| It'll all get better in time, right? |
[08 Oct 2008|02:20am] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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Leona Lewis- It'll All Get Better In Time |
] |
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See, somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Two years of my life are sure hard to forget.
Going, coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one
Thinking that I deserved it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning, to love again
All I know is, Imma be okay
Oh, I don't know what's worse: looking around and seeing you knowing you're not mine, or not seeing you and knowing you're gone. Both hurt, a lot.
Thought I couldnt live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too (oh yeah)
It already is...
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to (ooh ooh)
It'll all get better in time
I want to be happy again... with or without you. Whenever you're around I smile without a second thought.
I couldn't turn on the TV
without something there to remind me
It wasn't all that easy
to just put aside your feelings
Stupid songs, even this one reminds me of you. Every day I find something silly that finds meaning related to you and what we used to be. Can you say the same?
If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna laugh, hurt my feelings
But that's the path, I believe in
And I know that, time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning, to love again
All I know is, I'm gon' be okay
I tried opening my heart to another and it just didn't feel right. I didn't give out my number because I started to feel guilty. I shouldn't be feeling all this, but it's all new to me because they are simply not you. You made it so easy for me to be me, and now it's hard to find that again.
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too (oh yeah)
"One step at a time...it's like learning to fly, or falling in love." I'm trying, really.
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to (ooh ooh)
It'll all get better in time
I am a happy person and love my life. It's times like this I'm dwelling on what might have been it's when I realize things are different now. You left without saying goodbye. I kind of hoping you would, but maybe it's for the best, right?
Since there's no more you and me (no more you and me)
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you
Yes, I will
Only time will tell what my heart will feel for you. Your unspoken words are outweighed by your actions and I know you're conflicted. I said what I needed to say and cannot do anything more. I knew this day would come when either one of us takes a step forward looking back to see if the other one follows. I'm stepping forward...
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| Flying on the wings of a black winged bird... |
[01 Oct 2008|11:42pm] |
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mood |
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 touched |
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Dear God,
Thank you for bringing him into my life. For a while I was uncertain and even doubted if it was what I wanted, but now I know. I prayed for a chance to fall in love and it happened. Time is an evil tool you have put in this world. I only have so many days before he's gone again and he may leave finding his own miracle, but please let him know he was and still remains my answered prayer. I look at him and just cry knowing I've done all that I can do. I've said all that can be said and still want to say more, but what's the point? I want him to be happy even if it means without me as much as that pains me to say but it's true. He deserves to be happy in life and experience the feelings I continue to feel for him. He will always have a special place in my heart. I continue to pray for his safety as his unit goes on their missions and their families who have to let go. Let your will be done. Thank you for the family and friends that have helped me through the uncertain times bringing me back to you. Be with my heart as the days turn into weeks for what you have in store for me.
And Jesus name I pray,
Amen
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[01 Sep 2008|12:01am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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I never thought I'd say this, but Cory "the Cory" is here sitting on my couch. My house. My coach. I guess life has a funny way of working out in the end...
What Cory Roussell Damnit Means
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You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.
You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.
You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.
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:]!
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| Brief and simple. |
[31 Jul 2008|01:09am] |
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mood |
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 productive |
] |
I went to go see the new X-files movie tonight with my dad and Mary Ann. It was pretty cool. I remember as a kid watching the show on tv with my dad, so watching this now that I'm older was pretty wild. I felt more than just an offspring of my dad, but apart of him for the first time. I don't always get days like this, so I thought it was worth posting. I'm getting older and so is my dad. We aren't the same people, but I'm still keeping the connection close.
Yoga was brutal. I didn't go last week and didn't get to do anything during the week due to wacked work schedules, so I felt out of place. I forgot my mat at home and 'rented' one for the day and it felt weird. I felt weird. I couldn't ease my mind with two pro's behind me doing everything perfectly. I should have admired them, but inside the old me inside cursed myself. I wanted to be calm and breathe in the scent of the week, but there was none only unscented candles. Such a disappointment. Here's to hoping tomorrow nights going to be better. I didn't go jogging today like I wanted, but maybe tomorrow. I am tired of making excuses so I won't give any other than I didn't feel like it.
