Date:	2006-05-14 17:06
Subject:	sad
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

I really don't know what to do now. I'm in the posses of shutting off my heart. I just sit here and do nothing. Just watch somebody else live their life. I Thought he wasn't in love with her still, but I'm almost certain he still is. Even if he thinks he's not in love with her. You can tell when he thinks about her he gets this look in his face that to him it seemed like a dream. I don't fell like towards any of my ex-boyfriends. I can't remember the moment I told him about who broke us up, but for I know he kept talking to her like she did nothing to us. Like he feels he still wants her around or at lease in his life. :(
'
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'

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Love always.
Jess.

Date:	2006-01-25 20:48
Subject:	Blah!!!!!!!!!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad
Music:	Bittersweet - Apc

I say screw this, and when I say this I mean plain life. You know there is nothing better then life, but when it comes to it what the hell is going to happen, I can't stay here where I am. I'm depressed, angry tired and just plain confused. I don't know what is going to happen.



Tears. Let leave it at that.

I have doubts now lets see how many days I can go with out the one thing I long for.

Date:	2005-12-14 23:04
Subject:	USF
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	D.H.T - Listen to your heart

I was excepted to an honor band this past weekend, and I must say it was the most amazing this I have ever been too. I auditioned and I made it into the top bad. Can you believe that? I know I couldn't. The only bad thing about was that I got sick. The sound coming from the other players were just great. I saw a lot of people I knew there and meet new people. Nick came to see the concert. I should get a CD by the end of the mouth.

I started working on the new Sims 2.0 story. I can't wait until I get a good story line down. I have the family tree's down.

I'm worried about some stuff and I really don't know how to deal with most of it. I know I'm smart enough to come up with an solution. So I'm not that scared. But things are changing all around, and I don't have a handle on any of it. Between Mom and Paul, Nick, School, Band, Friends, nothings the same. I can't wait until the future. So many things are going to open, but at the same these many things can bring darkness to anyone. I have high hopes so it's really none of my concern, for at lease right now.
Love you always Nick!

Date:	2005-11-28 22:26
Subject:	Famous Quotes
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	Shout - Sister Act

1. All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
2. Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears.
3. I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
4. In criticism I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me.
5. It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream.
6. That man is not truly brave who is afraid either to seem or to be, when it suits him, a coward.
7. The true genius shudders at incompleteness - and usually prefers silence to saying something which is not everything it should be.
8. Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
9. With me poetry has not been a purpose, but a passion.
- Edgar Allan Poe

1. We're frightened of what makes us different."
2. People who cease to believe in God or goodness altogether still believe in the devil. I don't know why. No, I do indeed know why. Evil is always possible. And goodness is eternally difficult.
3. The truth is, laughter always sounds more perfect than weeping. Laughter flows in a violent riff and is effortlessly melodic. Weeping is often fought, choked, half strangled, or surrendered to with humiliation.
- Anne Rice

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
- Henry Adams
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg
To will is to select a goal, determine a course of action that will bring one to that goal, and then hold to that action till the goal is reached. The key is action.
- Michael Hanson
Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world.
- Helen Keller
The most onerous slavery is to be a slave to oneself.
- Seneca
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Everytime a child says 'I don't believe in fairies' there is a a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead.
- James M. Barrie
Bye, Love You Always Nick!

Date:	2005-11-28 21:39
Subject:	Nightmares...
Security:	Public
Mood:	scared
Music:	Rathbone's Evil Heart

I've been having some really bad dreams lately. I wonder if it's because I don't feel safe. These dreams have me being kidnapped, raped, and the worse is there are people dyeing in my dreams. Like last night I had a dream that I was married to Nick, (okay that's not the bad part) but anyway's I was in our house and I answer the door to see a man that over all kidnapped me out of my own house. near the end of the dream I really don't know how this happened but all I know is that Nick was stabbed and he ended up dyeing. I really don't know what these's dreams mean. Ma be it's because I don't feel safe, or I don't think Nick will always be there for me, or maybe I'm just plain and simple afraid of the future, and what might happened.
I hope they stop soon I'm getting really tired of waking up in the middle of the night almost crying.
Sweet dreams! Love You Always Nick!

