Thursday, November 6th, 2003
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5:18 pm - NOTHING
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So im kinda busy right now but ummm long day, i feel pretty icky, going to book club tonight.... thats about all
current mood:  full
current music: LET THE SUN SHINE
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
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6:33 pm - I want you to want me, I need you to need me, im begging you to take me
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Sara said she wanted a guy today. Not for the same reason i do but still. She could get one im sure. Im not so lucky. Busy busy day. Pretty blah. I fixed the scanner in Journalism though which made me so happy. I made magic. ... David had poison ivy. ick. I worked on my monologue. i think itll be great. hooray for me. PLEASE LET ME GET IN PLEASE LET ME GET IN!! I hate mixed signals, i can never tell what someone really means. im so naive. "Thats because none of us got enough love in our childhoods. And thats show biz ... kid" I need a new back pack, i think ill get one this weekend. I wanted to steal coltes but i doubt that will work. I need to call Chris Gibson. GRR. OOOHHH coolest thing. Mrs. Gilbert gave me this yearbook with Gladys Stonerock in it, well it had my grand dad in it too and my dad said Gladys was his sister and he found her and called her, and one of her sons is into geneology, and im going to make a really big family tree. Im soooooo excited, ive always wanted to do that. YIPPIE FOR ME AND MY FAMILY! Cuz weve got cool stories about family memebers fighting with family memebers and people goign to war or being nuns. HEHE so happy. Any who. MOMMY and i talked about out tattos again. We like the idea of linked hearts. i like it too. Ok im all out... no more words.
current mood:  melancholy
current music: Build me Up Butter Cup Baby
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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
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7:04 pm - A little Angel beside me, see youre with her and not with me
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I just finished my Jude book. I want a boyfriend. Reading her stuff makes you want someone who loves you. I fishished my book and looked up to see Duffy with some girl. i want that... He kissed her goodbye.
We had the meeting today for the Fringe Festival it was good i think well get a lot done i got to get in touch with Chris though about it.
The party was pretty good im glad everyone got together. And the shirts are quite lovely. Ive fallen in love with the arm bandy thing. i feel bad cuz i was gunna give it to nina. ... Maybe ill get sick of it after a while. ... Now i feel selfish. Spiffy... i havent said that is a bit Spiffy Spiffy Spiffy. I dont feel so spiffy right now. I need a Captian Hring Montgomery who loves me no no who wants me. who really wants me. ... and lets me know it. Ah but a dream...
current mood: lonely
current music: Isobel -- Dido
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Monday, November 3rd, 2003
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9:44 pm - Forever and ever and ever Fire
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I wonder why we even try. Because it doesnt matter what you do to not piss anyone off they are bound to get pissed off at you for some reason anyways. Like their reason for being mad could be that you didnt do anything to make them mad. And where is the sense in that? And whats the point of ever being angry at anyone? It seems like a waste of time. Kinda like blaming things on other people, ill admit im the Queen of Blame, i think i should stop doing that, but it just feels like a waste of time. I say this as i sit in my room which desperatly needs to be cleaned. It screams to be cleaned. I dont know what keeps my body from moving and putting things away but that just seems to difficult. I spent my day inthralled in my Jude book, quite amazing and not written like any of her other books. I really do like it. I think i read ever chance i got today including during breaks in Mr. hudsons terribly long, terribly boring lesson on the Vietnam war. Quite dull. I then left that to go to drama, completly infuriated because of happenings during the assembly, where i was suppose to do my piece with Maygen but lo and behold she wasnt at school, and as typical we didnt get to do our piece. God help me when i have to rely on someone besides myself, its jsut so difficult. I feel in a constant spaz right now because of the fit i had over my Emerson Application which is in and fine but i fear that for somereason i wont be good enough for them or the acting people will want me and not the school or the school will want me but not the acting program. Which would be hell on wheels. Because then where would i be? I feel all over the place in some sort of rut, i dont quite feel