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lisa

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a letter.. [22 Jul 2006|11:26pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | ( none ) ]

dear unsure feeling,

i wish u would just go away. every nite depressing thoughts enter my head of my past present and future to come. making my life ever so difficult to maintain. please just let me have one night without stress. i wanna have a normal life ( although i dont kno what that is ) but i want to be able to live life without worries. have a normal family and just breathe. my relationship is fine but i want inner peace with myself. i want to b able to look in the mirror n say she looks great without stressing about how much weight i WANT to gain. i look in the mirror n i dont see what others see. i see a girl who needs to b like thoes girl my boyfriend constantly stares at. thoes girls on BET. thoes girls with curves for days. i have to admit i have my share but its not really catching his attention as i wish it would. i want to claim all of his attention. he says ive got all of his attention but why does he still look? ..why does he still talk to his ex? why does she still call? is there more to that story? is there mroe beyond being "just friends"? why couldnt i have been blessed with a happy household. its okay for the most part but why can i have parents who really did sumthing with their lives. parents who took care of me. raised me to b the females/woman that i am now? but i was turned over to others because they couldnt handle "me". was i a mistake? was i not ready for the world? was i not made to be? is this not my time? i wish u would just go away..you stupid insecurity.. !


signed
the victim of of the problem,
lisaaa

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very very long time.. [09 Oct 2005|10:07pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | SWV - weak in the knees ]

seems like years since i blogged...i been so busy with marchingband shxt n u kno how lazy i get...it gets to the point where sometimes i dont even attempt to get online. anyways i guess ill start off with today..didnt go to church cuz everyone over slept...jarred came over with chauncey around uh...3 ish? n left around 5:15 lol i baked cookies...then i was just on the phone talkin to random ones for the rest of the afternoon...jarred went out bowling with some friends ..hmm...i saw oj again for the first time ina long time at the down east classic game...same ol same ol....then we just didnt talk anymore ...maybe its better this way...hmm made a coupld new friends lol ceddrick, mookie n the return of mariah ..been a while since me n her hung out cuz she changed schools n goes to my school now..anyways its whatever...im bout to do sumthin other than this..byez

byezzz...

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whatever.. [08 Sep 2005|09:59pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | pretty ricky - get you right ]

sleepy day...i didnt go to practice cuz i aint feel well. i called jarred as soon as i got home to let him kno i wasnt goin to practice cuz i didnt feel well. he had football practice or whatever. so im layin there in tha bed around 5 sumthin n the phone rings n the first think i hear is " are u okay?" ....see....thats my man lol aww he aint need to greet himself he kno i kno who he is ...he aint have to ask for me he KNOW my voice lol...my man makes sure im right all the time ....no matter WHAT nigga lol .....anyways let me take my self to sleep im tired...

ya kno!!..

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in spanish class.. [07 Sep 2005|10:02am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | courtney talkin to justin next to me lol .. ]

well its been a while since the last time i blogged ...everythings been goin good so far wit me n jarred ..we went to the movies on monday cuz it was labor day n i finally had a day off from this retarted school. dang im ready for the summer to get here so i can start sleepin late again. every mornin when i wake up im still tired ...and when i get home i neve take a nap.. hmph monday was a real treat...jarred man...he treats me like a straight up princess no matter whats goin on...its always "lisa...whats wrong you need anything?" n when i was sick he tried to see me everyday lol...awww finally a man with sum common sence and sum damn respect. ya kno? im not even suppose to b on the computer right now im suppose to b learning about the dominican republic with courtney but we all kno she dont giva damn about the project....hell no one does. its pointless ..i mean after i get it back im just gonna throw the shxt away n never think about it again. i used to think spanish class was gonna b fun but now that im in the stupid class its completely lame. im hungry as shxt n im tempted to eat this damn lolly in my purse but i cant cuz if i do then ill b hungrier ....damn i wish i had me sum real food at this damn school ...the cuttin back on all the good food cuz everyone gettin fat n nasty n shxt..damn what about the people who need to eat like me ya kno? damn im TRYIN to gain weight..n now that they got this low carb shxt sellin its like they want me to frigign b anerexic lmao. wtf am i gonna do with a tiny azz chicken sandwhich? damn n with only a couple mins to eat i mean what am i gonna digest? lol...hmm..aww well i guess its cuz my school is gettin cheap but i refuse to go to a stupid private school...juz got i gotta lil cash dont mena i need to b in stuck up uniform wearing private school...damn...i cant stand that shxt...i think everyone should go to public school cuz ur exposed to more REALISTIC things...ya kno? damn im hungry..and i miss jarred...i been thinkin bout him since i woke up this morning..aww..we need to go to the movies more often it was nice...nigga bought me NACHOS! lol they was off the hook aww...lol i got me a good one...NOT a lame one like them bytch niggaz in the past who PLAY GAMES...anyways im bout to go i need to see who else is online white im in the computer lab so i can feel good about doin sumthin bad =) ill holla....

he said my booty looks like it weights 15 pounds lol...

