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[02 Sep 2003|08:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
As I sit down in the empty room staring at the laptop screen before me I ponder Billy's update after I left a quick comment in his journal. With Billy in the living room along with his mom and sister I take the opportunity to write my entry. I hear some laughing from the living room recognizing Billy's laugh and realize his sister or mom must have done something to make him laugh. I slightly tilted my head to the direction of the laughter when I heard it, and I decided to draw my attention back to starting my entry. I get to the page to start my entry and I type.
Congratulations to Benji and Brody on their anniversary! It must seem somewhat surreal to them to see that they're celebrating their anniversary as well as seeing how much time has passed that they've been together. Seeing them together makes me feel truly happy that they have each other. They've been through a lot as a couple overcoming obsticles that have come their way. They've known each other for a long time and have been friends, lovers, husband and wife, as well as parents. Billy wonders how they manage everything, and I think that both of them working together as well as coming to a compromise may have a key part in keeping them together.
Billy wonders why he hasn't taken the leap in asking me to be his wife. Seening the fact that were both content at this point in our relationship I guess we didn't want to rush marriage. Marriage is such a big step, and to allow ourselves to commit to one person for the rest of our lives can be scarry thing if both parties are not ready. I admit I have though about what it would be like, and what the future may hold for us, but it's as they say "only time will tell." I have to end the entry here, but I will continue this later on tonight.
I quickly press the UPDATE BUTTON and shut down the laptop. I walk out of the room and quickly walk over towards Billy as I sit next to him on the couch where he was relaxing while I was doing my entry. I lean towards him and give him a soft kiss as I rest my head lightly on his shoulders as his sister and mother were telling me stories about Billy when he was younger.
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| A Little OOCness Here. |
[29 Aug 2003|12:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
[ O O C
I cover my mouth as I softly yawn. I look at my computer screen and quickly get the Semagic program on. I look at my watch which states the time 11:54p.m. I rub my eyes a little the back of my hands. The "Suddenly Susan" theme song is heard in the background as I draw my attention to the computer and forget the t.v. I take my shoes off after I've got home about an hour and a half ago. With my attention to the computer I start to write my entry.
I noticed that I've failed to mention my hectic schedule lately. I leave my house between the hours of 9:00a.m and 10:00a.m, and I'm not able to get back home until around 10:00p.m to 11:00p.m. and that explains the lurkage. When I put it that way I sound like I've got no life here. -Softly chuckles- I'm able to type my entries, however during my break that I get within the course of the day, but after my entry is done I get back to being busy. I will, however be online and on AIM on Wednesday, Friday, and the weekends. If I'm able to, I'll get on AIM Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, but I shall be on late of you wanna catch me. I'd like to come on AIM every night, but it's rather late, and I'm exhausted when I do reach home. I have time to do a quick entry here and there though, but when it comes to RPing I can honestly say I'm going to fall alseep, and I've have to wake up early, so I can't risk it. To make up for it though I'm making Kristin more active though the journal. Though, I can't promise to make a journal entry every day I can aim for every other day at the most. I may have a few short entries, but I'll surely make up for it and make a long one the next day or later if time will permit me to. Though knowing me I'll most likely do the long entries and not settle for a short ones. I need to get some sleep right now, but I will update tomorrow because I'm tired.
Oh before I forget Joy called me on my cell while i was out and she told me about Good Charlotte and the infamous Britney and Madonna kiss. I can't believe I missed that. -Softly laughs- Off to bed now. -Nods- Night! ]
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[27 Aug 2003|11:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Jason Mraz - Remedy |
] |
As the time passes by, a pile of transcripts slowly start to build up by the side of the couch. A soft cough is heard escaping my lips as I get to the last sentence in the second to last page of the latest transcript from Smallville. I turn to the last page after I read for hours, writing down some input, and analyzing what I've read. When I get to the last page I give a quick scan of the page to give an overview of how much left I had to read. As I start to read I sing softly "I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell, I know right now you can't tell, but stay a while then maybe then you'll see a different side of me. I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired I know that right now you don't care, but soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I use to be..." With the highlighter in my right hand I begin to tap the highlighter up and down in sync to the rhythm of the music as I jot down some notes on the side of the transcript where their is a blank space to write some notes.
When I finish reading and get to the last sentence I close the transcript and place it with the other pile that's already been read earlier. As I take a glance at the pile, I draw my laptop close to me. With the programs on I log in to Blurty, and I start to type my user name as well as my password. When I get logged in I immediately click the UPDATE JOURNALS button at the heading on the top. As I do that the song "I hope you had the time of you're life" starts to blast through the stereo. The songs from the stereo have been blasting throughout the whole morning to help soothe me. While the song plays I notice the Blurty journal on and think for a second and ponder about what I want to write and place my fingers lightly on the keyboard as I lightly bite my lower lip with wonderment. I then get an idea, and I start to type my entry.
It's undeniable what you do to my heart.
