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¤Bloody Ballade¤

[ website | ¤Fairytales¤ ]
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[24 Apr 2003|09:28pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | The Cure .::Friday I'm In Love::. ]

Okay, I understand... NOBODY is there... I feel lonely...

[2] Destroy Me Completely...

[24 Apr 2003|12:27am]
[ mood | restless ]
[ music | Dreams Of Sanity .::Masquerade Act I::. ]

Well... I don't know anything about my mood... I think everything keep going on on its way... I don't know which is that way, but that's it... The only thing I know is that today I'm calm, although a bit stressed...

I've bought some books today... The original play in English of Much Ado About Nothing!!! Yeah, my favourite play... The Belgarath Chronicles too... (The 5 books)... I'm crazy... But I need something to read, I haven't got anything... Well, yes, I have something to read, but it seems to be really bored, and I need something funny... I need to make my brain work in something... Blah...

I want to know if my boyfriend is coming next week, how many days, when he is going to arrive here... ARGH! Raül I need to know >_< LoL More than anything for telling my parents about that... ^^UUU And for knowing it myself too... I need to know!! LoL

Well... I'm going to read in some minutes... I'm getting bored... And I can't let my brain think too much... I use to think about everything when I'm bored, and this is sooooooooooo bad... So I think reading it won't be that way... I hope...

Have you understood something I've said? And the more important thing... Is anybody there?

Destroy Me Completely...

I Will Come To You by HANSON [24 Apr 2003|12:16am]
[ mood | restless ]
[ music | After Forever .::Beyond Me::. ]

When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear I'll be there come what may

'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand
Destroy Me Completely...

[23 Apr 2003|12:27am]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | Cirque Du Soleil .::Allegria::. ]

I'm making some exercises of Phonetics... It's kinda funny... But my mind can't stop thinking in other things... I'm still confused, really confused... I don't know how to feel... I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either... If only i could know how i'm feeling... It could be so great... It could help a lot... I don't know if cry or laugh... I don't know if jump or fall... I don't know... I want to know...

Destroy Me Completely...

[22 Apr 2003|10:47pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I'm useless... I can't help... I can't do anything...
Destroy Me Completely...

[22 Apr 2003|09:49pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Finally, I decided not to make my blurty for Friends only... Why? Because I don't want to change everything here... Maybe I'll change my blurty address, and I'll make it for friends only... But I don't know... Maybe if I'm in a great mood one day, I'll change everything... Anyway, I'm going to post sometimes for friends only... I think it's better than being always posting for friends... It's ridiculous...

Destroy Me Completely...

[22 Apr 2003|12:24am]
[ mood | confused ]

I'm talking with him.. I can't believe it... I don't know if I'm well or not... I can't understand it... I can't... But I'm glad of being talking with him... I can't understand myself... Why am I talking with him as we never stop talking each other? Why are we talking about our feelings? I can't understand... Why does he want to meet me next time I go to barcelona? I can't understand anything believe me... And I don't know if I have to be sad or happy... I don't know... Anyway I like being talking with him... It makes me feel like as we always were friends... Or something... He's being sincere, he confessed that he hurt me because he wanted to... Okay, it's weird... But i like him to tell me that... Now we are talking about when I'm going to USA, where am i going... And this kind of things... I feel weird, but i think i like this feeling... I want to tell him everything about my life as we used to talk... But I'm afraid of being hurt again... I'm afraid of him... But I'm kinda stupid because I don't mind... I only want to talk to him... WHY AM I BEING SO STUPID AND SO TRUSTING?... But, Why not?...

Destroy Me Completely...

[21 Apr 2003|08:16pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Diva Destruction .::The Broken Ones::. ]

I'm back... Tired, Sick, Sad and Thinking too much of many things... And I'm missing Raül... Hope to see him in less than 15 days...

Apart from this I've decided to make my blurty Friends Only... Why? Because I'm getting too much paranoid, I want to talk about things of my life, and I don't want unknown people to see them... And apart from this I feel almost nobody want to know anything about my life... I feel alone... So I preffer feeling alone this way... I don't know how to explain it, but almost nobody care about me... So yeah, I'm gping to make my Blurty Friends Only... Maybe for a few time, maybe forever... Does it really matters?

