Rhianen's Blurty

Mix of Feelings
Where Will You Be?
Where will you be when I am gone? Will you hold to life and await the sun? Will you dance and sing or fall down crying? Wishing in life you did no lying? Where will you be when I see you? Will you have forgotten me or do all you can not to? I can see in your eyes how important I am, how it distresses you that you can no longer hold my hand. Will your life change when I am gone? Would life still be precious when you're alone? Or would I discover I'm not the only one you held dear, for when I'm gone I can see forever. But whether this happens, even at all, I wouldn't haunt til death answered your call. But where will you be and where will you go? Will you follow me to the golden shore, and take my hand to lead me on? So maybe, one day, I can find my home. Where will you be? Will you be the same? Laughing and crying all over again? If this is our fate, please don't fade from here since where will you be when I'm not there?

Not sure what brought that poem on. Kind of a mix of feelings I guess I'm feeling right now. I guess I can't decide at the moment. Things are pretty ok right now; my mom is probably wondering what's up with me since I haven't caught her on IM at all this weekend. I'm still confused about a lot of things, a very many things which I haven't figured out yet. At this moment, I'm still talking with Steph (a friend I haven't talked to in a while) and I told her about my day, mainly my so-called "mistake" of playing good Samaritan last night. Sometimes I ask myself, why do I even bother? I don't know, I couldn't help it. I'm a good person and that's what good people do but I doubt I'll do that again. Grrr, people can get so aggravating, but at least I have my friends ;). Friends are good people to have. I don't know what I'd do without them at all.
I guess I also worried my mom a lot these past few days. I'd been in a funk so I turned off my answering machine (how stupid of me) and I left my cell phone turned off. She thought I was in trouble...which I guess I kind of was except I didn't want anything to do with anyone. I can be a real pain in the butt when I'm unhappy, let me tell you that straight out. Not only do I not think straight but it's like the world is my enemy. I hate the world and everyone in it kind of thing. Not good thinking at all. Well my mom knows now I'm ok, and although the depression is still in the back of my mind, it hasn't taken me over. I really hope I don't go through that again. That was so scary, I wrote more about it on MOJ actually. I guess the stand-ups sold for $32 and $29 as well. Wow, that was quite a turn out at the auction! I'm still going to get my own at some point. But anyhow, I need to eat, yada yada yada. Hunger drives the soul, my friend. And the soul...I don't know what it drives but I'm certain mine is a wolf. Wolves are cool! But, I'm going to get going now. Until then....au revoir!

Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: Shakira-Tango (Objection)