Rhianen's Blurty

Weird, But Glad of It
I think I understand now why fasting helps people, at least the way I look at it. I haven't been eating that much lately and my dreams, for one, have been I guess vision-like for some time now. Especially this morning's, which had a lot of symbolism in it. I've never actually fasted before...not even ceremoniously. But I really need to get back into eating actual food again. It's not right for me to eat so little because I'm skinny enough and I can't afford to lose anymore weight. I get very weak and dizzy easily if I don't eat a decent meal. I'm also rather happy now :). I'm an interesting person! That's actually more than most people give me credit for...Either I'm too weird, a loner, unsociable, or just not interesting enough which is just plain silly. I mean, come on, how can someone not be interesting who keeps an updated dream journal, is a mature fan of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp, has more guy friends than girls, has four hamsters named after Enterprise characters, makes one of her goals in life teasing her friends and turning her bf on, and shocking people with amazing moves on the dance floor, and singing? And this isn't interesting to some people? :o. I'm shocked, simply shocked. Hee hee.
I feel so much better now, too. I wrote my letter to God. That community's pretty nice, actually. Don't know how active it is right now but I guess it's almost a form of confession to some degree. Well, I needed a community like that, badly. Like in the previous entry, I've been feeling majorly out of sync with my faith in general and I really need to get back into it. I feel so empty, really, which isn't that healthy either. Emptiness is a driver of depression and loneliness. I know, I've had it for years and in HS it was the worst. But I won't get into that. I just talked with two girls on my floor about laundry and how annoying it is to go down 4 floors to the blasted laundry room. They really should put one on this floor. There are days I can't stand going past the guy's floor since I never know what kind of whistle or cat-call I might get. It's not good to do that when I'm moody. People should be glad I'm not an easily angered person. You know, fly off at the drop of a hat. I can't stand that, nor can I imagine myself being that angry, ever. But my weapon lies with stubborness and determination. If someone gets in my way trying to make me do something I'm not comfortable with, good luck trying to change my mind. It's not happening. On another note, I hope I haven't offended any of my friends out there who read this Blurty or my MOJ, about Mark. Of course, maybe they're not offended in the least. Who knows? I was pretty toxic in that last entry when I mentioned him. It's a long story...and I don't want to get into it right now.
So what should I have for dinner? So many possibilities. I don't know, really. I'm still tired from this morning, feel like I've wasted most of my day from taking those two Aleve for a headache. But anyhow, I'm going to get going now, sort my laundry, try to figure out my life, maybe run a special ops. searching for other possible communities. Yeah, I'm weird, but glad of it. Until then...... :)

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: ROTK Soundtrack