jenny's Blurty
 
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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in jenny's Blurty:

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    Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
    10:53 pm
    sleep
    hey there.

    i'm about to eplode, yet i'm pretty content. and cold.::closes window::

    i've been trying to analyze that happy feeling. (this is what happens when i write, oy)

    i think the only time i've felt happy was in the summer. and then i got to thinking. what's the point of going back, if it's just going to end again? i mena, all things must eventually end. (yeah, i got that from you brenda....n. hehe<3

    another factor. can't write about it caus i can't get the keyboard wet.

    dun mean to sound all angsty and depressed, but school can make someone explode. or break. i can just picture the event of a spontaneous combustion....ugh.

    oo i still have to read clockwork orange...nd the da vinci code...

    inklings today. read imitation's confusion. also choices. i think they all laugh at my hair but i'm not sure. i could just be all paranoid again. not that i care.

    alli's sweet 16 this sat...<3 can't wait. hit express during lunch and foudn this amazing pair of pants. i'll prob end up looking like shit, but hey, i luv those pants! theyre' like, kick ass pants.

    so guess who's turning 17 this friday? yeah, yours truly. i dk if i want to though. can't i just sotp tiem for another...er, summer?

    dunwanna grow up. watever happeed to that lvoely toy s r us commercials???

    aigh, i'm out. big day tomorrow. buying pants and sleeping through almost all of my classes. (thas 11 periods)

    Current Mood: morose
    Current Music: willa ford- i wanna be bad
    Sunday, November 9th, 2003
    10:34 pm
    yale?
    me back from yale. me very tired. me talking in cave man person. is the speaker aware that she's actually saying is the speaker aware?! motion to caucaus...i scare myself sometimes.

    thrusday: first session. bayer is going to die. annie dissappeared:(:(:(:

    friday: hair got straitened. i am now a witch. preferably of the north bc the heat coems with weapons....
    friday night: met lauren. and koreen. also known as random intro and ghetto girl (hey, she said it, not me)

    sat: football and lame party.

    sun: ditched committe and wanted to strangle most of grade.

    g'nite guys. at least i still have you ppl.

    p.s. dana must die

    grrr

    Current Mood: infuriated
    Current Music: bro yelling
    Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
    8:53 pm
    ::breathign exercises::
    i think i'm insane. i made a fool out of myself in inklings. i read these poems out loud and i felt naked reading them. it's a really stupid idea to share poetry with people. you can feel their prying eyes undress you and you're standing there. ::shudders:: i need to get one of those safes to lock all of it away and put it into some basement. or better yet... bottom of the sea.

    leaving for yale tomorrow.

    got back a few test marks today. talk about weird. 30 on a chumash quiz...lol. 61 in jewish thought...(she's a walking bitch s it's not my fault) 95 on math (score!) 99 on hebrew. (score!) hehe. 70 on chumash test.

    dear god, wat's happened to me?

    Current Mood: sore
    Current Music: my nerves popping
    8:53 pm
    ::breathign exercises::
    i think i'm insane. i made a fool out of myself in inklings. i read these poems out loud and i felt naked reading them. it's a really stupid idea to share poetry with people. you can feel their prying eyes undress you and you're standing there. ::shudders:: i need to get one of those safes to lock all of it away and put it into some basement. or better yet... bottom of the sea.

    leaving for yale tomorrow.

    got back a few test marks today. talk about weird. 30 on a chumash quiz...lol. 61 in jewish thought...(she's a walking bitch s it's not my fault) 95 on math (score!) 99 on hebrew. (score!) hehe. 70 on chumash test.

    dear god, wat's happened to me?

