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Leah Vanatta Fisher's Journal
A man came upon me on a sunny day as I spoke with someone near their home about gardening and since there was no work they let me sit. They were one of the families I had looked to for something to do after I was judged and left alone after the Capone Gang seperated by judgements. The man who came at first looked like the man whom I called John but, I could hear his New York Italian accent and I knew it was someone else. Other than that he was a hindt. He was solely looking to make war with sex upon me and I didn't know that either. It soon became a horrible thought to be near him and my body racked with pain. Patricks dad was the guy who saved my life one day when his feelings told him someone he looked for was in pain. He saw me and didn't know it was me with the scorched skin from slavery's toils and the looks I have from my Mom and Dad. He helped Jesus Christ save me and, he gives the secondary blessing to Molly because she steals babies. To think that bad man would be like that hindt for groceries and because of the parade put me up to him to find his way makes the resurgence of evangelization strong in me. He got me to the hospital and took the blame thinking we had a bairn in my womb to come forth. And there it was, the hospital taking in mother after mother giving birth and I stuck somewhere in the social picture of where the hindts were at. And Molly sniffing out the loose ones, my problem got lost forever! The man that came upon me looks at me and the past while he holds his fast food to go. I never care about it again and again. It is no problem. The parade I won't be going to today will never meet the real miracle at the point for now. The music I found on Leo Delgado's facebook post on my homepage. That song was around and in the time I was made to take shock treatment for paranoia and Bono was just like 'that boy there with those boys'. I've seen lots of no jokes this month and this one I felt was so similar to Patrick's dad's story they dyed the little river green.
Current mood: restfull.
Current music: Sinead O'Connor - drink before the war.
It reminds me of that new plant in Oklahoma and Taylor Swift in the pool, the peace sign with the hands and, the director's message for all in sexual response issues and from me the genetics quo as do the Chinese. I believe the moments of passage where Cathy and I have our sticky problem hinge somewhere in the projections of thieves. I cannot be my Mother's mother! For me to say there is obsession on the problem of being Roman sets me at the hoppinist places for her acceptance of me because among the thieves I discovered my talent to carve statues. I had discovered their knowing they had been there while I worked. Joe Pesci had helped as one cleaning up after me. Victor and Vtor did set up and, Sonny watched, carried and worked. They had come in after something in lives they lived there in Italy. I watched and had seen they were the victims of the Italian floods. The statues were from memories and observances of anatomy. My obsession was to work to make better solutions so, the statues to my world were only there as a gift. I saw Joe walking across Detroit Avenue last Thursday. Tina was on his arm and they were in conversational talking. It occured to me Joe was talking to himself and Tina had found a little light to her plotting to steal out of life walking on its own timeline. I crossed the opposite direction towards Lakewood Park. The waves were choppy and there was a line of fish floating in the water's current. The one seagull I saw wasn't very interested in it. I heard a familiar voice from Tina as though she were still talking to Joe and over the side of a boat while throwing fish or seagulls something calling up into a magazine dream, "These are for the sun". Soon I will be getting a haircut. I've been planning and studying for two months. I want to choose just one and I think I've really made the decision. While I was working on it last week Jane came by to see me. I was trying to take a picture of myself for a virtual makeover website that I had remembered was not really fine but, I did it anyway; it is morbid. There is even Wes's hair on that thing. I felt dirty like I was going to run out and have someones blood maden looks on me if I stayed. I like the free one that has drawings on 4hairstyles.com Not that that really helped as much as having my friend approve of it. Jane took my picture and I took her picture. That visit was so important to me while Tony had decided to take me home I was holding on to my love for the people of Cleveland and had the sudden experience of walking into the home of one, sitting and having a nice conversation. That moment was so important, even if it was only me there and I couldn't know it for the duress and strain to survive, the comfort and peace made the message of hope and future fill into everything of my being that I knew I would forever be presenting it up to myself and to God. I'm going to post the photos on facebook today. In both figural studies the human subjects are under duress and stress from Potapher's Weapons and both are encompassed by The Almighty God's power. I regret I didn't have Jane take a picture of my hair down to show the beautiful angles of Susan's talents as a hairstylist. Because right now it is curling with soft waves down to my shoulders. Will my haircut affect Salena's?