Random update: I'm officially over the ex. I think it took me a while to admit it, but I am. I realized now he hasn't changed and I have. He offered to help proofread a paper I was writing and being the laid-back, unreliable person he is... gave me feedback three days after it was due. I didn't stress and just realized I don't need to go back to that place again. I'm better than that. I deserve more than that. I know what I want and now I'm doing just fine without him.
I might have plans tomorrow night at 9pm. I said I'd go on a date with this guy, but something is telling me I'm going to be wasting his time. It's a long story, but I think I like how 'we' are and he wants to move things forward. I'm just not into him like that. I have to tell him and hopefully he takes it well as hoping karma doesn't get involved in this. Ha. We shall see.
I miss writing to myself and the void of the universe. I've been "pen pal-ing" my friend and Aunt so much it seems I don't have much to say. Unless I want to repeat myself 3x. I'll try to make this a healthy habit again. I miss feeling the weight off the muscles in my forehead loosen up and allow my brain to feel lighter. Oh, it's just me and my million and one thoughts finally coming out. Whew. It can be tiring, but so worth it in the end.
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| I'm in love with a stripper |
[30 Apr 2008|05:50pm] |
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mood |
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 pleased |
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... ok not really, but it caught your attention!
I just wanted to simply say life is great. The little things that once annoyed me and irked me to no end have finally ceased. I could have let today ruin these good feelings, but I didn't. I took a few seconds to breathe- look down at my FAITH ring and remember God has it all under control.
My Yoga class starts very soon and I cannot wait to see what it does for me! I'll be taking Micro this summer and working in between, so if anyone wants to finally make those lunch dates possible give me a call! I'll answer and even tell you about my new phone.
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| Inspiration in the early morning... |
[27 Mar 2008|02:31am] |
After a rough week between college and work I realized there is more to life and I’m missing out on it. A good friend of mine had reminded me, "Rachal, don’t forget life isn’t just about all work and no play. Do what makes you happy and the rest will just happen, so let it." Hearing this gave me a nice reality slap in the face.
I have to dedicate this blog (as if anyone cares) to a friend who will never read this and Elizabeth Gilbert. My friend reminded me that she was once in my shoes and does not want me to do anything in life that does not make my heart happy.
... anything in life that does not make my heart happy.
What makes my heart happy different from just me being happy? I’m glad you asked because here it goes. I used to put your* (*universal towards anyone and everyone) feelings ahead of my own. I used to care what you thought before even considering what my thoughts were. I used to think you were something I desperately needed in order to survive. I used to think you were the one thing that would never hurt me. I used to think you would be the one I would come home to after a long day. I used to think you were my best friend. You aren’t the same anymore because nothing ever stays the same. I did all this and more because I cared too much never expecting much in return. Looking back I lost my true self in the midst of you consuming my life. It’s not necessarily your fault because I allowed it to happen, but you didn’t try to stop me either.
All those things used to make me happy for a while, but now I have learned what truly makes my heart and soul completely happy; my faith. I know God will never change. He will guide me when I need directions. He has given me a new sense of direction in life. I am standing still letting things around me settle down. I know the pieces will eventually come together in its own timing. My heart remains happy knowing I do not have to go back to ’pleasing’ anyone to keep them in my life because if it was meant to be, then it was meant to be. I am not going to run after my dreams because I know they are within reach already.
"What college are you going to? Will you go out with me? Do you see yourself getting married? What is your major? What is the best advice you can give someone? Why do you want this job?" Questions! Questions! Questions! I don’t have the answers for these and for once that is ok with me. I am still learning and learning is something that keeps me going. Gilbert has written a book called Eat. Love. Pray and I can promise you if it wasn’t for Oprah and God I would not have picked it up to begin with. There are so many quotes from the book I could share with you that have made me change my outlook on life, but that would spoil the many reasons I loved it so dearly!
For the past two years...
I have been slaving at work trying to make something of myself only to remember I do have a desire to stay at the store level forever, or Publix for that matter. I do not know what is going to happen tomorrow.
I have been trying to prove to others I could my AA degree in that time frame. Do they care I am a potential term graduate? I’m afraid not.
