12:18am 04/08/2008
  Tomorrow would be my first day at work. Wait, I mean later because it's already past midnight. I'm so excited!  
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07:11pm 01/08/2008
  I got in! I'm so happy.I'll do my best to pass the training.  
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12:22am 01/08/2008
  I had my second interview today. They made us wait for hours then told us to come back tomorrow because the manager cannot accomodate us. It's ok for me to wait but they should have told us earlier. I know its hard to find a job, but are they all like that? I was really frustrated. It all went away when I ordered large fries and hot fudge sundae from Mcdo. That's my comfort food. Anyway, it was fun because my friend tagged along. Let's see what will happen tomorrow. I need all the luck in the world.Haha. Goodluck to me.

As my friend would say, "Come On Lord!"
 
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letter to my dad   
11:17pm 30/07/2008
  Dear Daddy,

We just had a fight a while ago. It wasn't really a fight because you never answered back. I'm really sorry. I know that I 've been acting immature and I'm blaming it all on you. I know that it isn't right because it's not your fault. Out of all four of us, I know that you trust and depend on me the most because I'm supposed to be the good daughter. I'm sorry for not behaving as a responsible person. I know that this isn't the real me. I'm just so fed up with all sorts of problems that sometimes I tend to forget my family especially you and mother. I regret what I said earlier. I did not really mean it. You know that I love you very much and I am always grateful for all the things that you have done and those that you did not do just to give us what you think is best for us. I know from the moment that I chose my college course that I am expected to follow your footsteps. I did this to make you happy and less worried about the future of the family business. I am more concerned about fulfilling your dreams because I know how much this means to you. I will do anything to make you and mama proud. Please try to understand my rough behavior sometimes and I will also try my best to keep calm and be good. You nad mama are my greatest inspiration in my life. I want to become successful so that I can take care of you both and provide you with the best that life has to offer. I never want you to be worried about anything else. I want to give you that promise but right now I can't. I have to clear my mind. One thing that I can give you is the assurance that I will take care of you and love you the best way I can.

From the time that mom hasn't been with us, you tried your best to be both mom and dad. I know that it did hurt you alot and you almost lost faith. I was young then. I did not know what was going on. When I realized the reality of the situation, I never cried. You never saw me cry. I never cried during that time and I also never cried when my grandpa passed away. I did that because I want to be strong for you and my sisters. I let out my tears before I fall asleep so that no one can see me. I knew that I had to be tough.

You went away for more than a year. You needed time to put yourself together for us. I was really terrible when you were not with us. I felt like an orphan. I had grandma but it's different when both my parents are nowhere in sight. I really thought you'd never come back. I graduated without the presence of both you and mom. That was the saddest moment of my life. My teachers were praising me because I did well in school. Rather than the ocassion being a moment of celebration, I felt more like grieving. I looked all around me and saw parents putting sampaguitas on their daughter's neck. I really envy them. My triumph meant nothing. A person can forgive, but cannot completely forget.

I remembered when I was diagnosed with dengue when I was in college. Whenever I was in pain, I would always look for you. I felt like I was like a baby once again, longing for the care of her parents. The pain went away when you came. I did not want anybody else. I feel safe when you are around. I believed that no one can hurt me because my daddy would not let that happen.

For reasons or for no reason, you are my hero. Daddy, thank you for being the person that you are. I cannot put into words how much you mean to me. I would never want to break your heart by doing things that would hurt us both. Someday I will have a family that I would take care of as much as you did to us. As long as I am here, I will take care of you.

I love you Daddy and belated Happy Birthday!
 
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11:41pm 28/07/2008
  this is really great! I can write about anything and no one won't even have to know it's from me.

I heart you blurty! haha
 
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the h-i-m factor   
11:30pm 28/07/2008
  i can't believe im writing something about him. He's been on my mind for quite some time now. Yep, I'm fascinated with the good guy. There are lots of guys out there, but this one stands out. He's not that goodlookin like a model or something. He's the boy-next-door type.You can't find anyone who has anything bad to say about him. He's nice to the geek,the loner, and even to the gay proffesors . He's rich (that's a plus but not the reason why I like him).

