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19th December 2002
ABOUT ME! (Thanks to whoever I borrowed the survey off)
Full name: Laura Kimberley Monica Thew :
Best Quality: Appearance and sense of humour and fun.
Choice of Meat: Soy meat!
Dream Date: Anywhere as long as he is flirty, sexy and loving and affectionate.
Ex (most recent): Kane in Grade 8.
Favourite food: Asian - oh, and soy kebabs.
Greatest Accomplishment: Building a relationship with Mitchellan.
Happiest day of your life: Today.
Internal Conflicts: Is it right to get married at eighteen, or not?
Love: Mitchellan Ian Janke.
Most valued material item: My engagement ring.
Outfit you love: Umm...I don't really have anything right now.
Pizza topping: Cheese.
TV Show: Father Ted, and Gimme Gimme Gimme.
Unique Habit: Apparantly...according to Mitch...I'm very bunnyish!
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Kissed your cousin: Second cousin, when I was five!
2. Ran away: Yeah, but only for a few hours.
3. Pictured your crush naked: Yeah
4. Actually seen your crush naked: Yep
5. Broken someone's heart: No
6. Been in love: Yes. Am in love right now!
7. Cried when someone died: No
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Yeah, but only, like, actors and such. Not married people.
9. Broken a bone: Yep, in my foot.
10. Drank alcohol: Yep
11. Lied: Yes
12. Cried in school: All the time
?? WHICH IS BETTER
13. COKE OR PEPSI: Coke.
14. SPRITE OR 7UP: Sprite
15. GIRLS OR GUYS: Guys
16. FLOWERS OR CANDY: Flowers.
17. SCRUFF OR CLEAN SHAVEN: If I'm horny, scruff, if we're going somewhere posh, clean shaven.
18. QUIET OR LOUD: Bit of both for different moods and occasions
19. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES: Brunettes
20. BITCHY OR SLUTTY: Bitchy
21. TALL OR SHORT: short
22. PANTS OR SHORTS: Pants
?? WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
23. WHAT DO YOU NOTICE FIRST:Overall mood/air
24. LAST PERSON YOU SLOW DANCED WITH: Mitch, at my 18th.
20. WORST QUESTION TO ASK: To Mitch: Are you named after the tyres??? (That's Michelin. Duh.)
?? THE LAST TIME
26. SHOWERED: Yesterday. I slept over at Mitch's parents' unexpectedly!
27. HAD SEX: Last night in Mitch's parent's pool!!
28. HAD A GREAT TIME WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX: Having it right now!
?? WHAT IS
29. YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM: Don't have one. Used to be Great Grandmother Bridget's earrings, but she appears to have taken them back.
30. PERSON YOU HATE MOST: Usually Carolyn. But not anymore. Guess I don't hate anyone...
31. THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY: Totally bonding with Carol.
32. COLOR: Pink
33. MOVIE: Bridget Jones' Diary
34. BOOK: Harry Potter
35. SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: Health ed.
36. JUICE: Don't drink juice.
37. CARS: Anything cute and spherical/bubbly.
38. ICE CREAM: Chocolate.
39. HOLIDAY: The long-awaited mini-break. Don't know when though...
40. SEASON: Don't have them here. Summer.
41. BREAKFAST FOOD: Vegemite toast
42. PLACE TO GO WITH YOUR HONEY: Bed~! Or the pool...
43. MAKES YOU LAUGH THE MOST: Mum.
44. MAKES YOU SMILE: Mitchellan.
45. GIVES YOU A FUNNY FEELING WHEN YOU SEE THEM: Mitch.
46. HAS A CRUSH ON YOU: I think Nathan, not my little brother, my friend.
47. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON: Mitchellan!
48. CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER NO MATTER WHAT: Mitch
49. HAS IT EASIER GUYS OR GIRLS: Both the same
?? DO YOU EVER
50. SIT BY THE PHONE WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL ALL NIGHT: Have done, but no longer need to. Unless it's scheduled.
51. SAVE AOL CONVERSATIONS: Don't have AOL. Saved MSN ones from my fiance when we lived apart.
52. SAVE E-MAILS: Yep
53. WISH YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE: Yeah, I always used to.
54. WISH YOU WERE A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: Sometimes, yeah.
56. COLOGNE: Don't know anything about it.
57. PERFUME: Anais Anais
58. KISS: This one kiss Mitch gave me for no reason. Have to update that one.
59. ROMANTIC MEMORY: Mitch and me in the pool playing at Seaworld. Really close and loving and warm.
60. MOST RECENT ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU: I never get given good advice.
?? HAVE YOU:
61. Fallen for your friend?: Yep
62. Made out w/ JUST a friend?: No
63. Been rejected?: Only once, for sex, but it was quickly revoked! And only coz it was his first time!
64. Been in love?: Yes
65. Been in lust?: Yes - you can be both at once.
66. Used someone?: Yep.
67. Been used?: No. (Yeah, I know, that's rotten)
68. Cheated on someone?: No
69. Been cheated on?: No
70. Been kissed?: Yes
71. Done something you regret?: Yes
Who was the last person...
