Date:	2003-10-21 20:03
Subject:	farewell
Security:	Public
Mood:	touched

well we hav our lj code now, we jus hav 2 set it all up then its byebye blurty.... its been an emotional time bt were moving on 2 lj cos all the ppl who hav lj hav made their journals friends only, so we hav 2 join 2. anyway ill miss u.
goodbye, dear blurty

well my computer is finally, finally working, kinda, but i cant download anything because evil mother is now paranoid she will lose her baby forever *notice that thats the computer, not me, the child she gave birth to and raised*. hopefully we'll b getting livejournal soon.....so byebye blurty....i kinda like blurty though....and i have no knowledge of html....mmmm everlasting sentence.so, well, its been kinda....fast, these last weeks. i long, really really long for the days of the eternal summer. i just want to get on a train in my mickey mouse top&jeans and flip flops without brushing my hair and turn up on james' doorstep and slob out all day. i think work and school and everything cynicises my romanticism and the part of me thats still idealistic. i hate life sometimes, when i realise that all i really want is to be with james,but the way i live forces me to want different things and not make time for him. i get torn between my lovely wonderful friends and wanting to be with them and wanting to devote all my time to james, and ending up having no time for either. it was tiffanys birthday today and i gave her the bag and jewellery i bought for her, and she was just so happy all day it was so nice...i love birthdays!mmm matts bought her a present....steph and heather told her he was going to allow her to perform a fallic act on him....dirty girls! i was thinking it might b a nice ring or something.... mmm sugababes songs playing, tis very cool, i really like their eyeshadow, tho its slightly ruined by MUTYA's icky talons. tiff was saying today i should go to dashboard with her k8 an caz, would really like to go...specially as we were talking bout reading and how funny that was this year-planning to build a village next year, christened the stoners village by hev. this post really is going nowhere, im recounting random crappy information. meh.

Date:	2003-10-08 21:47
Subject:	its getting colder
Security:	Public
Mood:	lethargic

nights r getting shorter, temperatures are dropping- soon it will b my birthday & xmas :D well prues computer still isnt working, hence the lack of posts from her so its up 2 me atm! well we had so much fun on sunday- we went 2 spittlefields market & after i successfully negotiated our way there (despite doubts from prudence!) we went in & it was sooooo kool- im def going there 4 xmas shopping etc... cos theres such a huuuuge quantity of the koolest stuff & its all affordable!!!! well i wanted 2 stay on afterwards & go out 2 pub or anywhere cos we were having the best time ever, bt we both had 2 b back 4 sunday dinner so we ad 2 go :(
well skool has been as good as skool can be- crappy. i really really wud lov 2 jus b awarded my alevels from my predicted grades & the same 2 happen 2 prue & then we cud go & live 2 getha & b happy ever after cos its getting harder & harder everyday im apart from her.

Date:	2003-10-01 21:42
Subject:	hmmmm
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	pictures at an exhibition