You speak with such conviction that stirs feelings of unspeakable desire within me.
Kristin-shape
Reading has been the main agenda with the transcripts flooding in waiting to be read. Surely though I doubt that, that'll be the last shipment coming in. I do admit reading what the producers of Smallville have in store for the cast this season, never cease to amaze me. It baffles me on how they'll outdo themselves next year. I do have to wonder what they'll conjure up next. Thoughout the cast an aura of excitement has surely taken place. With all the excitement about, my sister, Justine has been waiting in anticipation to come to the set to watch us film. As the excitement and anticipation grows a sense of being overwhelmed takes over me from time to time, but it's always Billy that keeps me grounded.
Other then the reading I got a chance to spend some time with Moore. Though, our time consisted of her sexually molesting me. ;x Might I add she was also harassing me as well. As we talked I could see how happy being pregnant again has made her. I believe Joel and her are hoping for a precious baby girl this time. I'm truly blithe about it for them and wish them nothing other than the best. This is considerably one of the best news I've heard lately.
Speaking of news I heard that Shauna and Justin are engaged. I too would like to extend my congratulations as well as my warm wishes for them. It's always such a pleasure seeing couples getting engaged and ready to commit themselves to the people that they truly love and cherish. Though, I admit it's a rather immense step, but when you're taking that step with your significant other and it feels like the right thing to do, you go with those feelings. These feeling come with the realization that the person you're with, is someone that you'd love to spend your life with as well as someone you can see your life with. Having someone that makes you feel that way is truly a blessing, especially when the person gives unconditional love and accept you're faults as well as accepting the person for who they are. I've always believed that, that was a significant part of being in a relationship.
I take a quick glance at the time on my watch which displays the time 11:45.
The time has gone by rather quickly, and I must stop my entry here since I sense that if I don't stop soon I'll be rambling. I do, however have one last thing to add. I think it's such a risk to consider asking a person to commit to one another, but either way it's a risk worth taking. I sincerely suggest the risk because I'd hate to see people miss out on something that could be special because it's so rare. Which is why I pose this question: "What's worse saying something you wish you didn't, or saying nothing and wishing you did?"
I give a nodding approval as I scan the entry and press the POST ENTRY button. I then start to stretch my arms as I shut the programs of the laptop down when I finish stretching. I then go to the bedroom and stand at the doorway as I let my gaze fall upon a figure on the bed. I then lean at the doorway with my arms crossed upon my chest as my thoughts linger on about Billy. A meek smile come across my lips with the thought of Billy as I push myself lightly off of the doorway and make my way towards the bed. As I get close to Billy I lean towards him to brush a tender kiss on his forehead. I then carefully crawl under the covers of the bed, and when I get under the covers I position myself to face him as I brush a few strands of his hair away from his forehead. After that I wrapped my arms around his waist as I rested my head on his chest and snuggled up to him.
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[25 Aug 2003|06:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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This Is How You Remind Me |
] |
Sitting in front of my laptop I log into my Blurty. A yawn of exhaustion escapes my lips as I look at the screen with heavy eyes. I look down at the keyboard with my fingers on the key board ready to type out the words that form in my head. Having in mind what I want to write I begin to type without any slight hesitation.
I called Moore's on my cell and she asked to do my layout since she was on her laptop at the time and she was board. When I got logged on, I checked out my layout and saw the wonderful job she did. I suggest a look see at Moore's work. Nods with delight as I see the layout. I'm currently doing some work at the moment, but which has taken up my time. I'll be seeing Billy later to catch up with him. A content soft smile takes shape on my lips. Well, I have to go and sorry to keep this short, but I shall be writing more perhaps later on tonight if time permits me to.
I press the UPDATE JOURNAL button before me and quickly click on the button. When I see it's posted up I get up from my chair and close the laptop and place it in the case as I grab my bag and walk out the door.
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[24 Aug 2003|10:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Follow Through |
] |
A soft yawn escapes my lips as I cover my mouth with the open palms of my hands. I give a quick glance at my black watch with a silver rim which is tightly secure on my wrist, but not enough to cut my circulation. As I see the time is 10:10p.m thoughts of a fresh hot delicious pizza for the whole crew entered my mind. I grow hungry with anticipation with each minute that passes by. I plop to the couch, and I take the telephone out of the receiver as I place my hands on the button dialing the number for the nearest pizza place to deliver the pizza for us. I lightly lick my lips imagining the tase of the pizza waiting to be eaten. A voice comes to the line asking for my order as I quickly think of what everyone would want on their pizza, and I place the order. When the order is done I thank the person, and I hang up the phone placing the phone back on the receiver and easing my back on the couch getting myself in a comfortable position.