72. You touched?: Mitch
73. You talked to?: Mitch
74. You hugged?: Mitch
75. You instant messaged?: Probably Mitch
76. You kissed?: Mitch (can we see a pattern emerging here?)
77. You had sex with?: Mitch
78. You yelled at?: Lachlan
79. You laughed with?: Mitch
80. Who broke your heart?: Mitch, but then he mended it again.
81. Who told you they loved you?: Mitch
82. Color your hair?: No
83. Have tattoos?: No, but wish I could.
84. Have piercing?: 3 in each ear
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?: No, fiance.
86. Own a webcam?: Yep, but haven't the faintest how to use it.
87. Own a thong?: Yep
88. Ever get off the damn computer?: Yeah
89. Sprechen sie deutsche?: Nein
90. Habla espanol?: Um ole no???
91. Quack?: Yeah, well, for my lil bro.
Have you / do you / are you...
92. Stolen anything?: Pencils from school
93. Smoke?: Yes
95. Obsessive?: Sometimes
96. Compulsive?: Mmmm...
97. Obsessive compulsive?: No
98. Panic?: Yeah
99. Anxiety?: Yep
100. Depressed?: Used to be.
101. Suicidal?: No
102. Obsessed with hate?: No
103. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore?: No
104. Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them?: No
105. If you could be anywhere, where would you be?: Shopping
106. Can you do anything freakish with your body?: I can pick stuff up with my toes.
107. What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others?: Smile and hair
108. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?: Yeah. I used to live under a woman president (Margaret Thatcher)
109. Would you marry for money?: No
110. Have you had braces?: Yep
111. Do you pluck your eyebrows?: No
112. Do you like hairy backs?: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
113. When was the last time you had a hickey?: Few days ago
114. Could you live without a computer?: No
115. Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc...?: MSN
116. If so, how many people are on your list(s)?: About 3
117. If you could live in any past, where would it be?: Victorian
119. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off?: take them off.
120. What is your favorite fruit?: strawberries.
121. Do you eat wheat bread or white?: white
122. What is your favorite place to visit?: England
123. What is the last movie you saw?: Harry Potter.
124. Do you kiss on the first date?: Yep!
125. Are you photogenic?: Yep (PHOTOS COMING SOOOOON!!!)
126. Do you dream in color or black and white?: colour.
Birthdate: 13th December 1984
Current Location: Gold Coast, Australia
Hair Color: Brown
Righty or Lefty: Lefty
Zodiac Sign: Saggitarius
Innie or Outtie: Innie
The shoes you wore today: Mary Janes
Your hair: Long
Your eyes: Brown
Cuss: All the fucking time
Sing well: Yep
Liked high school: HATED
Want to get married: Yep, in November.
Get along with your parents: I get on with everyone's parents...not really, they think I'm a bad influence (iamiamiam)
Like thunderstorms: Yep
Done a drug: nope.
Made Out: Yep
Go on a date: Yep
Go to the mall: Yep
Been on stage: Yep. Loads.
Been dumped: Yep.
Gone skating: yep.
Gone skinny dipping: No
Dyed your hair: Yeah, loads.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yep
Gotten beaten up: nope.
Age you hope to be married: 18
Numbers and Names of Children : Don't know numbers, but my first son will be called Jude Ian Janke.
MUM IN LAW UPDATE: :
Slept over at Mitchellan's parents' house last night. Decided to ring Carol once and for all and ask her if I could come round for dinner. I did, and no-one told me to leave, so I stayed. That is, I stayed and slept in Mitch's old bed, AFTER we had a night swim and sex in his parents' pool. Mwahahahahahaaaa!!!
Anyway, his boss came round this morning for like five hours, so me and his mum went shopping with his little brothers Zac and Lach. It was great, and we all really bonded! Then we sat and had a chat for ages and bonded some more. It culminated with me asking if it would be okay for me to stay over the three nights per week when Mitch is not at my mum's. She said yes. Great. We are getting a new Queen size bed after Christmas. Yay! If all goes well she should warm to the idea of us getting our own home and getting married. Fingers crossed.
12th December 2002
MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!!