Current mood: unhurried.
Current music: Taylor Swift - 22.
On a day when my mother had me settled into the way she and Cochise had me at home some guys who put themselves over the edge in politics came along and convinced me to pose for a photograph I didn't really pose for. It was like a joke. I had held the name plate up to my chest in my mind and someone came along and took the photograph of me in a protestor stance with my fist in the air. I thought I was a new trendsetter of fashion in Cleveland OH with the neat haircut Cathy had fit me out for when we were in New York City. And then I was told my hair statement was now seen and everyone could get it there too. The hairstylist Michael began to change it and, in that stupid photograph it shows the neat haircut that wasn't so neat. Cathy had smoothed it down she said yet, I knew that for some reason it was just doing that and there weren't products on the market for standing it up. Not that I needed it to be that way. The conversation that started my mistake to be taken to the falsly accusing photograph was in a question of why do I wear a chain around my neck. I thought it an interesting artistic problem for the sake of jewelry, or course. To begin a controversy to sell jewelry! "How exciting?", I thought as my mind searched the sky of time and settled a comfortable seat towards the future of creative endeavours. It became a world of war like ribbons pulled out of their spools and I watched everyday for the photographer's work. The photographer was found to say he held the photographs without intentions of art. "Art, not art", he said matter of factly. It was found that the statements I had made as a schoolgirl quoting my textbook had made me a rabbit to wolves in winter in what I saw of their eyes. My life had been spewed out into the public and the lies of deceit about the name that protected the innocent that was not used then, not for any reason, except in passing that all of that was finished, the gangsters who had held my life away from my parents when I was called Jane. The joking use of it by my Mom and I in context to my haircut. Would it be liked to the world of my past we questioned? We thought ourselves safe from the enemy there and discussing the day when the guise of art came in. The photograph can be seen on my facebook page. I heard the developer of the photograph had made my world a liability to his future in truth to the fact of the jailer's plate in front of me. I had not known it was there. The photograph was taken on our lawn outside our home. What I need to do is to heal and never scare my family again with my lost life and broken physical form from its overgrowing to my face can be seen again at home. I have a specific knowledge my teeth will heal soon. To the USA & Jesus thanks! Peace to Israel.
Current mood: believer.
Current music: Taylor Swift - Change - ACM You Tube.
Aileen had said I would uncover the truth as seen on the cover of the clothing line's catalog Venus.com (the Black Swim collection) the widow's peak (the horror of Quinn reincarnation) moving away into the health of my natural birth. My hair in a tizz of my two sister's creative efforts. I was torn in my soul that they would do that to my hair. I bore up with them though waiting for the reasons. Cathy had handed me the swimsuit and I could not be happier because I wasn't happy. I really thought that some sort of a laugh to giggle about even if I was suddenly going to go to a modeling gig through the closet of a bedroom in our home. In the same way the musical events had occured from there I couldn't find a positive prognosis for our family and yet, I believe it was the very best of ways to have handled the situation. It was as if it never happened yet, I was there. Sitting in the surf as they had said would be best to do for the use of reflection. The Siren enhancer tankini, the alternate view it is really obvious the Belinda Carlisle beginnings. I believe in Jesus to bring us all to the moments when we can be again where we were in life to save our souls. It is immesurable how much I miss my family. It isn't my fault the use of different names doesn't work for people who had made money and can't anymore. My fault is not having a way to press into the subject of The Book of Numbers for them when it was happening. In the video I downloaded on Facebook at the end John is seen (from what appears to him as his hot seat at NASA) in what was the orchestra pit. He was the author of no travel to the modeling set. I say then and now, "all things work for those who love God and are called according to his purpose". To think he had come from one of the group of hindts who had meshaouled the State Troopers makes the loop shorter or the twinkling of the eye really seem possible. I am holding out for those State Troopers over Ronald whom we know as John and I spied in the video.
Current mood: plainer.
Current music: Yardbirds - "Shape of things".
