actually. I love when he goes over and slams the door too. But anyways I better get going on some homework....I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday!! YES! -baby bro

6:37pm: There must be more who haven't take the fall...
I don't get this life anymore, it's so complicated. It just seems like I'm the only one who is different from all the rest. That I am the only one not falling into the life that Alpena seems to be giving everyone. Or I'm I the only one who is falling?? Everyone around me is doing drugs and getting drunk all the time. Sometimes I swear I'm the outcast in high school. Does all these things make these people feel better and when the heck did they start all this. I mean I'm talking to a friend that I haven't in a while and they are doing all these things. Am I suppose to be. I feel so alone and that I have hardly anything in common with anyone at the high school. When I talk to them I stumble over words to say because they are so different or I am. When I look over people at the high school there are really only a select few that I could see myself hanging out with. Maybe this is why everyday I come home and just do nothing. I'll sit in my room for hours just thinking about everything that is happening because life is so complex. And everyday I walk around the high school in a decent mood, usually a smile on my face acting just like everything is just dandy. When really it is kind of. I'm fine with where I am and everything but sometimes I can't help but question it and wonder why other people are where they're at. Other times I feel like I over think everything, but I can't help it. I just want to know if I am where I'm suppose to be. I know in the end it will be fine because I know that I'm going somewhere in this life and making something of myself. I've never really wanted a best friend, but sometimes I just want someone who I can spill all this out with and that feels the same way as me. Someone who can take on this pre-real life with me. I feel as if I'm not doing enough in this life though. That I should be going out every night hanging out and having fun, but I don't and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm so different from most people, I really don't get it. Or are there people the same as me and just sitting here doing nothing but thinking. I don't want to waste these high school moments but I don't want to fall into the things some people are. AHHHH there are so many different aspects of life.
I wrote this little thing about everyone being involved in drugs and whatnot and me feeling as if I'm the outcast who doesn't seem to fit in with everyone else.
Is something not right with me
Why do I feel so alone
Like I'm the only one who doesn't belong
Do I not fit in
Should I be doing something different
Maybe I'm living in the wrong state of mind
Perhaps I'm suppose to have this break down
and intake all that is around
But am I suppose to fall and be in the crowd
Or do I stand tall and feel so dull
I need to feel that I'm doing this all right
and that in the end it will be all right
Do I cave in and hurt my body
Or do I stand firm but let my mind be torn
I can't be the only on who hasn't done it all
There must be more who haven't take the fall

10:42pm: Rabbit Rabbit Day
On halloween my family and I went out to our camp and hung out there. My uncle came up from grand rapids so I got to see him alittle bit This morning I had basketball and after that I watch the Michigan vs State game! Go BLUE!!! Yeah they won and it was such a good game!! Well I'm kind of in a better mood cuz I'm starting to look at all the little things that are making this life I live in worth while and I read this thing on how to be more happy and whatnot... so we'll see how it goes. I'll tell ya more about it later cuz my Bro needs the computer. -Kelly

5:14pm: I don’t wanna waste another moment saying things we never meant to say
right now must be one of the most stressful and confusing times. Everyone is changing and the end just keeps becoming closer and closer. When I think about it, it just makes me more depressed. To think that you spend so much time with some of these people and in less than two years you may never see some of them again. After spending maybe every 4th hour with someone, they will never be in your life again. I mean we go through high school so that in the future we become who we want to be. Yet you might never find out what your friends become. Everyday you are sitting with them and working for something you'll become, but you may never know what becomes of them. You might even try so hard to get someone to like you, but in the end will it really matter?! I guess right now it does, I mean I want to have friends and everything, but it just completely sucks knowing that in a few years my world will be turned upside down and it's a scary thought. I just hope to tell everyone how much they meant to me throughout high school, because I'll never know what could happen. From now on, I want to do everything I want to and hold nothing back. I mean if I never tell some of these people how I feel, they will never know. I want to do and say everything because there will be a time where the chance will not be there. I just want to take a little breath and walk around slower and look at the small little things in life that everyday we take for granted and those little stupid pointless conversations with your friends that makes memories. And I want to find out who I am. I mean I've been doing a lot of thinking about it and I'm finally starting to come up with something. But when I think about it deeper I don't know who I am suppose to be, but maybe there isn't an answer to that question. Maybe I'm just suppose to live everyday and make choices that my heart and mind tell me to make. And then when I think about my future I see so many different things that could work for me. I mean i want to live by the ocean, but the country works too. I mean everywhere seems perfectly fine. I just want to live a happy life and take in everything. It's so complicated I wish I just knew who i am. But do I? I mean ok... I'm a student with good grades, I play softball, I might play volleyball this year. But that's all I know. I mean I guess sometimes I'm outgoing, yet sometimes not. but why? I don't even know. well I really want to find myself. Am I nice even??? Am I pretty??? Do I have close friends who would do anything for me??? It's all a blurr!