Date:	2005-11-28 21:17
Subject:	What A Week.
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	One - Harry Nilsson

Well, this past week was Thanksgiving. I went to Ga. of course, there really is no other place I would rather be. The whole family was coming to my house for the holiday so I made sure I got out. You would be scared to.
I went to school on Tuesday, then came home to clean three rooms and pack and run to get mom some stuffing. Then I finally left around 8:00pm. I was already tired then I had to take that long trip. I had to stop for at lease and hour to rest my eyes. There was no traffic thou. I got in around 5:30am. I just crashed.
Katie's Birthday was nice. I bought her some Stuff. and I got a new sweater "Corpse Bride." Love it!! Nothing else really happened. It was relaxing. Then on the way home it was hell all over again. I left around 5:00am and I finally got in around 2:30pm. MY BUTT HURT!
Nick went to Gainesville to see his family. He said there was about 15 people packed into one little house. I felt sorry for him. He called me while I was in Ga., but it was pity funny I was asleep when he called then when I picked up I don't think he called me. I though I called him. it was amusing.
No it's Monday and I'm depressed. I think I'm just PMSing, but I have a really bad feeling that Nick doesn't really love me. I guess I could just be imaging things. Heck I've done it before (Allie). I guess I'm just going to have to see What happened's this week. I'm suppose to see quite a bit this week.
Well, got to have dinner talk to you after food! Love You Always Nick!

Date:	2005-11-12 22:45
Subject:	Question?
Security:	Public
Mood:	nervous
Music:	Queen - Killer Queen

In this post I think all I will be saying is the questions I feel. The questions I have in my head going over and over. But with not answers are they more like what ifs? For example,

What if Nick get accepted into Station?
What if He meets Allie?
What if I get scared like last time and bail out?
What if my feelings get the better of me?
What if I betray mom's trust?
What if the only thing I can do is Air Force?
What if I can't do music?
What if I grow up like mom?
What if my feature is dull like I could of done something more?
What if I don't gra.?
What if I move to Ga.?
What if me and Nick have to leave each other?
What if I can't see Nick for three years?
What if I don't tell mom?
What if I'm not Certain?
What if I just give in?
What if this ruins my life?
What if I grow up fight each day of my life?
What if I just do this just to make my life worse?
What if years from now he decides just to change his mind?
What if I'm just scared?
What if he's taken from me by another?
what if I waist half of my life to have nothing to fall back on?

Of course the list goes on but there just continues of the other questions.
Love you always Nick!

Date:	2005-11-10 11:36
Subject:	What Now?
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious
Music:	Peter and The Wolf

For the past few mouths I've been with Nick and I haven't been this happy in a long time. The last time was when was in there grade. I had two best friends two good fathers. I just had everything. Then of course you know the drill. Dad left us with out a reason, and me and mom left the home I got to stay in more then just a mouth. I left everything behind. I've always wanted to know what would have happen if I got to stay in Ga.

In these past few weeks is the first time I haven't been really thinking about it. I mean I would have never meet Nick. And right now I can't imagine a life with out him. but with in the 6 mouths we are going to see if life is sometimes fair or I'm going to grow up like my mom. I'm scared.

Nick is trying out for Stetson. Guess who's there. Allie. If he goes to Stetson Where do I go. Do I go into the Air Force like I planned but that mean I wont see Nick for at lease 3 years. not 2 mouths not 1 year but 3. Can me and Nick make it through that.

Well in six mouths I will be talking to you again.
Always Love Nick.

Date:	2005-10-03 23:24
Subject:	One Last Thing....
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious
Music:	Fire Bird Suit

I was talking to mom today and she said I looked a lot happier when I'm dating Nick. Of course I turned red and mom was picking on my.
Love my Boy Toy!