Hee hee hee...it's my eighteenth birthday tomorrow! I am sooooo stoked!!!! It's weird to think that I will be a legal adult then. I can't think of any legal adult stuff I can actually do though. I mean, I can't even drive, now that IS sad. But nevertheless, I will find something. I want to go out and buy some smokes...YAY, YAY, YAY!!!!! SMOKES!!!! I know that that is also sad, and if anybody bothers to post on here they will probably have some teardown comment to make, but you know what? I'm never gonna meet them, so I DON'T CARE...however, if you want to post something nice, feel free.... :
Anyway, we went ('we' is me and my Nanna and Grandad Lane) to this thing yesterday called The Bethlehem Experience. It was phenom. I loved it. All these people were dressed up like in the time of Jesus, and you walked around. It was very interactive. They even had a real newborn as Jesus. I sort of got religion and volunteered to help out next year. I'd love to do the carol singing...
Mitchellan gave me my early Christmas present yesterday too - a new engagement ring. It really is the most gorgeous piece of jewellery I have ever owned, and I love it...
Sadly, though, my aunt Sam had a bit of a go at me yesterday, which is something she's managed not to do to my face for a few years now, so she blew it. She said she didn't want her kids going to the Bethlehem Experience if I was going to be there, and she said that my grandparents couldn't look after Josh and Jayden while they 'had their hands full looking after Laura'. Yeah. Coz I'm like, in a wheelchair, or mentally incapable, or something. Or I'm going to grab some unsuspecting Christian girl and have lesbian sex with her in the manger, or smoke a joint and set fire to the sheep or whatever...I don't know where she gets these ideas from...I'm a right nice girl, me, I rarely do anything wrong. Just for the record, I have never even smoked a joint...or had lesbian sex, for that matter...and anyway, before she starts judging me she needs to recognise! SHE used to be a stripper for god's sake...
5th December 2002
I just sent Mitchellan a text message asking if he wants to get married this time next year and he said yes. So I feel fab now. We don't need to do anything till next October (a month and a day's notice is required). Easy stuff! :
I want to list all of my favourite text messages that he sent me because I'll have to delete them all to make room for more on my phone, so here we go...
I Love You! My Love, My Life, My Heart, My Hopes & Dreams, My Partner for all lives always and forever! My Fiancee! I'm yours forever.
I Love You like the morning loves the sun after an arctic winter's night and I Miss you like the Desert misses the rain after the longest drought. I Love You Laura! I am in Love with You! XXXOOO
May peace take their hearts and help them all find the strength they need to continue on. I love you, my darling Bunnie! You are in my mind, heart, soul, lives forever. (When I told him my baby cousin George had been given only a few years to live)
Fabulous! I'm going to Marry You real soon too!! I Love You Darling. Can't tell you what the surprise is, it's a surprise ;-)
That sounds fantastic! I'll be there! That is perfect! I LOVE YOU! YOU SEXY THING YOU! (When I asked him if he wanted to get married next year)
You are loved.
I am immensly looking forward to seeing your handy-work! (There was a story behind that one...)
Luv da BunnieEEee!
Back on track with diary times!
Hee hee! Great! All my other entries are, I believe, on the 1st December, because stupid me couldn't work out how to use her account! :
Anyway, this is what has happened. My dad and Jane and Nathan are here now and everything is GREAT! Nathan is about eight zillion times better than I imagined him, and I am just heartbroken that they cannot live here all the time. They seem to get on okay with Mitch...
I am depressed at the moment because everyone in the world who is my age and has a partner seems to be getting married to them except me. I am always bombarded with info about 17 year old pregnant teens who got married 2 days after graduation. I want to do that. It's unfair. I know that it's the love that I share with Mitchellan that counts, but I can help but believe that things would FEEL different if we were married. He's told me he wants to marry me when we're both nineteen, and that sounds great to me! Once I get him to say that to me again today I should feel better...nineteen is YOUNG! And we are not going to tell anybody...maybe this time (or earlier) next year? Yeah, I am going to marry him late next year when we are both eighteen in a secret ceremony at the Southport Court House. Yay! Yay, yay, yay!
1st December 2002
When the sugar from my Slurpee wears off, I just KNOW I'm going to regret this. Just got back from Schoolies and life has begun again today. Sun has already risen on the first day of eternity. Have had spiritual awakening of a genuine and natural kind. All is in place. Will forevermore be happy and successful. Want to tidy up and throw out old life. Oh, by the way, all this has nothing to do with drugs. Hate drugs, and have never used them, with the exception of caffeine, alcohol and nicotine. Am tired. Slurpee statement was correct...am finding self going, 'I have not slept for seventeen hours!!'