I ease my head back to the couch and with heavy eyes I close them resting them for a second before I sit up properly then I get up from the couch making my way towards my cd case to pick out a cd to listen to and relax. I see my cd case on a nearby table and light grab it as I open the zipper revealing my cd's in place. As the cd's are revealed a delightful smile form on my lips as I see a cd that catches my attention. I take the cd delicately out of the case and pop it into the stereo which is next to me. I press the play button as a mischievous smile takes form on my mouth, and I walk back towards the couch as plop down. As I sit down on the couch intro. to the song "Follow Through" starts to blast through the stereo as I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I start to softly sing along with the song as I nod my head to the intoxicating rhythm of the music. "So since you wanna be with me you have to follow though with every word you say, and I all I really want is you - you to stick around and I see you every day, but you follow through .. " I softly sing as the words escape my lips. I continue to sing and suddenly a feeling overcomes me like I'm not entirely all alone and that Billy was around. I felt like I sensed his strong presence close by watching me which is giving off a secure feeling of comfort inside of me. I give a slightly hopeful smile as I slowly turn around and see a figure leaning on the wall with a tooth pick securely in his mouth. The person twirled around a toothpick playfully which was inside his mouth as he gazed affectionally at me through his Level 27 cap which was placed on his head at a slight angle. With a warm inviting smile planted on his face he walked over to me not breaking eye contact with me as my heart quicken a beat as I gazed in his eyes with such intensity. He had the most serious intense look on his face that captivated me to my core as he got closer to me he tilted his head slightly as he leaned close and caresses my lips with his soft kiss as I closed my eyes recieving his inviting kiss and lots of hugs as well. I then lightly pulled away as he sat down on the couch closely next to me and wrapped his arms around me as if to protect and keep me close to him. After what seemed like hours I quickly grabbed my laptop which was at the side of the couch in the laptop case and started up my laptop as Billy watched me closely. When the programs loaded up I opened my Semagic program and started to type my entry as I felt his eyes reading my entry from behind me.
Things lately have been nothing less than a dream. Though, I have been sitting around reading a pile of transcripts from both Smallville and Edgemont as well. I can honestly say I've never done this much reading at any given time. Billy's probably wondering when all transcripts will finally stop being shipped to us. It seems like both producers have come up with an abundance of idea's that they were eager to get some input on. Tom, Michael, as well as Allison have been stuffed with transcripts as well to go over. It seems like the producers might have outdid themselves this year. What really helps the most is Billy's confidence in me. Hearing him say he has every confidence that I can do that gives me the strength and the drive as well as the determination to accomplish this.
Billy has his own things to deal with, which would be rehearsal. I'm sure he makes the best of it though because he's doing something that he loves which will definitely be something that he wouldn't get tired of. That's why I truly admire people who do the things they love not for the money, but basically for the joy it gives them. When you do something that you love and you let money get involved it in you play for the money not for yourself. Playing for yourself is what makes it fun and makes things all the worth while.
As of now Billy and I are extremely exhausted with events of today. During my break tomorrow from reading maybe I can hopefully catch Billy and we can skate board around the park to relax and unwind. I tend to believe we all need to unwind a little from time to time. Well, I'm going to be unwinding with Billy right now, so another update will proceed tomorrow night at the most.
As I softly yawn I rest my head on his chest as I feel the uneven beat of his heart. I quickly scan the entry then press the post entry button without hesitation as I shut down and close my laptop. As my head is rested I wrap my arms around his body snuggling up to him as I lightly close my eyes.
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| A Time Away |
[08 Aug 2003|01:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Goo-goo Dolls - Here is gone |
] |
I plop down on the sofa as I curl up on the sofa putting my legs up. I lightly pull back my hair into a pony tail as I secure it in place with a hair tie. After what seems like about half an hour I get up from the couch making my way to my CD rack. I look though the assorted CD's in the rack, and I pull out the CD that I had in mind. I walk over to the stereo and I pop the CD as I find the song I want. I higher the volume and the intro to "Here Is Gone" starts to play as I make my way back to the couch when I plop back down and put my legs up once again on the couch. I sit back and try to get comfortable on the couch. With my left hand I lightly rub my right arm in an up and down motion. I rest my head back as I slowly inhale and exhale as I let out a sigh. I run my hands quickly over the top of my head before I reach over for my laptop which is beside me. I turn the computer on and get my AOL started up. With the AOL now on I open my journal client and login my user name as well as my password. When the program starts up I start to run my fingers over the keyboard and with that I start to type my entry.
And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
Goo-Goo Dolls
It's been lonely without Billy I admit. I'm getting the feeling that we should go on a break. No, I know that we should go on a break. -Softly sighs- I guess that I didn't want to admit to myself that it's .. it's time for a break, but I guess it's time to face the reality of it all. I don't want to lose him, but with him not around I feel like I am. I don't know what to do ... I guess that's why I've been locked up in my room, and I haven't exactly been around. I've drowned myself in going over the transcripts for next season of Smallville to keep me busy for the sake of being busy and from missing him. I guess I figured it would be easier that way. I guess a part of me wants to stay with him no matter what, and that without him I'll be all alone. I know though that I've got my friends but still the feeling of being alone consumes me. I guess that why I've waited and wanted to keep it together. Being alone for the rest of my life must certainly be my biggest fear. Though I may not be alone when I'm with my friends I feel that way at times.
