[[.l..a..u..r..a.]]'s Blurty -- Entries

[[.l..a..u..r..a.]]'s Blurty Entries

[[.l..a..u..r..a.]]

[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]

[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[29 Apr 2003|08:56pm]

[ mood | blah ]

I'm a poser. Shut up.

[Spell your first name backwards]: aruaL
[The story behind your user name]: Everyone's all like *OMG iM SO hXc and blah blah blah* ... I'm not hardcore, nor am I undercore. I'm just laura. Therefore, I'm laurac0re.
[4 words that sum you up]: sarcastic, protective, thoughtful, friendly

describe your:
[Shoes]: red Chucks
[Favorite pants]: black cargo dude shorts
[CD in stereo right now]: GC
[What you are wearing now]: blue Copacobana shirt, black dude shorts
[In my mouth]: nothing
[Wishing]: That Billy was here.
[After this]: ..no clue
[Talking to]: Mina, Tony

[Some of your favorite movies]: Empire Records, Dogma, The Breakfast Club, The Goonies
[Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: School ending, GC concert this weekend, maybe meeting up with Alex?
[Do you believe in love]: Hell if I know, at this point. I love Billy, though?

{In the last 24 hours, have you:}
Cried: Yes
Been kissed: No
Felt stupid: Yes
Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: No
Talked to an ex: Nope
Missed an ex: Nope
Talked to someone you have a crush on: Ehh. Kind of? Not really. My ultimate crush is Billy, and no I haven't talked to him. But someone else, yeah.
Had a serious talk: Yes
Missed someone: Yes
Hugged someone: Yes

Social Life:
Best guy friend: Michael, Luke, Matt
Best girl friend: Sammie, Mina, Alex, Ashley, Suzanne
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: :o| Does a pretend rockstar boyfriend count? Maybe?
Hobbies: computer nerd, writing, art, reading, movies [sometimes]
Do you attend church: Unfortunately. [forced labor]
Do you like being around people: Sometimes. Depending on who it is.
Last person you kissed? Eh. Paul.

Who:
Do you argue the most with: My mother.
Do you always get along with: Sammie, Mina, Alex, Ashley, Suzanne
Is the most trustworthy: Suzanne, Sammie, Mina.
Makes you laugh the most: Suzanne, Ashley
Makes you cry the most: My mother.
Has the coolest parents: Suzanne
Has the coolest siblings: Suzanne
Is the smartest: bookwise: Ashley -- streetwise: Suzanne

Three things that make you laugh:
1. Cheese
2. Feces
3. Paulie when he gyrates with his bass

Three things you love:
1. Billy
2. Good friends
3. Good Charlotte

Three things you hate:
1. Ignorance
2. Liars
3. Hypocrites

Three things you don't understand:
1. People
2. Myself, most of the time
3. ...your mom?

Three things you plan to do before you die:
1. Get married to Billy and bear his children.
2. Sell a record with my band.
3. Make friends with all of the boys of GC, if nothing else.

Three things that TURN YOU ON about the preferred gender:
1. hands
2. hair
3. piercings

Three things you say the most:
1. Dude [or, apparently, 'dewd'..heh]
2. Man..
3. Bajeesus

Three bad habits you have:
1. Biting nails
2. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time
3.

Three things that you wish you had:
1. Billy
2. Love
3. Security

Three scents you love:
1. Men's cologne
2. Billy's smell [cologne, soap, deoderant, and natural smells]
3. Vanilla

Three things you are thinking about right now:
1. Billy.
2. Mina.
3. Sammie.

Three things that you have done today:
1. Gone to school.
2. Watched TV.
3. Got a new D-Land layout [[ooh, the excitement]]

Three drinks you regularly drink:
1. Dr. Pepper
2. Water
3. Coke

Yeah. Just in case anyone was bored. :o)

4 comments|post comment

[29 Apr 2003|03:03pm]

[ mood | angry ]

[ music | Sugarcult -- "Hate Every Beautiful Day" ]

Myeh. Today was shit. It was shit from the very beginning.

I got fuckin smacked because I didn't turn the god damn computer off. I have my mom yelling at me and shit, and then we go outside and she's all two-faced, talking to my neighbors like *OOOOH HIIIII!* ... makes me sick. I hate her sometimes.

But that's not even the worst part.