Riener Reinfeld had purchased with the help of Ben Guiron a beautiful salon spa in Cleveland situated a few blocks away from the building of Dr. Painter's office. My memory did not serve me this last week and my temptation to go there and get a manicure/pedicure with a wax dip took away the reality of moments when my past life as a slave had been stuck there by those whose following ways to the Nazis warfare were waiting their hired pay and tips. I forgot who owned the establishment and the testimonies of the women who had fled because of the use of Potapher's Weapons had traced no glimmer in my mind. So last Thursday the "old and new chic" of the decor and the hope of healing treatment so easy to find, not worrying the cost, I threw myself a little party of enjoyment for one day. At first I walked in there seemed no one there and then the girl I had been long ago began to help me as more people seemed to appear. I booked an appointment with the girl's expert help as I recalled standing in a different position of space and time in everything that happened from my memory as a child abducted and a child in my sister's house and a child returned to my parents. I was seeing something like a shoebox of panorama of timelines coming together. Yet, that salon/spa isn't a shoebox it is a maze of rooms that interconnect and serve patrons with efficiency and comfort. My appointment was for 3:30 that afternoon with Sue. I sat with no fear even though the people were all the same people I had seen when I had toured the establishment two times before. Sue did a fine job and I was very happy I had tipped her. When I got home I remembered some details of the memories I had of the people. Martha had been there and Vicky had come too. She had sat with a stylist named Micheal or Mike who had destroyed my hair once with a haircut while I was working in films and walking in farsic dream walking. I had seen the photograph in one of the salon books. At home at Cochise' and Cathy's Martha had suddenly come in with a bobbed hairstyle and she was devistated by it. Before seeing the salon I had not known how she had come of that haircut. Friday night I remembered that and I remember Ben Guiron teaching one of the things a stylist might do; harvest hair for wigs. A perfect underlying tactic against the USA and illegal. I had heard the teaching given to the stylist by Ben Guiron and I shuddered at the thought. My status in their eyes was Jewesse and soon I was put into a concentration camp; Glasgow. There was the information I needed to the true identity of the man who agreed to be Judas Iscariot for "film". His real name Heinz. This video has Cathy's "real looks" in just one moment in time as she was talking about her married love affair and taking a leave from love making. It starts with me walking up in a jump suit to Sonny Bono's home. I had remarked to a friend once or so they thought I was dressed in a groovy crocheted vest when I appeared in that class of people as a guest for I could see it by glancing down at it but, I wasn't really wearing one then and not that one. And there it is; mall whourled. Itchycoo Park is the explainational discussion Cathy and Cochise had for obstaining from love making for a while. A phrase in two words. Cochise knew himself to wait for the looks to subside and meanwhile I had been the angel in the act of watching and memorizing my parents as they worked through their problems to a make a better realtionship of love for themselves. I love them for that.
Current mood: peal.
Current music: Small Faces - Itchycoo Park.
I didn't go to the grocery and do errands on the day I stated I would go but, I watched the last day of Mardis Gras on earthcam.com. The worst of feelings come with valentines day? The worst of economy. I ate all my greater portion of ice cream and candy sweets between December and the two weeks before today. I believe it is the better portioning for the weather's calendar. The film in video form I chose Francis E. Fisher took in New Orleans, Louisiana and named it 1922 Kodachrome Film Test. He hoped it would help me to get the pay I had worked for in all of the timeline I worked. With the help of Buddy he worked out the date. I am primarily the model (using the time when Vicky was called Virginia by the hindts and I went by the name of Virginia in Paul and Francis' life) in it besides one other woman. She wears a dress like one I made for myself by hand of tafetta. Cathy had started the practice to help me with my emotional problems at living as Sonja (a time when I was very young and not feeling pretty) on the reservation with children I did not care for and who did not care for me in the way that I would expect their persons to do. The worst of economy is not because I can't perform as Pink in these days of my life. It is the invasion of the Whore on our land! War is not an economic plan! I am hearing the workmen fixing the heaters and I just had a chair to replace the folding chair in my bedroom delivered! One big white valentine; leather and studs to me and my room. My low bed, my kneeling chair and my Alvarado style chair. Its design is like a scoop. The earth to the grave to the sky? I'm soon reappolstering my kneeling chair with a garden of color and memory foam.
Current mood: heavy.
Current music: Kodak 1922 Kodachrome Film Test on youtube.com.