With Billy I've built the rest of my life around him. I've basically been on tour with the guys and got to meet them because of him, but if it hadn't been for that I never would've met them. I've let my whole life revolve around him ever since I've met him, and I've somehow been to blind to see that. Actually I think it's not that I've been blind but maybe I just didn't want to see it. When I spoke with Moore days ago I told her I guess I'm just a patience person. Moore's response "Patient or stupid" she said as she gave me a stern look. Now I'm left to wonder if I have been so stupid to wait for him, even though I know that while I'm waiting I'm hurting deep down inside? In consuming myself in work I've convinced myself that working will help me from thinking about the situation, but now I feel like I'm only running from it and pushing it aside as it builds up.
Throughout this relationship he thought at times he wasn't good enough for me. I had to convince him that I would love him no matter what. I still in fact love him. Even though I'm contemplating a break it doesn't mean I love him any less. I'll always love everything about him from the way he twirls his tooth pick in his mouth to the way he angles his hat. This relationship will always be special to me because Billy's my first love as well as my first boyfriend. Maybe the prospect of another guy scares me as well, but I've always put my faith in him and us. I've risked it all and put my heart on the line. The question now is, is he willing to do the same for me?
I lightly bite my lower lip as I finished the last sentence. I quickly scan my entry as I let out a sigh. After the quick scan I paused for a seconds before I pressed the post entry button. I then close the laptop and place it on the table beside the couch. I then sit back on the couch as I grab a pillow and hugs it tightly to my chest. I drown myself in the music for the rest of the night still contemplating everything I wrote as the night dragged on.
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| Dreaming the night away |
[01 Aug 2003|01:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Goo-goo Dolls - Here Is Gone |
] |
I softly yawn as I look at the clock beside me. The time on the clock is blinking 1:36 am. I turn on the little lamp on the bed-side table as I get my laptop out. I stretch a little as I relax my shoulders. I place the laptop firmly on my lap as I turn on the laptop and get the programs going, and I start my entry.
Well, it's 1:39 as of now, and I'm feeling extremely tired. Lately I've been pretty busy going over transcript over transcript. I've been really neglecting my journal haven't I? It's horrible really that's I've been doing that. I promise no more neglecting my journal like I've been doing. Usually I'd have more to say but at this point I really need to get some rest. I will write about everything later in the morning when I'm better rested and moer awake to do my entries.
I lightly rub my eyes as I softly yawn and quickly post my entry. I look at the clock again now showing the time. I see it's 1:45, and I decided to get more sleep. I crawl back into bed as I lay my head down on the pillow, and I close my eyes as I fall asleep.
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[26 Jul 2003|03:32pm] |
-still alive-
Hi.
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[07 Jul 2003|12:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
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music |
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mest- jaded |
] |
I softly yawn as I plop myself down on the bed. I reach over at the side table, and I retreive my laptop. I brush my mahogany hair away from my face as I begin to log-in. Once I've got the programs runing I begin to write my entry.
Well, things have been sure exciting and awesome as well. During my stay in Europe I was doing some promotion in Monte Carlo which is near France. I went to the Monte Carlo Festival, and I was there to represent Smallville which was awesome. The weather and the sights were lovely but it wasn't the same without Billy. I missed him though, so I hurried back in time to see the last of the fireworks with him in the early morning of July 5. I missed everyone like Benji, Joel, Mandy, Brody, Paul, Nathan and the twins of Moore while I was in Monte Carlo.
I heard Jess was in the hospital. I offered to bail her out but I guess that didn't happen. I'm not exactly sure but Alyssa may be in the hospital too. I was a little confused because I've had some things on my mind. Sorry if I had exactly been around much. Anyways I met Samara and think she's just cute. I've heard we've got a new member Mike who I've only just gotten to say hi to as I met him. Once again I'm going to keep this journal short seeing the fact that I'm tired as of this moment.
I softly yawn. I then go back to my friends page and make a few comments as I back-track through the entries. I go from ut_reality to unwoven_truth. After I've made my comments I log-off quickly and close my laptop. I place the laptop back on the side table and I cover my mouth as I yawn again. I fluff my pillow, and I rest my head on the pillow before I close my eyes and go to sleep.
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| A special message! |
[03 Jul 2003|11:55pm] |
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Happy Anniversary Billy!
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[29 Jun 2003|03:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
I softly yawn and take out my laptop. I place it securely on my lap as I log into the programs and quickly make my entry.
This is going to be rather a short update for now. I'll write more in the morning about it. I would write more but I'm rather sleepy at the moment. Due to the fact that i'm tired I'm sure how much my entry will make any sense at the moment.
