Lauren's Blurty

Subject:	boring to you
Time:	10:30 am.
Music:	conan and wayne's world.

michael ian interviewed matt damon, greg kinnear, the farrelly brothers, and cher. it was hilarious. it was also the oddest thing ever. but everything michael ian does is insane, so...ya know. he's the best.

actually the weirdest thing i've seen in a long time was located in the walgreens on union at 330 am. preston and i were getting some drinks, there was no one in the store besides us, the 2 employees and a man standing between two check-out aisles. this man looked like the huge cowboy villain in the yosemite sam cartoons, but this man had a red t-shirt with dry vomit on it, and he was snoring like a mutha. i couldn't stop laughing....but it was a nervous laughter, like when you realize you are too close to a rabid dog.

courtney, leslie and myself gave taco bell 9 dollars in change last night. sadness.

i miss allison and matt and jay and the caravan kids. i feel isolated. preston's apartment feels like an alternate universe. everything we do together feels distant from everything else. i don't know if that makes sense. i like him much. i like him even more, now that he watched down with love with me twice and loved it. he always laughs at me when i sigh at ewan mcgregor. a girl can't help herself. that high note! that look he has in the dry cleaners! guh.

the cory branan show was weird. he was nervous and people were drunk in the record store. he was beautiful and charming, as always. he played a lot of stuff i'd never heard him play before, which was super fantastic. brent bought my dinner. zao! thanks, buddy.

conan is the shit.

i love love love augustine. i gotta record at least 2 more songs. toby and i are doing a "folk" song. i think it's only considered folk because it's a guy/girl duet. they are doing some really really great things, and i am still so proud and impressed with them.

school seems like a joke. so does work for that matter. work! i get to hang with kurt again. i had forgotten how easy it is to talk to him. i am amazed that we literally talk non-stop until we are in our separate cars. we constantly overlap and interupt each other. it's fun. we watched finding nemo in jeb's office. yeeeeuh.

sorry, my journal is boring to you.

i get to live with my step-dad again! yes! mike is great! my patience is through the roof!
(read between the exclamation points)

i hope i can swing sleeping over in memphis.

"i love you, garth"
"i love you, dream woman!"

a mr. j. vest and i had a meeting with our advisor today. she made it into 2 separate meetings, but said the exact same things, and gave us the same classes. she also gave me the scariest look i've ever seen on a live human face. i'm still getting goosebumps.

wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wanna go to cory branan tonight.

i don't think catching saddam means much change.

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Subject:	"Loose Leaves"
Time:	11:10 pm.

there are stories in the soil, loose leaves cover the ground
there's volumes in the forest, no one reads out loud
if i could take them down off of that mountain shelf
we used to climb but no one tries to go up that far now yeah

we're all too busy working, entertaining ourselves
forty hours television and prescription pills
well i take two a day to make my brain behave
it never does but who's to say at least my doctor gets paid

so that's fine, yeah come by we'll take the afternoon off
we can kiss and undress or if you want just talk
cause i've got nothing real, just empty space to fill
and you're my girl i like your style just imagine all the time we could kill

and time's not poison but once you drink it all you'll die
so let's just sip it real slow
yeah we can nurse it all night
try to believe that once it's gone
we'll pour another round and come back to life
come right back

i guess i'm moving faster now or that's what they said
and though some days still take forever i can't disagree
because it seems to me that i wake up and sleep
look in the mirror have no idea what happened in between

but i remember counting days down 'til the year could be done
so i could scatter all my notebooks on the prep school lawn
and disappear again into a summer's bliss
of staying out sleeping in and getting drunk with my friends

that's gone and i know that it won't ever come back
i accept i won't cling to what i had in the past
but life's a slippery slope, regret's the steepest hill
hope for the best, plan for the worst and maybe wind up somewhere
in the middle

and i'm not saying that i know what i want
but i know what i don't, don't want to rot in my room
and never know what could have been
believe what everyone else tells me is true
yeah, they say 'true'
that's what they say

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Subject:	fuck it up, boys, let's make some noise
Time:	10:48 pm.

i am listening to bright eyes, eating ice cream, and wallowing in my own self-doubt.
just irritable, i guess.
moods like these make me want alcohol.

augustine's first official gig was last night. they were TERRIFIC. it was just such a good feeling seeing them play, and seeing everyone else see them play. i'm glad i got to be a part of it all. thank you to everyone, for being so nice to me for reasons that i don't know.

i'd like to know why i bruise so damn easily. my entire right leg is aching and purple...as is my left arm.

i'm not really in an update mood.