Well, the last week has been surprisingly uneventful. I don't feel any different now than I did as a Year 12 but that's just probably me failing as usual. Graduation on Friday was pathetic - really inefficient and badly organised. Mitch and I had a huge fight about his mother (surprise, surprise) right before we were supposed to go into the Church, but then I grabbed his hand at the last minute, kissed him and said, 'I love you', and we walked in together. It was really hot and uncomfortable in there. I will always remember that, when I went up for Communion, there was a tampon on the floor in front of Sister Nancy. It was typical. On the exit, I put my arm round Mitch's shoulder and he around my waist and we walked out to a special loud cheer all our own. Mitch has slept over twice to date. The new system is great, but it makes the days go really fast. Me, Magda, Mitch, Michael and Paul went into Schoolies last night at 7.30. It was alright, but there were no bloody toilets ANYWHERE!!!!! Mitch and I had ANOTHER fight (surprise, surprise) despite the fact that I asked him to marry me on the Simulator and he said yes. This isn't as exciting as it sounds because we already got engaged on May 21st this year, but I broke it off in October. So now we are back on! But I cannot find my bloody ring and it is upsetting me. Anyway...there were loads of couples having sex on the beach so we thought we'd join them. After much persuasion on my part, Mitchellan and I had sex on the beach twice. Great! We got home at 3.45am...
Well, it's maybe just a little bit later than I had hoped to write, but have had a busy day! Or rather, yesterday was a busy day. Anyway, you know what I mean! The graduation dinner has been and gone and it was excellent. I took a video, and there were photos taken. After last entry shopped with Magda and Mitch and bought much lovely stuff! Then tonight went fabulously! Really enjoyed sitting with Michael and Paul, and am glad did not sit with the Jankes as they were very curt and immature, and had hardly a polite word for any of us. Mitch was okay, but the real focus of the evening was downing three glasses of red wine in quick succession and feeling GREAT! Will drink more tomorrow when Mum is out. Ended up flirting like mad with Michael, but then it wore off and I started paying more attention to my real boyfriend. I then took photos of, like, everyone, and right at the end, got presented with my Leaver's Certificate. Smacked sexy Nathan on the bum too, and flirted with Ben McGarry. Sometimes wish I was Ben's or Nathan's girlfriend, often wish I was Paul's or Michael's. Especially Michael. But love Mitch, I suppose. Darren wrote a really shitty message in Mitch's book, saying that I was a complication that had come between Mitch and all of his friends. I mean, honestly. It's hardly my fault, is it? I don't forbid him to see them. It is simple jealousy because none of THEM have girlfriends. Before I left, went to talk to Jessie Flynn-Bent and told her I had written a three page letter to her, and then said I hoped we could be friends and keep in touch and though she looked really nervous and uncomfortable, she gave me a hug, which is promising. She has got a scholarship to the Australian College of Natural Medicine, lucky cow!!! So, a good night. Carolyn was laughable, but then, she always is. So, yeah, a good night, because I let it be...
10.46am Weird thicket thing next to playground between school and Mitch's house. :
OH MY GOD!!! Have just realised have only one month left of being seventeen!!! Had to go to school this morning for 'Safety in Schoolies' presentation which was complete waste of time and offered no new information whatsoever. Then we were supposed to go to some school barbecue thing but the likelihood of there being any vegeburgers is close to zero, so we left ('we' is me, Mitch, Magda and Paul) early and went to the playground while Mitch went home to get some cutlery he owed me. Others getting shitty - I'll write more later.
ON TRAIN - 6.40am (???? WHY??) :
Hate stupid train. Due to stupid air conditioning have just been sniffing solidly since I got on train. Feel sick as dog due to neither me nor Mum remembering sodding travel sickness tablets. Cannot understand why did not just drive up with lovely radio on and no airconditioning or travel sickness. Plus have to face journey home on train, but don't suppose will care as will have grandparents. Am very tired, though. It was easy getting up and ready, but am now just bloody tired. It occured to me this morning, in slow realisation of horror, that it is stupid bloody graduation dinner tomorrow night. I REALLY don't want to go. Is just excuse for poncey rich snobby parents to parade about in designer clothes bragging about themselves and their revolting offspring. Interesting, though, to see what people's parents look like, and if can work out where went wrong. Also, will get back Graduation Booklet with nice message in from almost all members of grade. Not that I care what they think, as probably all insincere anyway. Am worried, now, about what I wrote in people's books, or in case mine was one of the thirteen that got lost. Wonder who the thirteen are, and how they will react tomorrow when everyone else is presented with book full of lovely comments and they don't get one. At airport now. Ooooh!!!
7.00am Brisbane International Airport
Am sitting at scuzzy little cafe table in Arrivals Lounge surrounded by people with more interesting lives than me. Wonder where they obtain money, time, friends etc? Probably not from a Bachelor of Arts degree at Griffith, I'll bet. Flat white coffee is here - must go.
How the heck did it get to be nine o'clock???
