|
|
Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
|
9:49a - excerpt from N.P.
from N.P. ~ Banana Yoshimoto
But I could do little to lessen the fatigue that had been building up in him before we even met, the weariness over the complications of his life. I was incapable of truly understanding the darkness that made up a large part of his personality, the blackness that I found so attractive. From the moment we met, I was a butterfly that flew into that space that was his soul, a room where the light had begun to dim. Although he may have regarded me as a welcome distraction, in fact, my presence only confused him more because I introduced flashes of daylight into his darkness.
This is merely wishful thinking on my part: if only the grown-up me could meet him, I could bring joy and calm into his life, rather than the dazzle of a teenage girl. Who knows, maybe it would be futile, but I still have such regrets. If I could only meet him again. This was my only hope. But maybe I'm overrating my own abilities.
*sigh*
(comment on this)
|
5:40p - rain reflections
it's like a river outside. i just went for a stroll in the rain; had to go to the store on an errand.
just reflecting on a few things that merr said to me the other day. she said i'd always been lonely and i've always had to look out for myself no matter what. in a way, she's right, in a way she's wrong. when i was growing up as a child, i had no friends and now that i'm supposedly 'grown up', i don't have much of family. i guess it has to balance out some way. it's cold and try as i might, it's a bit hard to get warm.
somedays, everything looks bright, hopeful and i feel happy because things are starting to work out. but on days like this, as i walk home slowly: each drop falling on my umbrella, life seems to be an endless sidewalk - myself walking alone as the rain pours down on me. well, at least i have an umbrella right? gotta look on the positive side a little. time eventually clears the clouds and it stops raining.
on a side note: i am happy for p and his new girlfriend. she is good to him and i'm glad. no further regrets there.
(2 comments |comment on this)
|
|
|
|