| 03:16pm 25/06/2005 | |||
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kamra and psy, i'm having a bbq at my new place on the 9th. marie will have the details if you're in the neighborhood/mood. - L |
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| Read 3 - Post | |||
| hiatus | ||||
| 10:42am 01/06/2004 | ||||
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| Read 6 - Post | ||||
| too much | ||||||||||||||
| 12:22am 31/05/2004 | ||||||||||||||
 cattleprod
Name Acronym Generator From Go-Quiz.com at least i wish it was young... |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||||||||||||
| hair cut, house cleaned | ||||
| 10:17am 30/05/2004 | ||||
the haircut turned out okay. scott always always makes me look like some sort of housewife the way he blow-dries it all straight and flippy, but whatever. funny thing. TT loved it. the way scott did it. of course. there's a part of him i know wishes i was more of a normal girl. or at least looked like one. just like i wish he looked wilder. but that's all just aesthetics, and i'm trying to let go of the vanity list. what he looks like matters so much less than who he is and how he treats me. and it would've been a shame if we'd walked right by each other because he couldn't see beyond the pink hair or i couldn't see behind the conservative cut. oh yes, and the flying kicked ass. i was definitely not at peak form, but i still did well. he was practically ecstatic when we got out of the plane. "i knew you could do it! i knew you'd be this good!" guess even though i feel like i'm totally floundering, i'm really way ahead. cool. i love being able to make him proud. |
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| coming clean | ||||
| 10:12am 30/05/2004 | ||||
of course he freaked. i mean, who wouldn't. i sound like some kind of obsessive stalker-girl. but when i explained, i think he got it. and he assured me that he wasn't seeing anyone else. and when i called him on the hottie conversation, he saw my point. telling a girl you're seeing that men are dogs, is never a good idea. even if they are. even if they aren't. it just causes undue stress. case in point. we also talked about our schedules. we need more time for ourselves. i think we were both relieved that the other person felt the same way. i need time to see my other friends. i need time to clean my house. and so does he. and now that we're flying we'll be spending nice amounts of time together there, so all should be okay. i'm glad i asked instead of letting it all build up (any more that is). i make myself crazy. but i think we both forget that were dealing with rational people here. i know i do. i'm used to men who will shatter at the slightest provocation. or explode. i am always surprised that we can talk things out so easily. once we finally talk that is. |
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| Read 4 - Post | ||||
| yep, another one | ||||
| 05:28pm 28/05/2004 | ||||
OK, Cancer, remember that little song that goes "there's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza"? We don't know who the frig this Liza chick is, but we do think there's a hole in the bucket of your heart, a leaky corrosion of insecurity. We say, try holding your heart-bucket at a different angle and see if that doesn't allow the good feelings to accumulate. hmmm... |
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| huh? | ||||
| 04:50pm 28/05/2004 | ||||
weird. that only usually happens when i'm in the middle of an ugly break up. |
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| Post | ||||
| revelation | ||||
| 02:33pm 28/05/2004 | ||||
anyway, i sort of dismissed it, because in the dream it really was a little tiger, not my dear ex-boyfriend, but this morning i was thinking about it again after last night's dream discussion with TT and i had a revelation. see, tigers are supposed to represent repressed feelings or emotions that frighten you also female sexuality, aggression and seduction. in both dreams i loved the tiger, but with the kitten, he was just so cute and sweet that he wasn't at all threatening. kind of like my kitten. the love was scary, but he coudn't really hurt me. he was too little. in the second dream, the tiger was an adult and it was all too obvious that right behind the easy affection and my seeming control, was a power that could knock me down and tear me limb from limb if he wanted to. and the point of it all was whether or not i could trust that he didn't want to. |
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| Post | ||||
| confrontation? | ||||
| 10:14am 28/05/2004 | ||||
