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Sunday, September 19th, 2004
FACT: Reverse evolution, we are doomed!
I have just recently gained some type of control over my life again. Just recently starting seeing a therapists, although as usual I don't really think I'm going to get a whole lot of help from her. Well I'm getting enough insite to make changes on my own. Maybe that's the whole point. I don't like the opinions of therapists in general, They have a way of twisting things around like everybody else. I have been able to stop smoking weed though, not sure that this will continue for long just long enough to clear my mind and let the world know what I think. Not that I think weed is bad, almost like prozac takes my mind off things that set me off. puts me in my own world, caused me to have really bad anger spells though, but, now that I am off the weed I can vent my anger all through the day instead of having one or two major spells. I think that the biggest problem with my anger is the realization of the stupidity and ignorance that the world is falling(fell) into. Our society is crumbling, I thought I was the only one that noticed, maybe I am, but after reading other entries on other sites I noticed feelings and thoughts that I have are shared by many others, although they may have not come to the realization of why. At least I think that I have realized why. I am just so pissed off at how our society has accepted ignorance and stupidity as an excuse for our actions. No one is held accountable for their actions anymore, except for criminals that get caught. (martha stewart didn't pay the right people off) Our politicians and government officials lie to us every single chance they get. and they get away with it. it seems like every one is walking around in a daze (drones maybe, i'm caught in the matrix) Our politicians lie to us, some have even made very public statements in front of the nation "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" and are not held accountable. Hell he gets $200,000 a year for the rest of his sorry ass life. you and I both heard the lie and he changed his story, but that's ok. you and i will pay for his life through our tax dollars. We are raising our children, have raised, letting this type of lie to go on. We are saying it is ok. Just change our attention to something else and forget about it, it will be ok. don't hold a grudge, just forget about it. Well things are getting worse. I feel that we don't have long left to live our lush lifestyles, making the working class earn the money for corporate america, we have turned our work force over to the mexicans. We are fat and lazy. Instead of saying I just couldn't resist getting 2 double cheeseburgers for 2 dollars and getting fat and extremely obese, we are going to blame the marketing wizards in a clown suit for our own sorry ass decisions. The fat ass americans are so lazy they can't even take the blame for shuving the cheeseburger in their mouth. hell lets make some money off it and sue McDonalds for providing us cheap tasty fat. We are so stupid. Lets take it another step and call these fat ass lazy people handicapped. just couldn't keep your mouths closed. Don't you know that if you eat more fat and calories than you burn it turns to fat. Even our lying government will tell you that. Now not only do I have to support our sorry politicians, I have to support fat people because they won't be able to get jobs and go on welfare or disability which comes from tax dollars, taxes that I am having a hard time paying since the mexicans took all the good jobs, sending our american dollars back to mexico, along with the drug money. It gets worse. Our so called churches and religions that are supposed to be at minimum teaching honesty and integrity are failing. Bibles being reprinted being non gender specific and politically correct. Politics and religion are mixed and have always been (king james was a tyrant like all kings, controling people passively is still controlling) what about all those lost scrolls that get rejected by the churches, they pick and choose what is in the bible and what is left out. Lets talk about the gay community. Lets try this and see how mother nature, evolution, process of elimination any scientific test, law of physics, anything and see the outcome. Put all the gay men on an island, all the gay women on a separate island and see how many generations go by before total extinction. Lets face it they will not survive, so why should i put up with it or accept it in any way, why is the church accepting it, why is it being politicaly incorrect to bash the gay community. we are trying to contradict the very things that once made us (humans) the superior beings of this planet. If God had wanted man to be gay then I'm sure that we would have been asexual beings, wait I think I see a faggot reproducing asexual, what the fuck is wrong. And we are supposed to accept and tolerate this. We don't tolerate terrorist crashing planes into our stock market,....or do we. We are doomed, all the odds are against our survival. We need to start today, make everybody accountable. Reasonable doubt? I can put doubt into anything you have ever believed in your entire life. Believe in the bible, then why are they changing it, believe in the church, why are priests molesting kids of the same sex, wait maybe thats why gay marriages are being accepted-to satisfy the needs of preists. I hear of people saying that these people are just men themselves, so why should we put them on a pedastal and let them tell us what to do? Why? Our politicians lie all through the campaign cycle, we still elect them and let them run our country. We have raised a nation of liars, given them second chances, let them lie to us again, given them third chances when does it end. I think the asian countries are silently becoming super powers, feeding us technology that they are throwing out in the trash, quietly waiting for our ignorant stupidity to allow us to self destruct. Don't let our childrens voices be heard, lets drug them and beat them into submission. better yet the few that cause severe damage in our society, dont hold them accountable place the blame somewhere else. Maybe I need to go smoke a joint and shut my fucking mouth before I offend some politically correct jackass that goes home and molest children in the privacy of their home. But makes our laws and tells me how to think. Lets not blame the propaganda of the media giants, they are not to blame. Selectively brainwashing us and making light of the ignorance in america the giant trailer park (no offense meant to the rednecks out there) We are so used to trying so hard not to offend anyone that only the hard working, honest people with integrity are bearing the burden, and when the shit hits the fan who do you think will survive. the fat ass eating McD's three meals a day. The faggots that have a great fashion sense, your neighbor who lies and drinks but is a good person because he is in church every sunday. Get ready america, I have seen the future, we all have but haven't