What really made me sick was the fact that she's totally blown it out of her mind and is all like *oooh, gimme a kiss! i looooove youuu! ooooh!* ... GOD DAMMiT.

How the fuck does she expect me to respect her? HOW? She's all like *You never tell me you love me!* -- MAYBE BECAUSE SHE MAKES iT iMPOSSiBLE FOR ME TO.

I hate people touching me now, because of her, and because of my dad. I fucking hate it. I can't have people even nudge up against me or get in my face or else I fuckin' explode. I hate physical contact.

And Leah's letter got sent back to me. "Non-machinable surcharge"...jesus christ. So yeah, Leah, I'll re-send it soon. I'm sorry.

The only thing I'm really happy about at the moment is that I get to see Billy and Paul and the rest of the boys on Sunday. At least I have that much going for me.

I hope you all are having a good day. Sorry.

3 comments|post comment

[27 Apr 2003|04:23pm]

[ mood | calm ]

[ music | :Boys and Girls: Video - Good Charlotte ]

I've decided to stop writing about Billy until it's absolutely neccessary. People think I'm stupid, and I'm starting to think so too. :shakes head: Not cool. But let me just say the things that the Ouija board verified for me last night..

- The initials of the man I'm going to marry are BM.
- The 'BM' does indeed stand for Billy Martin of Good Charlotte.
- I'm going to start dating him in 2008, when I'm 20 and he's 26.
- We're going to meet in a pet store.
- We're going to be together forever.
- We're going to have a son named Phoenix.

Good times, no? :) That made me very happy indeed. It's quite questionable, but oh well. Something to hope for..

Oh. And apparently I'm going to meet him at another show this year..just not at the one this weekend.

Anyway. That's my spiel for today. No more Billy talk, I swear to god. *crosses heart*

4 comments|post comment

:Change: [26 Apr 2003|06:20pm]

[ mood | sad ]

[ music | :Change: - Good Charlotte ]

It's amazing how a GC song -- of all songs -- can totally encompass everything I'm feeling right now. Behold Change, with some personal interpretation by me.

I am lost in the see-thru,
I think you lost yourself too,
Throughout all of this confusion,
I hope I somehow get to you,
I practiced all the things I'd say,
To tell you how I feel,
And when I finally get my chance,
It all seems so surreal,
[^.^ exactly. Before I met him in November, I practiced what I was going to say to him over and over again. And then when I finally came face to face with him...I could do nothing but just sit there and silently cry and smile and hug him. It didn't seem real.]
‘Cause from the first time I saw you,
I only thought about you,
I didn't know you,
I wanted to hold onto,
The things you'd never say to me,
[self-explanatory, no? After the very first time I saw Billy, I knew he was perfect. I did my research on him and became even more convinced. 3 years I've starved after this boy, and all I can do is wish and dream about the things that he'll never say.]
‘Cause you said

You can't change the way you feel,
I could never do that,
I could never do that,
But you can't tell me this ain't real, ‘cause this is real,
And you would see right through that,
In the end it's all I've got,
So I'm gonna hold onto that,
So I'm gonna hold on and on and on and on
[And that's all I can do. Hold on to every single dream I've ever had of him. I can't change how I feel about him, and I don't want to.]

Now you've got me watching your eyes,
Got me waiting just to see,
If it goes the way it never will,
Your eyes are watching me,
[I spend my time just staring into his eyes...wishing to God that he can somehow see me..but he can't. He doesn't. He won't.]
And now you've got me thinking ‘bout,
The first time that I met you,
Standing in a crowded room,
But I could only see you,
[I've been thinking about the time I met him so much lately. He was the only person I could see out of that room full of people..he was all I wanted to see..]
And now I hope my words will get through,
‘Cause now I can't forget you,
I want to tell you,
If I could only reach you,
And make you feel this way,
[Self-explanatory. All I want is to somehow reach out to him and explain to him how I feel. I want him to feel the same as I do..but he can't.]
But you said

You can't change the way you feel,
I could never do that,
I could never do that,
But you can't tell me this ain't real, ‘cause this is real,
And you would see right through that,
In the end it's all I've got,
So I'm gonna hold onto that,
So I'm gonna hold on and on and on and on

And now I'm going to proceed to my room in order to be alone and stare at the wall. <3

Laura loves Billiam...