Destroy Me Completely...

[20 Apr 2003|03:24pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I've seen him... And all the things I thought were only in my mind... For me was like an unknown boy, we saw each other at the same time, and it was kinda painful... He was trying to avoid my sight, and I was loonking for his sight... A difficult situation... He was with his girlfriend... Cute couple... He said that he didn't mind if we met or not, He don't mind having me at the same table... Oh, what a good thing, what a good boy (Ironic) Some days before he was saying to one friend of both that he didn't want to meet me, that he didn't want to see me... And a lot of things more... He's and hypocrit... He's an stupid... He's a fucking child and a fucking selfish... He's the worst... But I still liking him... ARGH!

I'm leaving Barcelona in a few hours... My boyfriend is sleeping on the bed, and now I'm crying as usual... I don't want to leave... But well, I have to do it... I'm feeling really frustrated by everything... I can't avoid it... It's a fucking shit...

See ya tomorrow.

Destroy Me Completely...

[19 Apr 2003|09:37pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Maybe today I have to face Sergio... I don't want to... I've passed all the day crying because of him, and Raül had to be with me, and I felt bad because of this... He didn't know what to tell me about... And I can understand him, it's normal... I couldn't stop crying... It was so bad...

Anyway, tomorrow I'm coming back to vigo... I don't want to leave.. But that's what I have to do... Maybe if I lose the tickets... LoL Well... See ya on monday, if I can't write before...

Destroy Me Completely...

[18 Apr 2003|04:33pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

I'm here, in Raül's home... He's on the bed sleeping, and I'm here, trying to open my eyes... I'm really tired... I arrived yesterday, and the train arrived with delay of one hour and a half, so you can imagine... i was really stressed on that train... I was wanting to go out as soon as possible... It was 18 h and a half in that train... Sux.

I'm hungry, but it doesn't matters... is my boyfriend who is going to make the lunch, but he's sleeping, I can wait LoL He's kinda lazy man...We were talking some minutes ago, but now he's slept again... He's stupid! LoL... I don't mind, I love being with him... (But I'm going tomake him wake up in some minutes, if he doesn't make me something to eat right now I'm going to kill him... LoL)

Anyway, yesterday was not a good day... I was really sad, tinking in everything as usual... I dindn't want to, but you know, my brain has own life or something... I was kinda slept in the sofa, with a sad sight looking to the nowhere... It wasn't funny... I was almost to cry a few times, but I was surrounded of my friends, so I tried to calm myself, and to act like I was only tired... It seems that people believe it, so that's a good fact...
But some realized that I was sad... But, it's impossible to act like I'm not sad, so if the majority believed I was only tired is the best... Okay, I was feeling apart fro everything, out of the circle, and you know, it wasn't a good point for my mood... I guess I think too much...

Well, I'm going to wake up Raül, because I'm going to eat him if he doesn't make me food ¬¬ If i can, I'll write again these days... If not, until monday I won't write... But I don't know... See ya!

Destroy Me Completely...

[16 Apr 2003|03:04am]
[ mood | nervous ]

Tomorrow I'm leaving... I hope. I'm going to barcelona for passing 4 days with my boyfriend, and some friends too... It could be great for me... But I'm afraid of being sad in front of them, I don't want to... I only want to enjoy my days there, as I always do... I don't know if I'll be able to, or not... I'm a failure :(

Anyway, if I can post during these days I'll do it... But I don't know... Have a good week! See ya on monday!

Destroy Me Completely...

