once again just another survey   
07:48am 13/03/2004
mood: accomplished
music: nothing
[ Name ] Kara
[ spell your first name backwards] Arak
[ the user name reason? ] x.Endles.x.Dispair.x
[ birthday ] 5-31
[ sex ] Female
[ preference ] Both sex
[ where do you live? ] Merrimack
[ 4 words that describe you ] do de da do
[ eye color ] Hazel... assorted.
[ hair color ] brunette
[ zodiac sign ] Gemini
[ current location ] My house and others that are close to me.
[ current clothes ] Pjs. Belly shirt/tanktop, and pants!
[ current hair ] um... all over the place, up.
[ current annoyance ] My mind.. and ignorant People
[ current smell ] um.. someones Cologne.
[ current thing i ought to be doing ] Sleeping.
[ current desktop picture ] Pictures of friends...
[ current favorite artist ] too many to just put one down.
[ current book you're reading ] I do not like reading...
[ current cd in cd player ] Burned Cd
[ current refreshment ] Um hah...
[ current worry ] My thoughts.. my past.. my future.. my present.. my life.

[ you touched ] Dubes...
[ you talked to ] Dubes...
[ you hugged ] Dubes...
[ you instant messaged ] Andy...
[ you yelled at ] Mother...

[ righty or lefty ] Both
[ boxers or briefs] BOXERS... there comfy.
[ mcdonald?s or burger king ] Burger King, there fries are so much better.
[ single or group dates ] Both, depends where you're going.. Groups are good... singles are too.
[ adidas or nike ] VANS
[ 7-11 or wawa ] Wawa because it sounds cool... no idea what it is...lol
[ cappuccino or coffee ] I like Cappuccino's....

WHAT is..
[ your most overused phrase ] I don't know
[ first feature you notice on guys ] Eyes
[ your best physical feature ] I don't know? It's me!
[ your bedtime ] Dont have one... I just have to be some where other then the Living Room by 10.
[ your greatest accomplishment ] No idea...
[ your most missed memory ] Mike D and Bryan............ -tear- R.I.P.
[ your favorite article of clothing ] My pj's...
[ most important goal in life ] No idea.....


[ food ] um food...
[ drink ] uh drinks...
[ color ] black and blue
[ shoes ] Vans
[ Animal ] Wolves
[ movie ] Nightmare Before Christmas
[ vege ] uhm.. If I say I know at least half my friends will think "oh I wonder why ~.^" Cucumber.
[ fruit ] Apples


Understanding: Most of the time.
Open Minded: I always try to be.
Arrogant: Um I try not to be.
Insecure: Yes... alot.
Interesting: I don't know... am I?
Shuffle: SHUFFLE!!! WOO
Hungry: Not often but I am here and there.
Friendly: Yeah I suppose.
Smart: Depends with what subjects.. Often I am.
Moody: I can be
Childish: I can be... when it's approperiate timeing...
Independent: Yes..
Hard working: When I wish to be..
Organized: I used to be... but all of my things that kept me organized is locked up in this cabinet at school without a damn key so now I'm lost.... as well as all my damn work!
Healthy: um..... I am, I believe.. if my parents weren't so stupid.
emotionally stable: Overall yes, when it comes to a couple people.. no...
Shy: Not usually.
Difficult: I can be
Attractive: I do not know.. am I?
Bored Easily: No.. for I am easily amused
Thirsty: Na...
Responsible: Usually
Obsessed: and possessed.
Angry: I can be...
Sad: Like I said I can be...
Happy: Eh.. depends doing what and around who..
Hyper: No nearly as much as I used to be throughout Middle School.. especially 6th
Trusting: Um.. it's hard for me to trust someone.
Talkitve: When i have something to say.


[ Kill ] Yes..
[ slap ] I suppose...
[ Look Like ] Nothing... I wish not to change who I am.
[ Talk offline ] Doesn't matter
[ Talk online ] I repeat.


Called some one in the mid of night bc u cudnt wait ne longer to hear their voice: Well, not called... I just stayed on the phone plenty of times...
Thought about some one so much you annoyed yourself: Yeah...
Talked about some one so much peope told you to shut up: No...
Watched Stars with some one: Yes... I love the stars
Called some one more then 5 min durring the day: No I don't like phones really..
Called some one more then 4 hours: -shrugs-
Made out: Yes
Been on stage: Yes
Been dumped: Yes
Dumped some one else: Yes
Been with some one for 6 months: Yes
Fell asleep when you were out with some one: Yes
Called a tease: Yes?
Cried over some one: Yes
Changed yourself to fit in: A little.. but I stopped
Liked some one so much you had no idea why: Yes
Had a hard time letting go of something or someone: Yes
01:32pm 12/03/2004
mood: tired
music: MTV
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
     Read 2 - Post
erm eyeah   
05:52pm 09/03/2004
mood: listless
music: whatever
...xx xy...

I lie here alone and wonder why
That I come alive, just before I half to hide.
Because I believe I'm losing my nerve
But could I ever do better than this

I'm not asking for value nor the pain but I am asking
For a way out of this lie
Because I can't wait for you to catch up with me
And I can't live in the past and drown myself in memories

I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning

When you read this
I will not be the same
I have let my true form show
this is my last
lost in all my guilt
for letting you fall
understand it wasn't me
but I can't dream without showing intentions
this I ask
why ask these questions
where were you
now I can't see through your eyes
I remember the day the sun went out
It halted all progression with all its beauty
it just sacrificed
we fell apart
04:47pm 06/03/2004
mood: cold
music: Disturbed
'I was made small just so I would fit perfectly in your arms, and we can be together now and forever.'
     Read 6 - Post
Hah Mornings...   
10:05am 06/03/2004
mood: crappy
music: Dead Poetic
x. full name = Kara Marie Shields
x. nickname = Kitty, Kcara, K, Lil K, Mistress, BigM da Pimp....... etc...
x. birthday = May 31
x. zodiac = Gemini
x. piercing = Ears, getting lip done soon.
x. tattoos = No, too young.
x. hair color = Brunette
x. length = A little past shoulders
x. siblings = Brother, Dan.
x. pets = Dog and Cat

the last..
x. movie you rented = The Pianist.
x. movie you bought = Nightmare Before Christmas
x. song you listened to = Cold by Static X (hmmm..... -sigh-)
x. song that was stuck in your head = Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeah's. Ugh I hate them
x. song you've downloaded = Um I believe a From Autumn to Ashes song?
x. cd you bought = I do not buy I burn
x. cd you listened to = Staind...
x. person you've called = Uhhh I barely call anyone, I believe Rachael, yes to tell her I was on my way.
x. person that's called you = Joe I think? No Mj, Brok and Dan.
x. tv show you've watched = Videos

do ...
x. you have a crush on someone = Yes I do.
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = Yeah with no doubt....
x. you think about suicide = I have
x. you want more piercings = Yes... My lip soon... my tounge... maybe my belly botton...
x. you want more tattoos = Yeah I do.
x. you do drugs = I used too
x. you drink = I did untill I learned how I was...
x. you like cleaning = When I have too.. or when I have absolutly nothing to do
x. you like roller coasters = Yes I do.. with a passion
x. you write in cursive or print = Print
x. you carry a donor card = Nope