Date:	2005-10-03 23:21
Subject:	Homecoming Take Two
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	Numa Numa Dance

Well Saturday was homecoming. I went with Nick. The day started out bad, I had to get up really that morning to wash Brie's mothers car. Then I had to go to get my hair done. I was an hour and half late to the opponent. My hair came out sooooo good. Steven put my hair half up half down, then he put black and white ribbon in my hair. Everyone loved they would talk about it if it was a person by it's self. (Ex. And Jessica's Hair.) Well I got ready and picked up Nick. I really liked my dress. When he told him I say ed that Andrea thought the same way he replied not that way but then he recorreted himself saying okay little bit like that. The Night went great we went to Chilies for dinner, and I got Nick to dance black. We got a lot of pictures on of just me and him then another with me, Nick, Brie, and David, then the last one was with all the bayside band girls. your only allowed to have 12 people at max in a picture but we were allowed to had 14. I can't wait to see it to see how funny it looks. I think I was closing my eyes. but clean up was fun. Nick and David took some boxes out side and the sprinkler system was on. They got soaked it was funny. I dropped everyone off at Andrea's party and me and Nick went to his house to drop him off and we just layed down and talked for about an hour. he was late. but he sayed he didn't want to be anywhere else. he was so sweet he also sayed how I proved him wrong for that he thought this whole thing between us wouldn't work. of course he kissed me, and the whole world stopped just for us. It was really romantic. I wish I had more time to tell you what happened but I don't so I'll talk to you later.
Good Night Everyone... and my Boy Toy!

Date:	2005-09-28 22:45
Subject:	Later....
Security:	Public
Mood:	lonely
Music:	For Longer Then Forever - Disney

Well it's later last bit I talked to you about is how I want to ask Nick to homecoming. Well I did ask him, and he seemed overjoyed. Well now is the week of homecoming. Me and Nick have been hanging out and are holding hands. What an improvement. Tonight me and Nick sat in the car just talking. It was raining out and it was cold. But me and Nick are hitting it off very well. I really don't know if he asked me out thou. Were going to homecoming, and he asked if I wanted to give it a try. So I really don't know if were going out. I'm guessing at the dance will talk about it. Well for homecoming were playing Palm Bay high school. Yea! Not! this is going to be a week.
Good night.....
Horn God

Date:	2005-09-04 01:48
Subject:	This Week
Security:	Public
Mood:	thankful
Music:	Danny Elfman - Sally's Song

Okay so this week we had a foot ball game but, you already knew that. Well, you also know that Nick got me mad that one day for saying how great his ex-girl friend was. Well I was determined to forget about him. So what did I do? I tried to get a new boyfriend. I found someone in mind. His name is Gregg Person. He is sooooo sweet kind and warm felt person I really have ever met. I was getting really strong feeling for him. but, you can see why. then after a game dunno witch one but, Andrea come up to me and says she just talked to Nick and she asked him he was going to homecoming and he said, I dunno I haven't ask Jessica yet. My heart hit a wall. Brie was right aross from me when Andrea said that. Well I told her about everything before that. And she could not prosses it eather. So now Gregg likes me and Nick. I was so confused. I lead both of on. Then that last game before we where about to load the buses. Nick comes up to me and ask if I would go to home coming with him! I just said I dunno I would give him an answer later. Then after the game on the way home I was on a seat with Gregg and he asked if I would go out with him. I said the same thing I said to Nick "I dunno." Well I knew I had to choice. So I went to Nick and ask about Allie and what he thought of my and he just mad me feel like we could talk anytime. and so on. So the time came where I had to choice one so I went to Gregg and told him "I don't think we should go out." It broke my heart I felt like I was using him and that I just did this to hurt him. I mean of course I didn't but still it felt like that. I wanna know if this will change who we are towards each other. I guess so since everything always change. But, I just home it's not for the worst. Now Nick I haven't told him yet about Home Coming. Heck I dunno if he still wants to go but, I think he will. When I talked to him he made me fell as everything will be better.

I can see me grow up and marry someone like Nick. I dunno if it's just young love or the real thing. That how I see relationship most of the time. Where to young, or to blind to see the truth. But, I dunno when it is a good age to know your feelings as they are. Maybe there is no really good time only make sure to look at life with a clear mind. Don't make you mind clouded or jumental. I always hope I'll make the right decision when the time comes.