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wow another good day.. [25 Aug 2005|10:32pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Play -David Banner ]

today was a good day...hmmm good days keep rollin in for me. im just waiting for jarred to fxckin call me back. stupid hoe lol. aww i love him hahah. im going to his game tomorow ...well byez

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a nice day.. [24 Aug 2005|04:39pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | georgia - ludacris feat field mobb ]

hm..today was a good day..everything went well so far so good. ya kno? .."he" was on my mind all day as usually..i was talkin about "him" all day to my friends im pretty sure they're sick of him ...lol damn ...i come home from school n im itchin to talk to him but i cant cuz he got practice..im goin to his game on friday cuz im off from marching band untill next week. ( thank god ) but then again i got band on saturday all day practically ..=( so i dont kno what to do i guess ill go bowling later on that night or i dunno ..jarreds spendin time with "tha fellaz" so i dont see why i shoudlnt spend time with "tha ladiez" ya kno? what can he get mad at? im gonna b a good girl at all times right? lol lemme stop b4 he reads this n gets upset n jumps to conclusions...hahah omg ...Donalds friend who came by the house is in my class that nigga look like a full class bum ..gosh ..you idiot ( lol napoleon dynamite ) i have no idea why im so tired in 1st...i mean i get enuff sleep right? ...i dunno i took a test today im pretty sure i made over a 95 cuz i took the time n studied for it n i understood everything pretty okay so im just waiting for the results. but i guess thats enough for now if im awake ill blog later...hasta luego! ..

miss lisa...

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a lil sumthin.. [22 Aug 2005|08:32pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | knuck if you buck - crime mobb ]

he makes me feel like a princess
i can do anything silly and he would just smile n brush it off
always myself around him, i dont need to b anyone else
he loves me for the person i am and doesnt want me to ever change
yea i kno this cuz he told me
protects me from whatever danger he knows is going on
even when i think im safe he knows the real deal
he knos whats going on in their head, and warns me so im always with him
makes sure that im satisfied no matter what
asks me if im okay even if nothings wrong
just to make sure his lil girl is feelin right
words cant even express how i feel for him
cuz if i just said i love him its not enough
thats whats so special about him
i could look messed up head to toe
and he still wants to come over n see me
simply cause he doesnt care what i look like
he knos when i show out im always breakin necks
he keeps shxt on lock and under control
makes sure i never get disrespected, or their azz is his
might not be the biggest nigga in tha world but he handles his
aint afriad to throw down in troublin situation
and when we argue its always ended with an i love you
how many people can actually say they love someone and that person loves them back?
aint gotta beg him for shxt cuz if could have the world,
im damn sure he would try his best to make sure it was mine
sumthin in his eyes makes me weak that feeling is uncontrolable
feels good but its a lil shaky cuz i dont wanna do the wrong thing
he makes u wonder just by lookin at him
everytime hes on his way over i get the same feeling i got when we first met
them same ol damned butterflies that never go away
everytime we kiss its better than before
he always seems to top the last time
maybe cause he knos i deserve the best and nothing less than that
so thats what he always gives me
if tomorow was my last day on this earth
i wouldnt have to wonder would he care
cuz hed be the one trying to stop tomorow from getting here
jarred i love you with all my heart ...

he got a job, a car, dough, and a good heart..what more can i ask for??

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fun but weird day.. [21 Aug 2005|07:32pm]
[ mood | loved ]
[ music | Mario - Directions .. ]

today was fam n friends day at church so me n kima went n had food n then went back to my house. jarred came over with his lil brother jon-on (aww) lol anyways we just sat around the house so i put in a dvd n everyone acted like they aint wanna watch it ( stupid fxckers ) and thenwe played cards for a while. kima lost like hell n owes everyone money lol. it felt nice being around jarred...it always is fun ya kno? hes perfect in my eyes...i mean he got a car, a job, and lotzadough??!! omg plus he would do anything for me..as long as it aint illegal lol. last night we went bowling ..me jarred kima and chauncey and i mean sometimes he does the nicest things that i kno my previous ones woulda neva done..im sitti there n kima was like damn i hungry as shxt n i was like yeah me too n jarred looked at me and said .."well what u want to eat?" =) aww..well anyways back to the first story..i baked him cookies n stuff n we was sittin on the steps eatin em n kima was buggin out makin me laff n then jarreds dad called his cell n told him to come home but jarred was like i aint leavin yet but he didnt say that to his dad....so jarred stays for about another 2 hours lol n then i hear a door close outside ..i looked outside n its jarreds moms car!! lol so i was like hurry up n get to the door so she told him it was time to go cuz his dad was a lil upset that he didnt go to work today ..this nigga forgot to go to work cuz he was wit me lol..its like i friggin brainwashed that nigga lol ...aww so he was like iight ill leave ina few so we sit back down in the kitchen n i hear a door close outside again n his mom is back n she was like shes not leaving without him but jarred drove his car so i dont understand that situation lol..so all of a sudden his cell blazes n its his dad tellin him to get home i guess me n kima sittin there lookin lost as hell ... and jarred got kinda tissy n had to go ...he was poutin real hard ..i didnt wanna see him go but he had to get home..now im sittin here wating for him to call lol i aint callin him he might b gettin the lecture of his life for not goin to work n make MY money lol...aww dang today was perfect..just me n him kima n jon jon..theres sumthin special bout jarred...sumthin in his eyes that makes me never wanna stop bein around him...i dont kno what it is i just love him so much n to b with someone that i know would do just about anything for me ...makes me wanna i dunno ..do sumthin outrageous lol he means the world and more to me .. i cant even really get mad at him like i want to without him makin me smile .. this shxt is REAL nigga!!..aint nobody got shxt on us nigga...NO ONE...