3 comments|post comment

[26 Apr 2003|05:47pm]

[ mood | melancholy ]

[ music | :Boys and Girls: Video - Good Charlotte ]

..Huzzah for Mina and Tony. :thumbs up: I'm uber happy for them. I'm a selfish ho, though. Because as happy as I am for them [[which is WAY happy]], I can't help thinking about how much I want a boyfriend of my own..particularly someone who's way unattainable..*glances at icon* I need to stop torturing myself with the *Boys and Girls* video. I'm causing myself to suck even more.

Good Charlotte Grooveage in 8 days.

Billiam..in 8 days. Dear lord, help me..

2 comments|post comment

[25 Apr 2003|04:47pm]

[ mood | giddy ]

[ music | TV ]

Holy shit. Holy holy holy shit. I'm so happy I might cry [[yet again]].

The Civic Tour is coming to Fairfax May 4th, and I really wanted to go, but the tickets sold out before my mom could make up her mind. But my friends Chelsea, Nina, Bethany, and Kelly Balkin were going, so I was uber jealous, right?

But Bethany stops me in the hall today and tells me that she can't go anymore, so she wants to sell me her ticket...!!!!!! She said she'd had 13098326 people ask her for it already, but she told them that she was saving it for me :D :D :D Holy bajeesus, I love Bethany so much. I might get to see my love again, guys. :):):) Oh my god..*dies*

I was playing with my Ouija board again last night..it said that I will meet Billy again in 2008 [or possibly August 2oth]], we will fall in love instantly, be together forever, and have a child..:) *dances around* God, you guys, I'm so happy right now. I haven't been this happy in awhile.

I printed off the picture of me and Billy together and I stuck it in my wallet...and then I have another picture of him from a magazine in there too. I was showing the one of me and him to everyone...so many people said we'd be beautiful together...:):) Oi. I love him so much, man. I'm a dork and I suck, but I don't care. <3<3

I know I'm boring you to death, so I'll stop...but can I just say something?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wee. I'm done. I love everyone. :)

5 comments|post comment

[[.B.i.l.l.y. -- again.]] [24 Apr 2003|04:17pm]

[ mood | gloomy ]

Forgive me..I'm feeling cheesy and rather like I might cry, so I need to get this out. Don't bother responding, I know it's not much of a read. I just need to let it out somehow.

So how cliche am I, eh? I'm 15 years old, and I've fallen in love with a 21-year-old rockstar who probably has some wonderful girlfriend that he's going to marry. I keep trying to pump myself up with hope that *hey*, by the time I'm 18, he'll only be 24. And *hey*, I live near his hometown, so there's always that slight possibility that we'll randomly run into each other and fall madly in love. I'm always trying to convince myself that we'd be perfect for each other..I know that he's perfect for me..but I don't know if I'm perfect for him.

I think of him most at night..when it's time for everything to be shut down and for the world to go to sleep. It's then when I utterly long for him just to be there to hold me...to put his arms around me and reassure me that he'll always be there for me..

I cry for him most when I look into his photographed eyes and touch my hand to his photographed jawline and realize that he can't see me. He can't feel me. And then I cry because I know I'm convincing myself that there's a real possibility when, in all actuality, there isn't.

I want to cry whenever I see anything that even remotely reminds me of him. When I see anything Level 27, or when I see anything Silverchair or Nightmare Before Christmas. You can only imagine how I must feel when I see him , even on tv, being himself.

I suck.

4 comments|post comment

[23 Apr 2003|04:46pm]

[ mood | dorky ]

[ music | Linkin Park -- "Somewhere I Belong" ]

Oi. Suddenly I have plans for today. I'm going to the mall with Suzanne and Chelsea, so that's pretty rad, as I haven't hung out with Chelsea in god knows how long. *thumbs up* I've missed that girl, I must say. We were pretty tight back in 7th & 8th grade, but after she switched schools we kinda didn't talk anymore. :o| Meep. But anyway. I think I'm going to have a to make it a point to throw things at the mallrats [[particularly Lisa, if she's there]]. They anger me. I mean, crimany, have you no lives? Why must you think you're so feckin' hardcore because you hang out at the mall all the time? Jeebus. I don't call that hardcore..I call that sad. *shakes head* Myeh. Anyway. I'll be off.