I have been trying to ’find’ my place in the Advertising, Human Resources, Marketing, and Music world. I’m only 20! Why am I in such a hurry?
I was trying to see myself in someone’s future that didn’t include me in theirs. The sad thing is I was looking too far ahead in my own life to see them in mine anyway. Why was I a hypocrite? I’m sorry.
I have tried to stop letting your words hurt me. You have never stopped to think about what you have said to me. I would never say such mean things to anyone like you have done to me.
I have realized it’s all about you. Friendships go both ways and somehow it hasn’t gone my way in quite sometime. I let it slide before but I don’t want to anymore. I won’t lie for you anymore.
You may not fully understand what I am trying to say and that is ok. If you have read this through its entirely- you are simply amazing. I thank you and wish more people were like you. Seriously. :] It is the times like these where all I want is someone to listen and the rest is up to you.
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| V for Vendetta? V! |
[30 Jan 2008|10:59pm] |
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mood |
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touched |
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( V is my hero. )
I posted an angry vague bulletin on myspace and he knew something was bothering me. Vito is someone you just adore from afar and secretly wish one day you get the chance to meet such an awesome fellow. For the things he has said to me have really opened my eyes to a side inwhich is new to me. What side is that? The BRIGHTer side of things when I've consumed my entire thoughts to the bad. He's good to me and for that and so much more is why he's one of my heros. :]
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| La de dah :] |
[27 Jan 2008|03:51pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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My jeans moving around in the dryer. |
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I'm not angry anymore. I stopped crying to express what I was feeling. I allowed myself to realize it's something I can get through with or without him. Every memory we shared used to linger around in my thoughts but now it's wrapped up in a box hidden from view. It's better this way for me to move forward without him in my life. I never thought I'd see the day where we were apart. After being together for so long kind of makes your future cloudy. I had a clear head walking into the relationship and now I'm getting to see the sky again.
I have decided to stay local for college. After I get my AA degree in May I will be applying to UNF and JU because there are here. I know I talked about moving down and starting on my own, but the truth of the matter is I don't have the money to do it all. In order for me to have a life down there I will need a security blanket of a loan to keep me going and without that I will be a sitting duck. Is that what they call it? I don't know anymore, but staying local just seems to make sense. It took me a while to consider and accept this, but it is the sensible thing to do. My job here really works with my schedule and everything is familar. To be honest, I like it here.
With the strange weather Florida has been having it makes me miss home. Ok, I was six years old when I left Buffalo, New York but it was still home. I would visit every two years and just the family and environment up there makes me think "what would life be like if I had stayed up there." I like how Florida has so many more opportunities than home did, but the simple fact is I still wonder. The boy I grew up with keeps in touch with me via cell phone. I would get off late and he would be just going into work so we would chat the night away. I guess times have changed because he has a girlfriend and I am just a missed call on his phone. At one time I had hoped to have something there, but reality hit and even to this day all I want is my friend back.
This makes me go back to what I was saying before-- why do relationships change people? I took one quiz that said I am afraid of marriage and it will confine me. I sometimes think if I got married I would be trapt. If it was with someone I truly cared about and it was as easy as pie it wouldn't give me that trapt feeling. I am just rambling and not even sure if I am making any sense, but that fact that he and I were both not wanting to get married in the next century makes me think we are more a like than I thought. How can you have a life with someone and not pursue marriage? A forever relationship? A never ending bliss? Who knows. Fairy tales and the movies have corrupted my sense of reality into what can really happen for me.
I have 3 months to focus on getting all A's in school and raise my gpa. I graduated high school with a 3.4 and would like to get higher than that in college. My professors say it is impressive to maintain that goal with me working the way I do. Speaking of work-- I changed my availability to something I might actually like this time. I have class Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday mornings so I am taking off those days to relax and attempt to do homework. I chose not to open on Mondays because the ATM machine guy scares me :] and work 'any' on Wednesday which is no longer "lobster" day so I can start living my life again with being reminded we aren't together. Which is fine I usually spend Wednesdays grocery shopping or catching up on homework anymore, but I do not want any un-needed stress in my life right now. I want to try to live blissfully. :]
I am happy again. I'm upset that my room doesn't reflect this thought but it will ... one day. I am burning candles again while writing my Aunt Julie again. I am reading to gather knowledge and to escape into the pages of each book. I have my special people in my life who make me want to reconnect and just catch up. I'm not asking to be the best of friends we once were because I'm starting to realize LIFE HAPPENS and things change. I do not welcome any change of this nature, but it ultimately happens beyond my wishes. I had the word control there and that's another thing-- I have to stop trying to control every factor in my life. I have to allow mistakes and allow mishaps to shape me into who I am suppose to be. If I try to control and make everything the way I want it to be then it would just become overbearing to no end. I do not want that feeling.