On the set or lot of one of the "magical" movie workings Mr. Kapsan had me there and asked me what I was thinking. I told him of the expectation for me to meet my maternal grandparents. As we discussed everything about the meeting I could have I described to him the piece of jewelry I might like to wear. Of course, I couldn't afford it. So, he said he would get that made if I would return it. Last night watching for myself and friends in the street at Mardis Gras in Louisiana, there I was in all of the paths I had to find some of what I could of my family while I lived in Martha's house. The moment in time when I could meet my maternal grandparents. And it happened we met and talked. I even met with myself on the way to discovery in a simple undergarment of any event Martha had planned for me in dressing. That didn't occur so I ran off in clouds of angelic ferver to the door that kept me when I was a starving waif on the street there (about an hour before I went to sleep here at home in Cleveland). Of spirit and love I have returned the band of gold that Mr. Kapsan bought for me to meet with my Mother's parents. We stewarded that nicely. However, for Cecil B. DeMille to have made himself into Mr. Kapsan by reincarnation didn't completely change what the Sign of the Beast decision made him to be since he doesn't have a real family. For him it was a possible wild hit at a simple crown for style senses. I even fell down with that crown jewelry on. I had on a black skort and a white sweater :) I feel happy I wont be looking for those avenues of style in the way that I had been; as a lost lamb. I believe the point about having Mardis Gras is not to lose decorum and give to sin such as theft and murder but, to make life in the Ten Commandments for a better earth with better people on it. Making better is really the key to making real smiles & happiness, real jokes and, real funny. In seeing all the moments I could of all the times I was there waiting for Jesus (the new Jesus who is in all of us not the false Jesus) to save me I found my real looks and the memories that take me there. Today I have a few errands to do; the post office (I'm mailing "Jane" a note in a greeting card), the bank and, the grocery :) Walking along waving.
Current mood: thankful.
Current music: earthcam.com's bourbon street, mardi gras cams.
In the meanings of words and the Word of God; a couple, some children and, people who love in the several or one of the meanings of love and diversity and the opposite university. University is self application by personal decision on a subject of choice to the individual human's descretionary use and diversity is a subject of choice by another individual intending the effect of personal choice upon free choice without the use of descretionary use of choice to the individual. Cochise wanted to read some beautiful writing to me and I interrupted him with a discussion and he used diversity when he read preschool and elementary books to me. I wanted with all my heart the book(s) he had first chosen to read to me but, I devout to the cause of the religion did my best to accept his choice for me. I really didn't see if I could have made a better point to get all of those subjects in and create what I thought would be a better home made higher learning school for us in our family home, throwing away all argumentational cause to accept any other parenting home for me. To take university in Jesus Christ is to take up the cross and to tell others as Cochise did at the Mardi Gras. That area of Reservation - Jazz was the area and trail I had followed to find my parents in New York City from New Orleans, Louisiana. Also known as New Orleans Street and Law Street, because of what Jonahs was preaching to me to keep while I looked for my parents. I am certain that was the reason I had looked for the way to follow my parents and family to New York City was because of the ships that I had traveled on with Jonahs and many of sailors and pirates. Jonahs at first did not know he had me there before him and he raped me to get a younger appearance. In that problem he had created for himself and all people who follow the scriptures, I saw his apartment in Boston, Massachusetts, it was a really nice newly made one that he had worked on to build or refurbish to perfection. Jonahs was one of the people who looked for work in construction. This weekend I have been watching the Mardis Gras on earthcam.com and I have seen the span of all of the times that I walked into that big party of revelers. I saw my myself, Mom and Dad and family through the many years we have participated together there. I will not be attending into the Catholic religion just because I have been there and have watched over the internet yet, I do love God and his believers. It is my opinion that the reason for the occasion of Mardi Gras is to dispose scripture that protects Jews in the freedom to love God in peace. Cochise's message to me from the place where we traveled is different now over the years when at first he was sort of like Charlie Brown who thinks he is told he, "needs to see the Principle" and, in the last frame he may have said he, "needs to see the principle". Cochise has talked about that very thing in our experience together on reading time. In last night's Mardis Gras I heard him singing while the service of religion was held. All of those days I had been there in some way or another. Even today's rainy day, I went to ride a bicycle :)
Current mood: happiness.