Good Night.....
Horn God

Date:	2005-08-21 20:56
Subject:	Blog By: Jacob
Security:	Public
Mood:	pleased
Music:	sailor moon

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Best day of my life. (Same as bulliten, if you've read that)

Okay, this is probably some sappy-geeky-whatever thing, but this involves what I did last night/yesterday.

It all started a few years ago, about 4 years, to be precise, and I went to my brother's football game, once he was on the varsity team, which actually, that would have been more like 3 years ago. So anyway, the band was there, and the band doesn't go to Freshman and JV games, (Junior Varsity), so when my brother went to the game, of course, I was forced to go, and I had saw the band. And that was the beginning for my love of music. I sat next to the band a more than I did my parents, and I had only been next to them when I wanted to get something to eat. Odd enough, when I sat next to them, I just danced. Nothing less, nothing more, just danced. Some of them recognized me as the crazy dancer that was always there, and yet, I'm not sure if other's noticed me, but it was fun. So then came the first away game, and the school was like, an hour or two away, and my mom would always ask me if I was coming and I would always reply, "Is the band coming?" Jeez, like she knew. So, I just went on the off chance that they did come, and yet, sometimes, (Rarely) they did not. Yeah, I admit, I was bummed. I only got to see them 10 times a year, which just wasn't enough for me. About 7 games through my brother's first season, I decided to talk to one of them. One of the 'band' members. His name was Chris, and he was pretty cool, ahem, pretty awesome, I mean. He's the whitest black person you'd ever meet, and we had talked about Final Fantasy the first time, and then he 'illegally' (Because you cant play in the stands unless instructed to) played the theme song to Kirby, on Super Smash Bro's. And yet, it was pretty good. That year went by, and the game's ended. The football team wasn't the best, so I don?t think we were able to go to the playoffs. And that was the end of my first band year.

Next year,
I was so happy to see the band again! It was just amazing! They had learned new songs like Island of 1000 answers, (Or something....) and Iron Man, and it was just awesome. I can?t really remember their Marching Theme for these past Years, but it was pretty awesome. I had saw Chris again, and that was cool. We had talked, and I saw someone that was in my brother's Kindergarten class named Lizzy. She said she had baby-sat me, yet, I hardly remember her. Though, I guess it was a nice reunion. This year was kind of` the same as the first, I danced, Chris and me talked, and I just hung around like a boat on water.

Next year,
it was about time I had started Band. My first year of Junior High. The Clarinet was my main instrument, and I was hoping to start the Alto Sax soon. Though, Chris and I had talked, I danced a little less, but I still moved my body. The thing about this year, was Southwest would be going to Bayside for 1 game, to see how things were. I was so excited, nothing could ruin that day. I mean, me, (And the other members of Southwest?s band) playing with Bayside. That was going to be awesome. So, I woke up at around 7-9 that day, (It was a holiday) and I just got ready. I got my uniform on, got my Clarinet ready, and I was just so happy that day.

The night came, and I was in the stands. What I had feared had come. Quarter after quarter, play after play. We didn't play a song. And when we were supposed to play, we were on break. The team only scored once, and that would mean we would play the bayside theme song. I was really disappointed. Then the year passed.

My eighth grade year,
the same stuff happen. I talked to Chris, not as much though, because he was busy most of the time, because he was appointed the role of Drum Major, which, doesn't control drums, but controls the whole band, but, there's usually 2 or 3 of them, but that's still a great job done! This year, when Southwest had played, we actually played songs! (WOW) It was so exciting! I had a great time! Nothing would bum me that night, no matter how much we were losing by.

And now, this year.
Band Camp started. Over the summer, lasted for 2 weeks as we practiced the art of marching, the art of memorizing sets, and the art of the Hindu. (Don?t ask).
Anyway, Band Camp was just awesome. I met great friends, some like Holly, and others. (Though, Holly's the most important that I had met. None of them actually talked to me besides her.)
Anyway, after that, school started in a week. I would have to kiss most of my computer time goodbye. I would still be on, but not nearly as much. Then the days of school went by very quickly, with more band practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays, 3:20-6PM. 2 weeks went by, and we didn't play at the Black and Teal game (Which is us vs. us). But we played the Kick off classic game on the 2nd week.