    Current Mood: sore
    Current Music: my nerves popping
    Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
    10:59 pm
    procrastination. and utilaterally.
    yep, dun even ask. ap essay. econoics test. yale speech. that is not the time. i need to steal more hours. i know!

    i'll cheat time. it worked last year=P. all i gotta do is all my work in class. so that cnacels out jewish thought, chumash....halacha....and navi.....4 classes.....thas almost 4 hours....so i can do the essay tomorrow....if i can just get this pritner to work...irene proposed a novel idea. literally. ::using these:: i'll think about it. ok speech. during....halacha! if it weren't for that class, i' have a lot of hw to make up at home lol.

    it's not fair. i have too much work. and not enough time to do it. ::coughs:: procrastinating. lol.
    oy. g'nite guys.

    Current Mood: jealous
    Current Music: some metallica
    Saturday, November 1st, 2003
    10:22 pm
    scary dreams
    i had such a messed up dream last nite. or rather, this morning. it was about brendan and me and probably had to do with a shitload of insecurities that i possess. i shuder at the thought of explaining it. it was that scary. i think i woke up screaming.

    halloween last nite, only 2 trick or treaters came last nite.

    marsha and bernie came over and told me a gargoyle fable. pretty cool. they make gargling noises when it rains on em, so that y theyre claled gargoyles. lol

    anyone ever stop to tink that tweety might be tweety slang for treaty? or even tree te? jsut a thought. g'nite all u happy ppl.

    Current Mood: scared
    Current Music: falling, ben kweller
    Friday, October 31st, 2003
    3:32 pm
    pomegranites?
    i hate it when ppl tell u they think they're smart. and i hate ppl hu think they're stupid and tell u that you're smart. i mean, does it really matter? i think everyone is on the same intelligence level. as long as they're not mentally retarted. i like retarded ppl a lot better. they're always so happy. and benevolent. and they're got such gr8 manners....ok, so i'm talkin about one person, but still. they don't know what reality is. kind of an innocent view on this world, but i like it. too bad it was extinct b4 i turned 7.

    just ate a pomegranite, if the subject needs explaining.

    I need to write something new. Whether it's a short story, or poetry, or even prose. Unless this counts as prose? Too bad it doesn't satisfy my thirst for something intersting happening this week. it's really amazing how school can drain a person's "happy" energy.
    i have no energy left. last night, i fell asleep at around 9 30 doin earth science. AND I'M STILL DRAINED. this weekend is going to be so tedious and full of work. but let's talk about the good stuff that's happening.

    i might go to roosevelt field on sunday, if my mother decides to change her mind about being evil. and she might even let me drive (*bonus points*) !

    i've decided that i don't need a guy in my life. true, there's never really been anyone. but that's fine. unless it was an amazing person that knows how to make eye contact and not spend an hour trying to see into ur shirt. argh. or someone not affiliated with japism and its long list of beliefs. and what's with all of these requirements? i say drop em'. hehe. blah. i don't care.

    this song is so gr8. im in luv with metallica. sad, really. new obsession every week. if this keeps goin, i'll be thrugh with every tolerable band possible, and then i'll be one of thsoe bored teens who thinks i've been everywhere and have seen everything, but really haven't.

    anyway.

    earth science test today. i hate time. it messes up EVERYTHING. it was a really easy test (dammit, the entire course it beyond easy), but time didn't permit me to ace it.

    english was weird today. took another sample ap exam. 5/8 right. it's messed up. finally discovered the meaning of fortuitous. (lucky, by chance etc) blah. whatever. y am i talkin about vocab definitions?!?!?!?!

    ::DRAINED::

    ::raves head::

    free first pd, went out again. we saw a really hot guy yesterday....steph goes, "i want to eat him=P" i go, wrong gender. oy. he was pretty hot tho, i guess. reminded me of the guy from big wolf on campus.

    i suppose i'll stop here. pyu.

    ::screams into pillow::

    ARGH!@!!!!#^*^%$(&%^(*&^(*&%(&$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    OK BETTER. i'm good. really.

    i hope to see you soon.