Jason wrote an interesting entry about, well I'd rather not say. It made sense. I just kept nodding my head and realized for someone I barely know in person he continues to inspire me to evaluate my own life and see what I can do to better myself. He probably does not intend for any of this to happen when he writes but it does. He may never know this but I'm glad I know him. Something about him just keeps me at ease. I guess hearing some of the things he says I guess its free therapy for some pretty bizarre things but it matters to me. :]
Life is happening so here I go...
starting with work at 6pm.
Earn $61.50 to babysit cashiers and front service clerks while making the store clean.
Lovely.
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[04 Jan 2008|11:48pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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Cold "Feel It In Your Heart" |
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I thought about making this entry a private one, but who would really come across this and care what I have to say anyways. In a blink of an eye I am reminded of numerous times I feared people reading this and how they might use what I have said against me. What makes this any different? Well, I have realized I am better than that to worry about silly nonsense. Hopefully one day someone will come across my random thoughts and think to theirself "Wow.... so it's not just me." I have searched randomly through blurty and read an entry or two of some strange soul only to realize worlds apart I could relate to what they were writing about. It felt nice.
I go back for the last semester at FCCJ this Monday. I remember graduating high school wanting to hurry up and 'grow up.' I have gotten older, but I doubt I have really grown up as I thought I would. To be honest I feel like I have finally let my mind at ease and coast on the same level as my age; 20.
The year 2007 was a lot of firsts for me. I loved a silly boy and saw a future with him outside of college but real life got in the way. He is in the Military Reserves and will be getting deployed sometime before summer his unit has 'threatened.' I loathe the military for taking him away from me but then again with me planning on going farther south for more college I guess it was better of this away-- apart. He gave me such happiness within myself and I experienced emotions I did not know was possible for me to experience. I stopped taking verbal abuse from a 23 year old bully and finally stopped putting myself in situations where I was a target. I have said my two cents to anyone who was on my mind at the time and it felt good. I threw out every thought I had kept inside in fear of losing a friendship, but in the end decided its best each person hear it and let me move on with my life. I think thanks to God and my mother I have learned not to rely on anyone else for my happiness. Yes, I said how a boy brought me happiness, but he just added more joy to what I already had stored up inside me.
After getting closure I fell back into the power of music and how it can soothe the most uneasy feelings. The band COLD has really helped me cry when I needed to and found a way to ease my pain. I know this probably sounds tramtic but when there wasn't really a 'friend' there to listen or anything my Ipod was. As a result of seeing who was my real friends during my time of need I decided I'll treasure those who have been there for me through a lot of everything. I guess this new year starting has inspired me to start opening the pages of my life and continue writing every chance I get. Who knows... maybe something inspiring will be worth writing about, but until then I want to say all in all 2007 is over and I'm looking forward to a nice beginning of 2008.