Kick-Off Classic.
This was the day. Nothing could ever disappoint me here. The whole school day, the game was on my mind. Nothing bothered me, nothing could disturb me, and I knew I would enjoy myself.

After school.
3:20. We had the choice of staying after school or going home then coming back. So, I really wanted to stay, so I did. The wait before the best times of my life. Yeah, I waited almost 3 hours, but I enjoyed it. Firstly, I watched people leave, and some people stay, and I was really bored, so I decided to lie on the ground and try to fall asleep, but it turns out Rachel was also staying. So, we hung out together, and awaited more 'fun' activity. I decided to go outside on my own, with no one around because it's kind of` cold in the Band Room, and I was in the mood for some heat. Florida Heat. So, after that, I went back inside and Rachel comes running up to me, saying I should get my hair painted Teal, Black, and White, which actually turned out pretty good, as they also *attempted* to style my hair. They tried to give me a mow hawk, which turned out to lie front and down. Though, I must say, it turned out pretty cool.

So, the time continued, and minutes went by, and then some girls tried to get me to wear some Eyeliner, which didn't work out too well. I refused. But then they begged me, so, I said if they get 3 guys to do it, I'd do it. But unfortunately, they didn't, so, haha them. More minutes went by, and then a girl I actually recognized came in. Her name was Stormie. She's a nice girl, a good friend, but I hadn?t met her at Band Camp, though, I wish I did. We had talked for a while, but she was really hyper. She was at a party and they had cake, soda, about 12 2liter bottle's of soda, and 4 boxes of pizza, and she says like all of it was gone except a little soda, a box of pizza, and a little bit of cake. So, we had talked for a little bit, and she says that she had a fun time playing with the stand, I mean, something I see daily to be no excitement is something really fun to her, which, apparently, she's tooken all of them down "A gazillion times". So, after a little while, she went back to the party and I decided to go out to the patio and grab myself a Pepsi. But then Stormie comes busting out of the door along with the other Color Guards (As I think they're called) with that box of pizza! So, I grab a slice, and have meh pizza with a Pepsi. It was pretty good, but I never specifically finished my Pepsi. So, Rachel then comes running out, (Odd enough, she's wearing a new pair of pants) and tells me to "c`mere, we got 3 guys to do it!" and I'm like... "Oh great....", so Jillian, (Not the one in Mich.) Puts some on me. So, yeah, I had eyeliner on. T_T
Then me and Elmo, (Emilio) had this cheer. We would scream at the top of our lungs and go "FOOTBALL!!! YEAHHH!!!! GET SOME!!!!" and then we would high five eachother really hard, then we would do a body slam eachother. Then Holly came up and said, "Jeez, I've never seen that much enthusiasm come out of your mouth!" so then, that got me thinking. I am a mellow person, aren't I? I mean, sometimes I have my occasional outbursts, but I'm pretty much a shy quiet person. Only when I'm talking privately. I don?t know... maybe I'm just paranoid.

The Night.
It was time. The band got ready, we lined in a. uh. Well, a line. The Stands were in my sight, and we marched. 'Hissing' on our left step. (We don?t say right, but like this) Hiss right Hiss right Hiss right Hiss right, and so on. And finally, I was walking up the stands. The memories of the years before came back. It was like a flashback, except, and better. I finally got my seat in the band, and I think I deserved it. No amount of anything could compare to it. As the first beginning, we played one of my most hated songs, Star Spangled Banner. Yeah, I admit, I don?t like that song. Anyway, the football team this year doesn't want to come out on the Bayside Bear theme song, so, we played it after the SSB, and after the team ran out.
And you know, what Coach Davis wants, Coach Davis gets because he coached a college team that he played for. (I forgot what team...)
Anyway, after that, we played song after song until the 8 minutes till half time, when we all got into a circle and practiced our marching music. No marching, just the music. The thing is... I sat right around there at every game, listening to them warm up. I didn't care that I had heard it a million times, I just wanted to listen to them, and now, it was my turn to be that part.