    Current Mood: good
    Current Music: ST. ANGER METALLICA
    Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
    7:12 pm
    mon reves
    mmm, i had such a good dream this morning.

    earthquake. in mall. a certain *someone* grabs my hand and pulls me toward this awesome cave. it had japanese lanterns and everything (a lil irony with the japanese, no?) and we just stayed there. while the rest of the world was getting remodeled. it was heaven. (OK, so it was underground....). but i felt so content. and soothed. and then i had to wake up. late. tried to fal back asleep but dream didn't reappear. then i was even more late.

    math quiz back. 16/20. blah. herer's gib's long thought:

    Constant obscenity?
    Captive nobility?
    Words in my brain
    mindless thoughts smeared
    pasted on the walls behind
    reason? None my eyelids
    to blind me, to bind me
    to be bent to their
    will
    I obey?
    When they say
    to bow down
    to bend to their will their way?
    Do i rebel?
    Will I break Free?
    Free I be
    the minds of the captured souls Can
    following the path
    where I used to stay?
    Where I tread fearless
    from day to day?
    Couldn't say or care or see
    concern and the thoughts
    bounce
    back
    and forth
    s p r e a d a c r o s s m y M I N D
    where i'm terrified
    where i terrify
    the misbegotten souls
    treading across MY care free path
    I'm forced to be
    what they fear, what they can't be
    until I set them free
    but still they fear me......
    Am
    I
    a constant obscenity?

    hehe, the I was supposed to be about 10 sizes bigger but blurty doesn't do that....

    Current Mood: predatory
    Current Music: fade to black METALLICA, my new obssession
    Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
    9:20 pm
    giving up
    the words bear no relevance to me. it's not what i'm about. or was. till this morning. and chumash. but as i once said, failure only hugs those who stay down. hehe it hasn't hugged me yet;)

    got my first ap test back. 96. i surprise myself. i thik i fell asleep in the middle of taking that test...but hey, whatever worx lol.

    then navi quiz. it was too easy. halacha test tom....i'll study during jewish thought lol.

    nm to say really....typin up new piece of writing for inklings. decided that the only good guy, is a gay guy.

    oy. al throughout mon and today, i couldnt find one pair of male eyes up here. so irritating!

    i did my nails during brekafast=P

    gym was awesome. hockey. puck slammed into jackie's boob. (i'm sorry chicka but LOL) hehe
    our team lost caus half of it was doin that rap dance w/e lol. i dunt think i'd ever dance like that. unless i knew how to. i'm talkin about that beyonce gig.

    i'll never be able to understand how ppl view a person. they see something they think about. i see whatever it is i'm thinking about at that moment. and then u got the physical part. they see....someone else. i see....well, to put it lbuntly a monster. lol. not to be all critical of myself, but i 'll never get it. but ::shrugs:: just somethin i'll have ot put up with.

    g'nite,33333333

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: fuel- metallica
    Monday, October 27th, 2003
    6:07 pm
    clairvoyant longing
    here's a litle somethin i conjured up (needs work as well as an ending) both are about the same thing er, person...:

    -regret's dust-

    i took the hidden train

    toward a buried feeling

    while concerned bystanders

    handed over a shovel- allowing me to dig up

    my mind.

    lost somwhere in routine's bite

    it hides behind the shattered glass of

    my heart.

    ripped out by time, stompe on by circumstances, and recycled

    by lack of experience.

    regret's dust has been thrown onto this fragile treasure chest

    rusty due to the increasing trepidation of change-

    and its stolid lock.

    -city boy-

    times square never looked this good

    as Broadway shook my hand with

    acceptance

    the skin of scintillating ice

    moisturized my dazed eyes

    while your mind looked my way

    causing my heart to blush while those

    reappearing thoughts got on the elevator

    in the empire state building.

    fickle feelings continued to drop

    as the lobby of september

    peeked through the separating doors

    of our distance.

    a little obvious, i know. tis like kitty said...i want to freeze this summer. too good. like another world...was it?

