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Below are 10 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in
Lemmontart's Blurty:
| Sunday, March 29th, 2009 | |
| 4:04 pm | well this weekend has been completely uneventful. Between now and 21st April I am officially a book worm intent on completing my dissertation. ugh. oh, apart from wednesday when I am going to a Pirate Party to support a local charity, and for my friends birthday. That should be fun! I have had strange times with P this weekend. I discovered yesterday that he has blocked me from Facebook, MSN and Myspace. I have obviously done more damage than I thought. On facebook, I looked on our mutual friends lists and found he was on none of them, so assumed that he had deleted us all. With this in mind, I left an incredibly rude and bitchy note on Eskis wall about him. It was only after this I considered that maybe he had blocked me, so we searched him on Goofy's (my housemate) facebook. He came up in the search and on Eski and Bants friend lists. Whoops. I am pissed off with him, but I didnt want him to see that note as it was hurtful so deleted off Eski's wall. I was hoping he hadnt seen it. This morning, I awoke to find a text from P just saying 'I miss you x'. I took this opportunity to text him back and ask why he had blocked me. He has only just replied saying 'because seeing you and us together slices my heart'. Now I might sound like a bitch, but I just want him to hurry the fuck up and get over it!! Part of me wants to delete his number, but part of me wants to keep it so I know if he texts in the future so I can ignore him rather than texting back and being like 'ummm who is this?'. Spoke to Skinny yesterday, he called purely just to ask if that as I am single again can we shag? I hung up. I think I need a break from men. One night stands are OK, but nothing else for a while. I am beginning to think that my little sister, Melon has got the right idea. She is a lesbian, and I dont think I know anyone happier than her at the moment! I've tried the whole girl on girl thing and unfortunaltely, it just is not me. I am up for a few threesomes but cant see myself ever having a relationship with a woman. I know it's bad to admit this, but for me there is something fundamentally wrong with it. Saying that, when I see Melon and her girlfriend, they are so cute together, they are lovely! |
| Friday, March 27th, 2009 | |
| 11:31 am | I had the best time ever last night!! so went over to Ninky's and her, Madame and I went out in shrewsbury with a load of Ninky's army mates. They were such a laugh and one majorly caught my eye so I made a beeline for him! He was so sexy, dark hair, hot bod, so my type! he was an amazing kisser too, just a shame that I was sleeping around Ninky's rather than being able to take him back to mine and have my wicked way with him. The boys left early on in the night (lightweights!) and left us girls in Reflex (oh dear lord). I was on the dancefloor, and suddenly felt some one slip their hands around my waist. I turned around and it was a rather hot man who I noticed was watching me for a lot of the night. We had a dance and then he took me off to get a drink. We sat down and within moments were kissing, he was a good kisser. He told me he was in his 4th year studying medicine. I really should have got his number! oh well, what a fabulous night! I'm sure I will be paying for it later on today when I stop feeling drunk and the hangover kicks in though! oh, and still very much in lust with TP |
| Wednesday, March 25th, 2009 | |
| 9:59 pm | omg. you know when you meet someone and are so in lust with them all you want to do is jump them where ever you are? well TP does that to me! just changed my status on facebook to 'i am considering organising a piss up for the hospitality crew...interested?' and he commented on it just saying along the lines of yes, and just reading that my knickers were damp! iv got it bad! My friends of my course came over today Ninky and Madame for some dinner and drinks. I made the best banoffee pie in the world, and we chatted, drank wine and watched Cruel Intentions, one of my favourite films. It was a good night. Am going out in shrewsbury tomorrow night with Ninky to harass some army friends of her. If that cant take my mind of TP for the night, I am officially smitten...well horny anyways! |
| Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 | |
| 11:03 pm | well today has been a bit odd. spoke to my best mate, Bants, over facebook today, and she sent me the conversation that her and P had the night before: P: Hey Bants: Hey, hows you? P: Not so good, feel like giving up pff Bants: why cos you spilt up? P: yeah she (me) dont believe in the same things I do, I just wanna give up. Bants: what do you mean by that? P: you know, life, love its all a load of bollocks. Bants: surely you must believe in something? P: I believed in her and look what she fucking did to me He then signed out. As Bants was telling me this, he came online and wrote me: P: I closed a chapter in my life yesterday, I hope you're happy. And then signed out before I had the chance to ask him wtf?!! Bants and I have now decided that he is being deleted from my life before I aquire a full blown psycho stalker. |
