| WHOOSH |
[23 May 2003|10:59am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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Does anyone even read the journal anymore? I told everyone that I would be writing in DJ from now on but I can't because I'm hooked on this one I guess. Everyone else is hooked on DJ. Anyways, I'm at school again and Oriane over here is getting all amused by the html I just put in. Lol. Poor Kid! Four minutes left til we leave for Gym! OH joy! I think I've been hallucinating on things but hey, what do I know?
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| Bwuaha. |
[22 May 2003|11:24am] |
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I'm at school again! Only 4 days left of school and 1 hour. It's insane.... You have this feeling that everyone will change over the summer.. Those promises and secrets that are kept.. They're all gonna be gone and forgotten. Psh. Yah right. I already lost a bunch of people. I don't care!! Honestly I don't! I could just end up in a car accident for all I know! And the only people that I'll actually care about are the people who are always there for me and I mean ALWAYS. Ray, Matt, Jessica, my dad, my uncle, and my aunt... Those six people are the only people I care about more than anyone and anything that walks on this earth. They care about me and they never ever hurt me in any way possible. I'm forever grateful for that. They stuck with me even when everyone was drifting from me... Okay.. Not all of them are mature but that's why I like them so much. They make me feel like I'm worth more than I ever could possible. All my friends that are drifting.. They said they would never part from me or ever fight with me again.. Well, they already have and I have no control over what was happening.. But those six people.. God.. I love them so much!
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[21 May 2003|04:15pm] |
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OH YAH!! Monday we watched Matrix Reloaded... That movie is the SHIT. Jesus.. You haveto go watch it! Keanu Reeves is secksi. :-*
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| Ehhh.. |
[21 May 2003|11:07am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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I'm at school again! Oh joy... Jen seems mad or sad about something but what do I know? I'm drifting from her anyways.. I can't help what happens to me and my relationship with my friends.. Especially my best friends. ( Though I wish I could. ) Well, I suppose everything is getting better.. Step by step, bit by bit. I wish it could be a lot better now.. But yah.
Yesterday I had Seth, Alex, Matt, Dylan, and Fes over. They were all acting like retarded people, then again.. they always do. It's okay! That's why I like hanging out with them! They aren't ever embarrassed about anything that they do. Like for example, they were flying down the stairs in my laundry basket. CRAZY. THen they got hungry... So being a motherly type of girl, I made them Macaroni & Cheese. Always fun to do! Besides, cooking relieves my stress. After mostly everyone left, I went walking around with Seth and Matt. They were running from here to there. And we saw Fes at Lincoln-Irving talking to Mario. I didn't even know that Fes left. He doesn't say much now. =( After the boys said goodbye, Matt and Seth told me that we were going to go to Alyssa's house to fetch a belt that says "I <3 Boys." Matt didn't want to go but Seth wanted too. So we went anyways. Kacie was over at Alyssa's house just to hang out and go to the Variety Show. We all just hung out with each other.. Seth and Matt were singing "Rambo" songs while they WORKED OUT! Kacie kept telling me that Matt was such a cutie. ( He is! ) But you know! When we walked up to the school, we kinda lost the guys... It's alright. They caught up to us eventually. The girls and I found Brandon Ott and Terryn ( Spelling count? I don't know how to spell his name... BARE WITH ME! ) walking about throughout the schoolyard! The guys caught up to us and we all hung around the bike rack out in the back of the school. Terryn kept on making a date with Kacie, Alyssa, and I to Perry... SCARY. Terryn thinks that I abuse Matt... Lol. What a psycho. He liked to switch subjects alot. He'd go from one thing to another. I didn't understand most of the stuff he did anyways! The Variety Show was pretty cool! I mean Daryl, Michael, and Zach were playing three songs and these people did dancing and singing. Spencer was in an act! Awww.. He looked so adorable! Matt wouldn't stop clapping randomly and making noises with the kid next to him. Everytime he said something I had to cover his mouth because Mr. Burrus was looking at him. Geez.. Then AMtt would go on blaming stuff on Fes who was "supposedly on the ceiling." It was one of those Made You Look jokes.. I can't believe I'm THAT gullible.. To my own boyfriend too! It's alright! I heard Ray sing for the first time! Awww! He looked so cool and so much like a rock star up on stage! At first he was like "Tecting.. Clear 1..2..3..4.............. I'm a little nervous." They ended up playing 'This Is Growing Up' by Blink182. Ray's a good singer! I swear! He looked so cute up on stage! Like a real singer and professional... Uhh... Person! It was a lot of fun...