Something isn't right with me
I lie up and think of depressing confusing thoughts
Of how my life is, how it could be and who I truely am
that question usually goes unanswered
I wish I knew who I am suppose to be
Or that everyday I wake up you'll be looking at me
We bring so many people into our lives
Some like us, some don't
but it doesn't matter cuz they are there and they're real
And someday you'll wake up and some will be gone
The people that you saw day in and day out
The people you laughed with, the people you cried with
Maybe even the people you only passed by
And never even gave a try
Our simply live, yet so complicated
We get so anxious to move on and don't walk slow enough absorbing every minute
We fly by not catching the little amazing wonders that surround us
And the pressure put on us mounts and we are abou to break
Not taking the time to stop and breath and intake
Not taking the time to find ourselves
Who are we really and why?

8:37pm: Ich bin Mude!!!
TO Update--- Last weekend! I offically ruined my high school no absences thing and the funny part is how much I don't care. It's even more funny because I ruined it by going to my brother's football game in TCC on friday and missing 5th and 6th hour. I guess I just didn't care anymore and now that the pressure is off I can stay home when I am sick instead of going to school and feeling miserable like I used to do all the time. So after my brother's game I went to the high school game and we got crushed but it was still kind of fun because I got to see Alysha Anders who came up from Mount Pleasant and Heather Homant and Allison Bracken also came to the game. In the morning though I had an early rec. basketball game that I had to wake up at 7:30 for. Then on Sunday I had to wake up at 6:30 to go to Wixom for a softball clinic. On the way down it was Rachel G. , Kaitlynn G. and me. On the way back we also had Chelsea Wallace and Trisha Anderson. We would have gotten back at like 6:00 but we stopped and ate at a sit down restaurant so we didn't get back until like 7:30 or so. So I was pretty busy this past weekend. oh yeah... on more weekend and then XC is done which means Caleb and me will be taking a trip down to see Tony soon.

On the this weekend-
Well Friday I went to the Football game and sat with Kaitlin and her German who she is hosting for the next week. Then after that we all went out to Liz's Camp to alittle Deutsch party. There was quite a good crowd out there and I think there was 5 Germans. It was weird though cuz they mostly just sat on the couch talking to eachother while we were sitting at a table kind of talking about them... oh well. It has to be pretty weird for them though and you have to speak slow English so that they can understand, but they take amongst themselves in German we can't understand! I also spent the night along with a few other people. Us in the upstairs room (Diana, Leah, Brad, Cory, and I) were up til 4:30 in the morning and at 8:00 I got up and went to my rec basketball game and played on about 3:30 hours of sleep. Afterwards I drove back out to Liz's and fell asleep again for a few hours until everyone was awake. Then I came home and took a nap, watched a movie, etc. Tomorrow I have so much work to do for English class and I need to do my laundry and clean my room big time! -Kelly

5:03pm: Bouncing round from cloud to cloud...
Thank god it's almost Friday! Seriously even though this week was only four days long it seems like a century. I've had so much going on lately yet when I look back it really doesn't seem like that much, but it just takes a lot of time up. Tuesday I had basketball practice from 7:30-9 and to be honest I really don't know what I did before that... oh yeah probably homework or something close to that. Then Wednesday I drove around with Allie H. til 3:30 we went to 7-11 got some slurpees then drove around aimlessly for awhile just talking about how stupid guys tend to be and pretty much how they are usually blind when it comes to your feelings. I love talking to Allie about that kind of stuff because she usually has the same views as I do. Jenny and I went to Arby's for lunch... good times. Usually we end up talking about how Limback's class sucks! Don't know how I seem to be surviving but I am. Then I crashed in my bedroom for about an hour or so while I was suppose to be doing my homework. (I still have that stupid cold) At 6:00 I went to pick up my brother at football practice then I drove him over to his gf's house at 8:00 (whoever said I was not a nice sister!?) oh yeah then I picked him up from there at 9:30. And I even washed the towels for my dad who is really sick right now!! He crashed on the coach all yesterday from the time I got home til night... I kept covering him with blankets cuz he was freezing! Finally I did some homework. Then, Today I found out 4th hour that there is open gym for v-ball at 6:00... so I think I'm going to go up there and start to get back into the groove of things. I hope so bad that I make it, I don't even care how much I play I just need to get in shape for softball and be active doing something.... plus I really enjoy volleyball. I think I have a decent shot because most people from last year's JV team aren't trying out, so that helps a bit. Oh yeah.. in my 2nd hour I've been just bitching back at that one guy that I thought likes me... he thinks it's funny and a joke so it's all good... I'm pretty good at comebacks and being harsh! lol I just hope he knows I'm not flirting just having fun. And then in 3rd hour Frau Cooper randomly is showing us how proper Americans eat at the dinner table and now tomorrow I guess we are all going to try it during class or something... it's German too, but we are learning how we American are suppose to eat properly. Well I better get going I have to shave my legs, then go up to the open gym and then come home and do homework. (30 Vocab. words which I haven't even looked at yet and then read a chapter in the Scarlet Letter and answer several questions UGH!) ~Kelly Nicole