for or against ...
x. using someone = Against
x. suicide = I could go either way, technically I would say against but I would be a hypocrite for saying it.
x. killing people = ...no comment... ^.^
x. teenage smoking = Do what you want.. if you wish to kill yourself then by all means...
x. doing drugs = Whatever you wish to do to your body is your choice not mine.
x. premarital sex = For
x. driving drunk = That's silly... against
x. gay/lesbian relationships = For... if thats what they want... and thats who they are then RIGHT ON
x. soap operas = ew

favorite ...
x. food = Uhhh no idea.
x. song = Too many to put down
x. thing to do = Make or listen to music, Sports, and just hanging out - getting in trouble!
x. drinks = Um whatever I feel like haveing?
x. clothes = Hot Topic... HeadLines... PacSun....ish
x. movies = Nightmare Before Christmas
x. bands = Too many to put down
x. holiday = Halloween... I wish I could like in Halloween Town.
x. cars = I like my brothers car, once Joe's.

have you ...
x. ever cried over a girl or boy = ..yeah.. it was pathetic
x. ever lied to someone = I'd be lying if I said no...
x. ever been in a fist fight = fist fight.... hahah, well theres my friends and I just messing around and then theres those fights that pop up here and there. Yes I have.
x. ever been arrested = too many close encounters... and I have for stupid reasons.

x. shampoo do you use = whatevers in the shower at the time but mainly Herbal Essences.
x. perfume/cologne do you use = Old Spice, or Nautica
x. shoes do you own = VANS!
x. are you scared of = uh.. I'm afraid of anything that leaves you living in agony.. like rapist.

number ...
x. of hearts you have broken? = One too many..... I can't say I'm proud either...... I'm sorry.
x. of boys/girls you have kissed? Enough.
x. of continents you have lived in? The U.S.A.
x. of drugs you've taken illegally? uh lets not get involved here.
x. of people you consider your enemies? I try to stay away from enemies.. but I don't know
x. cd's that you own? Plenty
x. of things in your past that you regret? Alot... things I cant seem to forget... but I'm living now.. not the past... so I try to make the changes here and not fix what's been done.

     Read 5 - Post
Lyrics - Random   
04:40pm 02/03/2004
mood: annoyed
music: Music
'Loving you was like loving the dead, was like fucking the dead'


i am the water
i am waves crashing on to you
i am the blank wave
i am the madness
the loss the dark the hunt the cage the race
i am rejection i am redemption
i am desire for obligation
i am forever
i could be never if thats what you want
i am the desert i am the oasis the strength the weakness
for arguments sake
i am rejection i am redemption
i am desire for obligation
i am one step close for you
please tell me when you're through
cuz i may not be through with you
your loss to sustain
but i will remain and true to form
if this were the last breath i ever took
would you take the time to look and would you know
cuz i am the water
i am waves crashing on to you
you could protect me
but you will kill me when you're through

Further Seems Forever
From Autumn to Ashes

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much? So much it's like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down on the most perfect moment and it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have..
I'll never have.. I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.. standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in but this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much? So much it's like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds and you let this one person come down.. come down. I cherish you.. I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me..
just say you... would do... the same... for me..
just say you... would do... the same...
just say you... would do... the same... for me.

*~For as much as I love Autumn~*
~*~*I'm giving myself to Ashes.*~*~


I can't stay forever, and you're too insulting to me darling
I can't live forever, and be who they want me to be and...
I, I cannot pretend, I will not surrender these dreams in my head
I, I will not disguise, they cannot cover the scars in my eyes
asleep I lie
fall like I do
will this be the first time for you
walk on me, I walk on you
stuck on me, stuck on you
all the things they're telling me, make me wanna up and leave
but I'm not sure that now's the time, and I'm not sure of anything
but even if I crossed the line, at least I'm being true to life
It's me out with the stars tonight, its me out with the stars tonight


I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me...
08:33pm 01/03/2004
mood: busy
I just came in from chillin out with Joe Damien Matt Nick Brandon Miles Chris and I think that's it. It was cool, fucked around... almost got the cops on our ass's but things are set. I think I should do it more often. Something to do and it was fun hanging out with the guys around here again.
Death upon the world...   
05:58pm 01/03/2004
mood: depressed
Waking up... I fidget in my bed. A slight breeze flows through my body as I shiver, my eye site becomes a blurr. What's going on? Where am I? I look over to find the fan on, covering my body with the blanket, I reach up to turn it off. Where's the switch? I come stumbling out of the room into another with 3 people surrounding the TV. No one acknowledges me, I look around at each person. I see everyone but my brother starts to fade out of the picture. What is this? I see my mother and father on the left and on the right was where my brothers body once sat. Why haven't they greeted me? I walk over to ask a question. I am ignored. Is this what I think it is? Am I here?... Am I alive? I sit down in my brothers stop and close my eyes, as I see his figure return. Gazing into his eyes I reach up and touch his warm face. A shock went through his body as he reached for a blanket to cover himself up, then he disappears for good. I look around, my pictures on the wall have been taking down.................What happend?......................Is this a dream?........ Lifes a DrEaM.

I never realized that once one person is gone, dead, has disappeared from your presence... your whole life crumbles. One of my away messages I have saved; quotes...:

Life means a million words but none of them make sence. You need to pick up the pieces to the puzzle and put it back together. People have told me that I have a place in life, but do I? I'm dying, you are too, nothing serious. Once we are born we start to die, we grow old, our body decays. Why can't some of us make it go by faster? Sometimes you can, but are we strong enough or are we weak enough? People believe to commit suicide, you are dependant.. and weak, but to lose your life for all eternity... is that concidered weak? Some people say [including myself] that if you're not dead now, you havnt finished living, that you will be stuck in the wrong path, that you will hurt the ones that care for you. But what if I don't believe anyone cares. What if no matter how much proof I get, it won't change my mind....What if I died tonite?
*Think about it.*

I've been living this life with a broken heart waiting to be fix, with a soul that I barly own waiting to excape, and with a mind that never knows whats going on waiting to find out. My heart soon can't find the missing peices, my soul no longer waits to excape, my mind still ponders on what one seys. But soon enought my heart will desinigrate, my soul will no longer be apart of me, my mind will no longer try, for someone who wont understand or listen to what I say has decided to leave. That one person who was the only one to bring me out of depression.

What would you do... if you had barely any control over yourself, if any at all? Would you sit there and let it take you down? Would you try to get it back?... What if you got hurt in the process? Would you tell somebody? Should you tell somebody? Or are you too weak? Maybe to strong?... You should live life to its fullest...but can you? Should you? Or are you being too selfish?... Do you often think of Death because of what they do to you? Do you feel you deserve what you get? Should you feel that way?... What should you feel?

Life n Death... What is Life? People say that you can't teach life... and thats true... you learn it from your mistakes. But in a situation like this... are you learning it from YOUR mistakes or are you learning it from the mistakes THEY are makin you have?
Once your born I believe your Body starts to die... as years go by you get older... n as you get older the closer you are to death, slowly roting away, finding nothing to grasp onto and once you do you lose it all. Your spirit lives on forever but what once happend before will follow forever as well.