3 comments|post comment

[[..]] [22 Apr 2003|03:26pm]

I'm in no mood to write. Right about now, all I want is some Aleve and him. *points to icon* Then things would be A-Ok.

3 comments|post comment

[21 Apr 2003|01:06pm]

[ mood | pissed off ]

My mom is a hoebag. Jesus. She's sitting here bitching me out because I'm hungry and she hasn't fixed anything, so yeah, I'm eating some of my Easter candy because we have no food in the house. So I'm like "Mom. Calm down." I get an "Okay" from her, and then two seconds later she's all up in my face |--| that far away from me being like "DONT SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN! *smack*".

How the hell does she expect me to respect her if she acts like such a flaming bitch all the time?

3 comments|post comment

x[[.B..i..l..l..i..a..m.]]x [21 Apr 2003|10:54am]

[ mood | hopeful ]

[ music | "Don't You Want Me" -- Human League. ]

Crimany, kids. I'm in Billiam overdrive or something. I bought the Rolling Stone with GC on the cover, and for the past two days I've done pretty much nothing but look at it. <3 Billiam looks beautiful. Tehe, he's such a ho, man...spreading his legs wide out in one picture with his tie drooping down to cover his no-no spot. I giggled.

His birthday is June 15th. I'm going to have to make something for him and send it off. <3 Oy. Dude, Suzanne has this birthday book thingy, and if you look up your birthday you can see where people w/ certain bdays fit into your life. Billiam and I just happen to be in each other's "Love and Friendship" section..unfortunately, not soulmates. :o( But if nothing else, we'll be friends..or better yet, luv-ahs. LoL. Oh my. *fans self*

I had a dream last night about him..and me..and our wedding. *innocent look* LoL. That was great, dude. He was like, "I love you so much..I just want to ensure that we'll be together forever.." AHH. *continues to fan self*

I swear to God, man. We are soulmates. He just doesn't know it yet. :o| But if nothing else, I'll always remember his head on mine and his hand in mine when we first met. *sigh* I believe it's now time for me to go off and A) stare at my icon, and/or B) stare at my Rolling Stone magazine. G'day, loves.

1 comment|post comment

[20 Apr 2003|11:36pm]

[ mood | discontent ]

Myeh. It's late, and I'm bored. And I feel like writing, so here I am.

I feel like such a crappy friend sometimes. I don't know, I've just always felt like it's my duty to save everyone from every problem that they could possibly have, and I can't seem to make myself realize that that's impossible. I just want so badly for them to be happy, and if they're not happy, I want to make everything okay again for them. And I ultimately feel like shit when I come to the realization that nothing I can do will make anything better.

Some of my friends are going through a hard time right now, and all I want is to make things better. I've been such a horrible friend lately. I've been so caught up in all my drama and shit and I've failed to be there for some of the people that I love the most. I've been missing out on their lives, and I've missed opportunities to be a good friend.

I know I can't be everything to everyone...but it just sucks that I can't be when that's all I want.

2 comments|post comment

[20 Apr 2003|10:44pm]

[ mood | disappointed ]

Suzanne and I went down to the "Satanic Bridge" today. It's basically just a bridge where all these wierdos wrote stuff like *SATAN RULES!*..*PRAiSE LUCiFER!*..*666!*..*DEATH iS COMiNG!*...it's kinda crazy. So me and Suz walked down there, took a pen, and wrote stuff like *JESUS LOVES YOU!*..*GOD iS MY BUDDY!*..*i LOVE LiFE!*..*CHURCH RULES!!*..heh. It was good times.

I heart Suzanne, and her family. You don't come across people like them very often, and I consider myself very lucky because I did. It's just unfortunate that they're moving. When I went to Suzanne's today, she was already packing. It just makes me sad..I'm going to have to drive by her house and think *Oh hey, it's Suzanne's house!..but wait..she doesn't live there anymore..* It kind of sucks. I love all of my friends dearly, though. They're all so incredibly special. It just blows that I have to lose one of them.

1 comment|post comment

Yet again.. [20 Apr 2003|04:47pm]

[ mood | content ]

[ music | "At Last" - Etta James ]

Yet another journal that I really don't need. *shrug* Oh well. Kbox, D-Land, DJ, and now Blurty...it's all good. :) Yeah, I'm not going to write much today. I've already spilled everything out into my other respective journals. I'll be cooler later. :)

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