3:57pm: Lets rewrite an ending that fits...
I guess my weekend was pretty good. I didn't go to homecoming but I still had a decent time Saturday. I went over to Borchert's house for a bonfire, movie, and pizza. Most of the summer crew was there so it was fun seeing everyone again and catching up. (Caleb H., Ryan D, Tony, Lyle, AB, Kelly K, Cassie W, Darrin D, Jocelyn, and if I'm missing anyone...) I didn't get home til 5:00 so I would have to say that it wasn't boring. After XC season Caleb and I are probably going to go down to Grand Valley to visit Tony and see the campus. Hopefully him and I will start to hang out more too like he said he wanted to do this school year. It seems fitting since most of our friends are away at college and we did hang out with everyone over the summer. So I got home at 5 when my mom said I didn't even have to come home, but we ended up at Borchert's house instead of Tony's camp because his uncle was up hunting. That kind of made me mad because the camp would have been a lot more fun and I would have gotten to stay out there. oh well. Anyways, Sunday I slept most of the day because I was dead tired. Then later that guy from my 2nd hour called me and asked if I wanted to get together with him later and watch some movies. I said sure because I thought it would be a shot to tell him that I don't want a bf so kind of stop trying sort of a thing. Anyways he called me later and said that he would call me again after he called the movies to see which movies were playing... well this was around 8:00 and he never called back. It's kind of a good thing though cuz I really didn't feel up for it, but I just hope he stops trying or I'll feel bad like I led him on or something. But I talk to him in 2nd hour just like anyother guy.... it just seems like I can talk to guys easier than girls and I think it is a lot more fun to. Anyways I hope that is all done with. Oh yeah I went to pitch on Sunday too from 6-7 and I found out that one of the worst feelings in the world is trying to become better at something and just not being able to. I think I need to start lifting or something to get me faster because right now I'm slower than ever. What happened? I have no idea! I just hope I can get my act together before season.. but I am seriously a weakling! So on Monday I did a butt load of laundry, homework and once again more sleeping. (I have a cold right now so I'm trying to sleep my way out of it) Tonight I have b-ball practice at 7:30 so until then I think I'll try to do some homework or not.... we'll see. ~Kel

3:21pm: We got hosed....
Well not too much happened during this week. I was pretty busy with homework or basketball practice. The week went pretty fast except everyday felt like a Friday at school so I didn't work really hard like I probably should have. Friday was the pep assembly and we lost the spirit jug to the sophomores. It was very upsetting for us, especially this time. We went all out for this assembly and they gave it to the sophomores who didn't do anything for it and we were all hardcore about it. It wouldn't have been so bad if the freshmen would have won cuz they were decent (with little orange pieces of paper) but we had blue junior armbands on the whole day. We also have noise makers, posters, blue t-shirts, flags, and headbands. Even most of the teachers afterwards told us we should have won. I mean we stayed up and worked on that stuff for like 4-5 hours and for them not to choose us, that just crushes us. and now we're not sure if we are going to do it again because it totally shocked us and ruined our spirit. Was it really so hard to pick us?... I mean come on it was so obvoius. It was the most fun I've had yet at the pep assembly and I'm sure anothers would agree and just by that they should have choosen us because isn't that all the point of the assembly what we accomplished! It was fun to sit in afterwards too and yell "Hell no we won't go" and "We're not gonna take it" and then rushing the floor and screaming A-L around Gebauer (football coach) We heard now that they before hand chose the sophomores because they haven't won before. GIVE ME A BREAk! we own that f-ing jug and everybody knows we do and everyone thought we would at the assembly.
Moving on... we lost our football game to TC West which completely blows. But then afterwards we went out to Big Boy (Darrin D, Ryan D., Tony, Jocelyn, Adam B., Kim and Pop) mostly alittle over half the crew from summer. It was quite fun to hang out with them all again. Then we went over to Jocelyns where we watched a movie and Lyle and Caleb joined us there. We're suppose to hang out again tonight (I'm not going to homecoming although I was asked).
Oh yeah... and I don't think that one guy likes me anymore and I think it is because I never called him or asked him to hang out or anything so I think he kind of caught on to be not really into him. But anyways I'm really relieved cuz now I don't have to give an excuse of I don't want a bf. because if a certain someone did ask me out right now I would! haha. Can't wait to have some fun tonight and my mom said I don't even have to come home if I don't want to. - Kel