Love/Hate Mistakes Trust/Distrust Forgiveness Honor/Dishonor Forget Respect/Disrespect...

..............What do you do?.................

Yep I'm just that anerxic hoe you were looking at..

Alot has been going threw my mind... Alot has been lost... Alot of tears were cried... Alot of my memories got tossed...

Okay, I'm just lost rite now, nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. Confusion takes a hold of my mind. I think about how life would be with out me around. How much easier peoples lifes would be with out me and my problems in there face. Well, like in my brothers journal, he has an entry talking about how cool it would be to get shot. Not so it takes your life away but having the ability, or experience of the pain in your body. He thought about all this while he was at his old work, Cumberland Farms. I look at his entrys for help on his point of view because he thinks of life differently then most people. He talks about what are purpose on earth is. Why do we live the life we do. Most people at mine and my brothers age are still confused on what theres suppose to be in life. Life is kinda like a play. We all have parts in it, if ones down you lose part of that play but theres always a back up. In life, even though theres a reason for you here, theres always some one behind you that can fill that place if you die. So I ask you... What is the purpose? I look into my brothers Journal and at that entry. Yes, even tho he asked it, he did answer it. This is his entry...

My brother's entry...

[Title | Our Purpose.. bs ]

What are we supposed to do with our life duration? What is our true purpose? This is a question that I have been wondering. I think that when you break it down our purpose is continue the creation of life. Not just in the sense of having children and continuing the growth of our own species but helping to create a balance with other life forms in our natural surroundings. Like the cow, I don?t think we really know for sure what our species did when we were in balance with the earth around us. We were gatherers? In a way cleaning the filth of the earth? I am not totally sure. Nature made a bad mistake though. It gave us advanced reasoning skills. We have advanced way beyond what our natural purpose was and now we use the earth to support us and not so much support the earth. We are a mistake. We are nature?s big mistake. A virus of this planet.. And slowly we will kill it, which in turn. Will kill us. So.. what is our purpose again. Since, we surely do not spend time trying to preserve a balance and insure that our species and others will live on. Then what are we doing. We are living the short term. Personally, I am one of the sheep. I don?t worry about the future. Not 100s of years into the future. I worry about short term pleasures, such as if I am going to have time to hang out with my friends or how my car is going to be fix. So, in our society. I think our true purpose is to experience pleasure. I don?t think that is what our life forms original purpose was, but I think that we have evolved and created our own purpose now. So, that is what I am going to live my life by now... experience pleasure.
Make sence now? To me I still wonder, but that still helped me, even if it was only alil. The people who kno me best wonder why I think of death so much. Thats a hard Q... one that I can't even tell. It's just the way my mind seems to look at things, I look at things in different ways from what most people do, I point out all that bad could come in making this choise. See, me and my brother are the same yet different. We both look and ask Q's that most people would just stare and think we're crazy. But the difference is, is that my brother thinks that even tho there might not be a purpose, there is still time and time gets wasted by a second, by a minute, by an hour and so on. So, he thinks that every second you make should be the best of it, because you don't kno wen you run out of time. I agree but for some reason, I just try to make the time go faster, leave this world even tho my life never started. Well, I'll talk later. Bye

Take me.. Take me now and Involke thee...