I'm please to say that last night was great. I had some special planned for him, and he loved it to say the least. Other than that Billy told me Jessie is doing alright and is still in the hospital. Another news that I've got is HAPPY BELATED LUCA! I'll give your present later, and I hear Beji's back in Europe eh!!.
I softly yawn again as I press enter to post my entry. I close my laptop, and I glace at Billy who's sleeping at the moment. I then put my arms around him and fall asleep.
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| A special together |
[29 Jun 2003|02:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
There's nothing without you. The days once had are through. I'm lost, broken, confused but I won't give up on you ...
Mest
Well, yes I did it, and I'm here in Europe. I arrived on wednesday to surprise Billy who's been with the gang in Europe for a while. Surprising him was rather wonderful because I got to see his face light up when he saw me. I gave him a warm hug and a sweet kiss when I saw him. After the hug and kiss he lightly twirled me around a little as I clutched to him for support. I could tell right away when I looked in his eyes that he missed me as much as I missed him. It was like we knew each other too well to not even need the words to express how we felt. After our little moment we talked for a while .. okay actually all night long was more like it just catching up on certain things.
On thursday I went off in the morning while Billy was doing what he needed to do. When I saw him later I snuck up behind him and put my hands over his eyes. He turned around to see me, and I softly smiled at him, and I asked him what he's been up. After talking a while we later decided to go out and explore Europe. On our way out we raced out of the building until we got outside. While we were racing Billy tapped my shoulder and I slowed down and asked if he was okay. The next thing I know he sprinted in front of me. He is such a trickster. -I softly laugh - Well, when we got out we walked for a few seconds before he announced that he had a place he wanted to show me. I was wondering what he was up to, and I admit it was rather excited to see the place he wanted to show me. As he said that he lightly took my hand and said "It my take a while I want to walk slow and remember every moment." I thought that was rather romantic so that's just what he did.
After a while we came to the place he wanted to show me. It was this pier that over looks the beautiful ocean. He lightly lead me to the edge of the pier, picked me up, and sat me down at the edge. From there we talked about things on our mind and our relationship. We even looked at the stars in the sky while we were out there. While we were having our discussion he lightly kissed me on the neck, and I mention that he knew my weak spots. I then decided to find his weak spot. ;x. As it got later we went back to the hotel and we entered the hotel room which had lots of things on the floor, so we tip toed around the hotel to get into the bedroom. Once there we basically plopped down on the bed and decided to get some rest.
On friday I decided to do something special for Billy. I mentioned that I wanted to skateboard around the park and he thought it was a great idea. Earlier in the day I had burst into Moore's room singing a rather embarrassing song. -Softly laughs- I was hyper, so I can't be held accountable for my actions. Well, Moore basically saved what I did and put it in her AIM profile. I still can't believe she had it there. ;x. Benji heard about the sing I sang and started laughing. After the teasing I got from Moore I went on my skateboard, and suddenly the next thing I know Moore made me trip and land on my butt. That hurt. but I know she was highly amused by that. -Softly laughs- After that incident Billy and I decided to get to the park to skate boarding around the park like I suggested.
At the park there we two times I almost lost my balance. Billy helped me though which was a blessing. We followed a path that was in the park, and I announced to him that I had a surprise for him. I lead him to a nice spot by this little stage type thing, and I went to quickly get myself ready. The people in the park were wondering what was going on when they saw a figure which was me on the stage. Since the lights were dim no one knew it was me until I started to play the intro to "Fireworks" and the lights that suddenly turned on, focused on me. Before I sang I announced that it was a song about how I felt when me and him got together. He was astonished and in awestruck by my little surprise. I was pleased that he love it and that it made him happy. After my little performance we went to a secluded spot. Billy plopped down on the grass as took me with him. As we sat on the grass he held me in his embrace as we watched the stars in the sky.
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| Lately |
[25 Jun 2003|01:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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mest - shell of myself |
] |
A voice is heard over the speaker announcing the boarding flight 157. I get up from my seat, and I make my way to the air plane terminal with my baggage in one hand and my boarding ticket on the other set in my hand. I approach a lady who is in a flight attendant uniform checking the tickets of each group of people boarding the plane. Once she scans my tickets I then proceed inside the tunnel that heads towards the plane. Once in the plane I'm greeted by a few flight attendants who refer me to my seat. I make my way there and immediately sit down. I look out the window and softly exhale. I get comfortable as I sit back in my seat. I put my seat belt on securely and continue to relax. After what seems like 15 to 20 minutes of people boarding the plane the voice of the captain of our flight was heard throughout the plan in the speakers. The captain gives a greeting welcoming everyone on the flight and asking them to enjoy the ride and to use their service again if needed. Then with that he started the plane and drove it down the runway and within seconds we were slowly going up in the air. I waited a while before I was assured that it was a reasonable time to use my laptop. I get my laptop put and place it firmly on my lap. I log into the programs and begin to type my entry.
Lately I've been a shell of myself can't you see? I can not hold back the feelings of fear within me.
Mest.