Current music: earthcam Mardis Gras live.
The experience of an earthquake makes me so much more aware of the important things in life like Cathy is my Mommy. I'm searching for the memories to return myself to better health. After all the gunfire in the home of my family, Cochise began to make us all alive. My wounds went up from my groin to my face. I watched my Daddy Cochise telling us to survive. I felt so happy Martha had been behind the couch when they fired their guns at us and I wished I could have been like her; of the all time alive. We were all of us treated for our wounds by Cochise, except Martha. Martha's help to us was there although I could feel less of everything since the pain of the bullet's wounds began. Cathy was hurt too. We waited for her recovery to healing even I waited for healing as I healed in my recovery. She and I had a similar problem and as I cared for the fact, she didn't. While in the same thought the gunmen felt tandemly caring and hating it too yet, for different reasons. One day I was taken to her parent's home with her after a visit to the hospital. Her parents were very nice, I felt the love from, of and for them just as Cathy had said it would be for me and they. Meg said that was because Cathy was so far gone in her reading habits, she left her own life to live out mine and that was how Cathy knew what I would see her parents to be. Cathy said, "No, it was the way" of them. I supposed only what I could gather from what I experienced and believed the people according to the truth. Cathy discovered there was Meg whom I called Mary by Meg's solemn request. In those days I saw Robert and no other person saw him while Meg did not live in our State of the Union; Ohio. Martha told me not to speak of the family life in Ann Arbor while our Mom Cathy told me to expose all that there was of the life and I Martha had there. Otherwise how would she recover me and Martha from the perils of the world. Everything suffered except Martha's schooling. Those were days of torture for me, in between two homes and with obvious PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). If I only counted being the victim of pedophiles; Robert, Francis and Martha that would be quite enough to distract my ability to study. I used to pat myself above my belly button to say I was fit and firm for any job. Not quite sure what the beautiful Cathy was going to do with me. She figured me out for my message and said, "You are tone". I grinned and thinking as if the teacher had said her last word to let me out for summer I ran outside into the streets of Cleveland where John could come upon me again. I said seeing I was outside when I probably had enough time to talk with my Mother some more, "I'm locomotion", and then I began to sing the song 'Doin' the Locomotion" standing on the sidewalk. "I'm loco", I said. And I heard her voice and I ran to her, right into her. That peeved her. It seemed that there wasn't enough of everything to find better ways for me to heal in the way that I performed for the people in my life. I told Cathy everything about what had happened to me just then. We agreed I was Tone Loco and generally people called me that. The nickname we used for me then was allowed to the hindt who has used it as Tone Loce for his rock and roll endevours. Cathy became known as someone people could talk to while I was often lost on city scapes. It wasn't that Cathy meant me not to have her care as much as she had to make the home for the family and Martha wasn't letting go of what she had herself into. That made Martha's house an easier place for me to live with and so hard to bear. Cochise and Cathy must have had a place for me I thought. How to overturn Martha's curse? We all went to live in NYC with Daddy. And even though they left to be there I somehow remained on the street across from the graveyard on the way to school on the day they left in the car of the man who decided to talk to my Mommy for his sucesses when I went running back to see her in toned locomotion. Where is the answer in Jesus for these happenings?
Current mood: coded.
Current music: Geronimo : The Last Free Apache on YouTube.