....kill me.... ONCE AGAIN

I lie... in your arms... to find that I'm dead

All I'm doing is longing in the past....... and hoping for a short future

I must say, my being is not the same little girl as I once was, but since I have shown much change I am no longer my fathers little girl. Come to think of it, I don't believe I ever was. Yeah I got called it... but he wasn't around. I miss him, I was too young to realize it, to even care. I don't care anymore. It's not something I can fix. I am proud of him... Although I do work with him - it's not the same. I don't see the real him, he doesn't see the real me... makes me wonder
09:03pm 29/02/2004
mood: worried
music: StaticX
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test
     Read 2 - Post
02:19pm 29/02/2004
mood: bored
music: Suicide Machine
What time is it now? 5:50 pm
1. Full Name: Kara Marie Shields
2. Nicknames you like: Kc, Keera, JigglyJugs, etc....
3. Nicknames you don't like: Car-ah.....
4. Birthday: 5*31
5. Age: Is the years I've survived
6. Sex: mmmm
7. People who created you: This sick twisted world
8. Siblings: Older brother
9. Pets: Cat and Dog
10. Where do you live? Merrimack NewHampshire.... sadly
11. Zodiac Sign: Gemini
12. Chinese Sign: -shrugs- sad.. because I used to work in a Chinese Resturant. I think I once knew.. when I was around 7 years old? haha
13. How many times have you moved? Twice, I hope again, somewhere out of Merrimack soon.
14. Hair Color: Brunette
15. Eye Color: I look through eyes of assorted colors. Hard to explain.
16. Height: 5'5 - 5'6
17. Righty or Lefty? Both
18. Any Scars? Yes, a number of them I might add
19. Religion: Atheist, of course I am Satan's mistress, correct?
20. Do you wear contacts/ glasses? No, I used to but I thought they were retarded.
21. Any piercings? Yes
22. Do you want more? Where? Yes, tounge.
23. What do you always seem to lose? My control.
24. Do you have any tattoos? No
25. If yes- what and were? *
26. Do you were any jewelry? Yeah
27. What kind of shoes do you wear? Vanns
28. Shoe size: 10
29. Do you follow a certain fashion? What is it? I wear whatever I prefer. Following trends is so retarded
30. What are the last 4 digits of your phone number? 1257
31. Have you ever had braces? No
~School Stuff~
30. Ever won any awards? Yeah
31. Future Goals: Whatever happens.. Death
32. What kind of grades do you get? B's and up
33. What school do you attend? Merrimack High
34. Do you know any other languages? Nope and thank god, stupid people and there languages! ENGLISH DAMNIT ENGLISH
35. Do you like to dance? Yes
36. Do you play a sport? Dance for now...
37. What's your favorite subject? Civics
38. Do you like your teachers? Some, well most
39. Hardest subject: mmm English because my teachers a wench
40. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black
41. If you were a Popsicle, what flavor would you be? Something exotic
42. If you could invent any flavor of ice cream, what would it be? -shrugs- I wish they had those jellybean sick flavors for icecream... maybe drug/alcohol flavor icecream that you can't get hurt off of! Like WEED LOLLYPOPS those are good.
43. If you could be an animal, what would you be? Wolf
44. If you were a lollipop, what kind would you be? dumdum
~Right Now~
45. How are you today? Confused
46. What type of pants are you wearing? baggy ones
47. What kind of shirt? cami
48. What kind of underwear? thong... thong... thong, thong, thong
49. How does your hair look right now? Up in a bun like normal
50. Are you wearing any nail polish? Yes Black
51. What are you listening to? Simpsons
52. What are you looking at? the computer tee hee
53. What's the last thing you ate? Chilli
54. Drank? Pepsi
55. What's the weather like? Too cold
56. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? Brok
57. Last person you talked to in person: Party friends
58. What's the last dream you can remember? I don't dream
59. Who are you talking to right now? No one
~More About You~
60. What's the worst sickness you have ever had? I do not know
61. The Stupidest thing you've ever done: mmmm lets not get into these things
62. Have you ever almost died? Yes
63. What makes you happy? Nothing imparticular except for knowing a certain couple people
64. What makes you sad? Certain things
65. What makes you mad? Alot of things
66. What's the next CD you plan to buy? Whatever I seem to like and do not feel the need to download
67. Best advice ever given to you: No idea.. I am told to listen to my own advice for once.
68. One thing you are proud of yourself for: No idea
69. One thing you couldn't do, but now you can? -shrugs-
70. Ever Smoked? Yes
71. Drank? Yes..... sadly
72. Broken the Law? Yes
73. Ran from the Cops? Yes, but then again I did not need to just thought I did because everyone else was and I was fucked up
74. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? No
75. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Everything that could make me a better person, lets not get into it
76. Where do you shop the most? Where ever
77. Do you do any drugs? I used too......
78. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? Herbel Essences?
79. The sport you hate the most: Baseball
80. What's the most money you've ever spent on one thing? -shrugs-
81. How many TV's do you have? 1
82. DVD Players? 1
83. VCR's? 1
84. Computers? 2
85. Do you have your own phone line? No
86. Do you sleep w/ any stuffed animals? Sortof
87. Perfect place for a dream home: Somewhere warm!
88. Describe your dream home: Not important
89. Who do you dream about the most? Death if you would concider that a dream
90. Who do you tell your dreams to? No one
91. Who is your loudest friend? Do not know
92. Quietest? Jay
93. Happiest? Jon
94. Saddest? Jack
95. Most Creative? Matt [Dubie =)]
96. Is cheerleading a sport? Yes... but it's dancers gone retarded!
97. When do you wanna die? Soon
98. What annoys you the most? How closeminded people can be. I like what Doug had to say though "that people think LUCIFER is in charge of hell. You're Idiots! LUCIFER was condemned to eternal torment because he was the first ANGEL to rebel against gods plan! SATAN rules the nine planes, and it's STAYING THAT WAY"
99. One thing that makes people think you are weird: mmmm I could say many things
100. One thing that makes you different than everyone else: The fact that I am not everyone else
101. What do you do on a long car ride? Listen to music and write
102. Ever been in a plane? I flew one
103. What's the farthest place you've ever traveled? -shrugs-
104. If you could be anywhere now where would it be? Some where warm... CostaRico with Nina
105. What do you want to be when you grow up? Model, Designer, Lawyer, or AIRFORCE!!!
106. Do you want to go to college? -shrugs-
~Which is Worse~
107. Getting your tonsils or appendix out? don't know...
108. NSYNC or Backstreet Boys? Both suck but both bring back old memories hahahaha
109. Britney or Christina? Britney is a follower... Christina has a beautiful voice. Shitty music
110. Folk or Techno? Techno
111. Redneck or City Person? Both are ignorant in their ways.... City I suppose.
112. Gothic or country? Country sucks.... Gothic.
113. Rap or Pop? Both suck
114. Horror or Chick Flick? Horror
115. Tennis or Golf? Both suck.
116. Smelly or Hairy? Lets not get into that
117. Dirty or Germ phobic? DIRRRTY! People who seem to be obsessive compulsive frighten me..
118. Ugly or Dumb? It doesn't matter... ugly people are fun to laugh at and same with dumb people!
119. Being dumped or dumping someone? neither both suck....
~Pick One~
120. Water or milk? Water
121. Condom or Pill? Pill
122. Shower or Bath? Bath
123. Mountains or Beach? Beach
124. Black or White? .Black
125. Popular or Nerdy? Both are retarded. Popular think there the best at everything and Nerds think they know everything
126. Bondage or no? mmm lol bondage?
127. Jeans or Plaid Pants? BOTH! Plaid reminds me of Andy =)
128. Online or on the phone? Online.. I hate phones with a passion
129. On the phone or in person? In person. So much funner
130. Cute or Hot? Depends on the person... it doesn't matter
131. Outgoing or shy? Outgoing!
132. Silent or Loud? Loud
133. Shampoo or Conditioner? Conditionor
134. Girl on top or guy? Either way works
135. Bite or lick people? mmm I like both
136. Lights on or off? Off
137. Snow, sun, or rain? Rain yet warmth
138. McDonalds or Burger King? BugerKing
139. Scary Movies or happy? Scary
140. Paper or Plastic? Plastic
141. Pepperoni or Sausage? Pepperoni
142. Mushrooms or Peppers? Shrooms
143. Gatorade or Snapple? Snapple
144. Summer or Winter? Summer
145. Spring or Fall? Fall
146. Hugs or Kisses? Kisses
147. Chocolate or Vanilla? Neither
148. Strawberry milk or Coffee Milk? Strawberry
149. Mom or Dad? Neither
150. Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper
151. Pepsi or Coca Cola? They taste the same!
152. Sprite or Sierra Mist? They taste the same!
153. Grape or Orange Soda? Orange
154. Glass have empty or half full? Half empty
155. CD or Cassette? MP3 - buttttttt I suppose CD
156. Tape or DVD? DVD
157. Cats or Dogs? Cats
158. Mud or Jell-O wrestling? mmm Mud is great but Jello would taste sooooo good
159. Skiing or Boarding? Boarding
160. Rollerblading or Skateboarding? Blading
161. Cake or Pie? Pie. I like Pie
162. Silver or Gold? Silver
163. Diamond or Pearl? Diamond
164. Sunset or Sunrise? Sunset
165. Chicken or Beef? mmmmm Chicken
166. Long-sleeved shirts or T-shirts? Tank Tops
167. Bar soap or body wash? Body wash
168. Sweat shirts or coats? Sweat Shirts
~Weird Questions~
169. Which came first the chicken or the egg? mmmmmmmmmmmm errrrrrr
