Blurty for The Wild Cat.

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Thursday, March 11th, 2004

Time:2:50 pm.
the reason why i switched to tabulas is that i didn't know how to modify the style of my journal here....tabulas is easier....someone help me with my site here.
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Subject:Wild Geese
Time:2:41 pm.
Mary Oliver has been a great influence on my poetry...i'd like to share a few of my favorites. Hope you like them. "Wild Geese" in particular is very dear to me...

*****

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

****

A Visitor

My father, for example,
who was young once
and blue-eyed,
returns
on the darkest of nights
to the porch and knocks
wildly at the door,
and if I answer
I must be prepared
for his waxy face,
for his lower lip
swollen with bitterness.
And so, for a long time,
I did not answer,
but slept fitfully
between his hours of rapping.
But finally there came the night
when I rose out of my sheets
and stumbled down the hall.
The door fell open

and I knew I was saved
and could bear him,
pathetic and hollow,
with even the least of his dreams
frozen inside him,
and the meanness gone.
And I greeted him and asked him
into the house,
and lit the lamp,
and looked into his blank eyes
in which at last
I saw what a child must love,
I saw what love might have done
had we loved in time.

*****
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Tuesday, March 9th, 2004

Subject:tabulas
Time:2:33 pm.
Mood:accomplished.
for the period between my last entry and now, i've actually beenupdating my life on tabulas, because almost all of my friends are there. i'll be posting the same entries (if i can) here as well as there.

you an visit me at tabulas here:

www.tabulas.com/~leosun


ciao!
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Monday, January 19th, 2004

Subject:hair as usual, and other things
Time:12:08 am.
Mood:helpless.
at this point in time,i decided to bear the aftermath of the mosquitoes' feasting on my rich, healthy legs and spend one more hour downloading a couple of songs, sending messages to frineds, and updating my chronicle--- since my first class tomorrow begins at 1140 pa.

but then i guess i should quit stalling and put out the lights as soon as i'm done, because i have to save my hair first thing tomorrow before going to my class. moments ago, i cut part of my hair at the side, and then cut some more, some more [becaue i was feeling a bit professional] and then i stopped when i realized i already cut more enough.

of all the things in this universe, why does it always have to be MY HAIR??!!! *grrrowwl*...sniff...


saturday night, me and my family went out for dinner and a movie, because it was my pop's birthday, as well as mom and pop's anniversary. while waiting for the food at a chinese restaurant, i went out first to go to the bathroom. afterwards i went to powerbooks [i was picking out which books i'd buy when the time AND the money comes] then i passed by Bass [GH Bass], where i saw a great black collar shirt with fine white stripes [various widths] as well as this neat blue polo shirtand nice leather footwear. of course i didn't buy them. i couldn't. i had no money. my only consolation was to try them on and linger a bit more in the fitting room. that time, i was subconsciously looking for a hidden passage going out of the store [i was that desperate]. i had to return them to the saleslady. i didn't have the gall to ask them a favor to remove them from display [because they were, and i feared that other people, most definitely would chance upon them and buy them before i do], because the store wasn't a tiangge. but had it been one, i would have done so immediately.

well, my birthday's near anyways, so i figured i'll have to wait until then. but oh, sweet lord, i looked darn fine when i tried them on.

the movie was great anyway. we watched the final part of the lord of the rings trilogy.

i'll have to update this next time. i have to sleep. it's getting late.
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Monday, January 12th, 2004

Time:7:10 pm.
Mood:bouncy.
Music:upbeat music [don't know the title].
yahoo!

i'm happy because i think i got a perfect score in my first accounting quiz! the thing is, it's just a short quiz, so as the prof and her former students would say, it's naturally easy. to be frank, they say, it's main purpose is to help your average, because the long quizzes, on the other hand, usually have an opposite effect.

my first long quiz is up on wednesday.

right now, all i want to do is to relax, read, or watch something...

i wish i could say something profound right now, i have many things in here *points to right temple*

next time siguro...
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Sunday, January 11th, 2004

Subject:still awake
Time:12:58 am.
Mood:exhausted.
Music:the cranberries, "twenty-one".
guess what, the movie thing didn't push through. i'm not studying accounting right now, though. i'm not sure if it's too early or too late.

the cranberries are playing right now. i almost forgot how great they were. it's very fortunate that i had a sudden urge to dig through my old desk.

today, like i hoped in the morning, turned out to be exhausting and fun.

the cranberries still amaze me. in fact, even now as i write here, i'm also downloading a few of their songs in kazaa.

****

wait...i'll get back to this another time soon. i'm also writing to other people right now. can't write two things at the same time...hehehe silly me.

i hereby conclude it's too late now for accounting...[argh, even at an unearthly hour i still mention that word...]
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Saturday, January 10th, 2004

Subject:this is me on a saturday morning
Time:6:06 am.
Mood:lethargic.
look at that---6:06 am. It's a saturday, and not surprisingly, I woke up earlier with no help from the alarm clock. Waking early on weekends and holidays: why do such things happen to me? Does that mean i actually am a morning person? at times i sleep at around 2 am on friday and saturday nights, and then i wake up around 6 or 7. on schooldays, even if i sleep at 9 pm i wake up still sleepy. Even in sleep, it seems i don't take advantage of the circumstances.

i just glanced at the mirror. this time, after the haircut, i like my hair, especially in the mornings after getting up. "careless hair", as jewel would sing in "foolih games". unfotunately though, i can't come to school with hair like this because i'd have to take a shower first then before going there, which means quality grooming time.