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Subject:	The Good Life--Off the Beaten Path
Time:	8:29 am.

Well I'm trying to be patient
But the wheels keep turning round
But it's a treadmill and I'm just dragging my feet
I'm so tired of everything
Defeated by routine
By words that don't mean anything to me
At least not anymore now that I'm done...

with a morning of a day without ending
A year of decadence to escape from penance
But I've suffered. I'm over it, yeah
I'm fine now, but I'm sick of it
I was happy being miserable
I used to lay down my head on the bar
And raise one lonely finger for a drink

It doesn't have to be so difficult
just keep coasting by
so you lost a limb
Well hell it'll heal with time
What happens when you love what you've lost?
You didn't have to cut it off
But I did, and I do, and it took everything that I have
I wonder if I could ever get it back...

to how it was when I still thought of love
as a risk I could take if I was willing to make
the commitment to rejection
and the mind games, the deception
The late nights under the covers
pointing the finger at whoever started
whatever we were fighting about

I guess that I'm fine now
everything's better
everything's cooled down
it's all copesetic
We'll move on, off to a better world
To a fresh start where anything's possible

But I'm sick of it
Yeah I'm sick of it
I'm so sick of it
No, I'm sick of it
no, no, no, no, no
I'm sick of it now
I'm just sick of it now
no, no, I am so sick of it
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
But he's sick of it
no, no, no,no

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Subject:	super czech buff woman
Time:	7:45 pm.
Music:	silence.

the fridge in the room does not do a good job of keeping ice cream solid. it's goooey as hell, which is good for my throat. i am sicker than a junt. didn't go to work today. slept and slept and talked to harrison. i sucked it up. i had to see what it would feel like, and i am okay. i'm glad i called, he really needed someone to talk to. i'm really proud of him, too. he sold a sculpture for $3,300!! he's amazing.

anyway! hopefully the dorm will quiet down so i can get more sleep. actually, i'll probably go to toby's for a nap.

DECEMBER 7TH at the CARAVAN:
GUNSHY
NEVER CRY WOLF (solo)
AUGUSTINE
(bring your camera for the hotness, ladies)

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Time:	11:38 pm.
Music:	Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain.

one very happy note: the generics are coming to memphis for a 15 year reunion. HOT DAMN! i'm so excited.

I was getting better every day at it. the memories, pieces of conersavtion--they were slipping from my mind. stupid boy. stupid girl. same old story.

"Is tomorrow just a day like all the rest."
How could you know just what you did?
So full of faith yet so full of doubt I ask.
Time and time again you said don't be afraid.
"If you believe you can do it."
The only voice I want to hear is yours.
Again.
I shall ask you this once again.
And again.
He said:
" I am but one small instrument."
Do you remember that?
So here I am above palm trees so straight and tall.
You are smaller, getting smaller.
But I still see you.

today was a weird day. mostly good, though. i had fun with jake. invented new slang. got the cory 7''. ate a lot of ice cream. played some rock 'n' roll. ben had lunch with us today--always brilliant. what a fuckin' camper. he's the best.

i say it over and over...i love the augustine boys. "panama" made me happier than they will ever know. and they all make me happier than they'll ever know in their individual ways.

sean bateman on rules of attraction: "i'd rather have lauren. i wonder why."
that guy i'm dating, who is too cute: "yes...what is it about that lauren." (glaring at me)

i wish i could have one week of no worries with him..where he wouldn't worry about the job or money or anything else..where i wouldn't have to worry about school or friends or who i am. we could just lay there, all day long, listening to the amelie soundtrack and clarity. whyyyy not? i went over to his house last night when i left toby's. i went straight to the couch, went to sleep, woke up to my cell alarm, and left with not so much as a hug. i didn't want to wake him up. it all felt very strange for some reason.

too loud in the dorms. too hot. too much for me. i want to get out. "hello my name is distance, and i really don't care if i ever wake up again."

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Subject:	focusing in
Time:	7:36 am.
Music:	death cab for cutie.

jake has made updating my weekend obsolete. it's all there. including our retarded conversation. he didn't even mention the imaginary get up kids show....we are stupid....but still the coolest people we know, plus al and ryan.

augustine practice was really good. for a while it was just jeff and toby. then preston got back from his rendezvous and just he and toby played, with toby on piano, doing the stuff i taught him. jeff came back around and they played the most amazing version of 'fail safe' to date. i was blown away.

slept on preston's couch to avoid dorm life. my cell phone alarm worked. i am tired as fuck. it is time for class.

rollin' in the escort for the week!! yayuh.