THEY'RE HERE!!! I am now (just) on the train going home AVEC Grandparents. Love the lovely Grandparents - they are cute, nice, funny, sweet, totally unchanged and HERE! Yay! Yay, yay, yay!!! Am going to have lovely time on train and then go to Jim and Sam's (uncle and aunt's) house where Nanna and Grandad live for a bit. When I get home I am going to finish fridge and begin freezer, microwave area and cupboards.
I am now at Jim and Sam's house, 'playing' with their kids, Joshua and Jayden and dogs, Billy and Bella. Nanna and Grandad brought me a present from English customs - and they bought one for Mitch too. I got given a big bottle of Anais Anais perfume - the scent that my mum wore on her wedding day, and Mitch (though he doesn't know it yet) has got a massive bottle of Tommy Hilfiger cologne. VERY nice. Cannot wait. He texted me earlier (he has been to the doctor's) and said that, from what I can decipher, he has had some sort of cancer removed from his back, and one may have to be removed, but I think I may have got that wrong, so I'll confirm it later. If he does have cancer, I will NEVER forgive his mother. You see, I found that mole on his back in August and got him to tell his mum but she didn't even do anything about it till today...have little drinky of something with 100% alcohol in it, so must desist and consume.
I know I am going to regret the fact that it is 10.11pm and I am supposed to wake up at 4.30am tomorrow. Am going with Mum on train to pick up Nanna and Grandad Lane from airport. Mitch has to go to school, ha ha ha! But is coming round after! :
Have had marvellous day today. Put new me into practice and indeed succeeded. Spent all day cleaning out pantry and fridge bit still managed to squeeze in two excellent shags. Love lovely Mitch. Never want to fight with him again, and are going to be together, as friends and lovers forever, even after death, as believe in afterlife thanks to John Edward and family's own experience. Love Mitch forever with no end. Am very tired. Will write more on train tomorrow.
Hate the stupid bloody arse-fucking mouse! I had been a very good girl and got ready before I went on the computer this morning, but as soon as I got on, the bloody damn mouse decided not to work. So am now SIM-less - highly unfair. Don't know why I bothered getting ready - Mitch is already half an hour late with no phone call, but I am used to this kind of shitty treatment and DO NOT CARE. Have missed out on going shopping with Mum though, because she leaves at 10.15 sharp. I wish Mitch had got his driver's license, so he wasn't dependent on his bloody parents for transport, or lack of same. He's only here till 3.00 today because prefects have to be there early. So I have had an extremely precious amount of time taen away from me. Don't know why I care, though - the bastard! He could have rung. :
Agh. Hate stupid life right now. Mitch and I have done nothing all day but fight. I tried to break it off but realised didn't want to. Hated stupid, biased, non-reflective-of-actual-effort Awards Night. Hate everything. However, have decided that only thing which now matters is keeping Mitch. My own personal happiness is no longer an option, but Mitch makes me happy at least sometimes, and besides, I love him, so nothing else matters. Especially not me. I mean that too, I hate myself. I don't know what part of me is missing that everyone else has, but anyway. Have decided to completely overhaul myself, become weak, easy and inoffensive, and stay where I belong in the shadows. Love Mitch, and that is all that matters. So will live by following guidelines:
1. Will NEVER AGAIN cry in front of ANYONE unless socially acceptable ie next week's graduation.
2. Similarly, will never reveal true feelings on anything, but will instead give stereotypical expected response.
3. Will not read into thoughts, actions or words of others.
4. Will not self-promote, but instead consider how my actions affect others.
5. Will not allow negative actions to affect me.
Hope I can stick to it. Will practice on Mitch tomorrow.
Right then, five spare minutes! What happened today was quite uneventful...but good! I went to school and dropped off all my books. While I was looking through my school bag for one of my History tapes, I found not only the tape, but a wallet containing $55. Luckily it was mine! Changed graduation seating arrangements so am now sitting at Michael and Paul White's table. This is great because we are BEST friends. It's Mitch I feel sorry for, but I know he'll come see me heaps during the night. If not - at least anything is better than having to sit near Carolyn and bloody Dennis. Anyhow, am now seated with Michael, Paul, Janette, Jeffrey and Nathan White and Maree LaFevre. This is awkward, because the reason I have told Mitch to give his parents re us changing tables was that the table would be too crowded with 10 of us (they are sitting with Troy Schultz and parents, friends of the family). However, the White's table also holds 10. So if anyone asks we're just going to sat that both Nathan and Maree were last-minute additions. Needs must and all that. While this was taking place, Mitch crept up behind me and kissed my shoulder, handing me a bouquet of beautiful flowers he'd picked from his garden for me that morning. I really do love him. Then we had a quiet day at home. We went shopping briefly and I bought a black bikini and a comb for curling hair under. That night, Mitch and Magda (best friend) and I went to the movies to see a film called 'Blurred', which is about Schoolies. Schoolies is a big, two-week-long celebration held in Surfer's Paradise here on the Gold Coast every year. Thousands of high school leavers and perverts from all over the country flock here to PAR-TAY! This is happening next fortnight. It was a great movie, and prompted a deep discussion between Mitch and myself about Schoolies, as coming from a fairly conservative family he was worried about me. So this is what I came up with:
LAURA'S SCHOOLIES RESOLUTIONS
1. Laura will NOT have ANY alcohol in her system while she is participating in Schoolies. If she does, she can't go till it's worn off.