9:04pm: alittle change in my daily life
Well there is quite of few things going on in my life right now, but I honestly don't feel like typing it all out. Well last time I wrote about Matt making me mad, so now I must inform you that we broke up at lunch on Wednesday for various reasons that I don't think would be right to share. Anyways though... I was told by someone that he was going to break up with me soon so I went to talk to him and I asked him if he wanted a girlfriend and he kind of shrugged so I told him then that was it. I hope we can be friends still because he is a nice guy. I just don't think he knows what he wants and how to have a girlfriend. Well that day afterschool a guy from my 2nd hour asked me to homecoming... I said no thanks because I really don't want to go anyways, but Friday night we hung out. I'm really confused though. I know he likes me, but I'm honestly not sure if I want another relationship right now. I don't think I am ready for one. These past few days were so much fun, not worrying about anything with guys, but just talking with all of them as friends. I didn't have to worry about making my bf jealous or anything. I just think i want to hang out with everyone not just one person. I feel bad though cuz I think I might have led this guy on.... we'll see how it goes. In these two past relationships I really went through an emotional rollercoaster and I don't think I want to bounce into another one again.
Right now I am in Rec. Ball and we just had our first game yesterday... wow I am so out of shape!! We won and all but it was pretty ugly and we were pretty exhausted afterwards. Oh yeah and another thing... Limback's class stinks... this class is going to be the death of me.... I hate all this writing crap. Anaylizing stories requires way too much knowlegde and thinking. It makes me feel like I'm so stupid sometimes. But I am doing decent in the class... don't know how that works but oh well. -Kelly

3:14pm: You drive me crazy...
Yeah so Matt has really been making me mad lately. In the past two days I'm pretty sure he has said nothing to me and ignores me when I walk by or he walks by me. The other night at the awards banquet I'm pretty sure both of his parents said Hi to me but he didn't. I really don't think we have too much in common either though. He told me the other day that I should ask someone else to homecoming because early he told me he is going hunting that day/night. So I have no idea what that is suppose to mean. And then he has also told me that this next month he won't be able to see me too much because of his working and hunting. But ya know what I would be perfectly ok with that and everything but he is ignoring me now. Everyone tells me to break-up with him. Oh yeah by the way I'm not allowed to wear sandals cuz he said so. He tells me not to talk to his friend Russ too... and other things. I just don't think it is working very good. I don't see why though he is acting so weird lately. It was over night too, so i really never did anything to him. Sara says that he usually dumps his girl in 2 months and that he is always a jerk to his gf and does stupid things. Anyways I wrote this about him (actually I just randomly wrote it towards everyone but now that I read it again it does relate to what I'm feeling about matt, so I changed it alittle to fit even better)....
Why do I feel so torn up inside
My heart feels like an empty space
I don't understand what I've done to make you act the way you do
All I know is I cry at night
because I'm so confused and lost inside
My mind can't rest all it does is think of you
I much have done something wrong
I feel like I'm out-of-place and don't belong
When will I feel like I fit in
And that I'm content with where I am
My mind goes blank and I can't see straight
Everuthing is so blurry and unclear
I'm screaming inside but it won't come out
I won't let it come out
I will not show the inner me that is held within
Nobody can see it, not even you
I feel so overwhelmed by all these mixed emotions
And I don't know why I feel the way I do
But I know for certain these feelings are true

