krzma13's Day

Monday, November 17, 2003

10:11AM - I cannot go to school today said little peggy ann mckay

I feel like death, to put it bluntly.
Without my patch, my body turns full force against me. I showered in the dark this morning. Luckily I didnt get dizzy and slip and fall. I have the WORST light migrane. Luckily PHL was cancelled. Jess is in chem so she went.. but I just slept.. or tried to sleep. My back feels like a chainsaw is sticking into it. I think I might throw up. I have cramps so tight that they could vice a car door shut. Not a very good metaphor oh well. I have Fractals in 2 hours. I have to go. I have Chem recitation (quiz) after that.... I cant take any meds b/c I will pass out before I even make it to my classes. I cant get to walmart for my meds. I dont even know what to do with myself. Staring at the light on this screen makes me want to vomit. AHHHHHHH. ick.

Yea so... on a lighter note. Valerie has survived. yay. I know she will. We all go thru the rough times.. typically all of us in our group go thru more rough spots than we deserve but eventually the good will come. I pray. Josh developed HIS version of my chocolate quote: life is like a box of chocolates, except life doesnt come in a box, theres never a paper thingie on the top to tell you which chocolates to grab, none of the flavors are anygood, nothign is wraped in cute little papers, and its nothign but a big mess of brown stuff.
Sometimes he worries me lol. But I understand him.. which frightens ME more than I worry about him. Then we discussed drugs, random things, and... um i dont remember what else. Jon sent me random texts. Definitely cheered me up.. that is after scaring the crap out of me cuz i thought my phone was off lol. Thats okay tho.

Um well.. I cant even think about sitting up any longer so.. Im gonna lay down until I have to go to class. If i die before then.. um... good! I hate fractals! lol.. if not.. more later

Current mood: sick
Current music: jess upset about her crazy computer
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1:00PM

Hmm.. ok.. lets go thru what has happened.
Just went to Fractals. Hate that class. Handed in a bunch of packets... I think she was impressed. So Gina and I decided to ask if we were going to have the exam on that Monday... she said she doesnt know yet. She knows she can do it on the last day of class.. she better. Hate that woman. I gotta get home to see the concert. Eh I will no matter what. Like I said... Motel 8 here I come... take the bus home.. no one will ever know. I lead a retarded life.
Came back here.. after my chem quiz.. first one I have felt good about in a while. Now.. feeling like death again. Im afraid to go back to sleep tho b/c I always start to feel worse then. I dont know WHAT to do with myself. I cant wait till people are around to talk to... I dont know how much talking on here I will do unless this migraine goes away.... I cant stand the light.. you would think I was a vampire or something... muah ha ha maybe I am.
Just read that jerks away message again.. ugh he irritates me: Its been 5 1/2 hours and I havent even recieved one IM from anyone, this is a whole new expierience for me. GOOD NO ONE LIKES YOU ANYWAYS. oh man. cannot stand the freakin kid. Yea.. he acts like he is a 2 year old. man oh man.
I cant stop sneezing. Not that anyone cares lol. I just found out we are supposed to have room inspections sometime this week.. not that I have anything to hide.. but.. still... I know someone who does.. and she better. Um... I dont think I have any fire hazards.. except maybe that the room is so freakin crowded.. maybe that will get them to move out a roomie! WAHOO.. hope with me.
Um... yea.. well that is it for now I guess... Im considering the two things I need to do.. english and my phl paper... hmm.. yea, no. not happening. Ok.. Im gonna lay down.

Current mood: lonely
Current music: Wish you were here... incubus
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1:24PM - TO DO LIST GUYS :)

Ok.. so Im sittin around thinking... and I have thought of a bunch of stuff that I wanna do... yep yep. Ok so here is my list at the moment.
~Go to the zoo
~Go to the aquarium.. boston! and maybe mystic.. cuz there is some other good stuff there too...
~Watch that movie.. what is it called oh man... ummmmmm AHHH... The Shining YES.. Jess and I just went thru this big ordeal to remember the name of this movie
~We need to watch Silence of the Lambs also.. cuz Ive never seen it
~Dye Josh's hair blue
~go to the beach... again... maybe during the winter.. that is always fun.
~go to the science museum in NY..
~Go to NYC in general... maybe phantom
~have mine and val's bake sale
~get my regular nintendo working so we can play duck hunt
~BRING DUCK HUNT HERE!!!! WAHOOOOO.... we could have floorly duck hunt competitions
~learn guitar
~possibly attempt to ski... or snowboard.. which one? need some input on this one...
~UConn BBall.. as always...
~watch the wizard of oz lol
~finish my surprise for my friends
~lots and lots of pictures of my friends
~egg hermie's house.. sorry val had to say it

HMMMM Cant think of anymore right now.... mehhhhhh more later again


oh and im not horny... but i think jess might be so i put it for her lol....

Current mood: horny
Current music: Pink~Aerosmith
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2:02PM

WHO ELSE IS WATCHING HARRY POTTER? WHEN DOES THE NEXT MOVIE COME OUT.. DARN I WISH I WAS A WITCH.... IM GONNA GO TO HOGWARTS AND EAT CHOCOLATE FROGS... THIS IS SUCHHHHH A GREAT MOVIE...... K THATS ALL...

Current mood: enthralled
Current music: harry potter!!!
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6:30PM

Sometimes I wish I had no emotions whatsoever. I could just exist... I wouldnt need contact with people. I wouldnt hurt anyone. I wouldnt be hurt BY anyone. I could just be. I probably would rather just not be sometimes but eh.. if I had to be.. that would work for me.
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it oepns up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. - Neil Gaiman

uh huh. yea well.. i guess thats all i have in me for now... still feeling miserable but maybe later I'll perk up...
if anyone knows how to get people to know your feelings without spelling it out bit by bit for them.. let me know.
I know people just want to help but sometimes they just cause more of the problems... and it can hurt so problems....

Current mood: pessimistic
Current music: My Reply by the Atari's
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