Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in Lo Lo's Blurty:

Friday, December 21st, 2007
10:09 pm	He saw me with Steve... I feel horrible. I told him today that it was too hard to be his friend because i'm in love with him. I don't know what to do. I think I lost him forever. Part of me wants to have hope, but I know better. He's gone. Done. Over. I'm crushed. (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 2nd, 2007
10:03 pm	i can look back at my past and say proudly that i don't have regrets. i know that i have given things my all, and i haven't pussied out. i put my whole heart into things time and time again, and i may walk away with parts of my heart missing, and worse my heart completely shattered, but i till tried. i kept pushing when the world told me i couldn't i kept trying when you kept saying no but that doesn't make me weak. it makes me stronger then you can ever hope to be. so go ahead and walk away. be scared, and be mean. walk away because it is easier then facing how you feel. you turn your back on me now, but you'll be back. eventually down the road, you'll come back. that's going to be the day where you get your heart broken for the first time. it's going to shatter because i'm not going to be there like i used to be. it's going to hurt so bad, you're gonig to know how i felt for too long. so when you can't sleep because i'm not by your side, remember that you are the one who couldn't admit how you felt. hopefully you will learn your lesson. don't let go of something you love. because sometimes, love won't bring it back. (Comment on this)
Friday, November 23rd, 2007
5:10 pm	I'm 20 years old and about 5'6. I have green eyes and my hair is always changing. I go to college and work my ass off to get passing grades. I've had a job since I was 16, and the only break I have from school is over christmas because everytime else I'm always taking classes. On the surface I look like your normal college aged girl. I go out, I have fun, and I try to keep smiling. But the truth is, I have a broken heart. Not just your average "we broke up I'm really hurt" heart that heals after a few weeks. My heart won't heal. I've tried it all, but it just keeps going. It's supposed to get easier everyday, but for me, it never does. I'm so sad that I can't even explain it. I'm unhappy and I'm lonely. And I'm too scared to admit it to anyone close to me. I cry every day now. This pain doesn't end. I cuddle with his sweatshirt to replace him being here. I put away his clothes and his pictures, but I take them back out. Why? Because I'm miserable without him, and without any trace of him in my life. I wish I knew a cure, because I'd do anything. It's not just that I want this feeling of emptiness to stop, I need it to because I don't know how much longer I can deal with it. I'm back in that place, and I don't know how to get out. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 25th, 2007
12:37 pm	I'm not going to stop talking to him. I'm going to be his friend because I need him and he has no idea. I'm not going to let him know I cry everyday, or that I'm miserable without him, but I am going to be his friend. I'm going to try my hardest to be that girl he fell for this summer, and see what happens. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I'm just going to try. I'm going to live today and then deal with tomorrow. Maybe if I just live day to day, it won't hurt so bad, and it might be a little easier. I'm a stupid girl. I know. But I have to try. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 24th, 2007
10:09 am	I'll be right here waiting for him. I'm going to give him space, and let him come back... if he decides to. I realize that because I really love him, I have to let him go. I'm still miserable and completely heartbroken. I just wish this feeling would stop (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
7:19 pm	It's so hard to let go. I love him, and I need him. But I know he doesn't feel the same. I feel so miserable, alone, sad, and confused. I wish I knew what I did wrong so that I could change it. If there was anything I could do, I would in a heartbeat just to have him back. We're friends... and I talk to him, and see him... but it's not the same. It's so hard to just hug him goodbye like it's nothing, when in reality I want to kiss him and tell him how he's my entire world. Part of me keeps thinking that maybe if I just give him his space, and do this "friends" bullshit, he'll come back. But if he doesn't feel how I feel for him, the other part of me thinks that it's a lost cause. He's one of my best friends, and I can't let him go from my life. I know that I should just back away from everything until I don't have all these emotions, but I just can't make myself. I'll be in the middle of breaking down and just getting a text from him in response to mine, or him iming me makes my world seem a little brighter. I swear I'm trying, but I feel like a complete failure. The more times this happens, the more and more I feel like a total disappointment to this world. Everyone keeps telling me that it isn't my fault, that he has issues he has to work out. But I can't explain how he makes me feel. Or the fact that when I wake up and see him, my heart gets all warm, and for those few minutes before he wakes up too, the world just stops. I know I've said over and over how broken I am because of people, but for the first time in my life, I know what a true broken heart feels like. I realize now that all those times before were truly nothing. I can honestly feel my heart breaking off piece by piece right now. I can't even take down the pictures because those pictures are my world now that he's gone. I'm alone. And I don't know what to do. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
10:51 pm	I get so frustrated with everything about him. One minute he's here, the next he's gone, and he doesn't even seem to care about how that affects me. I know, do me wrong once, it's your fault, twice it's my fault, and after that, there shouldn't even be a chance. I just can't help it. I feel safe when I'm lying in his arms. I can tell him anything under the sun, and he would never think to judge me on it. But there is one thing I can't tell him. That I'm crazy about him, and I'd do anything to be with him. He's afraid that if he gets too close with people he's going to fuck them up like he thinks he is, but I just need him to give me a fucking chance. I can show him that maybe we can be perfectly unperfect together. I'm always the fighter, the one who has to argue my point because i have to be right. But with him, I actually listen to what he says, and I think about it. When I called him last night all of a sudden he goes "you just like talking to someone don't you". I'm lonely, and sometimes, even when I'm around tons and tons of people, I feel even more alone. And talking to people, especially him, makes me happy, even if it's only for a few minutes. I used to let myself be that lonely, and I'd get to places that I never want to go back to. He's alone and I just wish he'd realize that I can change that for him. I just want to be able to lay in his arms again. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 7th, 2006
11:08 pm	So here's the deal: Tonight, let's be together, like old times. I can lay in your arms and feel safe like I used to. We can pretend we are back where we used to be, and then in the morning, you can go back to your life, and I guess I'll try to go back to mine. If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. Spiteful words hurt your feelings, but silence breaks you heart. I'll leave my window open Cuse I'm too tired tonight to call your name Just know I'm right here hoping That you'll come in with the rain ~Taylor Swift I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do ~Taylor Swift I want someone who won't care that I never wear shoes, that I'm incapable of staying still, that I can't grasp the concept of cleaning & I refuse to be lady-like. Someone who realizes that half the decisions I make, I'll regret And I have the right to over-react at any given moment. I want someone who knows I'm completely insane And they wouldn't want me any other way You can't prevent what you can't predict Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Lying wide awake in the dark, tryin' to figure out where you are. Always goin' nowhere, afraid of going somewhere cause Somewhere's a place in your heart Sometimes when I think about you and why you're always running away. Sitting in your car changing who you are. Drowning the thoughts of you like in the music Scared the lights will turn green you'll have to be seen you'll be like anybody else. Scared the lights will turn red. And now, after all this time, all this shit, I'm done. All that's left to do now is pick up everything you broke But I do believe That not everything is gonna be the way You think it ought to be It seems like every time I try to make it right It all comes down on me Please say honestly you won't give up on me And I shall believe I've realized what life is about. It's about holding on when you've had enough and giving in when you feel like giving up It's easier to pretend that you dont care, than to actually admit that your heart hurts Just give me a hug and wipe away my tears Smile at me and promise that everything will be okay Sit here and listen Tell me I’m fine the way I am Because it always sounds best coming from you Hug me and say that I don’t deserve this Because I’m starting to believe that I do Please just once be there to steady my shaking hand Be there to laugh away all my problems Be there to tell me that it’s all going to be okay Because I’m suddenly afraid that it won’t I'm not a baby, you can tell me the truth. Yeah, it will probably hurt like hell, but I been through it before. I hate liars... always have and I always will. That you can count on. I'm hurting right now, but that hurt will go away. You messed up, and I'm not sticking around (Comment on this)