[15 Apr 2003|09:28pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Today I was in the center of my city with some friends... But it's the same as always, they miss me, but they don't call me ever... I was very sick today, with very bad mood, almost crying everytime... And I started to realise in some things I didn't want to... I'm losing my life, I'm losing time, I'm losing everything... Losing my friends, losing all the people around me... But I dind't want to cry with them by my side... So now I'm crying... It's been 3 days without stoping crying... I feel the worst in the world... I'm deep in a hole... I can't go out... I think I won't be able to smile anymore, to laugh... To be the same girl I used to be... Yeah, depressed too, but it wasn't the same... I could smile, I could laugh, I could make crazy things... Now I'm bored of everything, I can't face reality, I can't face people... I don't want to face people either... I feel everybody hate me, everybody laugh at my face without contemplations... Everybody stare at me at the street... I feel small, stupid for going out of my home... I can't explain it... I'm really really at the bottom of everything... I can't laugh without crying after... I can't do anything... What can i do?... I can't go on with this situation... I'm carrying a heavy load and I don't know what can i do for leaving it... I'm afraid, confused... I'm not asking for happiness, NOT NOW! Happinees is an uthopy... I'm only asking for help, or something... I don't know what I'm looking for... Maybe I'm only looking for a stupid thing... Or maybe I'm looking for a miracle... I don't know... I'm pissed off with this situation... I can't live a normal life... Well, I never wanted a normal life as well... But that's not the kind of life I want to be... But, I can't do anything... ANYTHING! I'm a loser... I'm useless...

[2] Destroy Me Completely...

[15 Apr 2003|01:57am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Pain .::Eleanor Rigby::. ]

I'm tired... Really tired... I have no strenght for facing the reality anymore... I can't... I'm smashed... I feel small... Really really insignificant... I can't be worst than now... I can't...

Okay, my leg hurts a lot... I'm stupid... Really stupid... But I can't avoid it...

Why I can't face him? Why am I so afraid of pain? Is it because I can't suffer more? I don't know... I don'y know what I want to do... My heart is telling me one thing, but my mind is telling me another thing... But, they both agree that I musn't talk with him... Maybe he should know my feelings, but... I have a stupid proud, and this proud don't let me to show him my feelings... But maybe is better this way... I don't want to be hurt again... I CAN'T BE HURT AGAIN! I won't bear it... Oh shit... I hate this, I hate myself... I hate everything...

[1] Destroy Me Completely...

[14 Apr 2003|11:02pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him I can't understand him...

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HIM!!!


Fucking child... Selfish... Stupid... Proud... ARGH! Fuck you...
Destroy Me Completely...

I'm Masochist... [14 Apr 2003|08:43pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend you've forgiven me

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it every day


So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I see your face
I see your face
Destroy Me Completely...

[14 Apr 2003|08:11pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | Savage Garden .::I Don't Know You Anymore::. ]

I don't know if I'm better than yesterday or not... I can't be better... I can't stop thinking... It's a fucking shit...

Anyway, I've made another community claim_a_book... I find claiming so funny, so I decided to make one community about it... If you want, just join and claim...

Destroy Me Completely...

[14 Apr 2003|01:22am]
[ mood | depressed ]

Does Anybody Have A Sticking Plaster To Mend My Broken Heart?
Destroy Me Completely...

[14 Apr 2003|12:47am]
I Am Utterly Stupid...

If Only I Could Be As Cold As Ice...
[1] Destroy Me Completely...

[14 Apr 2003|12:07am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Pain .::Shut Your Mouth::. ]

Today it was a really weird day... I was sad, yeah, but calm... Although at the end of the day I started to cry, but I had my reasons... It's the fault of some feelings I have inside, and I can't avoid anything... It's realted to one person... He was like my boyfriend, but we never were a couple... But you know, more than friends... One day I decided to break this relation, because I had my reasons too, I don't want to explain them... And everything started to be very very painful, he was acting really childish, hurting me with everything in everywhere... Okay, I've hurt him too, but not like him... He was so child, so selfish, so proud... And we stop talking each other... I brought him a lot of oportunitys for changing, and started to talk with him again, but it was impossible.. I don't know who had the fault (I think him), but we always had a painful break... He were talking about Raül too, because he was his friend, and Sergio was always saying that Raül was a traitor.. And okay, if he wants to say whatever he wants about me it's okay, it hurts, but it's okay... But I can't stand him talking about Raü in this way... So it was the totally end of our friendship, relationship, or whatever... This fact was not the only which broke our relationship, there were a lot of things more... I don't want to talk about them, but you can figure... So painful...

He hates me... I can't hate him... The only thing I want to do is talk with him... It's the only...


I think he still acting so childish, so proud... I can't stand this anymore... Why am I acting this way with him if he hates me? I'm stupid... Really Stupid... I'm leaving... I can't stand this anymore... I don't want to think about him anymore... I can't see anything because my tears don't let me... I can't... I can't...
Destroy Me Completely...

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