well so much has happened since last post! well our anniversary was really nice, we went 2 the floating lotus restaurant & it was really nice, on millwall dock wit all the docklands in the background. then after that we went to the "quality westminster hotel" which the very clever james managed to get a room wit 60% discount!
so altho it was nice, we jus werent in the right mood. sunday was a day of rest, i took prue home then did hmwk & watched spurs b crap. monday suked (i hate skool) wen i got home me & prue had a biiiiig chat, & she managed to get off her chest worries/tensions that had built up & we sorted it all out & altho i was really pissed off at the time, i thort about it & i love prue more than ever, and from then we hav been really loved up again- but on tues i was dismembered cos i cudnt txt prue cos i hav no credit & i cudnt txt from internet cos the study room was locked :( & she thort i was still mad at her from last nite & i wasnt & i jus wanted 2 tell her how much i love her. so today was kinda crappy 4 me, i was really tired all day due to 2 late nites doing essays, skool was ok if a bit boring, & my baby went out up london wit her friend caz & she had lots of fun & so that was gd :)
so after our chat on monday & everything i hav felt such a huge build up of love & passion, and so i was so looking 4ward 2 seeing prue 2nite, even if only for bout 5mins at musik skool (she has lesson b4 mine) bt evil mr smith got really pissed off las week & him & prues mum had had a go at her bout it, & i was forced in2 my lesson so i had barely had time 2 giv prue a hug b4 i was bundled in, & i was really upset cos all i wanted 2 do was b wit my prudence & i got really pissed off & i got mad at prue & it wasnt her fault & im jus stressed atm :"(
on the plus side im seeing her on the weekend :D but i really wanted to spend time with just the two of us, & on fri were going wit her friends 2 rm1, then on sat were going 2 cinema wit her brother, then on sun were going 2 spittlefields market wit her friend caz.
it sounds like im really resentful but im not really, i mean i really did want just us to spend some time 2getha, esp after all thats happened this week. im not really keen on going 2 rm1, but i jus wanna spend as long as poss wit prue & her friends r going there so thats where ill b! we both really wanna c pirates of the carribbean so were seeing that on sat, but her parents r going out & dont want her bro tom 2 b left in the house alone, so we hav 2 take him wit us- not that i mind cos hes q funny but i guess i want som quality time wit prue, i mean now we r at skool all day, we hardly get 2 c each other at all & its even rarer that we r alone. on sunday we were gunna go 2 spittlefields market 2getha, bt prue mentioned it 2 her friend caz who shes been getting on wit so well recently, & she got all excited bout it & she really wanted 2 com so shes coming wit us now! i mean i wud like 2 get 2 no prues friends better, & cazzy is really kool & prue values her friends so much & was really worried bout them all wen she was going bk 2 skool cos she thort she had neglected them, so i no how important this is to prue so im happy.

I MISS YOU PRUE, SO MUCH & I CANT WAIT TILL FRI/SAT/SUN WHEN I CAN SEE YOU PROPERLY

Date:	2003-09-23 20:04
Subject:	looking
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

wayhey on sunday its our 1 yr anniversary!!! woohoo i cant wait, im looking 4 restaurants & hotels now & its really hard trying 2 find the right ones for the right price, theyr all trying to rip me off!!! anyway i jus wanna find the place so we can hav the perfect weekend together to celebrate the best year of our lives. i love prue so so so much :D (i apologise for the lovey dovey nature of this post :p)

well my day was kinda crappy, had 3 free periods this morning & the only lesson i had then was musika, then @ lunch i went in early & there were such gd desserts- i had iced donut, iced bun & a gingerbread man- yum! then i played som pool b4 having 2 go 2 vocal octet- which was kinda kool- were singing "can u feel the love 2nite" in close harmony- it is kool. ok mayb im sad bt i think its kool... yeah actually i am sad. anyhoo after tat i had the joys of watching the end of "a street car named desire" which is good/ sad/ disturbing, then i had a painful double physical geography with micky "boring" lewis. so that was my fun filled, action packed day.
wen i got home i rang my prudence & that cheered me up after bus journey wit smelly adolescents.
skool really really really really really sux, possibley cos im not over keen on the ppl there, mayb its cos its so far away & so much work, bt its really cos not only is prudence not there, it prevents me from seeing her all day. & she has exactly the same thing. but all will change on tues 4th nov, wen i pass my driving test!!!!!!!! then i can drive home from skool to my baby.

Date:	2003-09-17 21:37
Subject:	thats all i ask of you
Security:	Public
Mood:	pensive
Music:	phantom of the opera

James:
No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I am here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm you and calm you

Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I am here, with you and beside you
To guard you and to guide you

Prudence
Then say you love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you will need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you

James
Let me me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You are safe, no one will find you
Your fears are far behind you

Prudence
All I want is freedom
And a world with no more night
And you, always beside me
To hold me and to hide me

James
Then say you will share with me one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you will need me, here beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
That's all I ask of you

Prudence
Say you will share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you
[both]
Share each day with me, each night, each morning
Say you feel the way I do
That's all I ask of you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you

Date:	2003-09-17 20:26
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

baby dont be sad, i just said some things cuz i was a bit stressed i guess, but its better that i said them anyway. i had lots of fun tonight and you know that whatever i ever say i still love you and im only saying it because i love you.