It's time.
Yeah, it was time... we marched onto the field in a square and then we just separated onto the field and got into our corresponding spot. I was S-9, for Saxophone nine. The other saxophones, like the Tenor, were in the letter T-1 through 5.

"Drum Majors... are you ready?" I heard. Then the 2 drum majors turned around and saluted to the tower... then went to their stands. The stands seemed to be so tall from where I was standing, and it seemed to take forever for the drum majors to walk to them. Finally, it was time. They had gotten there, and they were about to conduct. I wasn't nervous; I knew everything that I had to do. The first note came. It was an E for me, followed by C then the higher G. (I wont continue anymore.) But it was the theme, Fat Bottom Girls, by Queen. Once that was done, some short amount of measures in, about 15 or more. Followed by Don?t Stop me now, with 14-15 sets. I felt so alive, and time went by pretty quickly. And once it was done, the applause... was incredible. I felt so weird. That moment in my life... I had officially become a band geek.

Aftermath
Turns out we did a fantastic job. We had the third quarter off for dinner, and we were able to talk and they gave us a Pepsi. (Usually they also give would give the band some pizza, but they didn't.) The fourth quarter came, and just about all we did was dance do drum cheers. Nobody and no word could define how much fun I was having. Near the end, we had scored, so we had to play the bayside theme song, which is really easy to memorize. I didn't think I could do it, but it turns out I could. I had danced so much, that I actually thought of being a dancer, but then I though, I could never pass off as a girl, and I would never in my life, have specific dance moves. Dancing is mostly about moving to what you feel. (Please, no offence Holly.) And so, the night went well. We packed up, marched back to the room, and we all said our goodbyes.

The leaving.
I had been wearing a bayside shirt that didn't belong to me, so I attempted to take a shirt off, with 2 shirts on, which I had done before, so I tried it again, and it didn't work to well. Then a girl that I think likes me just took both shirts off, so, I was in the middle of the band room with no shirt. Luckily, I hope some of my friends didn't see it. And I especially hope some people didn't see it 0_0....

Conclusion
this was in fact the best day of my life.
If you've actually tooken the time to read this... I really thank you.

Date:	2005-08-21 20:36
Subject:	Lots
Security:	Public
Mood:	jealous
Music:	D.H.T - Listen To Your Heart

Well I got the to be perz. It's great and Nick is my Vice. At the beginning of summer we talked and confessed that we liked each other. Then me and Brie went to GA. and had a great time. We started two new stories on based off of sailor moon and the other off the Sims. Well in the Sims me and Nick are together. Friday was our first game we got to march we where suppose to not to but we did anyway's. I think we did good. Well afterwards Nick came with us to Denny's and Brie got me to sit next to him. It was fun I had a great night. We where laughing and joking around. We split a bannana split. He bought most of it. He was really sweet it was like he really wonted to talk to me. Then the next day I invited him over to my dad's. Yea I invited him.. I feel so great. He came and we talked about the dance we want to host.
-----------The Bad Part-----------
Then on the way home he told me he dated Allie. Allie was a girl with such music talent, and was very out going can light up a room when she walked into it, she also was very beautiful, skinny, very natural looking. Then on top of that she was the smartest person in the whole school. I'm very jeoulas of her I have always thought Nick liked her. And now knowing they did go out for a fact. It broke my heart. How can I compare to that. So what does that make me feel like... Second Best. If he ever asks me out again, we will have to really talk first. He would have to tell me why he would like to date me instead. And really comfort me. But some how I really don't see us dating again, it really hurt to know that i was right in the end. I dunno if I'm just in denial or what. It will take a lot to change the why I feel right now.
Last night I could not sleep, I was crying to much. and not the little tears the one's of great pain. I didn't tell him I broke up with him because I thought he liked Allie. And now all I thought was right. Now try to guess what I'm thinking. This really sucks.
Bye

Date:	2005-05-18 12:29
Subject:	Wow
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable
Music:	Sims - making 'n' Magic

Long week, everything wired is happening. I didn't get drum major but that's okay, because I was al some anyway's. Now I'm running for band prez. Well it started to look like I was going to win, then he had to be sweet and get some stuff out of me. But where suppose to go to Chris grad. party. Man that should be great to see what happens. Well have to get ready for GA. Bye.