i got a bangin booty n a tight waist...

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long time.. [19 Aug 2005|11:45pm]
[ mood | pleased ]
[ music | the hey song .. ]

its been a long azz time since ive blogged. ive been so busy with school, relationship drama, and just everything. me n jarred are doing just fine. i just b trippin all the time n he gets a lil upset but its cute tho lol. school is good. im tied down right now with music ..i guess right about now in my life i feel...pleased...ill type more tomorow...im tired..

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bored.. [04 Aug 2005|07:18pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | T.I., Lil scrappy, PSC - ima a king ]

im sittin here wating for jarred to get home from practice..im bored as hell ....im going shopping tomorow ...yay..ill blog again later.

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a nice day.. [30 Jul 2005|10:43pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | naked - marquez houston ]

me n jarred kinda spent the day toghether...it was nice we ate sum food at church n then he drove me to the movies n then took me by cvs n bought me more dr pepper chapstick by lipsmackers cuz i love that kind n then took me home n we watched sum tv n talked for 4 hours lol...it was the best day ive had ina long while...i leave monday morning ..i really need to start preparing for this funeral cuz i already kno ima b cryin tuesday ..but i really wanna get off that subject...i love jarred...i look at the picture of us n think damn...finally happy again ...no more feeling bad for myself at night cuz i think no one loves me ...now i got jarred...the main person that makes me smile when i even think about him n i aint gotta worry bout him runnin game or doin stupid shxt..im sittin here chattin wit kaili..n im bout to go..

-one

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da in tha sun.. [28 Jul 2005|09:58pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | olivia - twist it ]

yea i aint talk to jarred all day n im not callin him later on tonight either cuz he made me mad last night. i juz got home from band. im kinda tired n i gotta b at school tomorow for band rehersal at 9 ....im kinda happy that tomorow the last day of band camp...yea yea i kno the famous line "one time...at band camp..." but its nothin like that this shxt is hard work. i talked to kelli yesturday it was kinda good to hear from my other half...i miss her ....well i guess ill go do sumthin else for now...untill then

bye byez...

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wtf is going on .. [27 Jul 2005|06:11pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | screams and shouts .. ]

he said : u better not be running around

she said : what the hell are u talking about, your sick you know that??

he said : 'cause if i find out you are....."you'll be sorry!!"



should i be scared of this situation now? ...even though it has nothing to do with "me".

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letter to Tim.. [25 Jul 2005|12:50pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | my own cries.. ]

dear tim,

i miss you. you were my favorite older cousin. i dont kno if i should b sad that your not here with me anymore or smile cause ur closer to God. i dont feel it was your turn to go but i guess "he" had other plans for you. everyone misses you. thankx for everything. cant wait to see you again at them ol' gates. open em up for me when i get there..dont worry ill watch over jamie and emani when ever i see em lol they're in good hands. ur kinda lucky not to b in this messed up place ...i wish i could rest in peace but i guess ill wait till its my time..my ma misses you like crazy she said she doesnt really believe it it hasnt hit her yet..but u kno how she is..its hard for her to accept it cuz u was the only person she was close to except kenny n disa ..we still got that picture on the sun porch of you andre my mommy n margaret..all yall look drunk lol ..man u dont kno how hard im takin this...my g-mother just mentioned that ol teddy bear u gave me when i was smaller on thursday..she asked where it was n i thought about u for a few mins...i thought u was off some where with ur wifey or out with the boys bout to go back to iraq..n its weird how last week i was lookin at pictures on the computer n i came across yours cuz i was deleteing what i didnt need n decided to keep yours..remember that picture? we took it in the living room the last time i saw you. i was acting crazy n u was tired n we played cards n i lost a billion times cuz when i play wit u i suck. damn who taught u how to play? well...hope to see you soon...very soon ..i love you tim!