    Current Mood: nostalgic
    Current Music: metallica- carpe diem baby (DISCOVERY!!!!!)
    Sunday, October 26th, 2003
    3:52 pm
    dun even get me started
    yeah, weird weekend. all plans canceled. mom was going to get me a cell today to compensate for all her mean-ness. didn't work. nothing much to say. did earth. did pilates. (my legs hurt). i'm trying to find a reason to be happy, but you can't force these things. i just found out that i'll be attending a college party at Yale. (hehe, i'll finally get my one night stand;)

    tutorials were a bomb. (and i mean that in the bad way). why do i sound so childish in my journal? i'm anything but. ok, i may be innocent, but i'm def not childish. i stopped thinking like a teengaer is for sure. damn stupid judgment.

    it's just scary. growing up in general. if anyone has any tips for freezing time, or going back to the summer, lemme know? i might break. (or have someone vanquish me).

    Current Mood: crappy
    Current Music: some good charlotte
    Saturday, October 25th, 2003
    9:56 pm
    mediocrity
    that prob isn't a word but ::shrugs::. lesse....i finished my french project. i was wrong. it took the equivalent of exactly a day. but it's finally done! and i didn't really do anythign else cept for eco hw. and i started a rawing, but it got lost somwhere betwen the shading and me falling asleep, bc i was tryin to sleep off feeling blah again.

    I just realized how many things i hate. i hate money. shakespeare was right. it IS the root of all evil. It ruins my life (ok, lack of it). stupid japs. stupid skirts. stupid money. you know what? boys are smart. they use less painful methods of revenge. they use their fists. or at least their minds in some crazy scheme....but girls? nooo- they have to succumb to words. and open their mindless mouths. (i'm talkin about the select few in school not u aawesome usdan ppl;) girls succumb to stupidity and does anyone know how painful words are?! whispers hurt even more. WTFIYP?! (if u figure that out, we're eloping). stupid dilemmas dripping with debacles disease. whoa. oh shit. spontaneous alliteration. this must be the next stop. oy.

    sporadic list adiing in immediate solace (it's worth a try:)

    things i hate:
    1) HAFTR
    2) CERTAIN TEACHERS THAT MUST DIE
    3) JAPS
    4) stupid stupid STUPID people
    5) money
    6) guys who do not know where your eyes are located
    7) most haftr guys
    8)many more things that cannot be thought of at the moment

    things i love:
    1) guys with morals
    2)brie
    3)usdan
    4) summer
    5) music
    6) quirky words like quagmire
    7) times had in usdan
    8) debussy
    9) city
    10) starbucks
    11) roosevelt field:P

    i'm all content now. sadly, could not make it to kitty's. bc of broekn down car. but ima try really hard to make it next time, ok kit?<33333333333333333333333333333333. and gib! u can share those caus i miss u both!

    Current Mood: irritated
    Current Music: nothing at the moment
    Friday, October 24th, 2003
    2:10 pm
    I NEED SLEEP.
    i completely agree with mr. muir about his sleep theory. i'm turning into a psycopath. this morning, first period, i couldn't er, control myself. i was tired. and cranky. and it felt like a fast day caus i didn't eat a thing. so i put my head down and at first i fell asleep. then i woke up with er, a rivulet on my face. thank god for my hair for camouflage. i just ran out at that point. out of the classroom. into bliss. without any people in it.

    ha, we had a chill period during beller's ap class. oh man, it was so gr8, we did NOTHING cept postpone the due date of the essay....which doesn't help me bc i have model ocngress that weekend. argh. 6 tests in 5 days. model congress. essay due. lab due. on top of that, i've got a lame recital coming up. and that stupid radio recording thing, which i'm so against. ugh, i can't keep my eyes open.

    earth science was, once again STUPIDER THAN WATERING YOUR PLANTS ON A RAINY DAY. i should've taken ap bio. ::smacks head:: i'm such an imbecile. this school is screwing everything up for me!