| Monday, March 23rd, 2009 | |
| 10:57 pm | So today I had a presentation for part of my final year assessments. I think it went really well, and I don't mean to brag, but compared to the other presentations I saw, I was shit hot. Anyway, there is a cypriot guy on my course who has caught my eye on more than one occasion, hes called The Project (TP). He is as all Greek men are, sex on legs, and has the arrogance to carry it off. For me its one hell of a turn on. So today, when I turned up for my slot, I was surprised to find him enter the room, I wandered over to say hi and to ask what he was doing there, and he told me (with one hell of a flirtatious grin) that he was there to watch my presentation. I actually blushed, and trust me I am not the blushing type. Belle, who was doing her presentation after was with me, sqeezed my leg underneath the table, it definately weren't just me who noticed the smouldering look he just gave me! The presentation went well, although I ended up avoiding all eyecontact with TP due to the fact he was putting me off my stride with his sexy looks. As I sat down, he told me in his oh so sexy Greek slurred voice that I was by far the best in our lecture (a blatant lie but who was I to care!). I asked when his was and it turned out he was in after Belle and another guy off my course Walrus. Belles presentation was excellent as they always are, and poor old Walrus muddled his way through his; he suffers from nervousness on a scale I have never whitnessed before. Not that I noticed any of this, my thoughts were purely on TP, I could feel him looking at me, and every time I turned around he looked away, then quickly made sure he caught my eye just before I turned my attention back to the presentations. I was beginning to get seriously turned on. His presentation was not too bad, he relied heavily on notes, but his quick wit and ease of giving presentations made up for the lack of any real answering of the question in hand. Throughout the presentation, he constantly looked over at me with a look I swear he used purely to make me come in my knickers. Oh god, all I could think about was taking him over one of the desks, I wouldn't have even cared if the lecturer was still in the room. In a bid to look cool and not completely desperate, Belle and I left quickly after his presentation ended. As soon as I got home I checked my facebook to see that he had commented on my status. Game on. |
| Sunday, March 22nd, 2009 | |
| 9:40 pm | So big news is I split up with P today. It was horrible, we went to Liverpool for the weekend, and I spent the whole time being distant and snappy; not because I meant it but I felt so guilty knowing that I was waiting for sunday evening when we got back to Birmingham to tell him. We got to new street station and we had a bit of time to kill before his connection to London so I suggested we went for a walk in the Pallisades. He started talking about our future (which completely freaks me out) and I could just feel myself welling up. So I told him exactly what I felt; that we wanted completely different things from both our relationship and our lives. He was upset, but I think he understood what I was saying and respected my decision. As I walked back to catch my train back to uni, I felt relieved, so I know I made the right decision. Anyways, apart from that, the weekend was awesome! We took P to do all the tourist things like the docks and the cavern. Saturday night was hillarious; P is very much into european trance and dance music. Me, Eski and Wicker are very much into metal. so we did what any considerate friends would do, we took him to the Crazy House, a heavy metal rock club. In all fairness, he got really into it, I was very impressed when he began head banging to Machine Head. Today to cure our hangovers (well mine and Eski's...a few too many sambuca shots) we went to the beach...the beach with the iron men to be precise. I love it there, its so vast and deserted, it is the best place to go to clear your head and do some thinking. P annoyed me a bit there, as it is an unwritten rule that walking up the beach you mess around and have a laugh, and walking back you are quiet, enjoying the good company and having a bit of 'me' time. P on the other hand kept trying to be lovey dovey and stopping me from running around like a loony and then chatting to me on the walk back. It was just wrong. I definately made the correct decision though, and hey, I am single again yay :D |
| Thursday, March 19th, 2009 | |