a few nights back i dreamed that he and i sat in front of the computer searching 70s muscle cars (yes, that part happened in real life). as we talked and had fun, a tall, slender, naked hispanic woman with long, straight black hair walked out of his bedroom wrapped in nothing but that ratty yellow blanket he has. she asked when he was coming back to bed. he looked at me and, by way of explanation, said he didn't have the same connection with her that he had with me. there was, of course, a lot more but that was the crux of it. when i told him, he joked that i should keep out of his dreams but added that i didn't have to worry, one girl was more than enough for him to handle. still, he's said that before and he was seeing two. though he really wasn't able to sustain it for very long. bottom line, i somehow managed to ask him if he was fucking someone else without coming off as totally accusatory, and he somehow managed to say without actually saying that no, he isn't and doesn't plan to. but then, right after, he told me he had to meet one of the guys after work tonight to deal with some work shit and my stomache clenched right back into knots again. friday night? work? then home to sleep? doubt it. i told him to have fun with the guys after but not to go home with any 24 year old hotties. he said he wouldn't. they didn't go for him anyway. but that's not the point. i need to know that if they did, i could trust him to say no. and that's the real crux of it. |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
| books be gone | ||||
| 05:11pm 26/05/2004 | ||||
now i just need to figure out what to do with the other 7 1/2 bags... goodwill perhaps. |
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| Post | ||||
| fly girl | |||
| 04:30pm 25/05/2004 | |||
| i've created a new home for all my flying notes and rants. | |||
| Post | |||
| lions and tigers and air, oh my | ||||
| 12:24pm 25/05/2004 | ||||
in the first one it was a kitten. white with just a few pale grey stripes. like a miniature version of one of sigfried and roy's white tigers. in this morning's it was a full-sized, full-color tiger. and it was my pet, though i remember wondering as i played with it, how tame it really was and whether or not it might turn on me. still, i knew it wouldn't. ( what tigers mean ) also had some interesting and appropriate horoscopes today: CANCER DAILY EXTENDED: Imagine yourself in front of an airport baggage carousel with the opportunity to pick up a different suitcase and start a new life. This is just an illustration of the attractive opportunities that are coming your way, one after another. There's a shiny, new package deal waiting just within reach. The material world is your friend these days, giving you a leg up into more intangible regions. Choose your destination wisely for maximum fulfillment. Even if you decide not to stay where you end up, the experience alone will make you rich. CANCER QUICKIE: Don't leave home without your wallet. You're about to make a purchase you deserve. why appropriate? because after work i head over to diamond for my first official night of flying (and to pay my membership fees/throw down mad cash for a block of air time). |
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| Read 7 - Post | ||||
| hmmm... | ||||
| 04:30pm 24/05/2004 | ||||
i had a nice, relaxing weekend. i cleaned and got rid of stuff and shopped and watched bad movies and went to the beach. TT and i spent one great evening searching the web for 70s muscle cars. i mean who does that? i mean, who else... today i have no motivation. all i want to do is go home and read my pilot training books and eat oatmeal cookies. maybe even homemade oatmeal cookies. guess that depends on what time i get home. think i'll stop at the bookstore on my way out. i need a notebook. or maybe walmart. or maybe not... |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
| like retrograde... | ||||
| 09:50pm 21/05/2004 | ||||
why do i suddenly feel like there's a larger karmic lesson afoot? |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
| good start on what could be a productive weekend | ||||
| 04:08pm 21/05/2004 | ||||
at any rate, so far the router is hooked up, the plants have been watered, the computer is spoken for and i've already made a dent in the other boxes in the living room (bagging the books for relocation to the trunk of the car to be sold). god it will be nice to walk in the door without being assaulted by boxes. i even got some writing done. just have to keep up the momentum tomorrow. |
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| Post | ||||
| success! | ||||
| 09:43am 21/05/2004 | ||||
woo hoo!!! |
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| Post | ||||
| the world is ending next door | ||||
| 03:17pm 19/05/2004 | ||||
very distracting. plus it makes hawking the latest do-all gadget seem so much less important. |
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| Post | ||||
| working from home | ||||
| 12:26pm 19/05/2004 | ||||
not sure whether i'll be flying tomorrow after all. TT still needs to get signed off on the plane (they flaked on him for yesterday) and the weather may not be all we hoped. and he wants to wait for the right weather. he wants my first official flights to be "legendarily fun." i'd say that sounds worth the wait. besides, the original godzilla is playing at the castro theater and i'm dying to see it. |
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| Read 4 - Post | ||||
| i came in early for that? | ||||
| 10:16am 18/05/2004 | ||||
in other news i heard back from my worrying friend. all is not well with him, but he is still intact which is what's important. |
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| Post | ||||
| ugh | ||||
| 08:53am 18/05/2004 | ||||
shoot me now. |
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| Post | ||||
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layer |
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Friends Info Calendar National Novel Editing Month |
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