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2003.04.28 09.33 i dont know who the heck will read this. its been so long since i've written in here, i dont know why i am doing it now. hmm.. maybe its the boredom. my book should be out soon. all i know is that i dont want alot of people to see it. on the back it says "i love eddie and adam is my best friend" hmm.. adam is still my best friend, and i still do love eddie, but im not adams best friend, and eddie doesnt love me. hmm.. oh well.. anbyways.. im dressed like a whore today, i apolagize for the people who see me. :/ anyways, i dont feel too highly of myself still. so thats kinda gay. hmm.. i should get going... people talk too much about themselves, i dont like talking about me, because you guys dont like hearing about it... i gtg.. love kristen ps- i just found one of my old icons, im posting it.. i dont know why Mood:  blahMusic: classrrom rukus |
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2003.04.10 17.21 i changed my blurty name because i fucked this account up.. *stupid mother fucker* and so yea.. add me to your friends list as my new name please... www.blurty.com/users/lotsofpolkadots :) thanks guys.. i'll write everything in that journal.. im adding all my friends now :) love kris |
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2003.04.10 16.10 Mood:  crushedMusic: roseanne |
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2003.04.09 19.32 Mood: sad
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2003.04.09 19.23 world so cold- mudvayne... *great song.. with special meaning* when passion's lost and all the trust is gone, way too far, for way too long. children crying, cast out and negleted, only in a world so cold, only in a world so cold. hold the hand of your best freind, look into their eyes, then watch them drift away, some migtht say, we've done the wrong things, for way too long, for way too long. fever inside the storm, so im turnning away, away from the names,(calling your names), away from the stones, (trow sticks and stones), 'cause i'm trough mending the wounds of us. keep your thorns, 'cause i'm running away, away from the games, (fucking head games), away from the space, (hate this head space), the circumstances of a world so cold. burning whispers, remind me of the days, i was left alone, in a world this cold, guilty of the same things, provoked by the cause, i've left alone, in a world so cold, fever inside the storm, so i'm turnning away, away form the name, (calling your names), away from the stones, (throw sticks and stones) 'cause i'm through mending the wounds of us. keep your thorns 'cause i'm running away, away from thegames, (fucking head games), away from the space, (hate this head space), the circumstances of a world so cold. i'm flying, i'm flying, away from the names, (calling your names), away from the games, (fucking head games), the circumstances of a world so cold. why does everyone feel like my enemy, don't want any part of depression or darkness, i've had enough, sick and tired, bring the sun, or i'm gone, or i'm gone. i'm backing out, i'm no pawn, no mother-fucking slave to this, never lied, never left, never lived, never loved, never lost, never hurt, never worry about being me, or anyone else, not a care, no concern, don't give a shit about anything, backing out, giving up, no mother-fucking slave to this, never lied, never left, never lived, never loved, never lost, never hurt, never worry about being me, or anyone else, not a care, no concern, don't give a shit about anything. i need to find a darkend corner, a lightless corner, where it's safer and calmer. i'm turnning away from the names, (calling your names), away from the stones, (throw sticks and stones), 'cause i'm through mending the wounds of us. i'm running away from the games, (fucking head games), away from the space, (hate this head space), the circumstances of a world so cold. i'm flying, i'm flying away, away from the names, (calling your names), away from the games, (fucking head games), the curcumstances of a world so cold Mood:  indescribableMusic: crocadile hunter |
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2003.04.09 17.24 date:2003-04-04 today was stressfull.. and i am now restless.. i cant relax.. and im really tensed up.. i miss someone.. they know who they are.. its only obvious.. and this sucks.. i miss someone.. yet they dont miss me..oh well.. well.. today i found out that a friend of mine.. mandie.. doesnt hate me.. hipp hipp hooray!! yay.. anyways.. i called sa's brother, jesse. hes pretty cool.. we talked for quite some time.. i need to call him back when dean is off of the phone.. my whole body is weak.. and i hate this.. i wish i was stronger and iwish i could deal with all of this without resulting to other things.. no.. im not talking about cutting... just for those who care.. its been 19 days since ive cut... we'll have to see how long it will last this time.. i think austin is going to break up with me.. i dont know why... but i do.. :/... oh well.. anyways.. yea.. mandie invited me to go to her moms friends house with her during spring break.. that sounds exciting.. :) yay.. anyways.. i shall be off for now.. ttyl love kris Mood: sore