2. Laura will not smoke or do drugs. This is simple, as she has no desire to anyway.
3. Laura will not flirt, get off or sleep with anyone, especially not to get Mitch jealous, and vice versa.
4. Neither Laura nor Mitch will walk off and leave the other alone, even if they are fighting. Arrangements must be made to get one home safely.
5. If Laura and Mitch become separated, they will both make their way to Police Area, Rosie's (street help), Jesus tent or Chill Out Room to keep safe, then call the other.
I then told Mitch how much I respected him for his diplomacy and maturity over the last eight months. He is more wonderful than I can tell him, but hopefully he understood by my rather poor attempt to explain! Have got to be at work in 7 and a half hours. Blagh! I work at the Childcare Centre at the Fernwood Female Fitness Centre at Harbour Town Shopping Centre, from 8.30am till 11.30am each Saturday, for which I get free gym membership, personal training and classes! Ace! It normally costs $800 a year to go there, so working there is a SCORE!!! Must sleep now, more later!
Actually am not going to sleep, am going to read 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone'.
Just got back from Harbour Town. Mitch is going to be late - he rang, but didn't say why. I hope he enjoyed himself. I went shopping with Mum after work and - miracles or miracles - I found three pairs of really fashionable shoes in my size (10) and I could afford them all. I then went to City Beach and bought a tiny little denim boob tube dress with built in belt. I put a little bit of hairspray in my hair today just so it got some lift, and it looks fab. I look fab! So, whatever Mitch is doing, he's going to feel stupid for missing out on having some time with something as fabulous as me!
Very tired but happy. Forgot to mention that whilst at Harbour Town discovered new taste sensation called a pineapple and coconut cream smoothie. Completely arbitrary fact, however. Main part is - am very, very, VERY tired. Was exhausted by the time I got home from work, and at about 3.00pm, Mitchie and I fell asleep in each other's arms and slept till 5.00. I think we've both been running on empty lately. But we garnered enough energy to go for a two-hour walk after dinner. It was lovely, we went all around the suburbs, but there were rather a lot of cockroaches - must be the hot weather. Night of Excellence tomorrow - school awards ceremony combined with musical, visual and dramatic wastes of time. The whole thing lasts three hours. I plan on sleeping. I'm only getting the History award because I'm the only one who does that subject. I KNOW I deserve more, being top five in every class, but try getting Aquinas to be fair. I have never got what I worked for, but who cares? I get $50 for History, so who's complaining? Also, am looking forward to seeing Mitch get his IPT awards and do the 'Passing on of the Colours' to next years' prefects. Mostly though, just the $50 and the sleeping. Am going now, to read 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' (finished 'Philosopher's Stone')
Well, I got the whole thing sorted out with my mother. I didn't get angry or anything, just quietly sat down in the car and said calmly that the situation seemed extremely out of character and would she mind explaining the actual circumstances? So she told me that she, indeed, hadn't wanted to upset me during my exams, and had thought I was too distressed already to have any more heaped on me. She also said that Carolyn had made false accusations against me, namely that Mitch had $3000 worth of work piled up at home which he wasn't doing because he's always with me. This is horribly unfair, because I don't INSIST that Mitch comes round at the expense of his work (he does website design on a contract basis). And besides, I checked with him yesterday and the actual amount is $1500. The only reason she wants him to get it all done now is so she can take it off him and spend it herself. I say that without a shred of malice - Mitch has told me that she spends his work money on paint to do up the house (she is always redecorating) and garage-saleing (she goes every week). She even takes his Austudy/Youth Allowance payments - she used all of it this year to finance her trip to England next year. But that is going to stop - Mitch told me that she agreed to sign his Youth Allowance over to him when he leaves school. Gracious of her. Anyway, my mum then got quite maternally enraged and icily asked Carolyn how come she and Dennis had supported the idea of Mitch moving in ALL YEAR, and bought us both loads of new stuff 'for the new place' when they've just changed their mind at the last minute? I'm not sure what their response was, but that's when Carolyn suggested the four nights a week thing. I am going into school today to a) return the few textbooks I can find; b) pick up Mitch and c) change (again) the seating plan for the Graduation Dinner on Wednesday so that we don't have to sit near the bloody Manson family. Mitch came round last night and I literally fell into his arms. We had a long, loving talk about how people can't hurt us if we don't let them and how we're too strong as a couple to let anyone get in our way. I love him so damn much!