Well, lately I've been going over the scripts for Smallville. I've also been missing Billy as usual. I thought I'd surprise him by coming to see him. My sister Justine was asking about Billy when I spoke with her the other day, and she thought that coming to Europe at an impulse was rather unlike me but rather exciting. I softly laughed and agreed with her as I made reservations for everything. Justine also helped by making a few calls for me which was helpful.
Lately I've also been doing a lot of thinking as well. Mostly about where I am in my life and thoughts about Billy as well. Other than that and reviewing the scripts for Smallville. I was also reading up on the events of what's been going on lately with everyone. I was rather shocked at some of the news and astounded that lots of people have been ending up in the hospital. I'm glad to hear Pierre is out of the hospital and that he's doing better. I hear many people have been talking about a rather charming young lady named Faith who seems adorable. I hope she finds happiness with her new family because at her tender age she deserves that. No child should have to experience what she's gone through with her biological mom. Faith is a child that's full of innocence and that shouldn't be taken away from her. Most of her childhood has been destroyed thanks to her mom. What right does she have to take her youth and innocence like that? Their is no justification for anyone to take that away from her regardless if it is her mother.
Well, with these things on my mind I linger on thoughts back to Billy. I miss him, and I live for the moments that I get to see him. I take in the moments that we spend together, and I try my best to capture that experience in my journal. When we get together it reminds of a song that Moore had in her burned cd's. It's called Fireworks and the song describes how I feel.
( Well I don't mind waiting 'til you're comfortable with me, but what's it gonna take to prove that I'm for real? 'Cause you know how I feel about you, you know I can't live without you. I just wanna stay and make it real. 'Cause I know, you know it can't get much better fireworks flyin' whenever we're together. I know, you know, that I know you love me )
When you look at me and you hear the punk rock music blasting in my stereo some people get a little shocked about that. I know some of my sisters friends ask me all the time about my love punk rock because they couldn't peg me as one to listen to that genre. I mean honestly I love the beat and the lyrics to bands like Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Mest, and other groups. Growing up I heard many genres of music and I still do ranging from 80's songs, to slow jams, and punk rock. Other than asking me about my love of punk rock they ask me about Billy. I explain how we met and basically how much I care for him. I also explained why I love him so much. My explanation is simply put into a few words which would be I love Billy for being him. When you see us together sometime all people see is a a punk guy with a girl like me or vice versa. I don't even see that at all. Yeah he's morbid, loves to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas, he's got tattoo's of the Nightmare characters, piercing, and he's not some clean cut prep. It's those things that I love about him, and it's those things that make him Billy. Some people peg me as the type to go for some clean cut guy, but the thing is I fell in love with a punk rocker who speaks to my heart like no one else can.
Billy is actually my first love because growing up I was raised by strict parents back in Canada who wouldn't let me date or put on make up until I was at the age of 16. I did however, was allowed to color my hair purple with their permission at one point. So seeing that Billy's my first love I wouldn't have it any other way. Justine's happy for me that I'm with Billy, and I know she wonders what love and having a boyfriend must feel like. My parents are still raising her the same way like they did to me, and I have confidence she'll get by and just concentrate on her studies until the time is right for her to experience those things.
A flight attendant going down the isles catches my attention when she asked me nicely if I would prefer a beverage at the moment. I asked for some ice tea and she quickly fixed that up from her cart that she was bringing down her in the isles. She then lightly handled my drink to me, smiled, and walked away. I take a look outside to see the view, and I see the majestic blue waters as the plane is still on the rout to Europe. I then look down at my laptop and press enter to post my entry as I let out another soft exhale.
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| A Wedding Celebration. |
[16 Jun 2003|10:48pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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On saturday Chris and Willa had their wedding, and I just want to wish them best with everything, Being at the wedding was such an honor. Willa was rather stunning and the vows were really touching because they came from the heart. I'm just glad that things went off perfectly and that they are now husband and wife. Congratulations to them and may they only find happiness for years to come.
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| My special message |
[15 Jun 2003|04:46am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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Me singing the happy birthday song to BILLY! |
] |
 HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABES!
-I wake him up and kiss him on the cheek as I softly smile at him-
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| Maybe it's you I've been waiting for all of my life. |
[05 Jun 2003|03:57am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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Now and forever - Richard Marx |
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You ascend down to earth from heaven
Like an angel brought to me
Baring your heart and soul
I see heaven in your eyes
That captivates me to no ends
Plunging deep into my soul into ever fiber of my being
-kristin
Well, tuesday was more than amazing. It was the anniversary of Billy and I, which was rather exciting for me. It was on 3rd that he asked me to be his girlfriend. I still get amazed saying I'm his girlfriend, and I feel like it was just yesterday he asked me. We've come a long way to becoming a couple and yes I admit it took some time, but he was worth the wait.