170. How many licks does it take to get the center of a tootsie pop? As many as I want!
171. Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable? mmmm I don't know!!!!
172. Why isn't their a tomato flavored Popsicle? Tomatoes are icky
173. How do we know that flowers smell good and poop smells bad? Opinon
174. Why can't a guy think w/ his brain when he's horney? Well some no matter what has thier dick in control!
175. Why does the U.S. have the highest teenage pregnancy rate? Because stagetory rape is 'illegal' damnit! It's not our fault we like older men =)
176. Do you like to wear pants? Nope
177. Do aliens really exist? I'm not my mother here talk to her
178. Have you ever slept nakie? Yes
179. Would you take the free car or what's behind door number two? I would take the car and drive through Door two and take that
180. Would you want your partner to take their socks off during sex? I haaaaaate feet
181. Do you think monkeys kick ass? YES THEY THROW SHIT AT YOU
182. Color: Black and Blue
183. Song: Too many
184. Band: Too many
185. Number: 6
186. Day: Saturdays
187. Month: June
188. Year: mmm
189. Person: I hate people
190. Body Part: Stomach
191. Thing to think about: Change
192. TV show: Tv is evil.... but.... Family Guy [thank you Jack and Chris... even though it was quite disturbing] and THAT 70'S SHOW!
193. Movie: .......mmm
194. Disney Movie: I LOVE DISNEY MOVIES! -dies-
195. Cookie: cookies mmmm -drools-
196. Food: Food.... -drools-
197. Fast food: Wendys -drools-
198. Candy: Candy.... -drools-
199. Beverage: All kinds!
200. Ice Cream Flavor: I like Cyber fun. -pssssssst... I'm under your covers- *giggles*
201. Person to talk to: Joe AND..... -pokes eyes- LOOK I have virgin eyes... [ He will know who it is]
202. Sport to play: Football...Hockey.... Boxing... Wrestling.... POCKET POOL hahahah Jc I know I know....
203. Sport to Watch: mmm Football and Hockey
204. Anime: Nope
205. Actor: Johnny Depp -drools-
206. Actress: Porn stars
207. Animal: Wolves
208. Type of music: Metal
209. Radio Station: Alot
210. Singer: Singers
211. Author: Stephen King
212. CD: Good stuff
213. Memory: a time when i was liked.
214. Teacher: Tomasian, McCormmick, Wojewoda...
215: Store: Spencers
216. Car: mmm too many but reality comes down to MR2
217. Finger: Middle ^.^
218 Taste: Personally, I like the taste of blood -licks lips-
219. Texture: Gooy stuff
220. Sound: Music
221. Scent: Fear.
~What do you think of when you hear the word:~
222. Green: Sprite!
223. Purple: Gay!
224. Orange:I don't know? It's a cool color O.O
225. Brown: Poopy!
226. Blue: Bruises, Depression
227. Yellow: Ew I hate that color
228. Smelly: My mother
229. Cool: Black Lights!
230: Pretty: Black and Strobe lights!
231: Black: mmm so many things! Dark I love the dark, I love black
232. White: White people who try to be black.
233. Hot: My shower! Damnit it got too hott and it was stuck on hott.. it started to burn me ~.^ now that I think of it I liked it
234. Mean: People who drag me by one foot and let others pick me up upside down and throw me around!!! MIKE THAT DOES MEAN YOU! I did enjoy it though ^.^
235. Intelligent: My friends who are doing World Domination dur
236. Perfect: Nothing
237. Clueless: Plenty of people
238. Horney: HA Kita it's spelt with an E, I'm not the ONLY one! hehehe I know too many horney people, Josh mainly hah! You are not going to get NOTHING!
239. Manly: My dog but I still think he's gay
240. Girly: mmm lets not go there
241. Evil: Torture, Evil is good... I like evil. A lot of things are Evil
242. Bright: I don't like bright things but Black lights and Strobe lights kick ass
243. Colorful: mmm hippies! Damn hippies
244. Bubbley: I like bubbles!
245: Hairy: hahahahaha I hope not.
246: Gullible: I'm gullible but not THAT gullible. Gullible is funny. CEILING
247: Painful: Love
248. Sad: A lot of things are sad.. this is a twisted world
249. Depressed: ermm >.<
250. Loving: Hardly worth it
251. Caring: Hardly worth it
252. Have you ever been touched for the very first time (are you a virgin)? Erm... sadly no.
253. Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? -sigh- nope.. I'm lonely but hell I don't need someone....
254. If yes who? .........
255. If no, do you have a crush? maybe, but whats it matter...
256. If so, on who? ...........
257. Ever been in love? i thought so, love is overrated... I shall be sometime if I'm not now...... I hope
258. Longest relationship: mmm a year I believe
259. Shortest Relationship: a day?
260. Do you believe in love? I don't really know
261. Do you believe in love at first sight? I don't know...
262. Ever been dumped? Yes
263. Ever dumped someone? Yes
264. Longest Crush: Years....
265. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Hawaii, or I don't know somewhere nice relaxing... not one of those 'lets stop at a motel and fuck'
266. What would you like to be your wedding song? No idea. It must be mutual, like the first song you danced too, or dedicated to eachother.
267. First thing you notice about the opposite sex: Eyes and smile
268. First thing you notice about the same sex: Eyes and smile
269. Are you shy to ask someone out? Sort of... I don't normally ask anyone out.
270. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? ...... Please stop with these damn questions
271. Do you find yourself attractive? Hah. Right..
272. Do others find you attractive? I don't believe them when they say they do ^.^
~On Guys~
Guys fill out about themselves; Girls put what the want in a guy
273. Boxers, Briefs, or commando? Boxers
274. Long or short hair? It doesn't matter as long as it's not nearly as long as Joe Dirts lol, not my length long but long to spike it high ^.^ or short.
275. Curly or straight hair? Both! Doesn't matter, it's just hair.
276. Tall or short? Taller then me perferably
277. Six pack or muscular arms? mmm both... -lick-
278. Freckles or none? none
279. Funny or Laid back? Both needed.
280. Talkative or shy? Talkative
281. Good or bad boy? I tent to have an attraction to the Bad, I think thats why I get fucked over ^.^ but hell... I like bad. As long as they know how to respect a girl
282. Hat or no hat? Doesn't matter
283. Piercings or no? mmm piercings -licks-
284. Experimental or usual?.. Doesn't matter
285. Dressy or casual? Casual
286. Tan or pale? Both, doesn't matter
287. Dimples or no? Doesn't matter
288. Stubble or clean shaven? hahahahaha -falls off the chair- hahahhahahaha oh man that made my day.
289. Cute n' mysterious or Sexy n' wild? Both... mm all four put together -drools-
290. Dark or Light hair? Dark but it doesn't matter
291. Hair products or no? Doesn't matter
292. Jewelry or no? Doesn't matter
293. Cuddly or no? Cuddly all the damn fucking way
294. Big or Small? Big
295. Rugged or Sporty? Doesn't matter
296. Studly or Cute? Both ^.^
297. Glasses or no? Doesn't matter
298. Smart or Dumb? It depends on situations..
299. What sport? Doesn't matter
300. Band or no? Doesn't matter
301. Independent or whipped? Independent
302. Horney all the time or just sometimes? SPELT WITH AN E AGAIN!! HAHAHAHA Sometimes. Dicks take control! I don't like it.
~On Girls~
Girls fill out about themselves; Guys put what the want in a girl
303. Regular underwear or thong? Thong
304. Painted nails or not? Black or clear...
305. Bra or sports bra? Depends what I'm doing
306. Bra straps showing or not? Depends what I'm wearing
307. Cute n' mysterious or Sexy n' wild? I don't know people say I'm mysterious.. -shrugs- Don't ask me ask others
308. Dressy or casual? Casual
309. Dark or light hair? Dark
310. Long or short hair? I have kind of long... past shoulders a bit
311. Curly or straight hair? Straight
312. Eye Color: Hazel but they change
313. Long or short nails? mmm There good enough to scratch and leave marks during rough play ~.^
314. Hat or no hat? Not usually sometimes visors
315. Good or bad girl? Depends what we are talking about here ~.^
316. Hair up or down? Up
317. Jewelry or no? Yeah I will feel naked if I don't
318. Tall or short? Tall to some and Short to others. >.<
319. Accent or no? Nope unles your Josh and think I talk Ghetto when pissed off, but is that an accent?
320. Pants or skirt or dress? Pants
321. Tan or pale? Pale and I fucking hate it
322. Cuddly or no? Cuddly
323. Glasses or not? Nope, supposed to have them but I refuse to wear them
324. Indoor or party Chick? mmm both
325. Freckles or no? Not anymore, I did when I was little, Brandon loved them! but there gone!
326. Shy or outgoing? Depends... but outgoing normally
327. Funny or cool? I don't know.. both?
328. Talkative or shy? I wouldn't call it shy... I can be talkitive.. and not other times but that doesn't mean I'm being shy.
329. Horney all the time or just sometimes? HAHA E AGAIN! BIATCH w00t....
330. Big boobs or small? Um eh -shrugs-
331. Perfect skin or perfect personality? Nothings perfect... I wouldn't think either.
332. Makeup or no? Yeah I do
333. Experienced or virgin? >.< non virgin
334. Independent or whipped? Independent.. I hate being dependant
~On a Final Note~
335. Most treasured possession: Nothing.......
336. Do you like filling these out? If I'm bored
337. Do you like the person who sent this to you? It wasn't sent I stole it!
338. Do you want your friends to write back? Sure whatever
339. Who's least likely to respond? Anyone who is smart enough not to waste there time filling something this long out
340. Most likely to respond: Someone stupid enough
341. First thing that comes to your mind right now? How I was stupid enough to fill this out
342. Other comments: um .....
343. What time is it now? 2:17 pm
     Read 2 - Post
It's Saturday ^.^   
09:23am 28/02/2004
mood: curious
music: Blink182
Yaay! It's Saturday!