I HATE HIM. HATE HIM HATE HIM HATE HIM. :
It's all over. Everything. There's no relationship any more, and Mitch is not moving in next year. Mitch's mother has told him we are too young to move in together. So instead of doing what's best for the relationship, Mitch has decided to do what Mummy wants and stay at home. He expects me to wait around for him until Mummy decides we are ready. And I am not prepared to do that. So here we are. I just don't see how I'm supposed to sit at home alone all night four nights a week when he's not there...
I don't know what to do or where to turn. I just want to say firstly that I have made up with Mitch, and decided that a shitty life where I see him 3 times a week is better than a moderately happy life, but one where I don't have him at all. Also, I'd like to recant what I wrote at the top of this page, and rectify it at the top of the next ->
I LOVE HIM! LOVE HIM LOVE HIM LOVE HIM!!!!
Unfortunately, however, there is still the question of my mother. What she has done is unforgivable, and I don't know where to begin. Apparantly, Carolyn rang her during the week and managed to win her over. She got Mum to agree to stop me from getting Mitch to move in. And Mum never mentioned any of this to me. She is a traitor. She has gone over to the other side and has betrayed me. She seemed genuinely concerned about me yesterday - hugging me and saying I was strong. She even came downstairs and asked me to talk her through some of my SIMS and said she would actually play it with me later today. But now I see that it was all an act. She doesn't love me or care about me, she bought in to Carolyn's crap, which I thought she was strong enough and decent enough not to do. I think I'm going to go mad. I have lost everything to that woman. She has managed to turn my own mother against me. This morning, all I wanted to do was run away from this place and take my own life. But then I went back to school and did my SOR exam perfectly. And then sat with Mitchie till his Maths C exam started. And had some Cheese and Bacon Balls. I texted Mum, and her (lame) excuse was she didn't want to tell me Carolyn had rang till after my exams, which is the same bullshit excuse Mitch gave yesterday for not telling me he wasn't allowed - get that, ALLOWED, to move in full-time any more. But anyway, I have now reached a decision. I AM going to take my own life. I am going to take it and reclaim it as mine. People can only affect me for as long as I let them. If I can shrug my shoulders and say, 'What-the-fuck-ever', each time I get lied to, deceived, used or heartbroken, I will be a placid, non-ruffled personage. Mum's here to pick me up - must go.
6.30 am :
Have headache. Have large headache. Possibly caused by strain at gym. Have to hand in assignments in an hour, then go to uni with Mum for some reason; and then (hooray!) Mum is taking me to Australia Fair Shopping Centre to buy me a new watch! Hoorah, hoorah, hoorah!
I am a mess. I haven't had time to have a shower, so that means I am still carrying all the icky sweaty whatevers from the gym. Gross. My face is all scabby and yuck, my makeup is unconvincing and I am fat, so I am dressed like an advert for 'Help the Ugly' or similar. When I get home from Australia Fair (avec cool new watch) I am going to do a severe tidy up of my room in the hopes of unearthing several wonderful, beautiful, flattering items of clothing that I had forgotten about. Some hope. Anyway, have handed in assigments and am now sitting in car in uni parking lot listening to radio. The Greenday song '(Good Riddance) Graduation' has come on. I hate this song! It was the 1998 Aquinas Garduation song, and it always makes me cry. I miss Mitch. I can't believe I don't get to see him at all tomorrow, except maybe two hours at night...stupid work! But will not sit at home and moon like tragic dependent, but instead will conduct self with dignity and feminist strength and tidy up. Hate tidying up, but unless it is done, Mitch will not be able to move in as will be unable to locate door.
Have brilliant new watch and over $100 worth of excellent mature summer clothes which Mum bought me!!!
