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Well first off i just want to say its been awhile since i posted, and alot of people i know have started blurty journals. Apparently i'm wise. at least thats what i was just told by Emily H. Hrmm. 2 Nights ago i wrote a huge thing to post on here, but i closed the window before i could post it. Lately i've been working to find a job/ hanging out at Jay's house. Jackie ( jays mom) every year has her office aides from IMS come and stay at her house. Friday night there were about 12 8th grade girls over there. I've never been more uncomfortable/ annoyed in my life. One moment i would be treated as a doll or something and they were feeling and petting my hair, then they would tell me that their favorite bands were weezers and beatles, but didn't know any songs. WEEZERS!!!!! Hmm.... been swimming about 5 days in a row at Anna J.'s house. Then every time would go to Jay's and chill after that. Yesterday me and max and jay and pj all bought water guns and killled each other for about 45 minutes, then went swimming at Anna's. All kinds of stuff has been happening, but thats just some of it. Now...personally, had huge fights with my mom about being responsible( which i personally think i dont get enough respect for how much responsiblity i have, not just having a job like my mom thinks) I have been thinking alot about what i am gonna do with my life, and how much little time i have left to be a kid. I dont know what to think about that. I dont wanna loose the people that i keep near me at school. I have so many people i love so much and would do so much for, but society implicates and actually factuates that you go on with your life and really dont have alot of friendships when your an adult. I dont want that. I dont want stuff to change. Yeah i know ill have a 9-5 job 5 days a week but that leaves time for life. I could be happy making 30,000 a year. As long as i have a house and a car and when i get a family just to feed them. I think that through my surrounding world that life is based upon your love of others, and your love of self, and last but should have been first, your love of God. Love of yourself lets you understand your actions, your feelings and emotions, your thoughts and how to act on them, and finally how to interact with others and how to help others. Love of others, which is made of compassion and caring and... other stuff.... is how you reach people, how you make people realize things, sway their thinking, have relationships on the many different levels. Love for a friend, a family member, or your significant other. and the most Important of the Loves is for God. He is the creator, your maker, the almighty one , and the controller. So many people in this quick-fix oriented america believe that they either just go to heaven, or since they believe in God go to heaven. They dont understand there are conditions to share space with God. They dont get the idea that you have to cleanse yourself of your sins. In the old times sacrifices were used to wash away sin, but Jesus Christ came and was a human and living sacrifice for our sins. That is the only way we will get to heaven. I was told i needed to elaborate on my relationship with a certain Miss Ally Limon. Well..... I have been friends with her for about a year and 9 months now. We met in Mr. Parent's english class. She intrigued me- a God loving woman who also listened to actual musiciians like the doors and the eagles. We chatted and stuff and called her in the summer. THis year we had 2 classes together , and totally hit it off and constantly grew as friends. I was invited to hang with her several times, and on 2 occasions i just stood her up. I felt really bad but to be honest i am a geek and am nervous round girls and people i dont know so i was kinda scared. I really wish i wouldn't have stood her up, i think she feels she can't trust me now. Just of recently i have had romantic notions towards her, and told her the same. She stated that she had feelings for me too, but we had different morals. She had begun drinking over christmas break, something she was totally and completely against just weeks before. I become depressed extremely through that, not in a life consuming way but in the fact that alchohol and the pressures of being " cool " can take down even the most stubborn and hardy of people. I have grown increasingly attracted yet increasingly saddened/angered by her nonchallant attitude towards her alchohol consumption. I was speaking on the phone with her, and she was telling me of a person she started hanging out with, and how good this girl was and how she had never even had a beer. She now regularly drinks with Ally. Sometimes i know that when Ally says things like " we are gonna get drunk and watch TV this friday, you can come" just so that she can get a reaction out of me and maybe to see more of my personality. I just wish sometimes that she would try and enter herself into my life instead of constantly having me bend to her schedule and throw myself into her life. I gladly do bend my schedule but my idea of ANY relationship is a give and take thing. Im done for now but i will post again!!!!!!!
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