And I look into your eyes and say forever words...
"Hello there, the Angel from my nightmare,
The shadow in the background of the Morgue,
The unsuspecting victim, of darkness in the valley,
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want.
Where you can always find me,
We'll have hallowe'en on Christmas,
And in the night we'll wish this never ends"
08:37am 23/02/2004
mood: determined
music: my thoughts
The fog rolls in as the dark covers the neon sky, I'm alone.
The cold reaches my tender skin as the wind blows threw my silky hair, imagination being shown.
I hold my head low graveling at the rocks, a hole buried up above my empty thoughts, rest my once grateful soul.
Teasing myself with sick pleasure, haunting my mind I finally let loose as my once pure white skin rots.
Crystals in my eyes I watch my body decay, everything that I despise, everything left is my wish of this day.
Death holding on, nomore circle of life, so dependant, never standing up to fight.

Yeah I'll update something even just alittle worth reading later, for now I'm going to go onto my roof and listen to music...
     Read 6 - Post
03:25pm 21/02/2004
mood: annoyed
music: Dead Poetic
I do have another Journal. I see that everyone keeps looking in here but it's no better then my other one. Check out my Life Journal, the links in my profile as well. It probably will have more information then here will, I suppose? Comments are very grateful to me! PLEASE comment!
     Read 3 - Post
Survey about ME   
08:50pm 20/02/2004
mood: aggravated
music: 30 Seconds to Mars
*. . . W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R . . .*
1) pierce your nose or tongue? Definatly the tongue
2) be serious or be funny? I suppose it depends what the topic is...
3) drink whole or skim milk? I hate both, 1 % thank you

* . . . A R E Y O U . . .*
4) simple or complicated? Uh haha depends on what's going on....

* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
5) flowers or angels? Flowers
6) grey or gray? Gray
7) color or black-and-white photos? Black-and-White
8) or love? or love? Love or Love... what's the difference?
9) sunrise or sunset? Definatly sunset
10) M&Ms or Skittles? Skittles taste the rainbow
11) rap or rock? Rock \m/
12) staying up late or waking up early? Staying up late, more of a night person then day, I like the dark.
13) TV or radio? Both suck... Tv is retarded, and radio has to many commercials.
14) water or soda? mm I have to say soda.
15) eating apples or oranges? Apples all the way mann!

* . . . A N S W E R T R U T H F U L L Y . . . *
16) Do you have a crush? I do, but uh yea....
17) Who is it? Joseph

* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
18) being hot or cold? WARM
19) tall members of the opposite, or short? Tall, I make fun of the people I look down on.
20) sun or moon? Moon resembles Female. I am female and I like the moon. Oh and the moon comes out at night and I like the dark. lol?
21) emeralds or rubies? Emeralds, my birth stone =)
22) left or right? Straight.
23) having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? Um... I like both.
24) sun or rain? Rain
25) vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Neither but I have to say vanilla
26) boys or girls? BOTH
27) green beans or carrots? ew.... neither
28) low fat or fat free? Same thinnnng. Low Fat.

* . . . M I S C E L L A N E O U S . . . *
29) What is your biggest fear in the world? Honestly, I don't know. I think dependance.
30) Kids or no kids? Kids... but not anytime soon.
31) Cat or dog? Cats... yeah cats they rule.
32) Half empty or half full? Does it honestly matter? It depends, if you drank a full glass then half empty, and if you pour half a glass... half full.
33) Mustard or ketchup? Ketchup
34) Hard cover books or soft cover books? Neither I hate books.
35) Newspaper or magazine? Magazines
36) Sandals or sneakers? Sneakers
37) Wonder or amazement? Amazement
38) Red car or white car? Neither...
39) Happy and poor or sad and rich? Can't I be happy and rich? There's Sad and Poor?.... Ah I prefer Happy and Poor.
40) Singing or dancing? Both
41) Hugging or kissing? I prefer cuddling... lol but both
42) Corduroy or plain? plain
43) Happy or sad? Doesn't it depend on the mood? Happy
44) Purple or green? Both gay... yes Robyn... Green is GAY
45) s, s? I wonder if the kid who made this was high..........

* . . . A B O U T Y O U . . . *
46) What time is it? 8:18 pm
47) Pets? One dog one cat
48) Height? 5'5 .... ish
49) Eye color? They change?
50) Hair color? Brown
51) Piercing(s)? Ears

* . . . W H A T D O Y O U W A N T . . . *
52) Where do you want to live? Costa Rico, Hawaii.... Cancun... somewhere nice.
53) How many kids do you want? Not sure...
54) What kind of job do you want? Lawyer, Airforce, Stylist/Fashion, or Psycholigist.
55) Do you want to get married? Yeah...

* . . . W H I C H I S B E T T E R . . . *
56) 2 doors or 4 (on a car): Four.... two doors confuses me.
57) Coffee or ice cream? Ice cream
58) Shampoo or conditioner? conditioner... it makes my hair soft
59) Bridges or tunnels? Well depends.. Bridges have nice veiws sometimes but it reminds me of trolls...Tunnels are fun because there dark.
60) One pillow or two? two but I like more... LOTS

* . . . W O R D A S S O C I A T I O N . . . * (first thing that comes to mind)
61) Rock? Ozzfest
62) Green? Booger
63) Crying? Kicked in the balls
64) Peanut? Small balls
65) Roses? I'm sorry.
66) Summer? Too many things to say........
67) Winter? I want to kill myself, Hah.