like me except i feel exactly like me. And most of me needs to get away from quite a few people at school because i just dont want to be around them right now. And at the same time i do. I dont want to complain either because im really sick of it, which is complaining in itself so what the hell. i got the spirit day approved for my daddy so im hoping well get some money for the messiah now. And im really hoping some of my friends will vollunteer at the Messiah because then someone will come and see me. it would be really nice to have them hear it, even though i know its horribly boring from the audience, its quite beautiful to sing. And sometimes we will just blend in a certain song and there i am standing in the middle of it with the tenors infront of me and the sopranos to my left altos and basses to my right and its just really amazing. Quite powerful you can see why Handle was so brilliant. Those pieces just go into eachother and each part just fits. I wonder if it sounds as beautiful as that outside of it, like in the audience. Granted he did write the devil of all songs "all we liek sheep" which is a travesty in itself. But at the same time brilliant with all the "going astray" and "turned"s that are actually written in the piece to sound like we are walking away. On another note the drama shirts look beautiful at least i think so. ms b said they were plain. but screw that i think they are quite elegant. and funny ont he back. it looks liek a black rose shoudl be on it. I need to get that Dido song, and i want the outcast cd. And i dont know what to get people for christmas and as is the common delem: who to get gifts for. I need to get carlos something. Maybe chris. logan, i already made saras table, i think ill make nina her cookies, id like to get ms bryant and ms bruner something, and mom and dad. proably colte because hes gunna get me something, but i couldnt afford something nice enough for him so ill just ask him what he wants. He said hes spending his money on other people for christmas and i told him i want jewlrey. Lofty request but ya know. He asked. I dont expect that though. He really shouldnt get me anything. Chris and Carlos told me he just wants to sleep with me cuz then he can say he screwed a democrate. I thought that was funny but completly untrue. Im sure chris feels that way being republican and all. Oh i made a 90 on my enviro test which made me so happy cuz i got an A. OH another note. Poor becca. I think things went really bad this time. i knew she would get caught some day, you cant go around lieing about where you are and what youre doing for that long and not get caught but her parents really over reacted i mean come on, you should at least me relieved at first that your daughter is ok and then get angry and say if you do that again youre out but not right away they gave her no chance. Sara just called an apologised. that was nice of her. I said i was sorry i pushed her buttons and she was sorry that she got pissy. Thats good. I feel better. And andrew told me to talk to her hehe right when she called. My mom was talking to my dad today bout me throwing my bouqet off of the balcony and if the balcony would be safe. lets hope thats a long time from now. or long enough for me to get situated with my life. I think parents are getting angry with their kids quicker this year because we are leaving and they dont want us to go. Like noors parents say shes on drugs. Which is stupid but its probably cuz they are "protecting" her in some weird awful way. And beccas parents are loosing their last kid, so that must me hard. Im glad mom is taking all this pretty well and not accusing me of shooting up heroin. Cuz that would be a real bummer. Id have to shut down my drug dealing biz and all heheh just kidding. Aww that Average Joe show is so cute the guys are like total losers with awsome personalities. Its so sweet! hehe. Alrighty this was long and its late. Peace, Dreams, and Love
current mood:  contemplative
current music: None for once
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3:57 pm - Bad Day
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No one, not anyone should ever call their friend a bitch. Ever.
PS Drama shirts are in
current mood:  infuriated
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Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
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8:04 pm - HAHAHAHAHAHA and CRYCRYCRYCRY
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Ok
1) Andy rooney did a bit on George W and apparently G.W's father wrote in his book that invading Bagdad was hopeless war and shouldnt be done and will never be won. And that they should not fight saddam. Just shows you something dont it.
2)An old man at Messiah is stalking me. he walked out to my car and asked me to go to the banqet with him. Im scared, cuz apparently he did this to another girl some time. Hes creepy and his name is Will Love. Qaqinkidik? I think not.