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2003.04.08 20.20 my stomache is so sore.. :'( bleh.. im going to school tomorrow.. i hope so anyways.. :) i just wanted to say that i have 2 great friends that i never relized i had until recently.. i love them both very much.. and our nicknames make a cool word that represents us all.. :) but... only they know the secret word... heh.. we're super cool.. maybe we're the only people who relize our coolness.. but trust me.. its there.. :) me and dean had a long discussion about canada... and.. i really need friends right about now.. guys im really scared.. :/ i love you both.. no matter what.. ok?...:/ Mood:  scaredMusic: some shit on tv.. |
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2003.04.08 16.20 "you are currently logged in as lastminute666 if this is not you, click here" my stomache, ears, throat, and heart hurt... but lets not get into emotional pain. :/.. jenna called me from school today, because i left early.. shes a great person.. her and nicole.. and i feel like a cunt for us not hanging out as much as we should be.. well.. im not wanting/allowed to hang out with amber anymore.. which doesnt bother me entirely.. she was really spoiled.. and rude about it to her mom.. oh well.. shes still cool.. anyways.. yea.. today i kinda had a breakdown.. which sucks.. but.. im ok now.. kinda.. i think so anyways.. anyways.. on saturday.. austin is supposed to come over.. hopefully.. he needs to work around his guitar lessons.. which are at 3.. dean might pick him up from mandies saturday morning.. and then drive me and austin back here.. hopefully.. and then... maybe.. me and nicole, jenna and austin can all hang out here.. or somewhere.. and just hang out for a little while.. i want nicole to meet austin.. and i want jenna to see him again.. hes changed alot.. anyways.. yea.. i want my 2 best friends to meet my boyfriend... thats what they are.. my 2 best friends.. i know i dont act like it alot.. but hey... were g-a-y..:) right girls? i love ya both :) anyways.. nicole was sick today too... hmm.. i hope were not dying.. well.. my mom thinks i have a "urinary tract infection" or some shit like that.. i bet you all wanted to know about that didnt ya? yummm.. lol.. jk.. anyways.. yea.. im in alot of pain right now :) oh well.. yea.. tomorrow when i see nicole and jenna.. they both get great big hugs!! :) i hugged eddie today.. which is cool.. oh well.. anyways.. mom is talking about people who want to buy our buisness.. someone is really interested.. this guy sounds really interested.. shit of all shits.. guys.. please dont let me leave.. kidnapp me or something.. please.. i cant go... Mood: scaredMusic: whydoesshehatemesobadlythatshewantstochangemylifeagain? |
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2003.04.06 09.23 bunny is cute.. if only bunny was out here.. my bunny is in my room.. well.. my sisters old room... heh.. shes in orlando today.. she spent all weekend there.. shes probably not going to school tomorrow.. shes going to disney world today.. lucky bitch.. oh well.. anyways.. yea.. i hopefully get to see austin today.. im not 100% sure about that one.. i hope i get to see him today.. i saw him last night for.. 2 hours.. yea.. 2 hours.. in a week.. 2 hours.. thats just fucking great eh? this world hates me i swear it.. nicole doesnt want to be my friend because im friends with amber.. which baffles me.. and i have no idea what amber has to do with anything.. yea.. i have another friend.. am inot allowed to? im confused... anyways.. jenna is really sad.. i wish she was happy.. im talking to candace today.. :) yay.. anyways.. yea.. i gtg.. my stomache is so achey..... i need food,... my stomache is saying "feeeeddd meeee" lol anyways.. grandma is signing out of this one lol woot woot love giggly grandma *kris Mood: hungryMusic: stix- runaway |
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2003.04.04 11.11 im in art class im in art class right now, everyone is being abnoxious. mrs. fulton is behind me.. shes gone now.. im really bored. .and this computer is really fast.. anyways.. i had 2 substitutes thus far today.. fuck.. mrs. swallows and moustache lady.. lol.. in 4th period i have a sub too.... great.. this guy doesnt talk.. i have a test in 5th and 6th.. oh well.. after school im gonna go for a walk... then... go to godspell.. .yay.. yippie skippie.. woot woot. lol.. anyways.. i shall be off for now.. byes Mood:  annoyedMusic: foofighters |
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2003.04.03 15.54 i think my friend is in love.. i think his girlfriend loves him too.. and it makes me so happy to see them happy together.. finally. :) |