¤ * . . . F A V O R I T E S . . . *
68) Salad dressing? Italian
69) Color of socks? black or gray
70) Toothpaste? I like all kinds as long as they taste good and they clean your teeth!
71) Food? -shrugs-
72) Toothbrush? mine is just Gray....
73) Alcoholic drink? Vodka, Sherly Temples with Kita! Hahaha!... Alot of things but there are things I do not like too.
74) Non-alcoholic drink? I drink too much Pepsi! It's gross... lol. Um I do not know?
75) Character? Cartoon?.. uh Kenny from Southpark I should say.

* . . . R A N D O M Q U E S T I O N S . . . *
76) When was your last hospital check? Not that long ago....
77) Where do you see yourself in 10 years? No clue, I wish I knew.......
78) Have you ever been convicted of a crime? uh no need to get into anything like that
79) What do you do most often when you are bored? Listen to music, write, draw, sing... dance... .anything work out
80) Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away from you? Too many people! uh Mike in FL, but then theres Noel in Cali, then there's Nick whos in the UK at the moment.
81) Are you open minded? I try to be
82) Can you be in love with two people at the same time? I believe your love should be dedicated to one spacfic person.... it shouldn't be past around.

[001.] Guitar or Drum Player -
I was both.... but mainly drum....

[002.] Skater or Surfer -
uh... well I surf here and there with the little waves that we receive... skating is pretty retarded, I used to.. but I don't anymore

[003.] Brown or Blue Eyes –

[004.] Blonde or Brunette –

[005.] Brains or Looks (Be honest!) –
Well I personally like to know if there worth it by personality, but I do have limitations for looks..

[006.] Tease or Slut -
Tease... \m/

[007.] Blonde or Brunette -
We've been through this already

[008.] Brown or Blue Eyes -
Uhhh shut up will ya?

[009.] Boobs or Butt -

[010.] Actress or Singer –

[011.] Hamburger or Hot-dog –
Neither.. but Cheeseburger is fine....

[012.] Pie or Cake –

[013.] Apple or Banana -
Apples, bananas are icky...

[014.] Coke or Pepsi -
Pepsi... but like I said, I drink too much of it. Oh and they kind of taste the same.

[015.] Chicken or Beef –

[016.] Oreos or Chips Ahoy -

[017.] Pancakes or Waffles -

[018.] Chocolate or Vanilla –
You asked this and I said neither but vanilla

[019.] Strawberry or Cherry -

[020.] Watermelon or Cantaloupe -

[021.] Potato or Macaroni Salad –

[022.] Wheat or White -

[023.] Tic Tacs or Altoids -

[024.] Sausage or Bacon -

[025.] Sour Cream and Chive or BBQ -

[026.] Baseball or Football –

[027.] Swim or Track -
I hate running.... it blows. Swimming

[028.] Tennis or Golf -
Tennis... especially Mario Tennis....

[029.] Skiing or Sledding -
Sledding, uh TUBING

[030.] Bicycling or Jogging –

[031.] McDonalds or Burger King -
Burger King

[032.] JC Penny's or Sears –
Jc Penny's

[033.] Walmart or Target -
Target - Okay I have to stop.... I hate every single one of these stores you just named on within I believe the last three recent!

[034.] Trophy's or TGI Fridays –
TGI Fridays

[035.] Albertson's or Vons –

[036.] Pants or Shorts -
Pants... definatly

[037.] Zip-Up or Pullover Sweatshirt –
Pull over

[038.] Sandals or Tennis Shoes –
Tennis Shoes

[039.] Dresses or Skirts -
Uh skirts

[040.] Mittens or Gloves -
Mittens I gues.....

[041.] Print or Solid -

[042.] Bob or Bill -

[043.] Jessica or Jennifer –

[044.] Aaron or Erin –

[045.] Carrie or Kari –

[046.] Todd or Tom –

[047.] Lynn or Lee –

[048.] Sarah or Susie –

[049.] Jack or John –

[050.] Lisa or Linda –

[051.] Matt or Nick –

[052.] Punk or Rock -

[053.] Country or Bubble Gum Pop -
Bubble Gum Pop

[054.] Rap or Techno -

[055.] Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera –
Christina Aguilera, bad music but beautiful voice

[056.] *N Sync or Backstreet Boys –
N* sync? Backstreet Boys?.... SAME THING

[057.] Korn or Staind -
Staind shut the fuck up... best ever!

[058.] Limp Bizkit or Linkin Park -
Linkin Park

[059.] Guitar or Drums -
Drums and you asked this... first question

[060.] Piano or Violin -

[061.] CDs or Radio -

[062.] Dawson's Creek or 7th Heaven -
7th Heaven

[063.] Angel or Buffy the Vampire Slayer -
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

[064.] Law and Order or The Practice -
Law and Order

[065.] Spy TV or Candid Camera -
Candin Camera haha good show

[066.] Smallville or Charmed -

[067.] Bruce Willis or Kevin Costner –
Bruce Willis

[068.] Jennifer Love Hewitt or Neve Campbell -
Jennifer Love Hewitt

[069.] Aladdin or Lion King -
Lion King

[070.] Snow White or Sleeping Beauty -
Neither, both sucked

[071.] Comedy or Drama -

[072.] Horror or Science Fiction -
That's hard.....Both

[073.] Scream or I Know What You Did Last Summer –
They both succccked

[074.] Not Another Teen Movie or Scary Movie -
Same with theseeeee

[075.] Titanic or Pearl Harbor -
I only enjoyed both the deaths in both movies and thats all....

[076.] The Mask or Ace Ventura -
Ace Ventura

[077.] AOL or MSN –
AOL.... MSN is okay but not enough people use it, they have better smilies though

[078.] Dogpile or Google -

[079.] Mac or PC -

[080.] PS2 or N64 -

[081.] Mario Brothers or Zelda –

[082.] Pen or Pencil -

[083.] English or History -

[084.] Math or Science -
Math because I can sleep and still get an A

[085.] Home Economics or Woodshop -

[086.] Backpack or Messenger Bag -

[087.] Cat or Dog –
You asked this! C - A - T!

[088.] Fish or Hamster -

[089.] Tiger or Lion -

[090.] Butterfly or Lady Bug -

[092.] Seals or Otters -
Seals and Otters make no difference to me.

[093.] Tide or Gain –

[094.] Herbal Essences or Suave -
Herbal Essences

[095.] Dove or Irish Spring -
Irish Spring

[096.] A-JAX or 409 -

[097.] Crest or Colgate -

[098.] John Saul or Steven King -
Steven King

[099.] Chocolate or Roses -
Roses say I'm sorry.. Chocolate says you're fat.....

[100.] Toyota or Ford –

[101.] Paper or Plastic -
Plastic reminds me of girl celeberities......

[102.] Necklace or Bracelet -
09:37pm 17/02/2004
mood: irate
music: mudvayne
Hah, I will write in here more during the week vacation. I have been having a lot going on.

If people read this, then Comment.. I'm planning on taking out my Journals... I don;t think there worth it. If anyone can say different. Leave a comment!
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02:27pm 10/02/2004
mood: exanimate
music: Yellowcard
Ah, I wish I went to school.. I can't seem to sleep at all. I can't seem to get better, I may have to be sent to the hospital again for certain reasons... I don't know.