Love in its many variations there only some I know of that describe my title. Thinking that I am an American Indian is something I love of the person I am. I remember, only because I was made to leave my life and be born a male American Indian, my Mother Catherine was my own best friend's best friend; a better friend to him than myself. My first meeting of her, she sat in place in the Teepee of Cochise. He had invited me in and I recognized her as the Mother I once knew as my own only for a moment that began my wondering of what would happen to the life I lived then. I could not reconcile it with my new parents in my heart, I knew I would go to be the child I had been from the beginning of time. I let it be to the One God, my decision of grace in life or death. If it weren't for the fact of making my life at war that I became the child of incidence and of some coincidences. I knew Cathy and Cochise as my parents while war raged in the house we lived in Cleveland, Ohio. They were the first parents I knew of and often forgot because of the horrific incident that came upon the rooms we lived in. Men of ill nature with guns came into our home to see if we were Catholics. When first we took the small house for the factory jobs nearby, I had known my Mother Cathy was an American Indian who lived with all the people in our lives. Not that all of them were American Indian some were Causasian and some were Orientals. I did not "see" my Dad's friend whom he had grown up with for in those days he had passed away as they did say but, I knew him like the Holy Spirit's helper. As that man I knew what the men who fought to make us Catholics were; murderers. They had shot me and my family as we had our evening conversation before dinner on the divan. It was easier for me to walk there while Cathy and our family watched me. When that happened I watched every one of them. I had seen no person that looked as myself from those that I saw. I had seen each of there faces and heard all of their voices. Each of them had done some shooting of their guns except the one who slapped us by mistake as he passed through and watched the gunmen to keep sure to follow them. That man as it turned out was the same man whose hands they had put onto my wrists. He walked somewhat as in a dream. I was so angry at those men. Violence had come to my educational moments and I decided to put them down for what they done since I did not see life in the home of my family. And meanwhile I was thrust into the violence of their embarrasing ways since any one of them held me by my feet. My life had passed before my eyes. I had seen all that they had done to me; pulling my life into their sex acts, running into places I did not want to be while they killed for the flesh of humans to sell and, the desert to their escapes, Martha and Francis as parents and Potapher, James and the people who called me Jimmy, David, David Bowie, Amy Grant (when Mom, Cathy said, I looked something different meaning I had a femininity to me and I did) and the various names of female name guesses that made me laugh that they hadn't called me Love and so Peter did that too all from that so I remembered being named Love. At one small place where I thought my face and my life looked as if it was the person that I am shown through I screamed and yelled, "Why didn't he love me there"? Why hadn't Peter made me to the place of formal interest and hope for my life as was expected when I saw whom I believed I should be known as because I looked most like the person I thought I was becoming in and the likeness of my sisters, my Mother and my Dad for myself? I had heard my Mother was giving me a new name and I screamed and yelled, "STOP"! I had lived through that shooting for all they had done to me and to us and I am not going to give up my identity! I knew it wasn't that they were there because we were Catholics but, because we were not Catholics. I had discussed religion with my Dad in a way that I thought was well enough before he sat to read to me. I had made it clear I would get my own inferences from the reading of the books he chose and for the purpose of discussion I would like to know if he believed as I did. He found "out of line" and changed his book choices. I was being read to from preschool books. I wanted to be back in line again although, he wouldn't change that nor did I and we read together. My boredom drove me out of my place there to the life of where? I had decided I my life to be a Jew who believed in Jesus as they listened to me. I had built two temples and a palace and I had been to medical school. I had lived several lives and didn't see myself as different yet, I couldn't find the same them. There were visitors to our home that I remember as significant; Andrew and his sister Deborah, Stanly and Jeff from Michigan and, a nice Jewish man who had invented a new strain of lettuce called greens. Mom had spoken of using an angliscized name for me or for Martha and she chose Deborah. If it was for me or I was next in line I was screaming and yelling. Was I seeing my real sister there? And Stanly was just recently saying about himself he is the next Mitt Romney. He was a boy in Ann Arbor who had taken over his brother's income as Martha been seen as doing to me. The whole thing makes me look at who is Martha? And did Marquee have something to make the problems of slavery to lives in our family of three girls, a Mom and a Dad? Putting there Martha on the path of folly? One new strain of lettuce had been brought to my attention and I found a way to go out and pick it. I stopped all the world to give and see who I am. It was that one yet it had been the one so scorched from the sun and swollen by the Order of the Beast I looked as if I should be in the fields picking greens. That is because of the photographs of me then. It is freedom to work and the face of freedom was what it was called to see it because I am an individual human being who looked that way when the Order of the Beast dropped me off from the folly of their lives. A sudden freedom. I want freedom to ring the way of being. I had ordered for my way to pick the greens a ride of a beast that is not of the folly of man. I had one readied by the agreement my Jewish friend gave me the chance to do so. They were wonderful memories to be the child I am to make some money and to ride on a horse my first day there. When Cathy and Cochise met the man (whose name I have yet to recall) they found my Jewishness made my day :)
Current mood: collective.
Current music: Scarlatti k 141 (Martha Argarich) - YouTube.