current mood:  worried
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7:46 pm - I wish I wish That all my dreams come true
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OMG SAW THE COOLEST MOVIE EVER! it was called "pieces of april" and it had Katie Holmes in it. It was at the Enzian. Spectacular. Very good very good. made me cry and laugh and all those things. Mom and i just ate at Buca de beppo. YUM. Very garlicy. But yummy. Mommy bought me the coolest polka dotted shirt thing and this sweatery thing. But i dont get um till christmas. Bummer. Alias comes on soon goodie goodie. I need to cut my hair, or i want to cut my hair. I think im goign to take my moms advice and take pictures out at obt and down town. it would be really cool. FUN FUN. What else. OOOH Logan and lora and maygen and alison and them got really far in debate! Im so proud. They are all so good. On another not the romance novel im reading is really good. I love the characters. Im going to start Frankinstein after this so i can get ahead cuz i know its the only way ill finish it. I get to go to boston in two weeks! im so nervous, it will be my audition. But ill do good. I know i will, because i have to. ill just relax and do it. Had a spaz attack about college in the car i thought i didnt get my stuff in in time. but i think im ok. Ok gtg much love
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Messiah in my head
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Saturday, November 1st, 2003
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2:19 pm - ALL SAINTS DAY
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SoSoSo Halloween was lots of fun. I went to see everyone get dressed at Sara's house. Sara an carli were rockin it in 80s prom garb, becca was a slutty bumble bee, shay was a punk fallen angel, april was Tom Cruise from Risky Business (i think) and Tony was that ugly ass scary guy from the Simpsons. Mr whats his name. Everyone looked fab. Then i went to Carlos'. I was the first one there as typical of me and i got to talk to Carlos who i missed more than life itself. (missed more than life itself? fuck it ill be two cents a minute) And then Brian and Andrew showed up with a pellet gun but it was empty (thank god) and i relized how not scary i am. HEHE carlos told me i looked like Hidie with a gun. Andrew was sweet as typical of him. And then Chris showed up and brought Andrew a kilt and chris was already wearing his (yes real kilt no undies hehe) And amelia showed up too and she was the queen of hearts. And then jason and jim and susan and Eric and the really fat guy Fred that no one likes and ROB omg rob was a gay construction worker and he had really really short shorts on and he stuffed his pants hehe. His wife is such a bummer though she didnt wear anything. Katie sucks. And then these two girls showed up who knew brian and it was so funny because i think we scared them hehe. One of them was 17 but i pretended that i wasnt 17 hehe it was lots of fun. And i think the other girl like Andrew but screw her, hes mine hehe not. But it was lots of fun and i got to wear Chris' cloak which was awsome. And then i went back to sara's place and we watched most of Nightmare before christmas, and i remembered how good it was. But we all got really tired and fell asleep only to wake up int he morning to candy and food and bakery plus. it was spiffy. now im home. My mom was getting on me about my work, which is silly because ive been doing lots better and getting stuff done. Daddy was making fun of me too. Not fair my family is ganging up on me. 50 sited sources due for english. Icky. Good thing she changed the due date to monday. Very happy for me. My book is calling me but i am resisting the temptation to go read it. Now is not the time. Ill read later. Must decided if i want to go with them to the movies. I dont think i will. Ive already watched a movie today (Labrynth,'Ello! Did you say hello? I do believe i said Ello, but thats close enough'). At the same time i havent gone to the movies in a long time either. GGGRRR i hate choices. I was so glad Logan called me yesterday. Really made me happy. Even if it was in the middle of dance rehersal. That actually made me happier. Someone cares about me hehe. God i havent written in a long time. I had so much to say. My stomach is sore cuz i did sit ups the other day wonder why it hurts today but didnt hurt yesterday. I ran a mile too. Ive become very consistant with my mile running. TO DO TODAY:
1. Finish English
2. Work on Ithaca Essay
3. Shower
4. Call Shirt People (maybe tomorrow) Im the worst president ever
5. Run a mile, attempt situps
Alrighty im out to conqure the world. "Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it and i shall move the world"
current mood:  confused
current music: The voices inside my mind
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Monday, October 27th, 2003
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9:44 pm
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You are not as fat as you imagine... dont worry or worry but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum... do something every day that scares you... remember compliments, forget the insults ... becareful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it, giving adviceis like diging it out of the trash can, brushing it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.......... Weve got the afternoon, youve got this room for two, one mile to every answer, your skin like porcelin, one pair of candy lips and you bubble gum tounge, and if you want love well make it, swim in a deep sea of blankets, take all you big plans and breakum, this is bound to be a while .... Im in love and always will be....