    oo, i got a letter from nyu last night! (and mom threw out my cit usdan application thing, so ima have to re-order that caus i've er, changed my mind i think...) i perused the nyu booklet, and it looks very cool. i'm going to try and schedule a visit or maybe sit in one of the classes. i've always wanted to live in the city. how cool would it be if i lived in the village?! (greenwich for all of you....numb....wait some of you dun have those....)

    natalie visited. she's in public shcool now. (that little lucky.....) she told me she misses haftr. I THINK SHE'S ON SOMETHING IF SHE MISSES HAFTR.
    i mean, what's wrong with these kids?! they're being brainwashed! eevryone's telling me how lucky i am to go to this stupid school when it doesn't even have a music program or regular teachers that actually care!!!!!!
    or decent people. or a lunchroom.

    i have way too much work to do. oh wait, let's add one more. french project. equivalent to about the time of half a day. these people think i don't have a life. well, there's not half wrong.....but my death list is geting longer.....;)

    Current Mood: working
    Current Music: my old man- good charlotte
    Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
    9:45 pm
    prose.
    i will never understand why everyone insists on spekaing in prose. ok, so prose is defined like that....but i don't see y everyone believes it to be hard to express themselves poetically. i'm not saying, oh look at me, i have style, i can. i'm saying that the world is too boring. i see why many poets committed suicide now. poor tortured souls. i blame some of em', but when you open up their world of talent, and see things through their eyes (or at least TRY too) it begins to click. i'll probably never understand the definition of normal either. normal is boring. my 5th grade teacher proved that. no wait, that was perfect is boring. but perfect is normal. normal is wearing a broccoli necklace, and acting all composed and sane. normal is just boring in general. i don't care if i'm wrong, or if you completely disagree either. but see, i'm weird that way. and god, i'm so proud of it.

    argument today about which language was easier. english or spanish? if you guys want, get back to me on this. i personally think english. no, not caus i speak it. it's still my second language. belioeve it or not, i've got foreign things going on up in here lol. right now it's more like a mix actually. damn it. stupid americans. see, now i feel like a hypocrite. which wouldn't make any sense. caus i spent most of my lilfe here. but yeah, now i'm boring myself, and there are too many points to elucidate, so i'm pausing. it's too hard to rewind.

    here's a little something i whipped up while attempting to sit through brisman's lecture about cow's....and kosher cows lol:

    -porous penalties-

    revolving around squared 'solutions'

    leaving their mark without reasonable stains

    straying away from reality's dark eyelashes

    tightly clutching the threadbare purse of realization

    it got lost in the rain of spontaneous discrepancies

    where foreign stones modernized avec chaque pied (with each footstep)

    when temperature's glow became

    a desired gift

    blocking out the required guilt of darkness

    in conformity's eye.

    it's not finished, and it def needs work. a lot of work. what's bugging me is, i completely get what goes on in the poem when i write it. but once it completes itself, the concept runs away. it's becoming a marathon runner, i swear. and it's kinda like that mask thing "sssssomebody stop me". got old as soon as jim Carrey turned 40. (wait, is he 40?) lol.

    oo inklings came out!!!!!!!!!!!! YES! FINALLY! 15 of my things r in there. I'M PUBLISHED! WOOTSAH.
    i'll get back to you on that. right now, i need to get rid of these headaches by sleep. i wrote mroe than i intended too.