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Subject:	"marge...you like everybody"
Time:	1:02 pm.

check out a mini-sample of the statistics new full-length on punknews.org. i am excited. weee!

the weekend was grrrreat, for the most part. went to knoxville wednesday night, got back thursday night. i love my uncle. i love my distant cousin miles and aunt aurie (like aurie from tenenbaums...i think that is neat). got back around midnight. i was too tired to hang out. friday i picked up preston and we headed over to allison's. wellll, on the way over the old bridge, something went wrong. pulled over, jake ryan and allison came and saved me and yadda yadda yadda...my motor is "shot"....fuckin oh well.... i just hate bothering people with rides. still went to allison's and partyed it up. austin invented an amazing game in 2 seconds. it is better than candyland. more fun than most board games i have played. that kid is a genius and 1/2.

gotta go t0 870 with jake...more later

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Subject:	brrrrrrrr....it's cold
Time:	11:18 am.
Mood:	fuzzy on the inside.
Music:	a charlie brown christmas--christmas time is here.

freeezing! don't want to go to acad. i am full of complaints today. not really. i'm in a great mood. i only have one class tomorrow. ha! and it's philosophy. so, not a real class or anything. oh, dear, that reminds me of philosophy boy, who i finally had a real conversation with...ryan...he is the only boy that's appropriately compared to cory branan. almost as good looking, charming, nice, foul-mouthed, and liquored up as cory. philosophy boy is no longer an enigma. the loss of the mystery did not take away the intrigue. he's a cool guy.

that was one of the many great moments of saturday night. saturday was just a good day all together. slept laaate with johnny reb. picked up allison. went to saigon le with her, ryan, eddie and new friend regan. we split some rice and veggies and had a gay old time. tom and nathan (not watkins, not shirley) were at the show, which was super. i've never seen someone embrace emo quite like tom. i love that guy. turns out nathan is friends with mike marsh and his wife. turns out that mike marsh is not only my favorite drummer, but bob nanna's as well. turns out hey mercedes was incredible and bob nanna is the first red-headed man i've ever been attracted to. we had a mad crazy dance party with funk circle pit after the show. no violence, just good plain goofy fun. it's really fun looking bob nanna in the eye and singing ''don't want to meet your daddy, just want you in my caddy." allison knows what's up. that was insane. i wish toby and lexie could've come. i wish jonathan hadn't gotten sad. after the show went to toby's, took allison home, and then to preston's. I FINALLY SAW THE DAILY SHOW TAPE!! he doesn't think it's worth seeing, but it is soooo worth it. "preston would you mind re-enacting your re-enactment?" hahaha it was classic. i can't believe he was on the daily show.

also watched a lot of harrison ford. han solo in a new hope.....guuuuuuuh.

slept in late again on sunday. like, late...until 5 pm. some little kid was running around the apartments at 9 in the morning like a retard. he woke everyone in the house up. and i can sleep through huge storms, so that tells you something about mr. roudy pants. saw matrix revolutions with jake and ben. i still say the dialogue in those movies is so frickin campy. i liked the movie though. it was cool. way out there. i'm glad it looked more like the first one. the second one looked kind of weird to me. in the first one, the matrix looked like real life, for the most part...but in the 2nd movie it had an odd look to it. uh, anyway...i didn't think revolutions was as bad as everyone says.

i actually went to theory today. parten doesn't seem as big a douche. that could be the cold going to my head.

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Subject:	mmmm...refreshed.
Time:	5:36 pm.

thank the lord, god almighty for allison, jay and robert downey, jr. they saved me last night from my buzzkillin' mood. rd jr is the most adorable person in the world. i think the drug addiction is kind of endearing, don't you? gothika is the in the top 5 creepiest movies i've ever seen. creepy as, if not creepier than, the ring. yeah...i know. crazy. it was awesome, though. almost as awesome as the beuatiful brithish men behind us. they had the preston accent, but it was real. allison and i were rendered useless. so pathetic. ah well. i'm just so glad my night got better. even saw one of america's most beautiful men. wowza.

hung out at preston's afterwards. spent the night. nice, as per usual.

TONIGHT: HEY MERCEDES AT THE CARAVAN. $7. MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION, PEOPLE.

