| Eeep. Methinks Someone Put My Head in a Blender... |
[04 Jun 2004|10:51pm] |
...and it's permanently stuck on "puree." I guess this is what it feels like to grow up--ahh yes-- unbridled freedom. You spend your childhood, more or less, smiling and nodding--always eager to please the grown-ups in any way possible. Then, as a "reward" for all that hard work, life blesses you with seven long years of adolescence, during which a total of no more than three people on the face of the earth ever really understand and appreciate you. The teenage years are filled to the brim with DRAMA... (I don't think I need to elaborate on this one, do you? LOL). Anyway, I guess I always held the belief that, if you survived adolescence and dealt with issues head-on along the way, things would eventually start to make at least a LITTLE sense.
Hmmmm. Well, I have exactly 21 days left as a teenager, and I can say with complete and utter honesty that I have never been more confused and overwhelmed in my life. Today ended up being particularly symbolic of the chaotic state in which my mind perpetually seems to be nowadays:
It started off innocently enough... I got up pretty damn early by my standards (7:30am), which was a good thing, all-in-all. I just wish I could get my circadian rhythms back in order instead of flirting with insomnia several nights a week... *sigh* Anyway, umm I took a much-needed shower, got my drugs from the pharmacy, and attempted to get some work done on my room before it was time to pick up Jenny. My dear, sweet parents declared the family's "honeymoon/reunion" period officially OVER (I was amazed by how long they lasted this time...almost 3 weeks!!) Needless to say, they feel free now to openly criticize each other about any and every kind of bullshit imaginable. It goes without saying that I (the one and only child) am free game. I mean, I love my parents to death, but I SWEAR TO GOD: IF I HEAR ANOTHER SENTENCE BEGINNING WITH "YOU AND YOUR MOM" Or "YOU AND YOUR DAD" threatening to escape from either parent's lips, I just might pull a Lizzie Borden on them.... Argghhh... Case in point: Mom accidentally leaves water bottle in middle of living room floor after doing some exercises. Dad starts pacing the floor or whatever, and trips over said water bottle. Dad gets embarrassed, passes it off it as anger, and proclaims--in a most patronizing tone-- to the only person within earshot (yours truly, of course): "You two are just fucking insane!!!!" The violent urges my dad brings out in me when he makes statements like that frightens me. The anger is almost blinding, if that makes any sense...
My opportunity to flee the smotheringly small Ackman household came at 2pm: time to pick up Jenny for a brief session of retail therapy at good 'ole Emerald Square!!!! *nostalgic sigh* Yup, it was all going great... Jenny made sure that Jay and his girlfriend were gone by the time I reached the Dealys' house, which was a tremendous burden lifted off my shoulders, for sure. I sensed that Jen was planning this ahead of time when she asked me (which she NEVER does) when exactly I thought I'd be there to pick her up. Leave it to ME, the psychotic jilted pseudo-lover, to find something to go ballistic over, even after the "heartbreaker" is asked to leave his own house because the mere mention of his significant other makes me curse my inability to purge on command. Not that she, herself, makes me physically ill, per se. What she REPRESENTS to me (that is to say, from my point of view ONLY), particularly in reference to my relationship with Jay, on the other hand, triggers a frenzied, jealous rage deep within me that I know, intellectually, is incredibly irrational and unfounded.
That being said, bear with me on this one... When I arrived to pick up Jenny, what should be parked in the Dealys' driveway but a dark green NEON. *STABBING PAINS* I figured out pretty quickly that it was Courtney's, and I guess this goes to show you that it doesn't really have anything to do with her personally; given how harshly I reacted to this little situation that I'm about to briefly explain, I could have turned anything into a tyrant about how much I "hate" her (meaning: how much I hate that she's forcing me to face a painful reality about Jay's feelings for me by just being his girlfriend). That being said, SHE CAN'T HAVE A NEON, TOO!!!! ARGGGHHHH... Oh, and of course, her's has a spoiler...eh, she just has an edge over me in just about everything, I guess... *emo tear* God, I know I read waaay too much into the situation, but if you want to know how much it got to me, just ask Krystle what kind of shape I was in when I dropped by unannounced (sorta) and plopped down right in the middle of what she was doing so that I could rant. I knew SHE would understand the car-related insult...lol... THE NEON IS MY BABY, AND MINE ALONE!!! AND I DRIVE A STANDARD, SUCKERS!!! Mwuhahaha..
Hmmmm...let's see if I can't conjure up some thoughts on the positive things that happened on this mind-fuck of a Friday:
-after seeing parts of Van Helsing in all of it's vampy goodness and then having Kay plant the idea of getting paid to scare the shit out of people as the goth-vamp at Spooky Word this fall, I ummm...BOUGHT A CORSET!!! It's pink, of course, but not the usual "pretty" pink. It's like
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excited
jubilant
irate
amused
hopeful
loved
contemplative
giddy
pissed off
rushed
indescribable