Ahhh happy day happy night, falallalala. Goodie Goodie, i love love love love, hehe. Beautiful, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!! GOOD DREAMS!!
current mood:  crazy
current music: Everything
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4:38 pm - Aww hell
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Sigh im pissy at myself for somethign totally stupid, i hate when i do that. School School School back to School School School. Stuff to do. i feel like i should run or something im such a lump. Grrr. ok now im gettting down on myself which is stupid. Ok well long day. lots of work ahead of me. ms b wants me to do a thingy for Vets day (Go figure) So im going to be a nurse. of course chris couldnt refrain from saying "ohh youll look all sexy in the nurse outfit" goodie goodie. My voice is still all messy. I wish it wouldnt be its driving me nuts. im afraid it will never come back. So anywho lots to do. And miles to go before i sleep, and miles to go before i sleep.
current mood:  calm
current music: Cold Play- God put a smile upon your face
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Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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7:21 pm - There will be no white flag upon my door, Im in love and always will be
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Did ya know that the Teddy Grahams box has had the same picture on the back for like ever. I dont remember when the chocolate teddy box had any other pic. quite annoying cuz youre suppose to find the teddy bears and i already know where all of them are. Sigh. ALIAS TONIGHT!! im so excited. but im upset cuz im starting to not like Vaughn and i love vaughn i mean were going to get married before i marry prince william. ANd i just cant hate him ya know? HEHE im thinking about scrapping marrying anyone but logan. Im happy there hehe. I had a great time last night it was a blast and a half except chris smart was really sad. he really likes Sara which is just bad because he should find a goody christian girl who doesnt think hes annoying. Cuz sara likes him but hes sooo into his faith and its so hard for her. And there i am all feeling like im a devil. Everyone had been bringing up religious stuff. My mom told me im prejudice to organized religion, it maybe true but it made me feel bad cuz i dont want to be prejudice or anything against anything. Oh well. Logan, im going to try and help you with that video if i can i just dont want to push it with the getting work done. I need to focus on getting those stupid essays done. Sigh ok gunna go eat my Teddy Grahams, wierd word grahams...
current mood:  content
current music: White Flag- DIDO
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Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
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4:16 pm - IM SOOO NERVOUS!!
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omg im nervous. OOOHHHH i might die tonight or something. Someone could hit me and i could break something. Ok scary thought. dont want to think about it. But i hope we win. it would be much improved from our major loss last year. Our quarterback kicks ass. And MB kicks ass so i think well at least do ok. Expecially if Kate halls ass down the field like she did in practice. Which im sure she will. Wow ass three times, make that four. hehe Much love!
current mood:  nervous
current music: Pink: Real Good Time
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Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
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5:15 am - It is currently 5:15 PM THANK YOU!!
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Grr we lost the hall competition! sigh i dunno if well win this year. Makes me sad. But i hope we do good at PowderPuff. Though im ticked cuz they dont inform us of stuff very well, because our student council sux. Oh well. LADDY DA. UMM himm what happened today. I was very comfortable in my jeans and brave garb. i love that word garb. i went to dance practice and it was fun but right now i smell really strong of logan cuz he sprayed my shirt like 4 times with his smell good stuff. But thats ok i like it. It smells good. It would smell even better if it were Very Sexy for him. That smell rocks my socks off. Anywho. I still hate my math class. Ms Harris sux. She jsut cant teach and it pisses me off, I just read in her class today cuz i didnt want to hear her anymore. Im reading another good love novel im soooo corny but they are just so sweet. And romantic and they are everything you wish would happen to you but wont. I can simply dream. Long Long Week, Bad and Long. But i hope ill look pretty on Saturday cuz my dress kicks booty, it would look good on an ugly stick. APPLAUDS!!
current mood: content
current music: NONE im a loser baby
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Monday, October 20th, 2003
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7:38 pm
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Friday, October 17th, 2003
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3:11 pm - NoT i SaId ThE fLy!!
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Sighsighsigh. Chris and i are talking about how cool it would be if we both went to college in boston. I just called Logan earlier and was quite surprised to find that his name is not longer Logan but Love. My L0Ve. Love of my life. hehe. That made me super happy. I MISS YOU WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??? HAVENT SEEN YOU IN LIKE A WHOLE TWO DAYS!!!! anywho i leave for ny tonight and i made a portfolio of my stuff an its super slendiferous. And i worked on the senior float today. my hands are now blue. i hope we win, but i hear the junior float is awsome. OH WELL much happy love
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: Moulin Rouge I watched it last night and cried my eyes out
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Thursday, October 16th, 2003
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1:00 pm - Scare House Revisited Da Bomb
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HEHE i had lots of fun at Holloween Horror Nights. it kicked booty. I went on that thing that shoots you up into the air and then you fall. Wow quite intense. HEHE but fun. I was soo tired i like just got up. Sigh. OO im not sure if we were suppose to run today but oh well. im doing Northwestern application today and getting ready for my interview. OOh logan andme have got to watch Moulin Rouge together. And i promises sara i would watch her movie. Chris y hasnt seen Moulin Rouge either. Ok im going to eat something. we went to Steak an Shake last night and i had the best cookies and cream milk shake and some fries. OHHH im soo bad, i think ill go have bagel bites!
current mood: good
current music: Bob, Burrito, Bunker, Berkenstein, Booty, Brick....