Last semester at FCCJ means I graudate with my AA degree May-ish of this year. UCF- here I come in 2009! :]
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| Oh really? |
[09 Dec 2007|05:14am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
] |
I have finals this upcoming week, so here's to any survival method! ^.^
( Nine Ways to Prepare for Finals )
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| I found this: |
[29 Nov 2007|11:53am] |
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mood |
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giggly |
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Dear Boy,
I do not know who you are or where or when we will meet, but I do hope its soon. I pray that when we meet and fall in love, you will love me for me, and not hope for someone who is thinner or prettier. I hope you wont compare me to girls who may have brighter smiles. I hope that you will make me laugh, take care of me if i get sick, and be trustworthy. I hope you will remember that I prefer roses to daises, and that my favorite color changes with my mood. Please know that my eyes arent blue, or green, they're just plainly brown. Please know that I might be too shy to kiss you first, but please dont be afraid to kiss me. I wont slap you or push you away. I'm sure your kisses will be perfect. When we go on a date, please dont stress about where to take me, whats important is that I'll be with you. If I cry, please know it isnt because of you, just hold me close and I'll heal quickly. And, if it is beacause of you, ill heal just the same. Please tell me if anything I do bothers you, or if something just doesnt sit right. I would like you to always be honest with me. If I have a bad day, I hope you will shower me with confidence and smiles. I hope you dont think im asking too much of you. I hope you understand that Im a little bit nervous and very scared. I wish I could tell you how or when we will meet, and if we will be in love forever. Ill will try to be my best to be kind and love you dearly for all that you are, without expecting too much from you. This is all I ask.
... spoken from the words of a hopeless romantic. xD
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| Sometimes I feel like Felicity |
[29 Nov 2007|11:25am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Library noise after 11am |
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I kind of want to go shopping at the near by Target knowing I have money in my account, but I should be doing other things right now. I have a quiz in Statistics in 2 1/2 hours and a bit of homework to do for Chemistry due VERY soon not to mention Accounting material I need to refresh myself on. Joy! Why must other things ruin such a beautiful natural high.
( It happened again... )
Now I sit here wondering what shall I attempt to do first. Finish the Chemistry hw, extra credit, presentation power point since I have Chemistry running through my brain. What about Accounting the beloved 4 credit hour class that has kicked my butt all term and even though the end is near the class still manages to kick my butt and I couldn't like it anymore. Weird, huh? :] There are so many things running through my brain you probably waste half your day reading about the random thoughts I get on a daily basis.
::breaths in and lets out a long sigh::
Running out of motivation to continue this entry...
... I'll be needing coffee soon due to the lack of sleep I got. Lack? How about 4am the previous night sleeping until Noon, then waking up at 3pm and sleeping until 6pm. It is currently 11:38am so you can do the math on that. x.x
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[27 Nov 2007|11:14pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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I wanted to write in here, but now that I am I do not know what to say or where to begin. What does that even mean? Well, I refuse to do a major update because I have far too much homework to do tonight and a ton of more school work to do tomorrow.
After STA class I printed out some pages of Accounting homework and met up with this kid Robin I've met this semester. We said we would meet in the cafe. I grabbed some food and the cook asked if I wanted anything and I decided on a hamburger and fries. Mmm! The next thing I know he blushes and says, "You smell good." I was a bit confused, but smiled and said "Thank you. And I thought the food smelled better."
I get so many compliments on my lotion when I wear Aquatanica. Too bad Bath and Body Works is discontinuing the line. This isn't the cheapest lotion I've bought there so that obviously means it is the most expensive and it is worth it!
Robin wants to do something with Fiance and cooking. I am all about the business world since music is not in my life anymore. It was weird we started talking about "high school" days and he was a trumpet player. Ha. I can't get away from 'em- can I?
Tomorrow is Wednesday and that means a busy day and a late evening with Ryan. Oh my lobster! We are still together and it's been pretty good. This will be our second Christmas together and I think we are on a more serious level than this time last year. I think we were still getting used to the idea of us dating. He reminds me to act my age- 20 instead of an old far off into the future (where my mind tends to take me). He means a lot to me and I pray things to work out in the end when it is this time next year (drum roll) I'll be seeing the possibility of actually living in Orlando for school and a future job with Publix Corporate office. That day will come and until then I'm still a college sophomore who has finals next year and homework up to my ears in work. Ughh.. better get started before the morning sun shines through my window again.
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[12 Jun 2007|03:29am] |
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mood |
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gloomy |
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I used to write in this thing every other day. <<< That's something I realized after going through Blurty's calendar. Where has my time went? I remember telling myself I would reread everything I wrote and learn from my mistakes. Well... a lot has changed and everyday is going to be a new beginning.
In a few days Ryan will be coming home from Texas/ New Mexico. His birthday is the 18th and I cannot wait to give him his birthday gift. :] Father's Day is Sunday and I'm pretty sure I got the weekend off because I asked for it off and I can spend time with my father and adoring boyfriend.