    Current Mood: busy
    Current Music: some very versatile stuff that no one can disagree with
    Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
    6:21 pm
    clubs
    i have a bill!!!(thanks the person "above")

    interesting inklings meeting today. my paradelle was er, acknowledged. surprising. i like how i read it. it felt like a rolelr coaster ride. without any bumps. and none of that cheap wooden stuff. it was all luminous metal. it feels weird to read that stuff out loud tho. it was sorta like that tape in writing at usdan. all those sounds. and it was supposed to be a poem. i'm surprised it got any positive response at all.

    another pointless day. another pointless entry. pointless.....it should try out for gymnastics. then it'll have all even jumps and flips.

    french test shocked me. i studied for it 5 min b4 and it just shocked me. if i get below a 90, i'm blaming it all on you guys.

    weiner was absent, so no choices.

    lunch was weird. had double. ap test tomorrow! ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::meditates::

    Current Mood: surprised
    Current Music: a new beginning- not tellin u hu sings it.
    Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
    9:07 pm
    innocence
    yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like a herbal essences commercial. psats r finally over. i can now go back to my life b4 flashcards. oh wait. nvr mind.

    so clubs tomorrow. inklings. and choices. and stupid yale. yale is stupid. i cna't believe i even considered applying. ::smacks head:: i mean, no one cares what undergraduate school you go to. it's the phd stuff that raises those eyebrows. oh yeah, dr beller's on dope. he goes, "they call them painkillers, but i call it dope caus i'm stoned" oy.

    psats were stupid. i feel stupid for studying. i wasted so much vacation time. and i rejected too many guys. again.

    yeah, bill due tomorrow. someoen better write it for me. i don't have time for these things.

    so. here we are. bill less. and psat-fulfilled.

    Current Mood: relieved
    Current Music: through with you maroon 5 (ya think they like brown?)
    Monday, October 20th, 2003
    10:20 pm
    kimosabe! actually, i'm procrastinating again.
    must breathe. psats. TOMORROW! i can do this. think brendan reassurement. think sanguinely. that better be right. ima go. i want to go. but i want food! so no go. only evanescent respite. hehe.

    Current Mood: nervous
    Current Music: got that jen dun like me naymore song stuck in my head
    7:23 pm
    stupidity and its day
    stupid day. stupid test grades. actually, economics is the only one i'm worried about. 88?! 80 fucking 8. i sound like a nerd. but i want that scholarship. lesse, wat else? math got graded too. 89. ::dies:: this can't be a good thing. then we got hebrew. 98. thas better, lol. i need to stop procrastinating and write that bill and study for psats and...french....and english.....and....die. actually, must be this song. wait. since when do i study?!?!?!?!?!?!? i dunno hoW to study! HELP! sinks knee deep in textbooks.....and this song.....but mainly textbooks....eh, get back to me when i'm alive.

    Current Mood: thirsty
    Current Music: i coudl die for you- chili peppers
    Sunday, October 19th, 2003
    7:47 pm
    last update, i swear!!!
    felt like putting this in caus i've been putting it off for too long:

    8/9/03,8/10/03,8/11/03,10/14/03

    -stomping on reality-

    sour smells of innocent lemons
    have begun to taste sweet-
    once the 32nd of november showed
    its surviving date in the middle of
    her face's spill.

    hope began to collect the crestfallen liquid
    crammed with natural sodium-
    putting it into his ornate evening purse-
    the bright purple one with miniature crescents
    of complacency;
    swinging it gently with the courage of change-
    until anxious fingers releases its stability,
    and part open their mouth at the sight of illusion's new shoes-
    scintillating with the taunting pulchritude of spontaneous attainments.

    polished only when thirsty for fresh heir and its sanguine possiblities.

    whew. get back to me on that one. i'm still not sure of it's meaning. something with camp ending. i think. ::shrugs:: and g'nite!!!!

    Current Mood: creative
    Current Music: grasshoppers.
    7:35 pm
    almost forgot.
    actually, i did.

    denise lent me these awesome books. here's a little something extraordinary:

    evening. (n.) direct synonyms include: crepuscule, eventide, gloaming, vespertide

    sad how i find this fascinating. oh man this is weird:

    household. (n.) menage, menage a trois (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

    Current Mood: impressed
    Current Music: the bakcground noise of me typing incessantly.
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