9:00pm: UofM = fun
So finally blurty seems to be working again and I can see my recent entries! Yeah so UofM was really a great time for me though I don't think Matt had a very good time. He really isn't into the bigger cities. Well on the way there we stopped at Jackie's and took her out to dinner. We rolled into Ann Arbor at about 9:30. I was so happy to see my sister again... we are such good friends. Anyways she introduced me to some people and we played a card game called Mofia which was actually alot more fun then I thought it was going to be. We also had an entertaining night watching this hot freshman named Adam!!. He was pretty drunk and he is such a funny drunk. He had no idea what was going on and made everyone laugh. He has a gf who is younger than me even!! And I thought I was young last year when I went out with Tony. Eventually we went to bed... at like 2 or something. I could have stayed up the whole night, but we did have to wake up for the game in the morining and my sister's roomate was kind of sick and tired. So the next day we went to the Football game. It was so awesome. Even though we sucked at offense (we did win though) it was still a lot of fun. There we so many people there, it was unbelievable. That day though I guess Matt didn't feel very good or something cuz he really didn't say too much. The wave was one of the best parts of the game... lol it was really cool! So then we came back to Alpena and I went out to Cassie Webb's house with Caleb, Tony, Ryan D, and of course Cassie. It was weird seeing Tony again, but it was even more weird that I seemed to not be attracted to him as much as I used to. He used the saying "straight up" and before I have never heard him use it so I made fun of him and he said it is a thing down there at college they say a lot. Like he is too good for anyone up here now. Oh yeah he was also wearing a backwards hat and I've never seen him with a hat before so it was really different. Oh well... he was still nice so I guess we are still friends... just I really don't see him as closer anymore, which is quite wonderful for me to be able to be over him and be able to talk to him as just friends again. Well that was my weekend.... oh yeah I pretty much slept all day today cuz I was tired and not feeling too good... must have been that long trip! -Kelly Nicole

5:42pm: blurty is being stupid
I don't get it... I keep updating but they won't show up. When I go to edit though it shows that I have update and when I edit it it shows up, but if I log off and come back it is gone. It will show up on my history (calendar view) but not on my recent entries. If this shows up... are you guys have the same problems. It won't even show other peoples updates... errr it's driving me crazy.

3:43pm: heading south for the UofM game
Well in less then an hour matt and I will be heading down to UofM to visit my sister and go to the Football game. It should be fun, but I just hope that we don't get lost. To really think of it I still can't believe my parents are letting us go. Just take a moment and think of how old I am (and Matt is). Right now life isn't too bad... I mean I've really been getting along with my parents a lot. Have I just out of the blue grown-up or have they just realized what it is like to be a teen! I don't know... but I sure do like it. Oh yeah... for any of you who are in that girls hockey game tonight good luck! I wish that it would have been a different weekend because I would difinitley be there watching... not playing though because I haven't skated in forever! and only twice in my whole life! well don't fall too much and have fun. ~kelkel

3:12pm: Oh Canada!
Yeah so can someone please hurt me for not writing in practically forever. I guess I'm more busy then I thought. Well to quickly update you all nothing has really been happening. I mean I guess just the normal things, such as tons of homework. We had like 3 weeks to read a novel and do a reader's log on it and I waited until this Sunday to read the whole entire novel when it was due today! Talk about procrastination. I really must stop doing that because something tells me that this year is going to harder than ever. I went to the football game and I can't believe we lost!! Oh yeah I realized that I have been mentioning Matt's name a lot and that's because yes he is my boyfriend. (nobody would be believe how many times we have been asked that) We've been dating now for almost a month. Anyways... Tony called me a few nights ago to see how I am doing. He said he is coming up for homecoming and he also wants me to visit him down at college for his homecoming. (I really don't think Matt would want me to) I haven't told him about Matt cuz I really think that would be kind of rude to tell him if the topic never came up. We are still good friends and I really hope that he didn't just expect me to chill in Alpena and kind of wait for him. I don't know... I'm really confused. Oh yeah I saw Pope and Kim at the football game! (we hung out all summmer) I really want to do something with the summer crew sometime soon, i miss them. Last weekend (Sept 12th) I went on that Stratford trip (Canada) and saw three plays. The King and I was so good. The stage was such an awesome site and I don't know how they make everything so real looking. We even got a tour of the backstage. We also got to just shop around the city by ourselves which was much fun. Julie, Maria, Lauren, Jessica, and I went shopping and had a blast. I shared a room with Maria, Julie, and Lauren and we found on the TV some like Chinese cook who was so funny because he couldn't say the word Pork... it sounded almost like pot and he laughed at himself all the time. It was the most funny thing on TV. It was also really funny watching Mary on the bus practically drooling on Ches. SHe said that her back hurt so she sat on the ground of the bus right next to him. haha I felt so bad for him cuz the whole trip she was practically hanging on him.
Well this weekend is the trip to UofM. Matt and I are leaving after school on Friday and coming back Saturday after the football game. We have to bring back my sister so she can get her car and take it back down. It will be a good weekend cuz I get to get out of Alpena for a bit. ~kelkel