I did see my dad today. He stopped by earlier to see if we could get the A.C working in my car. No such luck. Looking at him today made me realize he is getting older. His shoulders are hurting him and he is out of work on Disability. The song by Fleetwood Mac comes to mind "... Children get older, I'm getting older too..." as I told my dad he is getting shorter he said almost the same thing to me. I'm going to be 20 in July. Now, I repeat where has all this time gone?
I could graduate in the Spring of 2008 if I wanted to. I should do it and get it over with. I have 6 classes left after this Summer term. I have to pass this CLAST test and this IBS test and BOOM! I'll have my AA. I would like to get my Bachelors right away so I don't slack off. That's another story in itself. FSU is far, far away while UNF and Flager are right around the corner. Instead of being in a rush to move out I was hoping to get a newer car this year. I made a little over 13K last year and I think I could save money this year to look into getting something better than what I have now. After another year or two I can think about going full time at work or we'll see what I can do with my part time hours.
There's a lot of choices to be made but until then I'm happy where I am now. I'm on the road of becoming something great. :] I should be in bed sleeping geesh laundry is almost done. School is less than 6 hours and I'm not looking forward to it. :/
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| Dunt dunt dunnnn |
[12 Jun 2007|03:06am] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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I have to be in a Biology class in less than 6 hours and I'm still wide awake. My sleeping pattern is out of control. I went to bed late the other night and it seems to have caused a trend. I had the day off (Monday) and had plans to do many things. Did I get any of it done? Oh with the hot, humid air ruining my hair and ruining my day I was pretty upset. After the rain died down I went out and did a few of the things on my list. While I got the tweezers I needed I realized the things I once liked are now remodeled and slapped with a higher price tag. Instead of paying $3 for a decent pair of tweezers I had to pay $7 for a similar model of the style I like. I finally caved and bought the most expensive purse I have ever purchased- $25. Haha ok it's not a huge amount as you were expecting, but I've been eyeing this one for a while now. As I was debating on it the saleswoman said, "Buying a new purse is like starting over..." and I was sold.
Speaking of starting over I'm trying, really trying to be happy with myself again. I've let myself go exercise wise and don't always eat right. I would like to feel more confident again and I do not always feel that way. I'm not asking to be a size 8 or 9 I simply want to FEEL healthier whatever size it may be. Right now I feel like a blab and this laptop doesn't seem to help when all I ever do is stay in front of it. :/
Now, I'm finishing my laundry as I just cleaned my room. All in all today was a waste. I didn't feel productive to say the least, but it didn't really matter because I felt like being lazy up until the end.
I felt compelled to get some of the major things done at night. Why is that? Oh, probably another excuse to stay up and put off sleep. God help me today...
Class lecture: 9- 11:45am
Class lab: Noon- 2pm
Nap?
Work: 6- 11pm.
Wednesday I'm off of work and might go out with my mother for some shoes. We'll see.
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| This made my day complete! XD |
[13 Mar 2007|01:21am] |
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mood |
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happy |
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soYmuYveRde: ^.~ Now, seeing this makes me happy!
Auto Response from DoLL iT uP x3: You are a mysterious goofy gal- has anyone ever told you that? Your laugh is contagious and your smile is beautiful. Your sense of style is one of a kind that makes others feel inspired. You are simply amazing. And that my dear makes you likeable in my eye.-Rachal made my day.
DoLL iT uP x3: i always put it up
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| So there's this boy |
[12 Mar 2007|11:10pm] |
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mood |
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giggly |
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When he calls me like that...
When he makes me laugh like that...
When he lets us arm link like that...
When he drives me to my car like that...
When he kisses me like that...
I know he's mine to love.
Things are getting better for Ryan and me. I guess God is answering my prayers in letting me see where things go between him and I. He called me to join him on his dinner break. It's been a long time since that happened. He made me laugh like old times. I missed having my stomach hurt from all the joyous laughter coming out of me! It's the way he kisses me and leaves me wanting one more kiss which ends up being a whole lot more. The fact he was willing to be late for work to kiss me a little longer was nice. Ahhhh... I'm such a girl falling for a silly boy. :]
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