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2003.04.01 20.56 well i just gathered from another reliable source that the rumor is true. now this time, the source says its against his/her religion... and they're very religious.... hmm... now im confused.. either mar lied to me.. or BOTH people liedd to me.. sorry mar.. the odds are slim to none.... nicole.. talk to larry yet? he told me he was going to call you :) :) i love ya hun love kris Mood: pissed offMusic: malcom in the middle theme song. i have it on CD |
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2003.04.01 15.50 rumors are a bitch. especially when they're true. it sucks that she wont admit to me that it happend. maybeit was only because nicole was there. mar, we need to talk. just wanted to tell you whats going on. and why didnt you look me in the eyes and tell me you didnt? ill believe you if you look into my eyes and tell me that it never happend, and that this is all just a rumor. until then, im sorry, but i cant believe you. you hurt nicole really badly and for that, i hope you feel like shit. |
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2003.03.31 19.33 "im begging baby baby please!! " i love that song, i dont even know what its called. i just got out of the shower and im trying to fine people i know on here. noone has a blurty anymore. i am thinking about getting a new blurty. but im still debating. im sick of this screen name, ive had it for so long. hmm.. i want my old screen name for AIm... bondagefaerie187 www.blurty.com/users/bondagefaerie187 hm.... sounds tempiting.. if i get a new blurty.. i will tell everyone. anyways.. dean just got back from work. bleh. my stomache hurts a lot. :/ grr this sucks... anyways.. i never get any emails anymore.. will someone email me?.. pleaseforgive187@hotmail.com i want an email so badly. thanks everyone. *guarantee i wont get a single email* anyways..yea im really super uper bored. i dont know what to do lol. i think i need to go onto a new website. hmm.. oh yea. im going to camp anytown, if anyone is interested in going, go to Mrs. Patrick room 506. ask her for the camp anytown packet. shell give it to you. it sounds like so much fun. its a week long camp, its free, and its gonna be so much fun!! :) yay. im excited. anyways, yea, godspell. i get to be an usher. yay im excited. anyways, yea, i gotta go think of something to do.. byes for now Mood: coldMusic: friends theme song |
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2003.03.31 18.06 "dance magic dance" i love the labyrinth. im gonna watch that again in a few minutes. well.. me and mommy just had a long talk. about everything. sex, she knows about me and austin, she knows about sherri buying us condoms, she knows about everything. which is good. i am going to start talknig to my mom again. i love her so much, and i dont want to keep anything from her anymore. :) man, im getting so fat. i really am. mom wants me to go to godspell with her. i am going to. im gonna be an usher. yay. good times good times. :) me her dean ash thad and reva are gonna go. it'll be fun. :) yay. family outing. :) anyways, i should get going now, time to watch the labyrinth. byes. love kris Mood:  artistic
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2003.03.31 16.18 subject: (optional, for use on longer entries) Event: this would be the event. im an ass hole lol. anyways, today chulo told me he wanted to kiss me. that was kinda akward. eddie said congratulations to me about me and austin. that was akward too.it felt good to talk to him. i miss talking to him. anyways, today i looked like a man. i wore thad's pants and thad's sweater. and my red t-shirt.oh! im going to acmp anytown hopefully. my mom told me i can. its just now a fact of weither or not i can handle being away from everyone for a week. :/ i think i can. theres phones there. so i can call mom and stuff. it'll be fun im gonna go. :) yay. all day i was listening to punk music. i love punk. it puts me in such a great mood. :) yay. anerways. lol. im an ass. i forget why. im eating a pudding thing right now. you know what they should make? peanut butter pudding. that would be so good. i would eat it. :)yay! today was a weird day, and i havent figured out exactly why that is lol. later on today, im gonna work on the scrap book that me and danie are making. i want nicole to call me. but im doubting she will . oh well.. chocolate.. *drools* anyways.. i have a question? have any of you ever heard of dunkaroos? omg.. those were awesome.. *drools once again*.. but yea.. i gtg.. im gonna take a shower and shave my legs for the first time in god knows how long. lol. gtg.. byes... love kris Mood: artisticMusic: oprah. harpo. oprah. harpo |