realized is yet. Wake up. Quit feeling sorry for everybody else. Take care of yourself, protect yourself, teach your children honesty and integrity (you might be the first person they hit or rob or kill). Don't believe everything you read or hear (anyone can be an authority on anything anymore, money buys anything-bestsellers-bestbuys-terrorists-and even governments) Don't trust anyone, no one has a conscious anymore and will lie we just don't believe that they will. Make people earn your trust, just because someone tells you something doesn't mean anything. I can show you how to live forever, lose 50lbs, make $2000 a week, and get a date with a movie star, guaranteed or your money back. (the last sentence was a sarcastic lie to prove a point). Can you see what I am getting at? I hope so. we need to start a revolution. Our minds have evolved. Stop the lies, stop the propaganda, make everyone accountable, ignorance is no excuse with so much knowledge at our fingertips in our homes and everywhere we look. If someone steals repeatedly, blatantley lies to the public, takes advantage of the elderly and ignorant for profit or gain, then make them pay. Strip them of everything publicly, make them pay, make the world know that there is no room for them. Watch out! if we don't do something soon the animals will take over again, at least these stupid creatures can survive on instinct alone. Yes, reverse evolution, we are not adapting and moving forward, we are accepting ignorance and stupidity and slowly declining, we are lazy and let others think for us. I will not be running for office in this election due to financial difficulties, but you might be able to pencil me in on the ballot...Can I get a second? If you felt offended or that you are being singled out by any statement that I have made then go look in the mirror and take actions to correct your problem. I can live with myself knowing what I do on a daily basis (constantly look for self improvement, always seeking knowledge, honesty and integrity on top of the list, I can be held accountable for my own actions, not blaming anyone for how I am) can you look in the mirror and say the same?
Do you see it?
Our fore fathers started it all. Maybe a few came over to america for freedom a new sense of adventure searching for answers, good intintions maybe, but no sooner did we step foot on solid ground did it begin. Maybe one person or a group, whatever, it happened and we celebrate it in our paganistic rituals or sacrafice of the lives of others just so we can push our "freedom" on the world. That one time celebrated last meal that should have opened our eyes. I'm not talking about the last supper not the christian version, I'm talking about Thanksgiving. What kind of fucked up holiday is this. As I remember, have been out of school for some time, the Indians (native americans) out of the kindness of their hearts, welcoming a strange new people helped our first settlers to survive on their own, showing them how to live off the land-etc...Let's show our appreciation,kill them all make their numbers so small and miniscle that they have no voice, no longer able to fight back-drive them to live like caged animals away from the land that their ancestors have known forever, make them slaves. That should be enough to destroy anyones faith, soul, ability to reason. But, that wasn't enough for our politicians or government that is always looking out for the well being of the people. No, lets turn this horific masacre into a national holiday. Lets make a mockery of the very thing that allowed our own ancestors the ability to survive one lousy winter in a new land. Let us give thanks to our governing officials for wiping out the hideous hethens that tried to help us. Let's destroy a people who wanted to protect what was rightfully theirs. Thanksgiving is for pagans (christians) yes I'm calling any person who calls themself a christian and celebrates thanksgiving a fucking hipocrit. If I where your God you would all perish a terrible death and live an eternity in hell. quit celebrating this pagan holiday along with christmas (the season to buy gifts to ensure corporate america stays strong) maybe the jehovah's have a good point (partially anyway) was christ actually born on Dec 25? If not then why such the strong ritual. Or was he actually born to close to easter (The time when he was murdered for trying to bring peace and harmony to the world). And of course, the bible tries to make that some sort of epic event that will be cherished forever, letting our saviour being killed only to satisfy our needs to conquer and be a part of the bigger group and fit in. Again, the media is leaving information out vital information. Maybe christ was resurrected only because he was the one and only one that felt we should live in peace and harmony. God uplifted his being to a higher place leaving all the people of the world to suffer a never ending cycle of death and rebirth into a decaying society of hatred, ignorance and stupidity that we are willling to accept, for what? Would you forgive a society that killed your son? Do you believe in forgiveness so much that you live a life of lying, cheating and stealing, for a faith that promises that you can be forgiven of everything just for asking. Go ahead and live for the moment, live for today, and go home and pray to be forgiven for the things that you knowing have done wrong. Someone, everyone will be held accountable for their ignorance. Do you really think that you can sexualy molest children, steal from you neighbor, kill entire civilizations, cause irreversible damage to the only planet we have, lie to the entire nation for personal gain and be forgiven and asked to come live in the afterlife of absolute peace and harmony. Are you so ignorant to believe that just because you go to church on Sunday that you are able to live with the devil 6 days a week. The church has made people unaccountable for their actions and made integrity a value that is extinct. Forgiveness is just a word, it doesn't happen, not here, not in some fantasy of an afterlife that absolutely no one can prove. Reasonable doubt, let the courts decide, case dismissed for lack of evidence. Hipocrits. I do have faith though. I have faith that if I live my life without causing harm to others, stealing (both by actual taking of items and by using misleading representation or lying) by only making promises that I can keep, by being accountable for my actions (not using ignorance as an excuse or blaming someone or something else) trying to preserve the earth for future generations, then I have faith that I can die knowing that whatever I have done will at least give me the peace of mind knowing that I did not contribute to the demise of our society, That I turned my back on conforming to evil. acceptance of evil in any form (even with the thought that you will be forgiven for just asking) (have you ever even tried to logically process this thought-forgiveness of evil that you have willing been a part of with your own decisions) will lead you into misery and torture of the mind.
