| 11:35p |
Passing (Talen Head)
Three days ago, reading Anzac pledges, I pondered what it would take to get me to cry again, after my long stoic absence from the veil of tears. I wondered how I could do it, what it would take to make me fall to my knees and burst out like I had when I was a child. Tonight, I found anew what that was.
Tonight, at roughly eleven pm, Rowdy Lee, our lovely little brown ferret, with his little mask and his chipped fang, passed away. And his last minutes with his owners around him, blubbering like idiots as they tried to make him feel better, tried to help him.
I wasn't there when it happened. I was in the other room, fumbling for my mobile, trying to call the vet's after-hours, trying to do something, to do anything after having spent ten minutes being bitten and chewed on by a ferret that didn't know what was happening, tried to make the last minutes something better. I sat on the phone ringing for two full minutes before I realised that nobody was picking up.
Tonight, I cried. I cried like I didn't realise I could cry.
I love you, Rowdy. And I'm so sorry that I couldn't do something. I'll remember your face, your lopsided grin, the way you'd chase the carpet fluff. I'll remember you slinking through the tube, the way you bit my toes when you wanted dinner, and I'll remember how indestructable you seemed. In just over three years, you were born, you lived, and now, with two owners who loved you, and knew you loved them back, you passed out of this world, an energy wave that now ripples into places we don't yet understand.
I love you so much Rowdy.
And I can't remember having felt this bad before in my life. |