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Subject:	that girl always gets in my way
Time:	8:12 pm.
Mood:	bi-polar.
Music:	bright eyes--the feel good revolution.

today. oh today. my alarm gave up on me and i slept through my classes. don't know if that is good or bad anymore. so i go to work and as soon as i put my stuff in my office, cam comes over and tells me to come to his office. he had yummy salad and pasta for the both of us. i thought he was just yankin' me about lunch yesterday. we sat by the window and ate fettucini and he has a gorgeous view of the river and downtown and east arkansas in all it's limited glory. we just ate and hung out for a little over an hour until i had to relieve kay on the phones. it was really really nice, and kinda weird. he went with me to bankruptcy court, which is as good a metaphor as any for where he and i would go as far as a relationship. why do i like men that act like little boys? i guess because i am still a little girl. i am naive, but i'd rather be naive than jaded or too cynical. this is the attitude that has me in my current situation with college, too. my mom thinks i'm insane and stupid, and i probably am. i don't know how to explain myself to anyone. i don't think i should have to. but everyone keeps pushing me. and giving me these big sighs and these looks like i'm going to regret my decisions. fuck that and fuck you.

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Subject:	know your onion!
Time:	10:55 am.
Mood:	good.
Music:	the smiths.

i have 200 dv dollars to spend on food at the u of m, because i was deceived. i bought an abundance of chick-fil-a for toby and jeff and whoever happens to drop by that house, which is the everyone. it's like the matt/jay/alex house of memphis.

yesterday was a really good day. lexie gave me something for my ''headache'' and i had the giggles the rest of the night and i was talking crazy and, well, lexie and i had a great time. looked through jeff's photo album. bleache blonde toby.....NO! awful. it's just something that should never have happened. we all make mistakes.

i order jake to sleep 3-4 hours a night. no more. no less. because he is a trip around the 15th hour. i had so much fun last night. the fucking shins. gaaaah. beautiful, wonderful, good good good show. i really liked the other bands, too. gotta check out the hitone site to get their names. the shins keyboard player is chris parnell of saturday night live. being with brent was awesome, because i love him and he makes me laugh like no one else. he is a crazy sumbitch. i miss jake and brent together....but i won't have to for long! what a duo. "no tiene un bano!"

cam sent me all over town yesterday. he also sent me to bankruptcy court to file amended claims, but he didn't send me with the $26 dollars that it takes to add creditors to the claims. so i had to run back to the office, get the check, give cam shit about it, and run back to court. all under 15 minutes, too. yeah! he's taking me to lunch today. maybe today we will talk about things other than bottle rocket and filing.

the drummer for the first band had carrabba-esque features. he was guappisimo.

i miss being alone with my drummer.

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Subject:	when you notice the stripes
Time:	10:26 am.
Mood:	pissed off.
Music:	everytime i die.

life is here and i am happy with it. i hung out with allison last night and a little bit of matt on the side. i guess jay was the after-dinner mint. i miss allison a lot. i love that girl. i will be home next semester, it looks, so we can hang out like old school days. i better not become a townie, though. that makes me shudder.

the discovery channel did this thing on the jfk conspiracy (i hope jeremy saw it) and they gave all the oliver stone info, but when it came down to the real experiments they did, they just "forgot" to demonstrate all that stuff that would lead you to believe ole lee was not the only one involved. bastards.

bass color is now midnight wine. it just blends better.

SHINS TONIGHT. brent, if you don't have work out the wazoo, call me (901) 830 4145. i miss you, too.

it feels like i've been sitting on the edge of my seat with every situation these days. it's not a terrible feeling. i don't always notice it. but, it's not fun to feel like you are just hanging on to a thread that's attached to someone else, waiting for the tug. i hate being the tugger, though. or the tugee. it's lose/lose in that sense, i guess. whatever. today is a beautiful day.

i don't want to live arkansas.

agh! i just got off the phone with my mom, and she refuses to help me get the bass. had it all together. i was going to pay 15 a month and i would have my bass immediately. fucking....al;dkjfa;dfj. FUCK!

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Subject:	boy on blurty cover page = hot
Time:	12:46 pm.
Music:	rhett miller...i love this guy.

now that i put that subject up, by the time you look at the blurty cover page to see a beautiful guy with great hair and a great smile, there will be something hideous up. oh well.

philosophy test was a breeze. it's gross outside. HOWEVER, nothing can bring me down from this gtfu high. best night ever. so cool. can't explain. standing on my chair, giddy out of my soul.

i am ordering a blue agave fender precision bass on friday. shoot me if i don't.

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