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2003.03.29 16.09 well.. me and austin are back together. he called yesterday to tell me that he was on his way to come see me. and i knew right then and there that when i saw him all of my feelings would come back to me. and i was right. i saw him, and i kissed him. :) i was so happy to see him. his hair is so long now lol, but other then that he looks the exact same. anyways, last night, he asked me out, i told him i couldnt, that it was too soon, well, later on that night, i thought about it, and i asked him out :). he said yes. he bought me a rose from the restaurant that me, him, his mom, mary, and marys boyfriend and daughter were. it aws great. me austin sherri *his mom* and mary, went to marys house. we hung out. i ended up staying the night at austins house. sherri called my mom, and left a message because noone answered. anyways, yea, mom didnt find out i was gone until this morning. she called, and her and sherri talked, mom felt like a horrible mother because she didnt know iwas gone. lol. i love my mommy. anyways yea, i ended up sleeping over austins house. his mom was worried that we were going to have sex, so we had to stop at wal mart so she could buy us condoms. lol. *that was embarrising, a drunk lady, who hates me, in walmart with her son and sons girlfriend, buying them condoms* sherri was stumbling around lol it was so funny. shes awesome. so yea. i missed austin so much. its not even close to funny. im so happy. yay. when i got home, my mom assumed by the rose in my hand that me and austin were back together, she smiled and told me that me and austin better use protection everytime. lol. i wanted to tell her the condom story, but i dont think it would have been a good one. lol. i love my mommy. im glad she didnt flip out on me. well, i got home like an hour and a half ago, so, i should go and take a shower or something. byes for now Mood:  ecstaticMusic: ..dean and mom talking |
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2003.03.27 15.33 today, i broke down, i broke down and cried. i dont know why, but i did. i just miss him so much and i dont know what to do. he hates me. today, i walked up to him in art, and i said "eddie can i ask you a question?" "sure" "why exactly do you hate me?" "i knew you were going to ask that" and then he started to talk to mrs. fulton. he completely ignores my feelings. why does he hate me?! why cant he answer that one question. well, tomorrow im hanging out with adam, he always makes me smile. and eddie might suposed to be hanging out with us, but if hes gonna be a pussy and make up an excuse for not going, then fuck him, if he doesnt want to see me then fine. i just relized that he lied to me. he told me that he still wants to be good friends with me, and that he still loved me, were not still friends, and he never loved me. i dont know what to do. theres nothing i can do. bye.. Ps- comment if you think theres anything i can do Mood: depressed
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2003.03.27 07.30 why? just that one question, if i had the answer, i would be fine. for every situation in my life right now, just answer this one question. why? and i will be happy. if i know that answer. why. why. why. why. noone can tell me. noone knows the answer to a simple question... Mood: depressed
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2003.03.26 19.13 fuck of all fucks! fuck of fuck fuck you fuck off fuck fuck fuckity fuck! fuckkkkkkk!!!! Mood:  enthralled
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2003.03.26 17.29 i think today iwas way too mean to eddie. but he kinda deserved it. i kept calling him an asshole and stuff. he was being so mean to me, hes been mean to me lately. but i dunno, i cant be mad at him. but i try to be. i dunno. i miss him alot, but he doesnt miss me, which drives me insane. grr.. i was really mean to him today, and eddie if your reading this im sorry. i doubt he reads this still, he doesnt care anymore, i think he's moved on. but i gtg. *tomorrow im bringing my babe *the pig* to school.. be nice tpo him* love kris Mood: frustratedMusic: ozzy- bark at the moon |
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2003.03.25 20.10 hola! how is everyone? im doing ok i guess, i just relize that i update way too much, and i apolagize for that everyone. if you dont want to read it, then, well, dont :)my nails are chipping, and i want them to grow, long. i want my long nails back, theyre still kinda long, but not really. today was a sad day. the whole thing with ashley ans stuff. and eddie hasnt given me a hug in god knows how long. i dont know why but that bothers me, he hugs everyone else, but not me. i guess, if thats what he wants to do, then theres nothing i can do to change it i guess, hmm.. oh well. tomorrow is peer group. thats exciting. my. knowles wasnt in peer group last week, it was that girl. shes really nice though. the group has been focusing on me lately, they know that me and eddie broke up, and theyre trying to help me "cope" with it, which is cool. group is really cool, i love it. yea, anyways, i have a hair stuck in my throat, and its really irritating me. you know what is great? i saw eddie like 20 times today, and i only said hi to him once. or maybe it was twice, but still, im proud. yay. i guess this is a step of somesort. im not getting over him, im giving him the space he wants for new girls, i guess, hmm.. i dont know. but jsut for the record everyone ME AND AUSTIN ARE NOT TOGETHER!! people think that me and austin are back together. he asked me back last night, but i told him my heart was else where *im going to hell* but yea, i gtg, i need to do my science article. :) love kris Mood:  contemplative
