Abi's Blurty

Subject:	WHINING
Time:	10:58 am.
Mood:	crappy.
Music:	the beckonings of yahoo messenger.

Life seems to be at a standstill right now. A few developments here and there...I attended a production meeting for a starting local production company at newark..My bath and body job is not starting for more than another week. It's saturday and I have to work while my kuya is out with his friends. I work in RITE AID I do the register. No complications, no multi-tasking, just the register. No excitement either. I am in the land of the free but the last thing I feel is free. I can't go anywhere because I don't have a car, I can't even buy medicine for my gas pain..I can't cram going to the mall before work because I am held hostage by the schedule of the bus..whine..whine..whine..TO BE CONTINUED LATER

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Time:	4:15 am.
Mood:	creative.
Music:	crooning of airconditioning.

I've been here in jersey five days, and basically its been boring outside my mind, but quite interesting inside. Well..i've slept, ate dinners in loser areas and went to the mall earlier. Beats christmas huh? Yesterday was semi-interesting at least. I went to the social security office, chatted with a grievance-filled taxi cab who lacked sex, and then got myself lost in New Brunswick. The guy in the shoe store was so cute, i'd give both my feet and my shoes to date him..naaah, i'm exaggerating of course, but twice did i seriously consider giving my number to him. Now, what would have happened? I guess I'll never know. Then..a surprising turn of events...I'm walking my starbucks, right, expecting to take a cab home, than this fat white guy says, babe come sit with us. The decent woman in me hesitated, but the whore sat down. So i chatted with two locals, one black, one hote and talked with them about my newness acted naive and thought smart. The guy was from the ghetto he ssys, and all his friends are dead. Yeah, I've heard a lot of pick up lines, the worse being I see dead people, but this one is the worst by far. He actually got my sympathy for two seconds. The other second I spent puking. And of course, he asked me if I had a boyfriend, to which I willingly said NO. Subtext, you can flirt more if you want. Then he asked me if I wanted to go to a place called OLD BAY to drink..yeah..with a mislead but willingly strict brother, being new around the country, not just around town, that is as possible as a zit getting cured by popping. Evening we had dinner at a Filipino restaurant - funny how a filipino travels a thousand miles just to eat the same food huh?

And kanina, was bad...the day was real bad...A couple of mexicans were laughing at us and making pssstt sounds....Never mind...I was pissed..I wanted to shove their burritos up their asses, but I walked away. Makes me cringe just thinking about it...But I used that as comedy material. Hey, when anger doesn't prompt you to write back, it prompts you to write at least! I bought bras...which is something you can't do in the Philippines. Freaking exciting huh....

I expect things to turn up tomorrow, I'm going to Baltimore to see my mom.

New Jersey to Philly. New state, new life. At least for the time being.:)

I WANNA BE A COMEDY WRITER. SO HELP ME GOD.

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Subject:	moving to jersey
Time:	12:39 am.

hi everyone...great to be in a new site, i've been so stuck in friendster and am getting bored with it fast. I'm just settling in my new life, having moved from the Philippines to Jersey, believe me, it isn't easy, being away from your one hundred one friends, changing your lifestyle, trying to forget what once was to face what will be...sometimes I just feel like going back and giving it all up. but the question looms like an ominous shadow - when will i grow up? Life isn't about going out and wasting money and having the time of your life...it will be like building sandcastles to live in the future....

so many questions, so many decisions to make - when I was a little girl, all I wanted was to gruw up, now all I want is to be a little girl.

But you gotta grow up sometime..

fun becomes a luxury, a chore becomes a responsibility and effort becomes not something you give for reward, but a necessity.

and so i'm learning it the hard way.

when you start growing up everything becomes surreal, like you can't believe that you're actually undergoing these changes, that beyond the quagmire that you have come to call home are endless possibilites you never thought would ever happen. amidst all the rules that you've been used to, the millions of orders you've heard from your parents, the should have and must be's you have heard from people who care - you realize that in the final analysis nobody will really tell you what to do but yourself, and the absence of all those voices scares you, not because of the deafening silence, but the thousands of other voices in your head that replace the actual voices you once heard.

who am I? What am I gonna be?

simple questions yes, but to arrive at an answer is more than complicated.

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