Date:	2003-09-17 18:20
Subject:	tired
Security:	Public
Mood:	melancholy

i wish we didnt argue, but as crap as they are in the short term, most of the time, in the long term they r good as it is a blunt and no-nonsense if a bit forcefull way of sharing ideas which u really take on board & think about.
however it is still the short term atm, so im just pissed off, thinking 2 much, speculating 2 much, and swearing far too fucking much.

argh havent updated this is ages....and you know why?? cuz weve gone back to the centre(s) of boredom and torture and everythings crappy crap crap and we dont get any time together etc. this is the main trauma of my life atm *and his as well me hopes*-the fact that we get to see eachother like, just this side of never. sucky. and i HATE, notice the capital lettered HATE being back at school-this may well be an overstatement but there are definitely points where i really do hate it. like yesterday, nothing really happened, but suddenly i was so, so upset and on the verge of tears, and then i got home and told mumsie and i really did cry, like proper cried, and then i told james and i cried AGAIN! im so pathetic. i dont know what it was. i could be realistic and say it was just the stress of going back to school anxiety etc, or i could be philosophical-pretentious and argue that it was my demoralisation at the sad state of affairs in todays secondary school community, ie the self interest and conceit and double standards and falseness. i think i was just pissed off. but theres a bit part of me that thinks it is to do with going back to school, and although i didnt ever expect to find it there, the fact that you cant find the love and caring and support of a relationship that ive had constantly throughout summer anywhere within school. before i was used to it, but now im totally out of it, and im not expecting to have to figure out what people are thinking about me and all that shit, because with james i know, or i can ask, and its all so simple and oh bollocks here i go again............i got a book of Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett Browning's love letters yesterday-ive always been so in love with the idealism and romanticism in their relationship-and that demoralised me as well, because they were shit.

Date:	2003-09-10 23:03
Subject:	come fly with me
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	new york, new york- frank sinatra (me)

yayayayyayayayayayayayayayayay i saw prudence 2day. she is so pretty! she has new glasses and is generally stuninng, and id missed her so much & i saw her and i was just so happy :D

ah well i had 6th form assembly 2day, we hav fund raising committee & we were asked 4 suggestions 2 raise money, so me & my mates matt, linton & nicassio are gunna do a "rat pack" concert- how cool! im gunna be frank sinatra, nic is dean martin, linton is sammy davis jr, & matt is peter watever-his-name-is. that will b a great larf if we ever actually do it!
hmm wat else, erm iv been trying 2 write my personal statement bt its still tuff & my eng teacher had a look @ my 1st draft & ripped it apart! lol! ohh well! i had a booooooooooooring day 2day, had the whole afternoon free and didnt do alot, bt did watch kiddies tv- i cant believe it- on citv they hav totally changed the flintstones, the theme tune, start scenes, vioces & animation is all different- its sacrilege! then we watched art attack, that is 2 funny i swear.... were sad i no... anyway i was all excited about finally seeing prue so i got thru the boredom!
yeah nothing else 2 report, other than i only got 2 c prue 4 about 5mins today, i just wanted to hold her there & not let go.... now i hav 2 wait till fri till i c her again.. ohh well it gives me summink 2 look 4ward 2 i spose, anyway christina ur getting boring, pls update :p !!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha im going 2 bed, ciao