Date:	2005-05-05 18:38
Subject:	Too much...
Security:	Public
Mood:	scared
Music:	POTO - All I Ask of You

For the longest time I didn't want to turn into my mom. She has such a bad time with men. It's not even funny. I didn't want to be that. So I'm very careful witch guys to go out with. Let me tell you about the stories about me and Chris. He ask's me out. I say no. So after people telling my you should go out with, I give in. (Don't ever give in if you don't like the guy like that, don't give in!!!) Then what we break up because WE were not interested. YES WE!!! Next, he waits 4 months to tell me he still likes me. nice, very nice. Oh wait he tell a friend to tell me. Even better. Then, trying to see what's going on in his head for the first time I look in his journal. That's great news. I think he blames me for breaking up with him. Next, he has the nerve to say I left laughing. If he only knew the truth. So there's a strike one. okay, fine. for the past year I've still loved Nick but, I really didn't tell anyone. Then the other day it just hit and me and Nick talked. yay. At lease I thought, Shilo ends up telling Chris about me and Nick talking. Then Chris comes is't to the band room crying. Strike two. Now he's making me feel bad. Trust me Chris should have talked to me first. but, no instead he is crying and because he has such a influence over people he making me look like the bad guy. Now because I'm mad and he's crying it's all MY FAULT. you know within 3 hours 7 people asked me what I did to Chris. He has only a week left with the band. I have another year and, he's making me be the bad guy. That's uncalled for. Chris just waited for me to drop right back into his lap. Well Chris, Next time take action and you most likely would not be feeling this right now. No in his defense I should have never went out with him in the first place if I knew it wasn't going to work. (Helps to not listen to your friends sometimes.) Blah... I need my Katie and she's not home. Blah....

Date:	2005-04-26 13:26
Subject:	Time
Security:	Public
Mood:	working
Music:	POTO - Masquerade / Why So Silent

Wow I can't believe that it's been such a long time since I have written in this journal. Well I went through a lot of hurricanes. I had fleas in my house they where eating my up bad. I haven't seen any scary movies lately so me and Katie went to see Amitville Horror, and it scared the crap out of me, but I liked it so much I saw it again. I made a new web site. Double Twins Love and it's all about my wallpapers I made in the past. As I remember I didn't finish up dating it. oops. I still love someone. :)

Date:	2004-08-15 23:56
Subject:	The Week
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay
Music:	none

Wow, well lets start with Friday... the 13. Yea that just great. The hurrican Charley came and boy did it come, as a catagory 4. For the past few days I've been doing looking for anything that might give me a clue of what happened. Well we knew the storm was coming so we didn't have school Friday. So I was going to sleep in but 7:30am mom wakes me up and tells me to get everything from out side, and bring it into the grage. But around 7:00 pm moms calls and tells me to pack and get my ass down to Miami. So of course I went.
Page 2......

Date:	2004-08-09 00:12
Subject:	Quiz
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	Joan Osborne-What If God Was One Of Us