I had waken up earlier on that tuesday and Billy was still asleep cuddled next to me. I quickly made a very simple entry stating "Happy Anniversary Billy!" and proceeded to go back to sleep in his arms. When we both woke up later, and I wished him a happy anniversary and gave him a soft quick kiss on his lips. I then decided to whip us up some breakfast and later placed it on a breakfast tray so that we could have breakfast in bed. While we ate our breakfast I popped The Nightmare Before Christmas in the VCR to watch. When breakfast was done I rested my head on his shoulder while he put his arms around me while we continued to watch the movie. Every now and then I would look up at him and see the twinkle in his eyes as he watched the movie in delight. Watching him happy just brought a smile to my face and to me that's all I needed from him just to see him smiling and happy was enough for me.
With the morning we spend together the rest of the day was spent take care of things that we needed done because we were planning to spend some time together later that night. While I was getting ready and everything I talked with Billy's sister Sarah. She's really sweet and I hope to spend some time with her. She was telling me about how she was glad her brother found someone, and what she's been up to. Other than talking to Sarah I spoke with Ginger who's rather sweet and full of energy; I also talked to Mandy who later went to the park with Joel; Brody who helped me clear a mistake I made in my journal entry; Amy who's also rather sweet and energetic; Paul who was baby-sitting the twins; and Benji who was hyper.
After talking to them I received a call on my cell to come outside. When I went outside a car was waiting for me. I went inside the car and inside their were a few roses that signified how long we've been going out. I picked up the roses and brought them close to my nose to smell it's floral scent. The driver took me to this quaint little cozy restaurant, and when I got there I was brought to a table with another rose that was different from the others. The rose was a rather intriguing rose that's was hard to explain it's beauty nonetheless was breathtaking. The lights were dim and the candles that were on each table illuminated the place. A stage was right in front of the table that I was seated, and as I picked up the rose to smell the sweet scent an announcement was made to draw our attention to the stage. The closed curtains on the stage then opened and revealed Billy who was on the stage. A smile illuminated my face when I saw him and a smiles was across his face as he said Happy Anniversary and started to sing to me.
Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seem to understand
Now and forever I will be your man.
Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune that heaven has given to me
I'll try to show you each and every way I can
Now and forever I will be your man
Now I can rest my worries and always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
If I'd only known you were there all the time
All this time
Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand
Now and forever I will be your man
Now and forever I will be your man
I listened intently captivated and amazed. The whole time he sang he didn't keep his eyes off me. I felt I was the only one there in the restaurant when he sang to me. At one point towards the end of the song my eyes started to tear up and he gracefully left the stage and went towards me singing the last verse and he wiped the tears that started to fall from me face then said the last line and leaned his head toward mine. After that I heard cheers and clapping and I started to blush and softly laugh. He smiled and went to put the mic. back on the stage. I thanked him and told him how incredible everything was when he got back to the table. We ate our dinner and when we finished he asked if I wanted to dance. I told him "I'd be honored" with a warm smile on my face, and he lend out his hand to me just like our first date and lead me to a clearing in the room to dance. We slow danced and as we did he softly sang the song that was playing in my ear. I rested my head on his chest and close my eyes as we danced to the song. Even though the scene was different it felt just like our first date. All those feeling just hung in the air like it was yesterday.
After our dinner we went for a ride and ended up on some cliffs. We got out and he turned the radio on high so we could dance on the cliffs with moonlight shining down on us. He was swaying me everywhere gently while I softly laughed and smiled. When this song came on the radio I sang it to him.
Ocean's apart
Day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice
On the line
But it doesn't start the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever?
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Oh, how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted
All the times
That I thought it would last somehow
I hear the laughter
I tasted the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby?
You've got me going crazy
I wonder how
We can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Oh, how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
As the night went on we sat at the edge of the cliffs. I told him how thankful I felt to have him in my life and how we were just blessed. We talked as the music still played in the background, and I laid my head on his shoulder as he put his arms around me and kissed me on the forehead. We were silent just taking in the moment together, and after a while we watched the view and the sun as it started to rise.
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| Lately |
[03 Jun 2003|10:23pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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music |
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Lillix - It's about time |
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Well, lately I've been making my round to the hospital to check on Moore and the twins. When I went their I dropped off some novel, magazines, and her favorite chocolate gummy bears that was held by a teddy bear. She seemed bored so I thought a visit was in order. At one point she looked over at these empty wheel chairs, and I immediately knew she wanted to race down the halls in those wheel chairs so I asked her and she immediately agreed to With that we raced down the hall knocking people out of the way just having fun. I have that much fun in a while. With the transcripts for the 3rd sent to me I've been busy going over them to have any fun.
Speaking of being busy, Billy's been rather busy himself with his Level 27 company. Level 27 is really taking off, and I'm proud of him for how far he's come with his company. He's really got himself grounded with this company and I sincerely hope he keeps up with it. With him busy I do admit I can't help but miss him.