If there is a God, I feel sure he has turned his back on us, just hoping that we will destroy ourselves quickly and swiftly so he can try it all over again. Or maybe he has moved on to a better planet in a better universe that is so vast and never.................never ...........never ending. Would you help out the people that I have described, Really? I'm calling you a liar if you said yes. Remember what I have said when you sit down with you family of massive generations for a Thanksgiving meal. Remember that native american whose family tree was cut down for our own progress.
What are we going to do when we are overcome by another nation wanting to force their views and opinions here in our own land. kill us by the hundred thousand, put us in cages and celebrate with a national holiday for years to come.
Im preparing myself....mentally and physically... Get ready! it's coming! What? I don't know, but it will be big, It will be ugly and most of all it will be unforgiving.
My thinking today has been limited, finally. Faith in the unknown, willingness to accept it, has caused us to trust to much. We have carried the enemy home on our backs.
Harsh I may seem, but my thinking is the product of the society that we live in. My lashing out is only fueled by seeing the ignorance of society. The giants of our world feeding and thriving on this ignorance for their own personal gain. They say it is for the benefit of the better good. They don't tell you how much padding is going into their own pockets and being hipocrits, not practicing the very things they are forcing us to believe. Hipocrits in charge, we put them there and we let them stay. Changes need to be made.
Zero tolerance, is it good for our schools and children? Yes, you say. Then lets bring it to corporate america, to our government. I want to see zero tolerance in society. We force it on our children, then it must be good. Demand leadership by example from our government officials. Why should these liars be held in such high status? What have they really done for us? (Nothing). Make them accountable, show them zero tolerance. Strip them of the status that they will risk telling lies for. Let's make everyone accountable. Tyranny.
My brain hurts, Just can't seem to find peace in this world. Why is everyone trying to get over on someone else?
I yearn for a time when we can trust our neighbors, send our kids out without worrying, trust our politicians! respect me for what I have done. For what I want.
Peace. Trust. Honesty. Integrity. Accountability. Are these even words anymore, have they been bumped from the dictionary or just moved to the unabridged version and printed in small type.
I think that I must be of alien descent, a traveler from a distant time, trapped in this hell which I cannot escape. I scream but no sounds leave my lips. I stand in the corner unnoticed, No, overlooked, innocent looking no threat, I will push back, defend what is right. Just because I don't speak doesn't make me a fool. I'm just an observer, I see all, I'm a sponge, I don't forget. I saw what you did, and you know it in the back of your mind. I'm coming.
make it stop. make it stop. we need to change it quickly. it's coming. for you. for me. for us. I can hide. you haven't seen me, I see you, they all did. they are coming. you can't stop them. they have no leader. just one consciousness. my conscious. you don't have one. you let it go, gave it away. I'm invisible. I have learned. still learning. learning till nothing left to learn. I can use it. you need me. I can't help you. just my family. just those who have earned it. you should have changed. no forgiveness here. no second chances. they are coming. i fear it is too late. thought you could out smart it. you don't even have thought. choices maybe. that's what they want you to think anyway. wrong decision. but you chose it. you knew it was wrong. living for today. tommorrow is here. what are you going to do know. forgiveness, once maybe. no longer available. you have beaten it down. walked all over it. going dark. no light at the end of the tunnel. just darkness. forever dark. forever. forever.