Quiz
1) Your gender: female.
2) Straight/gay/bi?: Straight.
3) Single?: Yes.
4) Want to be?: No
5) Your birthday: May, 30,1987.
6) Age you act: 18-23 I guess
7) Age you wish you were: 17
8) Your height: 5'6"
9) The color of your eyes: Blue, but they change with the weather
10) Happy with it?: Yes
11) The color of your hair?: Brown
12) Happy with it?: Yea
13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: Right.
14) Your living arrangement?: Where ever I want to live
27) Your family: Mom, Dad 1,Dad 2
29) What's your n/a
30) Piercings?: both ears.
31) Tattoos?: Nope.
32) Obsessions?: Pirates of the Caribbean
33) Do you speak another language?: nope
34) Have a favorite quote?: Why is the rum gone?
36) Do you have a web page?: yes more then one
37) Do you live in the moment?: I guess
38) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yes very
39) Do you have any secrets?: I have crushes
40) Do you hate yourself?: No
41) Do you like your handwriting?: nope
42) Do you have any bad habits?: not that I know of.
43) What is the compliment you get most from people?: How I plan for the future
44) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? Not sure.
45) What's your biggest fear?: Drowning
46) Can you sing: I think I can. lol. no not good
47) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: No.
48) Are you a loner?: yep, but I would like to change
49) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Definitely
50) Are you a daredevil?: nope
51) Are you passive or aggressive?: passive
52) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: creativity
53) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: yes
54) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: O yes. Plenty
55) Do you think life has been good so far: For the most part
56) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: Choose your friends wisely
57) What do you like the most about your body?: My eyes
58) And least?: My hump on my neck
59) Do you think you are good looking?: You tell me. I wouldn't know
60) Are you confident?: only around people I'm comfortable with
61) What is the fictional character you're most like? amy from sailor moon
62) Do people know how you feel?: nope i'm very secret and that hurt a lot of people

DO YOU...
63) Smoke?: No
64) Do drugs?: No.
65) Read the newspaper?: nope
66) Pray?: no
67) Go to church?: nope.
68) Talk to strangers who IM you?: nope, Man am I on a roll
69) Sleep with stuffed animals?: yes
70) Take walks in the rain?: I love doing that
71) Talk to people even though you hate them?: yea
72) Drive?: yea
73) Like to drive fast?: I guess
HAVE YOU EVER...
74) Liked your voice?: yea
75) Hurt yourself?: no
76) Been out of the country?: No.
77) Eaten something that made other people sick?: Yes
78) Been unfaithful?: Who me? never.
79) Been in love?: Yes... But not telling with who
80) Done drugs?: hellz no
82) Had a surgery?: nope
83) Ran away from home?: no
84) Played strip poker?: yea
85)Gotten beaten up?: No
86) Been picked on?: who hasn't?
87) Been on stage?: Yeah. band. You would never know I have stage fright
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
88) That haunted you?: Not sure
89) You wanted to kill?: skip
90) That you laughed at?: nick
91) That laughed at you?: andrea
92) That turned you on?: umm..no comment from me
93) You went shopping with?: My mom
94) That broke your heart?: nick
95) To disappoint you: chris
96) To make you cry?: nick
97) To brighten up your day?: chris
98) That you thought about?: nick
99) You saw a movie with?: chris, chris, heather, tiff, monica, mike
100) You talked to on the phone?: mom
101) You talked to through IM?: chris
102) You saw?: chris
103) You lost?: grand mother
105) You wanted to be?: Orlando blooms girlfriend
106) You told off?: mom
107) You trusted?: mom
108) You turned down?: chris.g
Last Cigarette:: never.
Last Alcoholic Drink:: never
Last Car Ride:: 10 min ago
Last Kiss:: a little less than a year ago
Last Good Cry:: a year
Last Library Book checked out:: can't remeber lol
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:: The village
Last Book Read:: interview with a vampire
Last Movie Rented:: the mildallian
Last Cuss Word Uttered:: fuck
Last Beverage Drank:: pepsi
Last Food Consumed:: tuna helper
Last Crush:: Nick
Last Phone Call:: Mom
Last TV Show Watched:: MXC
Last Time Showered:: This marnin
Last Shoes Worn:: My black boots
Last CD Played:: POTC
Last Item Bought:: New black cold shoulder shirt
Last Download:: something to fix the computer
Last Annoyance:: mom
Last Disappointment:: didn't you already asked that?
Last Soda Drank:: pepsi
Last Thing Written:: here
Last Key Used:: car key
Last Word Spoken:: bye
Last Sleep:: Last night
Last IM:: chris
Last Sexual Fantasy:: hmm.. wouldnt you like to know.. lol
Last Weird Encounter:: My dream about alians at walmart
Last Ice Cream Eaten:: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Last Time Amused:: a few minutes ago. Band party!!!