| 10:37 am | P is coming over tommorow, and I am dreading it. I spoke to him yesterday on the phone and suggested we go up to Liverpool for the weekend to stay with Eski and Wicker. "so you up for it?" "um not really, what would we be doing?" "why are you not up for it? I thought you would love the chance to see a part of England you have never seen, and you get on well with Eski and Wicker." "Yeah I do but I just want to spend time with you, just you. Your my girlfriend surely I have that right?" "But we have friday night for that, and once they go to bed, we can do naughty things on the balcony." I wanted to add I've done it before but didnt think that was appropriate. "But I want to spend time with just you, not your mates." I didnt realise he was such a winer and I was beginning to get seriously pissed off. "Look, I know that I am your girlfriend and you want to spend time with me, but you have to realise that my friends are a massive part of my life. If you dont want to come you dont have to, but I will be going to Liverpool on saturday. The offer is there if you want to take it." "Fine, whatever we will go" "Good" "I love you" "whatever" Surely he should be happy that I want him to spend time with my closest friends? I'm not the sort of girl who separates my friends from my boyfriend, I like everyone to get along; I cant help it I'm a social person. I went downstairs and knocked on my housemates door. I'll call her Belle - not as in the secret diary of a call girl, but as in Beauty and the Beast. She is lovely and funny and kind and one hell of a stunner. So I was complaining to Belle about my problems with P and she turned around and said: "Do you no what? You need someone who pushes you away and makes you come up with more and more weird ways of catching his interest. P is handing everything to you on a plate, and is smothering you. No wonder your getting pissed off with him." "Yeah I can see where your coming from." "Think about it, you love a challenge, love the chase and love a bad boy. P told you he loved you 2 days after meeting up with you, and calls you constantly to remind you. You were so much happier when you were giving chase with Rocker or having no strings fun with Skinny." "So what do I do, he is in the UK purely because of me now?" He enrolled on a media studies course in London so that he was closer to me "Go back to your roots; be a bitch and chuck him." "Belle, you know me so well its scary." "I have lived with you the last 3 years, there is not much I dont know about you!" I think I'm going to see how this weekend goes and then I am getting rid of him. |
| Tuesday, March 17th, 2009 | |
| 11:08 am | wasn't going to write today but had a rather random dream that confused me a bit. I seemed to be in a hotel with my ex, Skinny, and we were in the bathroom naked. For some reason I was crying and he was hugging me, dont know why though. I think I was breaking up with him but I cant be sure. I walked out of the bathroom and there was a crocodile on the bed. The crocodile tried to attack me and then transformed into P. The next thing I can recal is that a friend and I were sitting on top of a train, trying to hold onto the crocodile and keep ourselves from falling off. In the end, we had to let the crocodile go. Now, this is where I am confused as I have absolutely no feelings for Skinny, apart from friendship as we are still mates, and I love P. Although I have been having concerns about P in the last few days. I love him but I dont think he is right for me. He is sooo lovely and kind; the complete opposite to me. I dont wanna break his heart but I have the gut feeling that I will. |
| Monday, March 16th, 2009 | |
| 10:02 am | So I havent heard from P all weekend which I feel is a bit rude considering I'm meant to be the love of his life. Although I should hasten to add that I have not bothered to get in contact with him either. I found myself all day yesterday rather than writing my dissertation, pondering over a guy who it really should have happened with but didnt. I'll call him Rocker. So Rocker is a close friend of my best friends boyfriend (Eskimo and Wicker). He is my ideal man, confident, funny, sexy and a complete diehard rock fan. There is something about men who are not afraid to jump about in huge crowds moshing and headbanging to a band who quite frankly no one actually understands what the hell they are singing! So anyway, the final encounter was late last year when I had gone up to Liverpool and we all went out. For some reason rather than going onto Django's we all ended up back at Eskimo and Wickers flat. We continued drinking and rocking out until there were just Eski, Wicker, Rocker and I left; quite clearly I was thrilled by this, but knew how volatile Rocker was so acted all cool and aloof. Eski and Wicker went off to their room and left me and Rocker to sort out our assigned couches for the sleep over; unlucky for him, I had already claimed the pull out couch for my stay so he had to make do with the tiny corner