Sorry to change the happy subject but I really don't understand my life. It's really complicated to actually get what's all going on. I mean think about it.. Here's the basics... 1*A OVERLYPROTECTIVE MOTHER 2*AN EASY-OVER GUY FOR A STEPDAD 3*A GREAT DAD WHO CARES MORE ABOUT ME THAN I'LL EVER KNOW 4*TWO BROTHERS WHO CARE ONLY ABOUT THEMSELVES 5*FOUR BEST FRIENDS WHO DRIFT AWAY FROM ME AND BECOME BEST FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER. I really don't understand any of it. I'm gonna go.. The bell's gonna ring.
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[18 May 2003|10:11pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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Today I went to CSO with Alyssa. We tried on some really cute clothes and I bought a cute hat! This little boy i na stroller kept on screaming and looking at me so I was like "STOP STARING AT ME!" and I think I embarassed Lance, Alyssa, and Ashley. Lol. Didn't mean too but I get paranoid when I get stared at by people. I was suppose to bake cookies with Cindy today but she never has time for me I guess. We were gonna do a project in FACS with each other along with Jessy and Jessica. But since we all didn't get together to work on it, Jessy and Cindy bailed out on me and Jessica. God.. I hate that.. Anyways, I'm doing great! Jen is pissing me off though. On Friday, I was walking with Ray becuse we just finished playing against each other in softball and I was running towards Jen and Alyssa and I heard Jen scream. I found out what it was for..
Me » Hey Ray! Nice game! Even though you didn't go after the ball!
Ray »It's alright!
Me » :Sees Matt running around like a psycho on the loose wearing a life jacket: It would be much better if I had a leash for him... Maybe I should go catch him.. But I might land on my face.
Ray » Yah.. And your buns will jiggle..
Me » :Blush of embarassment: LEAVE MY BUNS ALONE!
Ray » :Laugh:
Matt » :Comes from behind us: What's wrong with Linda?
Ray » Oh we were talking about how she wanted a leash on you and she wanted to chase after you but I told her that her buns will jiggle..
Matt » You mean her hair?
Ray » You betcha!
Me » AHHH I'M GONNA BE LATE!! :Runs to Jen and Alyssa:
MEANWHILE...
Jen » OMFG... LOOK AT LINDA... SHE'S NEAR HIM AGAIN! WHY CAN'T SHE GO NEAR HER OWN BOYFRIEND?! :SCREAM:
Me » :Jumps on to Jen's back: Hey Hun!
Jen » Hi..
Yah... She's so paranoid.. Someone's gotta tell her.. I mean honestly. If she doesn't watch it.. She's gonna lose the "guy-she-supposedly-loves" and one of her best friends she'll ever have... And if I was her, I'd just accept the things as they are.. But you know that's just me!
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[16 May 2003|11:33pm] |
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mood |
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 nauseated |
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I think I'm gonna be sick... We just got done eating Bibimbop and my stomach hurts a lot! And plus I'm super tired
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| AT SCHOOOL |
[13 May 2003|11:25am] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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I'm at school again. Hehe. I'm not really feeling well but I'm gonna talk ot Matt about EVERYTHING! So that'll be a first! Lol! It's okay! I have to write to more people I'll write in here later! Ciao!
|>( >;; ' )
My Fishie is the coolest!!
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| Ehh.. |
[12 May 2003|10:59am] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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I'm at school right now. =/ I seriously think that I should just end life as it is right now. I have no concern of what will happen afterwards.. I would love that because then I wouldn't have so much pressure all of me. It's not fair! I want the normal life of an average 14 year old. I have to deal with it the hard way and it bothers me so much! I can't take the pain anymore. It's too much. I just want to end my life and be done with it. I guess Ayumi makes me understand my life. Read th lyrics translated:
When you see someone worse off than you
You feel a little relieved.