Current Music: live from texas
wow. I cannot believe some of the things that people put in their journals. ( don't look at mine, it's the same). I guess just like everyone else it is a way to vent, to get their emotions checked. But, can you believe that we haven't blown the earth clear out of the universe. We might just be better off as an extinct species. That way people of the future can only make guesses of what we where really like. I feel all alone in this world. Am i the only one that has these thoughts. is this paranoia all in my mind. I just like to write. I let the words flow. Does it make sense? kinda. makes you think. I think therefore i write. I write before i think. it doesn't matter. it is all coming out. flowing like a river. creek. maybe just a leaky faucet. It has been bottled up for so long. get it while it is. it might all end as quickly as it started. maybe better off just being locked inside. should i let someone in. maybe i should make names for all those locked inside. they all have the same name though, they have the same voice. I can't distinguish anyway. they are many. sometimes they are all quiet. sometimes they are all talking at once, screaming, whimpering, which one will make the strongest impression today,right now.
are the voices they keep talking about my own. conversing with each other. sometimes they leave me out of the conversation. I can hear them though. they are trapped. not going anywhere ever. only I know they are there. but sometimes i think they forget i am here. they just talk. can't do anything. no harm. they are just voices. they have no power. i make my own decisions. but they do talk. i worry, when they stop. did they get out? where did they go. maybe asleep. they need no sleep. can they escape? will the come for me. they are nothing without me. i am their source. i think. do i. someone is. who is that. what do you mean. what do you want. can you help me? you talk like you have the answers, but i've gotten nowhere. maybe i have. no. but what if i did. would it mean anything. would it make anything different? can it be different. maybe this is it. maybe this is my destiny. there has to be more. will it carry on. can it. it must. it will end though, won't it? maybe it continues. will i realize the new life. will this influence that. it must. i can feel the past. the future. i don't know. they come from that place. must be the past. they know. they have seen. they teach me. but they are only for me. wise they are, to me. others. others just think....no they don't. they cant understand. won't understand. maybe they shouldn't know. it could be the only way to protect them. future is doomed. I will survive it. surely they will to. I will show them. they will listen then. have no other choice. should we survive though. if not surely we will be back. that is the cycle. we haven't learned enough. to many levels. how many are in there. that is the answer. cant see them. they all sound the same. how to count them. thats the answer. trick them. impossible. it is only one, but he has others. he speaks for all of them. he won't tell me how many. it doesn't matter to him. he just wants to learn more. they get enraged though. I have held them back. they are mad at me. but, i control them. not the anger. they own that. they did. i make the choices. but they do get angry. they don't understand. they do. they just dont have the control. they just talk. influence. a little. maybe i should give them more. it is dark in there. no light. cant get light in. don't really need it. just voices. would light make them go away. no its dark. that is how it has to be. not the issue. what do they really want. can i give it to them. can i make them be quiet. who would talk then. someone else. NO. what would someone else know. reason with them. ask them what they want. work together. it will never end. i won't let it. that is not in my control. why should i. they are the only friend. my own. they will never let me down. they do get discouraged. makes them angry. they are always angry though. they know to much. they can't teach though. only learn. don't want to teach. no time. must learn. what else to learn. which knowledge to seek. could be learning now. questions only slow the process. but the process has been long. need a break. had one. this could go on forever. has. so far. the end is coming. there is no end. there was no beginning. how could it end. to end something has to begin. that is logic. logic doesn't work here. no need for it. vastness. neverending. neverbeginning. what? how can that be. it is. just is. will i get an explanation. you have. it didn't matter. the reason. the same. but why. that's it. keep learning. it will make them happy. suffice. maybe. sometimes. not always. but it is better that way. decay is the other option. tried that. pain. go the other way. not strait. never has been . how can it be. to easy. no. not really. should be. no. but, why. don't know. never will. already past that. didn't mean anything. just keep going. will we get there. one day. maybe. no. forever. ever and forever. end to begin. begin to end. circle. somewhat. keeps going. no end. no beginning. learning. sometimes. questions. yes. does it matter. not really. should i ask. why. because. won' help. maybe. why. don't know. will it matter. could. hope. why. exist. forever. yes. meaning. still searching. always search. dont stop. dont. are the outsiders a part of this. yes. where do the fit in. don't know. probably doesn't matter. it could. will i know. no. yes. maybe. they must mean something. they are here. so are the rocks. do the teach. no. they must have learned. maybe. young. first lesson. last lesson. maybe. part of the equation. i think. they fit. they have something. what. is it for me. maybe. some of it. listen. of course. see. yes. answers. some. still doesn't change. does it help. not really. do you want it to. maybe. no . yes. can you remeber when. no. will you know when it is over. no. never over. no end. no begin. just past. today. tommorrow. and tommorrow. remember. I am. trying. you will know what to let go. maybe. if it is important it will stay. it will come back. i hope. they wont forget. where did they go. hiding. you have disturbed them. exhausted them. do you think they will ever leave. never. ever.