We are good friends. I try to help him whenever he needs me. Maybe that's the problem. Friendship is not our foundation for a deeper relationship. It became our limit.
 
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my first entry   
10:50pm 28/07/2008
 
mood: discontent
My very first online journal entry.Yipee!. It's past 10 pm, but still, I'm not sleepy. This is what happens when you go to a school that doesn't have summer vacations. I went to a school that has four semesters in a year. Some may think that it's silly to have a schedule like that. Well..it's fun. I get to have allowance all year round. I also don't have to sulk at home , which is what I'm doing for a few months now cos I already graduated. It's really hard to find a job here in our country. Sometimes I wish I was from a different race, then I would be living in a different country. One where you can be anyone you want to be. In a third world country like ours, you can't be a painter or a musician or a designer just because it's your passion. You have to take into consideration your financial status. I mean I have to feed myself ayt?..

Truth is- I want to be rich. Who doesn't want to be one? I'd love to have nice clothes, luxurious vacations,fine dining, a nice house, a car, etc..But with my attitude right now, that ain't possible.Lately, I think I've been too hard on myself. So hard that it affects the people around me. I've become a nagger and I shout at everybody. It seems like I'm angry at the whole world. Like I blame everyone for my current situation. They say money is not as important as having friends and family around you. REality check to all you people out there!

When you don't have money ..
-you can't help your sick parents
-you can't provide them a healthy lifestyle
-you can't go out with your friends (to even just talk)
-you can't have a nice house wherein your want your family to feel nurtured
-you can't buy food for your hungry relatives
-you can't even pamper your grandma so that she wont feel neglected

I love my family. But with the crisis that's been bugging the world lately, what can I do?

I've been thinking a lot and I think by letting my grief out in a journal would make it easier for me to wake up and face the fact that I have to put myself together and try to be more mature about these issues. I have to convince myself that I am a capable person. With the right attitude and sincere intentions, I can make the world a better place. One that would make my future children want to live a great life because we are all blessed. Life is tough but I am tougher. My Dad once said, "Anak (tagalog of daughter/son), the challenges that we are facing right now should not let you lose hope, use it as an inspiration for you to dream higher than those who are given a better life."
 
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my first entry   
10:50pm 28/07/2008
 
mood: blank
My very first online journal entry.Yipee!. It's past 10 pm, but still, I'm not sleepy. This is what happens when you go to a school that doesn't have summer vacations. I went to a school that has four semesters in a year. Some may think that it's silly to have a schedule like that. Well..it's fun. I get to have allowance all year round. I also don't have to sulk at home , which is what I'm doing for a few months now cos I already graduated. It's really hard to find a job here in our country. Sometimes I wish I was from a different race, then I would be living in a different country. One where you can be anyone you want to be. In a third world country like ours, you can't be a painter or a musician or a designer just because it's your passion. You have to take into consideration your financial status. I mean I have to feed myself ayt?..

Truth is- I want to be rich. Who doesn't want to be one? I'd love to have nice clothes, luxurious vacations,fine dining, a nice house, a car, etc..But with my attitude right now, that ain't possible.Lately, I think I've been too hard on myself. So hard that it affects the people around me. I've become a nagger and I shout at everybody. It seems like I'm angry at the whole world. Like I blame everyone for my current situation. They say money is not as important as having friends and family around you. REality check to all you people out there!

When you don't have money ..
-you can't help your sick parents
-you can't provide them a healthy lifestyle
-you can't go out with your friends (to even just talk)
-you can't have a nice house wherein your want your family to feel nurtured
-you can't buy food for your hungry relatives
-you can't even pamper your grandma so that she wont feel neglected

I love my family. But with the crisis that's been bugging the world lately, what can I do?

I've been thinking a lot and I think by letting my grief out in a journal would make it easier for me to wake up and face the fact that I have to put myself together and try to be more mature about these issues. I have to convince myself that I am a capable person. With the right attitude and sincere intentions, I can make the world a better place. One that would make my future children want to live a great life because we are all blessed. Life is tough but I am tougher. My Dad once said, "Anak (tagalog of daughter/son), the challenges that we are facing right now should not let you lose hope, use it as an inspiration for you to dream higher than those who are given a better life."
 
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