When you see someone happier than you
You quickly become impatient.
But sometimes you
Realize just how pitiful you are
And you crash into reality.
What should I think?
What should I say?
You're probably the
First person who has
Tried to understand me.
It must be impossible to live
Without hurting anyone.
If you think you're such a victim,
Then you should act out until the end
This pretense of not caring about losing everything.
What do you wish for tomorrow?
Sometime please tell me if you
Think you can get through this
Interminable night that continues
In darkness.
What should I think?
What should I say?
I don't even know if you understand
That I'm praised,
That I'm envied.
What should I think?
What should I say?
You're probably the only
One who really
Understands me.
It's pretty cruddy ho my life is. It's something that I can't handle or control though I wish I could.. I'm gonna go. Bye.
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| ... |
[11 May 2003|04:28pm] |
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mood |
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 weird |
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Sometimes I just want to get shot and leave this world. I cannot handle all of this stress. It's okay sometimes, and then I just can't handle the serious things and stuff that goes on in my life! I want it all to go away! Hopefully everything clears up before high school starts otherwise I'll be in a bigger mess.
BTW, Happy F-In Mother's Day ;/
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| ehhh |
[10 May 2003|11:53am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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I'm a bit concerned about things... Lately everything and I mean EVERYTHING has fallen apart and I have no control of how it goes and how it will end up. I just want things to go according to the way that I want it to be. Not like how my parents want or how my friends want, I want it like the way that I intended it to be. But the chances of having that is like 1/1000.
Damn imagemagician is making me pay for my account. That isn't gonna happen! Haha! I'll just find a new place! Hopefully. Why does every site have to be paid? It's insane. Not everyone has money and they don't feel like paying things.. Duh! That's why they get stuff like boomspeed! It's FREE. I don't have enough money to buy any of that stuff anyways! Lol! It's okay, I'll find something else to host me ermmm... Something.
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| wow!! |
[09 May 2003|08:45am] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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Hey, I'm at school! Hahaha! There's a first! I'm in the computer lab working on stuff. *wink wink* Lol. So how was everyone feeling? I'm okay I suppose. Though I do think that I'm alone in the world now. No one here understands me I swear. Oh well, it's okay I suppose. Nothing's going right, I'll survive. I'm STARVING! But I'm not gonna go to eat somewhere with everyone else! I'm going to Lincoln-Irving to pick up my brother and see my old teachers with Chelsea, Jill, and Tracy! Fun Fun! Today we have a half day because of teacher's institute so yah! And plus we have 6th graders being viewed our school and crap like that! Well, I have to get going! It was nice writing in here! Ciao!
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| WOW! |
[05 May 2003|08:43pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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I haven't updated for a while. Well, Mark isn't home yet, he's coming THIS Friday instead of LAST Friday. Oh well. It's all good. Saturday I was supposed to go see the Lizzie McGuire movie with Cindy, Jessy, Jessica, and Alyssa but my dad came and picked me up to go to Iowa City and go to my first day of work in the mall! It was pretty tiring if you ask me! My parents (mom and stepdad) are making a huge deal that I got $20 on my first day. The place was really busy so they didn't have enough time to give me an actual payment thingy. And they're all worried that my whole time working is only $20. It's okay. I suppose... MY parents are greedy SOB's. I'm getting pretty tired so I'll write tomorrow or something.
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| Poor Ray... I hope he comes home soon! |
[30 Apr 2003|11:22pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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Ray was online... He and I were talking about his situation with Jen. I hope that I hope that he comes back feeling all better.
( ... the truth hurts ... )
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| Hmmm.. |
[30 Apr 2003|09:02pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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To start things out.. Ray and Jen broke up. It last four happy and joyful months and three days. It seems that those two has broken the bond between the couples at school now. It's all weird... Once I heard that, all of a sudden I had that one episode of when Cory and Topanga broke up and it shows all the good times they've had together knowing that they'll still love each other.... I guess this had to happen some time. It just feels all different knowing that they aren't together anymore. And Jen kept always saying that she loves him always and forever.. and her notebook flowing with "I <3 Ray" and "12-27-02" all over it. Dissapointing me to the max.. I always thought that the both of them would last for a long time... But I guess not. The only bad thing about it is, Jen broke up with him on the day he leaves for Florida. It's just not right and I'm not liking it at all. Today at lunch Jen wrote him a note saying that she wanted to have a little break.. So I went to talk to both of them and they both said that they're okay with it. Of course when Ray sat down to eat, he had about 5 girls going around him. The suprise guest was Ellie because once she heard Ray was single, she zoiomed right to him. OH well. Hopefully things work out for the both of them.. I still love them! Even if people make it a big deal that they broke up! They or she (rather) had a good reason too.
