JasonB's Blurty
 
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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in JasonB's Blurty:

    Friday, December 12th, 2003
    8:24 am
    T'was the night before christmas....
    Christmas is almost here. That's cool I suppose. I don't feel the holiday spirit though. There's no snow here...nothing that reminds me of what I've always known as Christmas. There's only long cold nights and boring, work-filled days. Everyone else seems pretty hyped....but, without snow...without even a chance of snow, what the fuck is the point?

    *sigh* Me and Jessie broke up a week or two ago. I miss the girl terribly. But, I realized that I loved her more as a friend than as a potential wife. I was very shocked when I realized that I had this beautiful, intelligent, fun chick and I didn't want to be anything more than friends....at least, right now. She feels the same, so, it's all good. We still talk pretty much every day at least once or twice....so, in that aspect, it's like we never broke up....it's just that I never get to see her right now because she's always working friggin 3-close at Glamour Shots....which usually turns out to be like 10 or 11 at night. And, she's got these weird-ass Asian parents....so, she's always home right after work, and, even when we used to chill at night...she'd always leave to go home at like friggin 10 because she didn't want her mom to be alone because I guess she bitches about it. *sigh* So, it's time to move on and try to find someone else that I can care about and hold. God, it sucks being single.

    I have to wait until the new-year to get my new ocmputer now too. I had to pay 450 bucks for new tires on my car, and now Christmas shopping takes precident considering that I haven't gotten anyone anything yet. So...this big-ass check I'm starting to work on today will all go toward that. I have 51 hours this week at work. In 5 days no less. Hell....I had 68 hours on my WHOLE last check....and, the one I had before that that was like....73 hours on my check was 560 bucks. So...if I can get even like.....30 hours next week....I'll have over 600 on my check. hehehe. Which, if I had any LESS than 30 hours, I'd be incredibly sad. I dunno...right now I'm working WAYYY too much, but, I don't mind one bit. I need the $....and, it's not like I really have anything better to do...cuz, like anywhere else....you need $ to spend $ to have fun or do ANYTHING. So, I don't fucking care I suppose. That...and, after I get my computer, and it's paid-off....I'll be saving money for either my car or just for whatever. It's starting to show its age at 182k miles. heheh. ;) Have to change door latch. Whoa is me. ;) hheheh. I love my car.

    Well, that's the update for today....see you again around X-mas....and, I'm sure there will be a HUUUGE post here the day I finally get my Alienware....that is.....if I can stop playing games long enough to do such. heheh.
    Monday, November 17th, 2003
    11:45 pm
    Quick Update
    Got hit today. I'm fine.....car is scratched....pics online tomorrow.....

    Closer to alienware......despite $173 speeding ticket.......

    Declined for larger credit card.....assholes......

    Jessie and I have our one-month on Fri.....WOOO!!!!

    Sleepy time!!!!
    Saturday, November 1st, 2003
    12:59 pm
    Oh wow....Jason has a girlfriend now?
    Yeah...so....I have a g/f now finally. It's been a long time since I've been with anyone. Since Colleen even. It's been nearly a year, so, it's nice to finally be with someone. I didn't wanna go out with anyone for awhile so I could kinda "shop-around" and find someone that was perfect for me...but, I really love Jessie. The second I met her I knew that there was something there...she knew it too. I met her through Hot or Not like I've met so many people from out here through. She's just like me, but she's female and vietnamese. We pretty much have the same thought-patterns, and we've even started to finish each other's sentences and say things at the same time. It's awkward but cool. She's a racer like I am, and a gamer too. It's been so nice finally being able to be myself around someone and not feel weird or have to guard myself. A lot of my female friends are pissed off at me though...cuz, I told a bunch of them I didn't want a g/f, cuz, I didn't for a long time. and, now that I have one...they're all like, wtf? Oh well. Those of them that really are my friends will understand and be behind me for my decisions....and will always be there for me....those who aren't will bitch at me, and I'll just stop talking to them because if they can't support me...why are they trying to be my friends?

    Beyond that...not much else is going on. I'm svaing up money for my new Alienware computer that I'll probably get later this month or mid-December. I really can't wait to get a hold of that thing. I REALLY need a new computer. Jessie wants one too. That'd be awesome for both of us to have one. They're expensive as all hell, but, they're really good computers and it basically like having a new Jag or something. hehe. Can't wait for Half-Life 2 and Doom 3 to come out....that's what I'm REALLLLY waiting for when I get that computer. It's gonna be SOO awesome.

    But, I guess that's it. I just wanted to talk about Jessie really quick. I think I'm already falling in love with her...but, who knows? Oh well. I have to do stuff before I go to work, so, I'll tty all later. And, by the way...whomever is leaving me stupid "anonymous" comments....if you have an issue with me...just tell me to my face. Thanks. Cya.

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Sunday, October 12th, 2003
    12:28 am
    LONG TIME COMING
    Wow...alright. So, everyone's pissed at me for not updating my blurty in ages. Especially Kymmy. She's been getting on my ass about it now for about two weeks. lol. I know it's been a long time...but, I've just been so busy, and, whenever I've had down-time...it's usually been spent sleeping. So....here we go again.