I will type more later... but right now I have to get offline before my mother finds out.

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much it's like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down on the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder
of what I'll never have..
I'll never have.. I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in..
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me..
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes.
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I want my life....   
09:44pm 18/01/2004
mood: curious
i try
to be the man i am
in times of broken lives
and shattered dreams and plans
standing up to fight
the pressures and demands
staring at the knife
and holding in your hand
what used to be your life

this world is crazy, crazy
my dreams are fading, fading
i want my life
i want my life

you fight
your fucked up holy wars
fire anti-christ
he will come down
and help us win tonight
now how should i feel
i think i feel alright
so tell me where to aim
i'm blinded by the light

this world is crazy, crazy
my dreams are fading, fading
no one can save me, save me

i want my life

and when i wake up you'll be here
and it will be the way it was

... *"when i wake up you'll be here and it will be the way it was"* ...
04:41pm 17/01/2004
mood: blank

Lately has been hell. Really. I cry every night... and I loose control, I think thoughts I shouldn't but... I don't attempt them. Family, Police, Friends, Relationships, FRIENDS PARENTS *ahem*, Suicides, Illnesses, School..... I could go on....

I will go down the list... and explain as much as I wish talking about. That means, if I don't give the whole story... obviously I don't want to talk about it, so DON'T ask unless I approach you with it. Thank you.

Family * My mother and I have been constinly fighting, really.... fighting. The normal situations. I don't understand why she instigates so much.. I suppose it's because she just sits in her recliner all day smoking up, drinking coffe... and having nothing better to do because I do most around the house. I get pulled down as well for it, because accused of her own faults. She really needs to get a job. Not only that, she didn't get accepted to Budwiser, which sucks because she didn't get the job she wanted. But she drinks enough as it is... when she does, it's hell all over again, usually with her and my brother, for he is old enough to be out and will be at the end of this month... she just doesn't like him, she told me and him herself. I wish he wasn't leaving but it may be for the better... especially for him... I just don't want to be alone here, my dad's ALWAYS working... and as my brother said "more of the blame is going to go on you since I'm not going to be around because I wont ever communicate with her unless absolutly needed". We all agree she needs help, only issue there is that if we get her some.. it will end up being for all of us because they will want to bring us in as well. This all just leaves an opening for me to get in trouble more... -shrugs- I try not too... really, I'm not a bad child... and as many have told me I have a different way of looking at things but also children in simular situations are always the best kids. Oh, and I swear... I should have done this a long time ago... If she ever threatens to put me in a foster home EVER again I will even dial the damn fucking number. I will call the police... anything... My mom always threatens to do something but she never does it, so my brother and I ...as well as my father gave up on believing her, but my fatehr is nice enough to at least play along. I had to walk home from where ever I was including school when I couldn't take the bus because of staying after for Dance... it was bad. -shrugs- whatever I honestly no longer care. She knows I don't... we all do. My father wishes things were different, he doesn't want a divorse although my mom seems to always talk about it, I don't see why he puts himself through hell but then again he's never around... oh well. Nothing to cry about...

Police * This is something I'm not gong to get involved that much with. You have to know my whole childhood to understand. Well, awhile back... Mike brought me out of class to go to the confrence room yadda yadda... Jc and April were there.. yadda yadda.. I thought it was over with, until recently mom changed her attitude and told me her and my father and I were going out to eat. Instead I was brought to the police... they asked me personal stuff that happened to me in my childhood with this guy... I cried my eyes out... it had to be horrible, and it was just another thing piled on top of me. The next day I came into school and I cried in Mike's arms the whole intire day until the very end... when I relaxed a bit... I felt so helpless. -shrugs- whatever. They want to see me again...

Friends * After all this it brought me and Mike alot closer. We've been fighting because I didn't want him to get involved.. I thought I could help myself, and I still believe I can. Everything he's done for me is way to much then what I deserve but I appreciate it with so much. I wanted to kill him but instead I spent my times on his shoulder. Now we are getting closer... As for me and Mj, I thought we were okay... we seemed it last night at his house and every once in awhile that we talk online or what not... but this morning... Jeez. I don't know if it's because his best friend Brok likes me, like Kita and Jarrod thought, or if I did something but he tweeked out... He seems to enjoy ruining my feelings... and making me upset for something I haven't even dont... He seems to idolize my past a little much there. - Anyways, I've been pushing alot of people away, they seem to fall angry with me for it.. but I really just perfer to be left alone. I saw alot of my friends at the mall though, it was good.

Relationship * I need you.... only you....

Friends Parents * Well we know who that goes to... or well the one I'm talking about ... JOSH! Oh my God. People seem to assume way to much, look where it gets them. I hope Josh's mom reads this... I mean I know I have anger issues and probably now havn't made the best impression but she assumed what it implyed... I am mad, but I can't disrespect. I wont. I wish to talk to her about this, like civil people, if she wishes to talk to me so she understands everything. Josh perfers not to tell his mom how I feel, so I wish to talk to her myself, but she better not think that of me until she understands. I do not want her to assume or believe the things that she is. I am not who she believes I am to be. Maybe what I used to be... but the past is something I wish not to look at... I wish not to be.... but you know, you can only change so much, and my whole life changed after certain things happend... and I became something I wasn't once before...

Suicide... Illnesses... * Situations thats which I would not want to get into, alot of friends sitatuons... and things that already happend.... =(

School * Mid Terms... madd stress ah. My teachers think I was one of there best students but since all this shit has been going on they believe I have an attitude problem, concidering I give off sarcastium... I talk back, prove them wrong... and then leave.

Other shit... heh, whatever... I just want to be in his arms...

I will type later...
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05:51pm 14/01/2004
mood: depressed
music: my thoughts

You might as well just kill me
     Read 4 - Post
01:02pm 11/01/2004
mood: determined
music: Air
Waking up each morning realizing I have no faith for my future. With a slash to my body I wish not to see my future or retain living through it. Looking at my past wishing to never remember again. finding my present just a death trap within. I will sit amongst myself, looking at nothing but my sorrow, I became weak. I have no remorse of control.
I lost count on my steps in this twisted world and I fell to the ground. It's a matter of me wanting to get up or just stay there. I ly on the ground, thinking of what I have received and how I do not deserve, I perfer to stay down. My heart slows down, I can no longer try... I can no longer give my chances up for nothing but another step towards Hell and Hell is where I belong.
I live alone with a life that is wasted, eyes are drained and a heart that can't stay above water. My soul left disappears, my train of thought disolves, and I slowly become frail. ASHES TO ASHES I soon become dust.
Your sympathy and pitty thrown across the room to keep me believing in something not real, falls into a trash with another dead life.
I cry my self in my own insanity as I suffer from the illness of insomnia. When I close my eyes.. I fear of ones nightmare which haunts me for days after. So I write on the wall... things in graved with a knife, ones spirit becomes me and takes control. Another scar on my body... filled with satisfaction. This all so clear. So I give it away.... my life. Leaving myself with nothing behind. Nothing matters.

For I am dead on the inside, and it will be a matter of time before I die on the outside......................

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