couch that is basically a glorified chair. All I could think about was how close Rocker was to me in proximity and yet nothing had happened! My body was trembling in anticipation just thinking about what could happen that night. It is the most horny I have ever felt in my life. Somehow I drifted off to sleep, and awoke when I heard a thud. I Lifted my head out from underneath my duvet - I cocoon myself and leave a tiny hole for breathing - and saw Rocker trying to make himself comfy on the floor due to the fact that not even his foot could fit on the tiny couch. I whispered; its an open plan apatment with no doors afterall: "Are you ok? Do you want to sleep on this couch and I'll move to the other one?" Stay here and fuck you is what my mind really wanted to say. "No its fine" WHAAAAT? "I'm used to sleeping on the floor" "Ok the offer is there though if you want, night" "night" I lay there thinking all I want him to do is come over here and jump on me, there was no way that I could even consider sleeping I was sooo turned on. I wondered if he would hear me masturbate. The next thing I hear is Rocker moving about somewhere on the floor and I thought its not fair of him to be stuck down there.So I lifted the duvet up in an attempt to move to the other couch, and as I lifted it up, Rocker was knelt by my couch, looking straight at me. Before I knew what I was doing, I had my arms wrapped around his body, my lips on his lips, pulling him into my bed. It felt so right, there is no other way that I can explain it, I have not felt like that before and I dont even feel it with my current boyfriend. We didnt have sex as neither of us had condoms and as much as I feel comfortable around Eski, I thought rummaging through her bedside drawers to find some was a bit off limits. As we settled down to finally get some sleep, he told me I was amazing. I smiled so hard. Unfortunately things did not work out. It appeared that I, normally the user, had been the used. It was not a nice situation, and I am still convinced that he liked me, and that something must have happened. Quite clearly he was just not interested and was looking for a bit of fun. I was and still am gutted over it. Current Mood:  mellow |
| Saturday, March 14th, 2009 | |
| 11:41 pm | My First Entry I am going to start with a warning. What comes out in this diary could be anything. I am going to let my thoughts (mostly sexual) and my feelings (always sexual) take over my hands as I type my entries. I dont want to offend anyone, but I am going to write exactly what I want, so dont read on if your not prepared... So let me tell you a bit about myself, I am a 22 year old girl in my final year of uni, and I love sex. If I wasnt so shallow, I would certainly become an escort, but the thought of sleeping with old, balding, droopy penised men completely turns me off. In a nutshell that is me. I am currently in a dliemma. I have recently started seeing an amazing and lovely man who I have known since 6th Form. I shall call him P. Now I have to state that I am crazy about P, and we have not been seeing each other long, but the tension has been building up for years. Now the dilemma is my sexual history. In a drunken chat last weekend, I discovered that he has only slept with 3 girls, including me. Let me make it clear that his ability in bed is way beyond that of someone with so few conquests. However, he then wanted to know how many people I had slept with. I lost count at 32 last year, and since then I have been on a rather impressive sexual rampage; so I did what any respectable loving girlfriend would do...i lied. Even when I lowered the number to "around ten I think darling" - I couldnt go below ten, I would have choked on my wine - I received the shattered male pride answer of "oh". The thing is I am not ashamed of my sexual history, infact I have to admit that I am rather proud, but I just felt like I couldnt tell him. God knows what he would say if he found out about other areas of my sexual repertoire! To clear the frosty air that had descended upon my living room, I was about to suggest a lewd way of spending the rest of the evening when; "so um ok you've slept with a few more people than me...tell me what you've done." "You mean like what fantasies I've done?" "Yeah...have you ever had a...erm...a threesome?" oh god demanding and confident he is not "maaaaybe...why have you?" "Noooo I would love to though" "oh really? with 2 girls? Thats what I loved the best" "Really? You've had one? yeah with 2 girls god that would be such a turn on. It's turning me on now." "hhmmmm I can feel, so if I told you that I had a threesome with a guy and a girl, and it was the hottest night of my life, what would you say?" "erm do you want more wine? I'm just nipping to the loo." WHAAAAATT??? Just when things were beginning to get interesting he extracted himself from the couch, and walked through the kitchen to the bathroom. I went to bed. |