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| My Results |
[22 May 2003|12:19pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Kiss Me |
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You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Hm..I wonder if this is what Billy thinks. -Sweetly smiles- Well I guess I better find out right? -Smirks and goes towards Billy, sweetly smiles as I come towards him, and I gazes lovingly into those eyes that I can get lost in, As I get towards him I look down slightlly, caress his face, run my hands through his hair, and I look up and gaze into those eyes before I put my arms around his neck gently leaning close towards him and kisses him sweetly and gently then walk back to my laptop- Maybe their is something to this test.-Nods and smiles-
Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing em upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
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| New York, New York |
[19 May 2003|02:31am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Young and Hopeless - Good Charlotte |
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Well, I took an early flight Saturday morning to see Lexi, Moore, and Chris. It was rather hard for me to leave the bus but they were expecting me. With that being said I made my way to New York. It was rather interesting, but I admit I missed Billy. Packing that morning was rather a little hectic seeing that it was all last minute and all. Somehow I managed to get through it all just fine.
Moore, Lexi, and I spent some time together yesterday while Emo Boy Chris was rehearsing for the show. We basically had an amazing outing and returned to the hotel afterwards as it got late. In the hotel Moore was having her usual "Joel Fever" or in other words the 'Hi I miss Joel and I want him here right now" mode. I know Joel was going through that "I miss my wife damn it" mode. With that being said I think we need to start a club or something. As you may have guessed we spent the night talking about how we missed our guys and what we've been up to.
The next day Moore and I spent some time walking around Central Park while Lexi was with Chris at his rehearsal. I got to talk to Alyssa and I convinced to her to do something special which will later be revealed, but I'm not exactly sure if she' go through with it. After talking with Alyssa, Moore and I went to the show he had later on. Lexi got there before us so she was up front. Chris and Lexi later saw us from the stage. After the show Moore and I went to the hotel so that Moore can call Joel, and I can talk to Billy. As I was on the phone with him I was glad to hear his voice which fills me with comfort and security. Hearing that familiar voice was just enough to last me the entire night. I had filled him on the details of New York and what I've been doing. As it was getting late we said our good nights. I went to my bed and I pick up the picture that I had of Billy on my side table and I placed it on the pillow beside me after looking at the picture as I was remembering how it felt having him next to me and all the times that we spent together. As these thoughts came to my mind I gently fell asleep.
( It felt like spring time on this February morning in the courtyard birds were singing your praise. I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel alright, I carried them with me today now as I lay me down to sleep this I pray that you will hold me dear, Though I'm far away I'll whisper your name into the sky, and I will wake up happy )
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| What I Do When I'm Bored |
[17 May 2003|02:50pm] |
- Seeing as I'm in the room alone and bored I get up from the couch I was sitting on, I turn on the stereo and the song You're just what I need comes on, I get my electric guitar, started to strum to the beat rhythmically, and sing -
YEAH YOU GOT ME FEELIN' ALL THOSE BUTTERFLIES INSIDE
IN YOUR LOCKER I WOULD HIDE
THE TRUTH, IT'S ONLY YOU I SEE,
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED
I'LL BRING YOU FLOWERS EVERYDAY
JUST TO ROLL YOU IN THE HAY
WELL I'M FEELIN' FINE, I'M RIGHT ON TIME -Nods my head twice-
I KNOW I'LL GET MY WAY-Y-Y -Nods my head once-
-Points, sings to a picture, and dances around-
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED,
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED
NOT EVERYTHING WORKS OUT IT SEEMS
IS THAT SO HARD TO BELIEVE
-I play the guitar chords faster and does a little rift-
SO I WENT DOWN
TO THE RECORD STORE
PICK MY HEAD UP OFF THE FLOOR
THE TRUTH, IT'S ONLY YOU I SEE
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED
AND IF IT'S MY WORLD THAT YOU FEAR
LET ME MAKE THIS VERY CLEAR
WELL I'M FEELING FINE, I'M RIGHT ON TIME
I KNOW I'LL GET MY WAY-Y-Y
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED,
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED
NOT EVERYTHING WORKS OUT IT SEEMS
IS THAT SO HARD TO BELIEVE
- Starts to rock out, slightly head bangs, and does a long guitar rift rocking out -
I BRING YOU FLOWERS EVERYDAY
JUST TO ROLL YOU IN THE HAY
I'M FEELIN' FINE -slightly jumps up and down as I strike a chord once-
I'M RIGHT ON TIME -slightly jump up and down as I strike a chord once-
I KNOW I'LL GET MY WAY-Y-Y -slightly jumps up and down and strike the chord faster now rhythemically-
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED,
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED
NOT EVERYTHING WORKS AS IT SEEMS
IS THAT SO HARD TO BELIEVE
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED,
AND YOU'RE JUST WHAT I NEED
NOT EVERYTHING WORKS OUT IT SEEMS
IS THAT SO HARD TO BELIEVE YEA-H
-Strums the last chord, gently puts the electric guitar back in the case, and walks out the door-
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