| 12:58a |
questions of the mind
well. I just can't seem to get it flowining at the moment. I guess the battle is still going on in my mind. it is really hard to accept something new, even if it is something that you really want. something that you have asked for. a change that needs to happen and you know that it has to happen. there is no other choice. not if you want to move forward. stand still and be idle. what is that. nothing. that's what it is. acceptance of a reality that you really don't want. reality is what you make it. Someone else can make it for you. if you want. we want so much. but how to get it. well. there is but one way. you have to get it. reality is what we make it. you can change everything around you. it's not easy. that's why so many of us have chosen just to accept things as they are. that's why we are idle. just living, waiting to die. so hard to chose the path you want. follow the largest group. sounds like a good idea. does it? depends on who is leading. why are they leading. for their benefit, or the benefit of the group. so very hard to get an answer for that one. sometimes we have no choice but to follow. I have. many times. many leaders. but, instead of accepting what is said we much watch, we must observe. mistakes will be made. each and every leader will show its true side. it might just be a minor slip. they will slip though. don't call it out. not right away. that gives them time to cover the mistake. silence. let them think they have you fooled. it's easier to watch that way. the will show their true side.
if you chose the wrong one you will ultimately have to pay for it. somehow, someway, severe maybe, probably not, if you have a conscience and followed with reasonable doubt and did not give all your trust. dont make decision based on promises that could be lies. kept that doubt. keep it and keep it to yourself. friends will show themselves. don't invite them all in. not all the way. be wary.
you can make your own path. this is the hard way. but in the end i think it will have the bigger payoff. the most satisfaction. ultimate and pure bliss that i could not even begin to describe. Oh but the cost, the trials. it will be hard. you will have to be prepared. your skin will grow thick. your smile will probably fade into your face and blend in with the rest of your skin. people will look at you as if you had no emotions whatsoever. compassion will become hard to give away. the enemy is smart. and they are of great numbers, growing every day. but somehow we have to blend in. disguise what we have, what we know and how we must use it. that, so far has been the easiest of the journey. stay prepared every day. trust your instincts even if they seem to be unreasonable doubts. doubts are there for a reason. same reason as wanting to have the answer. the same reason you and I have the question. doubts have so far protected us. kept us from being apart of this entity of ignorance and stupidity. oh but the grass is so green over there. but i have been there. stuck inside the fence and it has been so hard to escape. we have to keep going forward though. don't get trapped in the cycle. it is death. not instant death. they will wear you down. take away your questions. they say you don't need questions for we have the answer. but their answer is a best just a dream. some idol they have made up. it enrages them to ask questions. the book has all the answers. the only answers you need. and those are the only answers you can get. don't ask the questions, that is wrong. that will anger the almighty. that could sentence you for an eternity of misery. could any misery be greater than not really knowing though. is there anything more terrible than not knowing the truth. walking in the dark, hoping for the light to shine on you. how can something so great be so secret. so secret that no real answers have ever been given. have heard the answers. have you seen the source of the answers. do you believe something you cant see. something you cant feel. others act as if though the have seen it. there is no proof. everything has proof. if it cannot be proven then it is not so. right. proof. paper is not proof. the ink on it is not proof. it can be manipulated, change, form into whatever the creator wants. to satisfy whose needs? the leader. this is the weapon. the sword that will cut your head off. and they only let you see the facts that they feel are best for you. how do they know what is best. because they have more money, more items. can they know what you really need. can they get into you mind and know what is best for you. I cant even get into my own mind. how can they tell what is best what i should do, what i should believe. they are smart though. i told you this. they will use your information against you. if you let them in they have you. but you must make them believe that you hear them that you trust them. if you don't they will single you out. then you are on your own with the enemy. no its no fair. who said it was fair. they want the power. they want your support, they want your money. they want your faith. when they have this you have nothing you must follow. if you don't you will surely not survive. you must fall into the routine. you must do this or else you will have eternal misery.
can you see this. you know that there is a better way. can i help? i don't know. i am looking also. I am preparing. the journey will be long. it will be exhausting, you will want to give in. if you dont let them in they have nothing to take. your life. they can end it maybe. they cant take it. you might give it to them. if you can breath, drink and eat, then you can survive it. they might throw stones. dodge them. they will definitely try to tear you down. they will use words, you have to ignore them. if they will not give you knowledge then they are the enemy. if they cannot answer the question then they cannot help. if they avoid the question then they will not help. i dont have the answers i am searching as well. i may not ever find the answers. not in this life. maybe not the next. someday i will. i will come back. i know i will. no beginning no end. just time to question. time to seek the answers. time to gain knowledge. time to prepare for the fight that looms. grow strong. grow smart. learn the enemy. learn to blend. learn to hide.
anger is no longer the answer, it was punishment. for being idle. for not moving forward. for trying to forget, trying to just let it pass. let us find the path. let us make the path. we must us all of our knowledge. all of our strengths. all of our weaknesses. and for know we must do it alone. until we can band together and get our numbers. this should be a peaceful journey. but we must be prepared for those who wish to keep us quiet. keep the respect. many are content. they are happy. as happy as they want to be. we will not be forceful. that would make us like them. this is for enlightenment. for the joy and satisfaction that we will know. money is nothing. possessions seem to make us like them. that is not what we want to gain. something that would only be useful in the lifetime which is so short and limited. limited but neverending. neverending but everchanging. keep what we can use. possessions can be useful, but dont get caught up in trying to gain them. only what is needed for survival. lavish in a life of thought and gaining knowledge. for knowledge is the answer. knowledge will give the power. the questions will be answered.
Current Mood: determined |