Date:	2003-09-08 19:50
Subject:	meh
Security:	Public
Mood:	groggy
Music:	frank sinatra- my way

hey wassup guyz? im feeling really down atm, im jus really tired & my head hurts & i miss prue so much- i last saw her on sat, & its only monday, bt i jus find it hard 2 deal wit stuff wen shes not around & its all 2 much 4 me atm. 2day was jus savage- it was kinda ok till lunch, then i had 2 lunch duty & no1 else turned up & so i was running around trying 2 sort it all, then we had RE & mr hayes showed us the sickest video ever & it made me feel ill, then i was bored senseless in tutorial & english. then (as if that wasnt bad enuff) on the way home on the bus- some lil girl was sick all over herself & it stank & was minging & i had 2 go & sort it all out :( then i got home & i rang prue & told her all about my day & i realised that i had upset her 2 by talking bout sick video & that made me feel even worse. after seeing her nearly everyday during the summer its really hard having 2 make do wit a 30min phone call per day & only seeing her 4 about 5mins on a weds, bout 30mins on fri, & on sat nite. i dont like it. part of me wants jus 2 giv it all up & run away wit prue & live a life of frivolity etc... bt then again that mite not b the best plan. im doing my personal statement atm- its really hard, u no i thort it wud b easy 2 write about how gd u think u r, bt its really hard & i dont like the way i come across in my statement, i dunno i guess im jus 2 picky! its scary, im picking universities & stuff and ill b 18 soon- where has my childhood gone? its not only that that im woried about, its the whole apprehension of going away 2 uni & moving away from prue- i mean its hard enuff at the moment, imagine wat id b like if i was 100miles away or more? :s i think i really need a hug

Date:	2003-09-03 22:35
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad
Music:	nothing, just a lonely silence

i miss my prudence :"(

i miss my james :"(

i miss my james :"(

Date:	2003-09-02 15:28
Subject:	i think i have bitten the side of my mouth
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable
Music:	you really got me-the kinks

mmmm pork pie. much time has elapsed since our last post my young paduans, much wisdom for me to bestow upon you, there is. on sunday it was my brothers birthday *for which he was awarded the jackass dvd* we had a vintage card, which james signed with thomas' favorite joke. we were very cool. james participated in a fifa tournament, in which he romped home as real madrid. there ensued a marathon game of monopoly, in which cheating was rife, especially as lou was in charge and ben and tom had formed the federation alliance and attempted to recruit lou's boyfriend marlon, who is a bit strange. tom thinks he may be called demetrius.he had a shark attack cake, expertly chosen by moi with blue icing that was THE SEA!!! TOO COOL!. yesterday i had to go to the Roding, so james came to meet me, walking from woodford. as i came out at 1 o'clock, i had no idea that james was hurtling along the long path from kings avenue, having realised too late the gross intensity of his miscalculation of distance-ie from 54 kings avenue to the Roding hospital, claybury was in fact a veritable marathon. but it was all good, we bought lots of nice things in tesco, whihc we then couldnt eat because we had bought far too much : ( and we were going to the bel-sit in the evening, which is the most lovely sweet little place. we think it means beautiful place. it was sad though, because it was like our last proper thing before james goes back to school tomorrow. our Last Supper as james expertly puts it. its such a cliche, but the holidays have gone so fast, and i loved the slow pace your allowed to go *and we went at a very slow pace for most of it, doing reasonably close to nothing* now everythings like rushed and fast, and i want to go back to how things were, even though you didnt realise how good and slow they were at the time. there was just no worry, nothing you should be doing, your time was your own. now it belongs to school and homework and work and i dont like it :"(the worst thing about the quickening pace is the fact that i know what its going to mean-less time for us, for being together every day just together, just knowing that we can just be us, and theres nothing else for us to be-i can be james' girlfriend, and i dont have to worry about being a student or a friend or anything else. but hey, waterloo sunset, all will be fine.