Moving on.. I hung out with Jessica today. We just stayed online all day.. There was nothing else to do.. Oh yah.. If I don't write in this journal frequently, then that means the computer and/or the internet was taken over by Mark. He comes home this Friday for summer vacation.. OH JOY. One summer of sleeping in the same bedroom as Adam again.. FUUUN. Oh well, it'll get more worse as the month goes by... Just waiting.. For it.
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[28 Apr 2003|11:28pm] |
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mood |
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 embarrassed |
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I did it again... GOTTA STOP DOING THAT! :X
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[28 Apr 2003|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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okay, nevermind, it didn't show up... go click here for the gif... i think i killed my computer.
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| Fun |
[27 Apr 2003|08:16pm] |
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mood |
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 pleased |
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I had so much fun today! Since everyone was having fun somewhere else, Alyssa and I had some moments.. First we played Around the World outside ( that didn't go too well.. the basketball hoop didn't like us AT ALL ), then we played online for a while... telling people what was going on... like me running into the bird feeder for the thousandth time, then we started to play Mario Tennis... That game is harder than a mofo. Holy Frickin Potatoes... Alyssa and I had a hard time keeping up with the people! ( they were on the easy level too! ) But in the end we made a pretty good team who beat Daisy and Birdo(MARGURITEE!!!). Then Adam wanted to play.. So Victor came in and we all panicked asking him to bring his N64 controllers so that we could all play but whe he left.. he didn't come back. Maybe someone ate him.. Who knows. But we I had to use the broken controller which made the whole game all screwed up! I was Donkey Kong who kept on going back and forth because of the stupid controller... Oh well! It was still a whole bunch of fun!
I've been trying to find all the poems that I can find in my computer for the DEERE DIMENSIONS. It's like a collector's item that the school sells holding art, poems, and stories. I was looking at last year's and I wanted to put in more but Mrs. Drish said that we could only put in three.. Tomorrow.. I'm gonna ask if she can make an exception for me because I'm the only person that likes english in the whole team.. I just know it. But yah! I have this video I'm downloading from a Korean singer named BoA. She's pretty... Speaking of Korean. I found out that my mom is ordering a Korean satellite for the TV to watch her soap operas and that I get to watch Korean cartoons and kiddie shows to learn Korean... Haha.. I'm pathetic.
I realized.. that out of all the friends that I have.. The only true friend I have ever had was and is Alyssa. I know that all of you may be thinking that I said that you were my best friend or I claimed to say that.. But you guys don't understand. She's been there more than anyone has ever been and she knows me better than anyone. She's always there for me when things got worse and even when we got in a fight she'd always be the one apologizing because she knows that I'm a gullible and sensitive person and I would always forgive anyone. She's been the best friend I have ever had and I'm really glad that she still is. Whenever there's something bothering me, I'll go ot her because she understands what I go through and she knows how I feel about certain things. Plus, she's my stress reliever.. She makes all my stress go away in an instant. To the rest of you, you're still my best friends, but she helps me with EVERYTHING. And some of you sometimes even say "Awww.. I'm sorry." Then talk about something else without even helping me with my problems. See, Alyssa doesn't do that. She sticks with the situation and tries to work it out to the end. If you're reading this, thanks a whole bunch for being there for me! I really appreciate it! All of the others, I still care about you! It's not like I've forgotten about you like all my online friends have but just don't drift away from me because I've said all of this.
xoxo
lalin
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| sorry |
[26 Apr 2003|11:08pm] |
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mood |
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embarrassed |
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Sorry guys! Wrong posted-What-Cha-Ma-Call-It!
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