3:19pm: kind of forgot about blurty
Yeah so I kind of forgot about blurty there for awhile and it has been so crazy with school starting and all. Well I guess I left off on last Sunday so I'll quickly catch you up on what has happened. Let's see I went to school on Monday which was okay I guess. It's pretty cool cuz I have lots of friends in every class but Math. So school was okay besides the whole back to work thing. We got to boil water in chemistry which may sound boring but it was actually kind of cool cuz we got to play around with the burner thing. Then on wednesday I hung out with Matt at his house. Thursday I met diana up at the b-ball game around the 3rd quarter, I talked with Mark for awhile about how college is going. Then afterwards diana and I went to Taco Bell where we met up with Kosi, Gabe, and some guy from Posen named Dale. On Friday Maria met me at my house at 7 to go to the football game and there I met up with Matt. He talked with some friends for awhile so it was just me and maria chillin' and trying our hardest to actually watch the game and not people watch or talk too much. It was fun watching football again. I love our football season, especially this year since the guys in our grade are on varsity. I wish there were more home games. Then around the 4th quarter Matt came and sat by me. After the game us three and Jason all went to Burger King to eat cuz I hadn't eaten much that day. oh yeah my sister left for college too... but I'm going down there sometime this month to see her and go to a football game, Matt is probably coming with me. Then on Saturday I slept and did some chores. Sunday I went out to Matt's house around 1:00. We went to his family get together thing at his uncles later that day where we played v-ball and euchre. Met up with jason and maria there. So on Monday I relaxed and went with diana to Wal-mart and then we went to Arby's for lunch. I guess that brings us up to today where school was really boring and later I think I'm going to go to the soccer game. I promise to update alittle bit more often but my life is so crazy and boring at the same time!

9:14pm: Summer's End
Well summer is over after tonight which really isn't too cool. I mean I love having summer to be lazy, stay out late and just do whatever. Well I'll get to see everyone I didn't over break which I guess is one of the only pluses. Oh wait there is a big plus... I get to get away from my family for alittle bit which means I am less likely to get into arguments with them. Well lets see how my last weekend of summer went... Friday I was planning on going to the movies with my sister later but I got a call from Matt to go kayaking. Well I haven't spoke to Matt since way last year so I was a bit surprised but thought why not. I kind of liked him in 9th grade but I was shy then and never did anything about it, kind of just let it fade (I did that alot through 7/8/9th grade) Then I called Kaitlin and I went to watch the soccer game at 4. JV lost by one goal which kind of sucked because it seemed like they were a better team. I had to leave before the Varsity game started to get to Matt's on time. So when I got to his house he told me that his parents took the Kayaks so we weren't going so instead we went to eat and rented a movie. The movie was really stupid "The Hunted", so make sure you don't rent it. It was my fault however cuz I picked it out. oh well! So then Saturday I pretty much did nothing cuz I was just in that mood... well I guess I did clean my room and helped out my sister too. Then we cruised the strip in Alpena a few times just looking for people we knew. Then today I helped clean another room in the house, and just hung out with my sister mostly. We rented a movie "The Rock" and watched it because she just got back from Alcatraz where it is filmed. It was a good movie so rent that one instead of "The Hunted". Then we went to Wal-Mart and she bought a CD burner for her laptop and when I got home my mom told me Matt called. But he told her to tell me not to worry about calling him back and so I'm not going to because I just feel really lazy and will probably go to bed right after I finish one last line here. AHHHH school tomorrow! This is the summer's end. GOODNIGHT! -kel

1:55pm: Hanging out in my room today!
So yesterday when I told you I would be back after eating, I was just kidding. Actually I just didn't feel like typing anymore. Well I really don't right now either. me and my mom just got in a fight so I think I'll hang out in my room today (maybe even clean it for once) to avoid her because she really pissed me off today. It started with something stupid that she blew up and yelled at me for nothing about so I yelled back because she wouldn't just shup up and listen to me. Well I'll tell ya more about it later. I think I'm grounded too but ya never know with her. Hopefully she'll come around and see that she was yelling at nothing. Well TTFN -kelkel
Right now I'm listening to Linkin Park's "One step Closer" because it is such a good song to listen to when you get in a fight and just feel like screaming your lungs out.... try it some time!