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16th February 2003

5:46pm: why? (stupid diaryland again)
Why is this only getting harder? What happened to all that confidence I thought I had? I guess it disappeared. Yesterday was so hard. He was there. There at work with me during the day. There in the car with me, next to me. There at the movies with me, next to me. There when we were all talking, next to me. There. I was speechless for the most part. I mean, what could I say? Well, there’s probably a lot I could have said, but it got stuck somewhere. I don’t know. I don’t know what makes me this way. I don’t even talk to him outside of freakin work so how do I know what he’s really like? I know that he’s never home. That’s for sure. It amazes me how guys can make me like this. I feel so helpless in most situations. Well, if the snow starts to disappear by tomorrow night, maybe my therapist will have some suggestions or something. I don’t know. I don’t know how I go on living like this. Ok, I’m done talking about that.
So anyway, I went to see Nina in the Vagina Monologues yesterday. It was really good. Pretty funny, too. Mitchell was kind enough to go with me since my mother said she never promised that she was going, even though she really did. She does dumb stuff and wonders why I’m always in this weird, pissy mood. Whatever. That was my day. Oh, my February 14th wasn’t as bad as I predicted. I guess I was used to being in high school and seeing all these couples exchanging stuff and carrying around balloons and all the halls decorated with hearts and pink and red shit all over the walls. Good thing it wasn’t like that or I might have barfed. So me, Mitchell, Marie, and Andre went to the olive garden. We waited for like an hour. We sat, ordered food, talked…whatever. Mitchell’s phone rang, it was for Andre and the next thing I know, Andre is gone. So we’re like um ok. Then he comes back with this girl that is like drooling over our food and begging for it. Anyway, they left and he was waiting with them for their table. Marie’s friend Kyle eventually made it up there. We had fun without Andre. Then we were leaving to go to laurel lanes to play pool and Andre decided to stay with them. So he basically ditched us. Pretty beat but ok. So we played pool and then came home. I wasn’t that bad at pool. Don’t get me wrong, I was bad, but not that bad. I only shot the ball off the table twice. lol. Right when we pulled up at home, Anthony called. He wanted me to go out with him and some friends but it was like 1 and my mom would have been like um not a chance.
I was supposed to work with *him* today. Him, Chris, Ryan, and would have been fun. Too bad it snowed. I hate snow. It ruins everything.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: I should be - Dru Hill

2nd February 2003

10:02pm: stupid diaryland
so i was gonna write in my normal diary, but no. it doesnt feel like working. so i decided that aaron is really hot. i didnt know i was going to obsess over him like this. he hasnt worked in like a month so i was like whatever. i guess i forgot how damn hot he was. damn.
Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: allister - better late than never

5th January 2003

3:32am: hmmm
this is for nina. this is the only time im writing in this damn confusing blurty. if it was more simple like things in 2003 are supposed to be i would but noooooooo its all confusing and hard to make a cute looking page. so for now on, if u wanna know about my life, read about it on a much easier site. my username is hypergirl69. see you then
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