i want this day to be fun and exhausting. so let's see what's up for me today...i'll be going to the university bookstore to finally buy my textbooks. then i'll buy a calculator. my own calculator finally [again], and this time i won't lose it. my mom will pick me up then after dropping my sister at CCP for her final practice for her ballet recital tomorrow, which i will be watching too. in the afternoon, i'll be going to my friend's house in tahanan for some choreography practice for her debut. wehehe. afterwards, i'm hoping someone will have an excellent idea of gong out for movies. otherwise, i'll be the one to make hatak-hatak. the final part of the lord of the rings is already showing. too bad i didn't watch its premier showing. together with either my family or friends, i usually go to premier showings because you get to be with the excited crowd. i like watching movies better when i'm not the only one reacting to the punchlines, suspense moments, tearjerkers, and the like. being in and being with a perceptive audience makes the experience even more memorable. since the premier's over, i'll just have to settle for saturday nights. HOPEFULLY. if my plans for tonight remain AS IS, i'll have to resort to the next best thing on saturday nights---studying!!! wheeeeeeeee!!! one can never have enough accounting drills, you know...like hell...whatever...

i'm looking at my room windows.

picture this: thin-fabric orange curtains draped against capiz shell windows. add some intense morning light.

my windows burn with soft light.
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Thursday, January 8th, 2004

Time:3:26 am.
Mood:stressed.
this is just to let the world know i'm still alive.

i have so many things i want to tell, but as of the moment, i can't.

my accounting papers are calling me, and so is my book on "obligations and contracts". i must do my homework.

hehehe.

the sooner i finish, the better. so i'll stop stalling now.
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Friday, January 2nd, 2004

Time:6:57 am.
Mood:refreshed.
a sudden change of plans. i just got a haircut. i couldn't stand the thickness. the mornings weren't as bad as the afternoons, when my hair, its very thick and stubborn existence, really felt terrible. a nest would have been better.

dinner calls for me. i should log off right now. be right back.

yum.
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Wednesday, December 31st, 2003

Subject:give way to the monkey
Time:5:16 pm.
Mood:okay.
Music:alanis morissette.
it's a drag that i only got to write again today [after my first entry featuring a rather excited me]. so much for that "productive" mood. something came up, you see. for some weird reason, i can't figure out exactly what it was.

ahem...like i said before, let's get the writing started...

so next year's gonna be the year of the monkey.

it's another year for me. god, it isn't even my birthday and i feel i'm getting older again.

i have this sort of promo card from powerbooks wherein i have to make an aggregate purchase worth P15,000 by the last week of december 2004. it's divided into 75 boxes printed on the promo card worth 200 bucks each. i'm already making a list of all the possible books i can buy from each branch accessible to me, but i'm not done yet. i have more or less twelve months to strategize.

after this entry, i'll be listing down my resolutions for the coming year, which is about...[glances at the wall clock and calculates, and even wastes more time by typing what just happened] ...seven and a half hours away.

this christmas break has been quite fulfilling for me, because aside from visiting relatives, stuffing myself silly with delicious-but-forbidden-for-walking-tummies-like-me food, and buying books, i encountered my muse. so far, i've written a pretty nice haiku, and i have an unfinished poem. there are also three new ideas storming throughout my mind right now, but i'm waiting for the first word or the first line for each of them. they're already at the tip of my tongue at some moments, but i never get irritated much. i can't wait to show it to my editor when classes resume.

i haven't had a haircut yet. i'm letting my hair grow long enough to have people decide on what i should do with it.

when classes resume, it also means that i have to get rid of my sedentary lifestyle again...temporarily at least..but then again, i'm hoping against it. i have to have a regular gym workout throughout the term to get rid of my bulk of a tummy. at least twice a week, with everyday sit ups, combined with jogging if possible.

yesterday after settling phone bills, me, my kuya, ate, their friend, and my younger sister [all in all 6] went to tagaytay. kuya suggested it instead of going for movies. it was really nice. it was the first time i think that all four of us siblings went out together somewhere far without our parents. it was really cold in tagaytay, but i liked it. i've been wanting to go there for a long time because i haven't been there for a year i think. a lot of good old memories linger with the chilling winds over there. makes me love the coldness even more. the trip ended with our van running over a cat while dropping off kuya's friend at her house. it was the first time for me. it didn't feel good. it's a good thing though that i never even saw the cat, before and after his/her fatality. otherwise, i would have felt as bad as the others who saw it, or even worse i might say. kuya prayed for the cat. it was touching. they really were so fast, the cat and our van [driving DOWNHILL towards the village gates...fault of gravity too perhaps?]. kuya and his friend, sitting front, couldn't really do anything...

well, that's life. that's gravity. that's speed.

reminds me of my cats. about 4 out of our once twenty-two cats were ran over. in areas either in fonr of our house or adjacent to it. now we have five cats. the others died from sort of an epidemic. the rest ran away, some of them i see in nearby streets and houses. there is always a hint of familiarity and connection i get whenever we happen to glance at each other.

****

just got disconnected. am using my sister's friend's account, which i do not intend to abuse. i will sign off now and rush to the nearest sari-sari store...a good five minute walk. i will continue my musing there.

happy new year.
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Thursday, December 18th, 2003

Subject:hola
Time:9:45 am.
Mood:productive.
Music:vanilla sky.
hello world. i am awake. i have an online journal [finally]. let's get the writing started...

testing, testing...
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Blurty for The Wild Cat.

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