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2003.03.25 19.37 me, ash, thad and reva went to good will and thrift city today to look for a dress for senior project. we found a pretty one for ashley. we also found a tape. the scorpians. wind of change, saddest song in the world. brings back so many memories. on a sad note, ashley is leaving in 2 months. i dont want her to go. shes growing up too quickly. and it makes me so sad. shes my sister. and it've lived with her for 16 years. and now, shes not going to live with me anymore? whats up with that? god, me and my sister have so many memories together, and it makes me cry whenever i think shes leaving me. :'( anyways, yea, that tape, the scorpians, made me cry too. it reminds me so much of when my family was one. and we were all happy, and young, and we had alot of friends, and money, we had our band room and family room in our basement, ashley and i had our pink room. we had those crazy parties, where drunk men came into our room telling us its gonna be ok. lol. that was scary. our parents are the coolest, we just dont give them enough credit. ashley is my best friend, and shes leaving me, and.. and.. i love her.. :(.. i cant believe shes leaving. i cried in thads xcar today, but noone saw me thank god. i dont think ash is going to miss me as much as ill miss her :( i love my sister, im gonna miss her :( Mood: sad
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2003.03.25 15.50 well now.. today was a good day, i guess. melissa clarified something up for me :) um.. i noiced today, that eddie hasnt hugged me in so long :/ oh well. michelle adam and alyssa want me to go to the movies with them. i really want to too, but i think eddie is going, and im doubting he wants his ex girlfriend there. :/ oh well, i might go. who knows.. i got alot of compliments on my shirt today. *my ghetto home made slipknot one* :) yay. i think eddie stopped reading my journal. which is cool, i guess. o_0 oh well. anyways, yea, not much really happend today. i worked on my art project today, i did it 4th period. i fucked it up though :/ grr. oh well. anyways, inm not sure what else to write. who reads this anyways? love kris Mood: sadMusic: is it bad that i still miss eddie? |
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2003.03.25 07.22 blink 182 puts me in such a great mood!! im dancing in my chair! :) yay.. now that i've clarified the fact that im not ashamed to me an ass, i need to tell you all something. this month. i am "ASSHOLE OF THE MONTH" *echos in your minds* yay. i get a cookie for that. and it has peanut butter on it.. and its those girl scout cookies.. *drools* lol.. damnit now i want a cookie! with peanut butter! or peanut butter cap'n crunch. god damnit. im hungry! anyways, yea, last night austin called me and asked for me "back" he told me he cant live without me, and i felt bad, because i told him i cant. he started crying.. so he let me go.. and i feel horrible, but icant help how i feel, if im going to be "With" someone, i need to only like them. and right now, im in love. im such a cunt:/ im a bitch.. no wait.. its asshole.. thats how ideserve asshole of the month.. now i remember. but yea im an asshole.. hmm.. i gotta pee.. anyways, yea, now a sad song is on the radio. maybe i should turn it off, but that involves getting up, and then.. i dunno.. fuck im lazy! grr.. anyways, last night i talked to dennys. i felt bad that me and her werent talking. so, we clarified everything up, we're "cool" now * as she would say* lol. yea. she told me she told grr she loved him, and he said it back!! :) AWW.. today is their 2 month anniversary and i made her a ghetto home made congratulations card lol. its because im a geek. aww.. no im nota geek anymore.. its because im a dork. yea.. a dork.. noone calls me a geek except for eddie.. so now im going to be a dork. :) yay. i really want a cookie for that. lol. anyways, yea, umm.. i should get going for now, i gotta update my deadjournal and livejournal. love ya all. :) peace out home slice! lol love kris Mood: stressedMusic: 97x bullshit. theyre talking.. blah blah blah |
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[ my poetry if you want ]