30th November 2002
Number of hours spent working on various assignments to be handed in tomorrow - 7 and a half. Finally, FINALLY! Have finished bloody god damn it to hell and back assignments. All of them finished and wonderful. Did very little else all day. Went to gym - am fat and flabby and cannot do any of the things I am supposed to be able to do. Also look like flabby convict in my gym outfit, as is entirely grey. Mitch came round today and sat around looking delectable with bare chest, school trousers and my tinted brown sunglasses. He looked, and indeed acted, good enough to eat, but assignments are a cruel master, so I had to suppress my desire, at least for today...At gym, I was told by my trainer Robyn that my legs are wonky. They stick out in manner of John Cleese, so have been practising straight-legged walk all day, resulting in me looking less like John Cleese and more like John Wayne, and falling over and into things. Watched 'Bridget Jones's Diary' on DVD, but is about fifty million times crapper than the book. Love the book. Movie Bridget sad representation of very realistic book Bridget. Mum tried to get me to lend her the book tonight, but couldn't. Need Bridget - she is a friend! Got the (too) long-awaited phone call from Nanna and Grandad Lane saying they are arriving on Tuesday!!!!!!!!!! They have sold both the business and the house! Severe 'hurrah's' are in order!!!! But will now have to tidy house. Need to go in to school tomorrow to drop off damn assignments, but then Mum is picking Mitch up at 12.30 and bringing him here. No longer have stress of assignments, so wonder if I can get him to wear the glasses again...Mmmmm! Just the thought of him: his lovely long black hair, deep smouldering eyes full of passion and soul, lips that want me, hands, delicate and strong to hold me, voice eloquent and full of love...Love Mitch. Love Mitch ever so much...Hey! There must be more Poms in the vicinity! Somebody is setting off fireworks! Had forgotten it is Bonfire Night. Oh, and I am proud to report that I dyed Mitch's hair for him today. I have never dyed hair before, but it looked good, apart from it was a little brown at the front still. Oh well. So my Mitchie now looks sexy as hell with his gorgeous, raven-black hair which falls over his face...here I go again!!!
29th November 2002
Sleeeep. Want sleeeeep. Finished 'Bridget Jones' though. Crappy ending. Now want to read sequel, 'Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason'. Maybe I should call this diary 'Laura Thew: The Slide Into Depravity;. Am going to try and trick self into falling asleep by imagining self-help tape inside head. Wonder why cat is sleeping UNDER bed? Has never done such before. Aha - sleep!
(Please note, this was actually on the 4th)
Bloody insomnia. Have got to be at gym in 12 hours...:-(
Bloody bed full of mince pie...
There is a MOZZIE on my CEILING! Do not wish to spray, as have Buddhist-style belief that everything has Right To Life unless very icky or leggy and in my personal space. The way I see it, if I stuck my hand in a deadly spider's hole, or web, I would deserve to be bitten and therefore die. Similarly, after X amount of years of evolution, any bug that is still crap enough to enter my home deserves everything it gets. Butterflies are the only exception. Anyway, gave mozzie headache with 'Bridget Jones'.
Finished condensing Health Ed. Still can't face doing it tomorrow. Am going to (finally) consume mince pies, read 'Bridget Jones' and then (really) SLEEP.
Woo-hoo! Found two mince pies in fridge!
I have been awake far too long. The legal studies exam was extremely easy. I remember one sentence I wrote: 'The lack of formal procedures in mediation allow the parties to articulate their ideas with greater clarity.' Wanker. Went for a walk with Mitch (boyfriend) to Ashmore City Shopping Centre, where he proceeded to buy me one of those teddy bears that you write on. The plan is to, next week, get everyone in our year group to sign their name on it, as well as our school shirts. On our way back to school we walked through the park where we used to sit after school some evenings, and my $30 watch that I bought yesterday, count it - yesterday - fell off somewhere. We walked up and down for an hour but it is gone for good. I am destined to wander the Earth watchless for the rest of my days. Mitch caught the school bus to my place at 4.00, and then he did a bit of tidying up, while I played SIMS (human simulator-type thingy computer game I am addicted to!). He's getting all excited because he's moving in with me next Friday. Yes, I'm excited too, but I think if I think about it too much, I'll explode. So he's running around the place tidying and cleaning and rearranging. He was walking around Crazy Clark's in Ashmore City today going, "Ooh, towels, ooh, dinner trays". I really, REALLY love him! I finished my drama assignment, so I've just got the fluffy bits to do on my History and Health Ed. left. Mum says she is going to hire out 'Bridget Jones's Diary' for me, and then we can copy it. I promise, when I'm rich, I won't pirate. I have to go to the gym tomorrow at 11.00am but want to SLEEP! Guess what? While Mitch was still at school doing his Maths exam, this guy called Nathan texted me. He was in the same exam. It was quite weird, as I used to really fancy Nathan before I went out with Mitch, and I don't think he ever really got over me. Sweet! Anyway, I have to go do some cutting down on my Health Ed. assignment and read some more Bridget Jones (yes, I am obsessed at the moment) but before I do I just want to update you on what my plans are for next year, coz they changed (again) today. I am going to Griffith University (Gold Coast Campus) where my mum goes, and Mitch is going to go, and do a Bachelor of Arts, majoring in Public Relations and Writing, then I hope to get a cushy government office job. Mitch is going to do the same (job type, that is), but he's doing civil engineering and I.T. (wanker!). Alright, I'm going to bed...again...
Am tired!!! At last!! Am going to sleep!!!