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Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
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8:25 pm - mY GrAdE sUx!!!
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GRRR my grade absolutly sucks. they always come up with the stupidest ideas for the float. Ok i cant be pissy anymore Chris Y just said the sweetest thing
toxotoarchon: its a chelsea
SouLGiRL07: haha
toxotoarchon: ooooh, but not any chelsea
toxotoarchon: the best chelsea ever :)
Hes such a sweetie. My mommy is at target buying me a really cool shirt for my interview at Sarah Lawrence. Im not nervous at all cuz its going to be so much fun i love telling people about me. HEHE it should be a blast. And all i have to do is be really nice and bubbly which should be sooo easy. I am worried about my applications though i got to get them done. Sigh i should go do that now silly silly
PS im so tired but very proud of myself. i CaUgHt ThE fOoTbAlL!! Go chelsea go chelsea!!
current mood:  sore
current music: Andrie Batalli (ohh icant spell)
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Monday, October 13th, 2003
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6:30 pm
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ooohhhh stupid christopher, hes sooooo self involved. I did give a fuck if he went to the play or not hes never seen me act before why should he see me now? GRRR Im suddenly pissy. And sad. Noors going with nate to homecoming and so shes going in Rjs limo, and Mary beth is doing something and everyone has dates, and i dont and its soooo typical. I hate that. Chelseas so pretty and sweet yet no one likes her or want to take her to homecomming. stupid christopher. stupid stupid stupid. Stupid child. God damn it. I dont even know what im doing for homecoming. Oohh i hate getting upset over such a stupid thing, it jsut got to me. I hate voting for homecoming court because every girl wants to be on there and its like everyone just randomly decides to pick one person that they want on there. And it just shouldnt be that important to be on there cuz its just popularity but for some reason it feels really important. Stupid Stupid Stupid
current mood:  bitchy
current music: The sound of me screaming in my head
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6:09 pm - "We are here to fight a war and that is what we shall do!" so Fox raised the flag, & they marched on
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Im sad. i wanted the senior event to not get cancelled and low and behold my grade has to no will power again and sucks again. Poosh. And i dont have my running shoes and i think Lora has them but i dunno. its bothering me. And our mailing list for drama sucks, i get like 3 mailer demond thingys back and its not a complete list. GRRRR. Sigh. Its ok im good. im soo happy right now really. I have time, a life haha. though i miss the play i think it was the best time ive ever had in a play. I didnt like Curious Savage. Ahh well. Chris is being a shit head. Giving me crap about not going to his bbq because i gave him crap about not going to the play. Hes such a shit. hehe
"Its a third edition. I would have gotten a first edition but you know..." AAAA i sooo cried!
current mood: content
current music: Lisa Lobe
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Sunday, October 12th, 2003
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10:18 pm
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Whats wrong with people these days? How fucked up can the world get? Over here in our little town of orlando Fl we are putting on a happy little play about love and desire and life, embracing it experiencing it. And at the same time people on the other side of the world are blowing themselves up to make some point. Probelm with blowing yourself up to make a point is that you wont be around to see if you made the point or not! Why dont they jsut go hug a puppy? You cant blow something to smitherines if youve just hugged a puppy, no matter how cold hearted you are. I hate it. Its so stupid! Whats wrong with leaving everyone else alone and focusing on your own belief without impossing it on others? Why can't people just go around enjoying the world we live in instead of trying to own it when it cant be owned? There were pictures on the computer of the universe and stars and i makes you think of how much bigger it all is that you or i or any one person. Im sure no god if there ever was one intended us to kill eachother in his name. And how little we can do to convince people that they should not kill themselves or others. And if we did would be not also be imposing our ideas on them and therefore going against what we have already said? That we should not impose our beliefs on others? Ahh "this world that has such people in it"
current mood: contemplative
current music: BLAH
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crushed