| 7:19p |
It's so hard to let go. I love him, and I need him. But I know he doesn't feel the same. I feel so miserable, alone, sad, and confused. I wish I knew what I did wrong so that I could change it. If there was anything I could do, I would in a heartbeat just to have him back. We're friends... and I talk to him, and see him... but it's not the same. It's so hard to just hug him goodbye like it's nothing, when in reality I want to kiss him and tell him how he's my entire world. Part of me keeps thinking that maybe if I just give him his space, and do this "friends" bullshit, he'll come back. But if he doesn't feel how I feel for him, the other part of me thinks that it's a lost cause.
He's one of my best friends, and I can't let him go from my life. I know that I should just back away from everything until I don't have all these emotions, but I just can't make myself. I'll be in the middle of breaking down and just getting a text from him in response to mine, or him iming me makes my world seem a little brighter.
I swear I'm trying, but I feel like a complete failure. The more times this happens, the more and more I feel like a total disappointment to this world. Everyone keeps telling me that it isn't my fault, that he has issues he has to work out. But I can't explain how he makes me feel. Or the fact that when I wake up and see him, my heart gets all warm, and for those few minutes before he wakes up too, the world just stops. I know I've said over and over how broken I am because of people, but for the first time in my life, I know what a true broken heart feels like. I realize now that all those times before were truly nothing. I can honestly feel my heart breaking off piece by piece right now. I can't even take down the pictures because those pictures are my world now that he's gone.
I'm alone. And I don't know what to do. |