-lisa

P.S. did u ride up to heaven on your motocycle too? u kno u stayed fresh to death wut kinda rims was it this time? ...tell me when we meet again ..

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a sleepless night.. [25 Jul 2005|12:23pm]
[ mood | sympathetic ]
[ music | Aaliyah feat. Jay-z - I Miss You ]

last night was horrible ..i didnt get any sleep cuz i had 2 things on my mind...tim's death and jarred...more so tim cuz thats fam. i kept thinkin bout how me n him used to hang out when he was in town and how he used to watch me when i was little ..and then the last time i saw him..i think it was 2 months ago cuz hes always traveling and he stopped by when ever he could see his "favorite lil cousin" ...i miss him alot ..i practically cried all night long. my head hurts. then i was thinkin bout jarred..for reasons that i dont feel like discussing..but anyways im bout to go lay down again..im not even goin to band today..=(

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a sad day.. [24 Jul 2005|11:21pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | P.diddy, faith evans,112 - ill b missing you ]

yea..well i just got home from the trip to south carolina ..i bought me sum shoes...the sand thing is ..tim was killed today..i cried all day after i heard..it was a motorcycle accident ...do i need to say anymore?

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a good day.. [21 Jul 2005|10:01pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Earth Wind & Fire - In the Stone ]

today was jarreds birthday...the big "18" ..i hope it was fun he just left not to long ago from over here...we just spent "quality" time togheter. it was very nice i might say =) . i love him so much. we took pictures togheter n shxt. i feel like were married i swear. since it was his day i threw on a lil sum sum for him ...gotta look extra good for him ya kno?! ..anyways im goin to south carolina on saturday to go shopping!! i wont b back till sunday so thats more stuff for me huh..yea kno..damn i fxckin love jarred...

=)

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so much to tell.. [20 Jul 2005|07:35pm]
[ mood | energetic ]
[ music | In The Stone - Earth, Wind, & Fire (marching band) ]

wow...its been a long min since i blogged. well me n jarred is official now ..thats good news cuz i kno im happy with someone whos pretty close to perfect ..its funny cuz everything i needed was right in front of me the whole time ..n boom the relationship just happends..it took me a while to say yes cuz i had mad shxt in the way ..but yea i love him..ive felt that way for a while..n hes felt that way ..damn..for a long azz time lol..hes everything i could want n ever need...he visits regularly ..talks on a regular basis..n tells me he loves me more than 4 times that we happen to b on the phone..its gravy ya kno? as for shxt in the past im not even worried or concerned about it cuz thats then this is now..ive learned from past mistakes ... im smarter more mature and still can be myself and he has no problem with it. he likes the person that i am ..i could b sweaty lookin busted hair NOT done..lookin a hot mess n he still wants to see me cuz he sees me for the person that i really am ..n thats real ..hes not some lame azz nigga that just tells me he loves me for 10 months n then "accidentaly" fxcks another bytch ...thats not jarred ..he dont do grimey shxt like that...but ..the adventure continues...i gotta get sum sleep i got marching band ...yay! ..cough sike

a satisfied female..

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in g'boro... [12 Jul 2005|11:26am]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | nothing lol library shhhh =) ]

so here i am sittin in the library in greensboro at music camp. i will say its good this year so far but people ego trippin already such as the one n only miss "im stuck on myself christina" damn to think she would stop lecturing me n sherelle. but anyways i gota good news me n jarred is toghther n ill b damned if i let anyone mess that up..im bout to go do lunch im out its young HOLLA

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the latest.. [06 Jul 2005|07:47pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Mike Jones .. Flossin' ]

well well well i aint been blogging normaly lately cuz i really havent had much to say. somehow my feelings for OJ are completely gone. its like now i wake up in the morning n i think about someone else n not him. its kind of a relief. i feel better knowin im "over it" i mean the whole situation wasnt my fault anyways. but now i find myself thinking about jarred all the time. hes the one who comes to see me practically all the time n all we do is just sit n talk n laff about the silliest things or maybe even serious stuff. hes probly the one i shuda been with all along. its "too" perfect. i mean what kind of person live across town barely has gas n drives over to my house n brings me somthing to eat cuz i mentioned that i was hungry? damn thats love. this nigga was even gonna bring sumthing as small as a milkyway bar to my house cuz i was craving one. ( i love thoes things ) i kno i can make this work i kno i can but whats holding me back? i cant b oj cuz so what if i go with his old best friend he cheated on me aint nuthin can compare to that. n not only once twice. so fxck it . im sorry. anyways jarred is so fxcking good to me. n i kno it can work out. all he needs is an answer from me saying yes n its set but when will i do it? .."will" i even say yes? right now i dont even kno ...but i kno im gonna make my decision soon. im gone

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