Date:	2003-08-24 16:54
Subject:	i got rhythm
Security:	Public
Mood:	silly
Music:	dream a lil dream of me_louis armstrong and ella fitzgerald

yay james gets to keep hammy the hamster!-but unfortunately not sid, who i just got on good terms with. kew gardens was an unmitigated success, even though we sat on the ground to eat our picnic before realising that there were in fact 6 benches within a hundred yards of us. doh. mmm picnic. we made a cake on thursday, which was excellent, in james' own words "it looks just like a normal cake....thats been kicked about a bit" but it TASTES good, which is the important thing. on thursday we got my results, and i kicked ass for the lord. apparently, although i dont quite knowwat that means,some catholic colloquiallism i assume, but i think it mean i did good-which i did, and i got fotoed by the romford recorder, with james kissing me, even though he doesnt actually go to the school, or any school in romford, or even live in romford, or even take his GCSE's this year. meh. he got fotographed 'cos hes a studly buffting' *in his own words again*

Date:	2003-08-20 19:11
Subject:	birdies avec watering cans (et hamster poo)
Security:	Public
Mood:	pessimistic
Music:	still REM

ah we went shopping today and i was sooooo pleased with my purchases, until i got home and my mother mocked and degraded all of them. the conversation was something like "i got a watering can" "what for?" "for the plants in my room" "but u cant use a watering can in your room, it'll go everywhere. so that was useless wasnt it" " i got that paul frank bag that ive always wanted half price!" "but its still 30 odd pounds, which is more than id pay for your bag, u can pay for it yourself" and so on. for several hours. but this has just sort of become a ritual so i dont really mind. its like taking james shopping-he complains the whole time, but i know he doesnt mind really, he only feels he has to complain because hes a man who therefore shouldnt enjoy shopping, even if it is with his lovely girlfriend. aw he sat outside the changing room in topshop for ages today while i tried on 11 items, and its really hot in there, and all he said was "u look lovely" when i came out and showed him, and gave me a kiss. i got the cutest little sparrows made out of real feathers from VV Roleaux. and last nite i bought a pepper plant, with loads of peppers on it, and tom pulled one of as i walked through the door-literally he stuck his hand in the bag and went 'whats this' and pulled one off, which i thought was especially mean and stupid seen as i had his birthday present also in my hand. meh heh heh. anyway get my results tomorrow, always a bad sign, and parents have decided to take me to hawa, one of my favorite restaraunts-which i think is rather hopeful as its more likely to be stony silenceand weeping thatn happy celebrations :"( my dad asked if he should put abottle of wine in the fridge-as if! not only will there be no cause for celebrations but i dont actually like champagne, it tastes of sandpaper.

Date:	2003-08-20 00:01
Subject:	animals
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	incubus

my aunt & uncle hav gone away & we have been left wit their 'pets'- a 25yr old parakeet & a long haired hamster. they r so kool! syd (the parakeet) talks & skwaks & is generally kool, & hammy is so sweet- jus snuffling around. prue has found herself 2 new friends! so kool! yeah so we didnt do much 2day, i went up 2 meet nick who 4got 2 bring dvds or fone charger cos hes gay, then i met up wit rob 4 the hell of it, then on the train home, prue got on my train at stratford, walked past me, sit opposite me & then read a newspaper oblivious 2 my presence till after bout 10mins i actually had 2 go over & say hello! was funny! so we then went bk 2 mine, prue bought her bro dvds 4 his bday- then we went 2 v nice chinese 4 lunch, went bk 2 mine looked up ucas stuff, then in eve we watched capt corellis mandolin- gd film shame they changed the ending tho. ne wayz we hav a shopping day planned 2moro- yayayayayay!

Date:	2003-08-18 20:39
Subject:	Save the Hair
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined
Music:	REM Automatic for the people

i would like to dedicate a post to james' hair; it is a rare phenomenon, neither floppy english public schoolboy nor trendy, gelled essex man. i feel this type of hair is also an endangered species-james' suffers the risk of extinction every time rob calls him ringo or his mothers hairdresser makes a house call. but i believe we should fight for james' hair and others like it because its just so quixotic and touchable (when clean) and it suits him and he looks gorgeous with it. so there.