    I've been doing nothing but a LOT of fucking working lately. 35 hours a week normally. Usually spent 7 or 8 hours at a time on the floor. I'm already far past being sick of saying the word "gigahert". *shudders* If I could get away with just saying "It's a lot fucking faster than what you have" I'd try. But, somehow....I don't think Todd would like that. Oh well. I dunno...I love computers to death...everyone that knows anything at all about me or the people I generally hang out with...knows that. But, this job....the amount of time I spend explaining and re-explaining things to people with room-temperature IQ's.....it's astonishing how fast I've grown to dispise them unless I'm using my own. I still can't wait to get my Alienware computer. Finally have something worth a shit.

    Biggest surprise of today: Ericha Diem. I was checking the comments on a post I made about three weeks ago, and, low and behold...Ericha ripped into someone that made a stupid/negative comment to that post. Me and Ericha were never on bad terms....just never really spoke to each other: different circles. Same reason I never talked to Kyle Krol and then all of the sudden right before I left MI, we talked all the time online and stuff. But, that was a pleasant surprise. Who knows...? I might get to talking with Ericha and find another friend in someone from long ago. I'm really happy for her and Steve too....Steve was pretty lonely for a long time...I know he loves her to death. (Trust me....I've made comments to him he'd normally flow with, and he hasn't....lol...he cares about her a LOT. hehehe)

    Umm...what else? Oh yeah. I finally have my credit cards just about paid off. They'd be a lot closer right now to done with, but, I HAD to get myself a new Xbox. I was abotu to DIE without video games. Christ....I need to have SOMETHING diverting my attention from spending all my new-found $. lol. Cuz, whenever I'm out doing something....since I finally have money now...and, since I'm so damned generous....I find myself buying people things and spending all my friggin $. So, I need to stop that if I want to have anything for myself. So, more game playing is required. For sure. All I have to say is thank God for Art and for Xbox Live. hehe. Art hooked me up with this phat URL for Microsoft Retail Training......all I do is answer these stupid quizzes to earn points, and then I spend the points on whatever I want for my Xbox.....got three 50 dollar games for 18 bucks. Can't beat that.....even with a nuclear warhead.......or a bat. So, I'm going to pass a lot of my time in the near future with my Xbox. I REALLY need to save money....so, I can.....what else? Buy my 5.0 Mustang and get that Alienware so I can play MORE video-games! Especially the two IMPORTANT ones: Half-Life 2 and Doom 3! YEAH! WOO! lol.

    Anything else I'm forgetting? Hrmm. Nothing really too important. Went to Melissa's house last night and stuff....she was feeling pretty shitty....was there until about 3 am giving her back rubs and cuddling her to make her not sick anymore. Don't think it worked too well though. oh well. Been seeing Caitlyn a lot lately too. We get along fabulously. She's just like Jenn-Jenn back home. I miss Jenn-Jenn. hehhe. But, me and Caitlyn just jibe. It's weird and cool at the same time. I can poke her and she won't get all freaked out....like, what the FUCK DID YOU JUST DO THAT FOR!? lol. Allie does that...she thinks it's annoying. Oh well. Allie never talks to me anyway. I only ever wind up talking to her friend Ashley. I get along great with Ashley.....I just think Allie doesn't like me. I like Ashley a lot though. She's not my normal type....but, she's got a really gorgeous face and is in an up and down relationship, which I think she needs to break out of....whether or not it's with me, she just needs out of it. She deserves better....for sure. I'd love to scoop her up and stuff, however....I feel that highly unlikely. Oh well. Good friends is cool too. Just need to hang out with her sometime without her shadow (aka Allie) there....never seen either one of them without the other.....I would like to experiment and see if one dies without the other. hehe. I thank Fish with all of my being for getting me into Hot or Not. I've met a LOT of really great people through there....online and offline. A few that I met once in person and will probably never see again....a few that I will probably be life-friends with now...but, each and everyone has been pretty cool. Hrmm.....I wonder if I can even list everyone I've met in person : Sarah, Karee ( I love ya hun! WOO! you better stay w/Ryan!), Victoria, Caitlyn, Deanna, Colleen and Dawn (I wanted you SOO bad there for a few days Colleen. heheh. Too bad I wasn't ur "type" ;) lol. ) Melissa, Tiffany, Heather, Amanda, Aly, Allie, Ashley, Crystal, Monica, Stephanie, Crissy (I thought I was gonna fall for you too....but, ur SUCH a flake hun. It would have been fun and I know we would have had great times....oh well) Mai, Amy (how fucking psycho can you get? You were having a bad day so I was there for you....hrmm....guess that's smothering...whatever. lol) Heather (another one). I think that's about it. lol. Wow....that's a whole lot of people. hahahah. Never really thought about it before. heh. 22. Wow. hahahahhha. That's SO funny to me. And....about, maybe....3 or 4 I actually talk to all the time and/or hang with. MAYBE. hahaha. work sucks....that's ok though....whatever. it's life. To anyone I forgot....I'm sorry.....I didn't think I forgot anyone.

    But, I'm exhuasted. Worked 9 hours today and it's 12:27 now and I have to work from 9-6 tomorrow....it's bed time after I get a glass of chocolate milk, of course. hehehe. G'night all!!!

    Current Mood: good
    Current Music: Some Japaneese Hip-Hop from Rich Genesy..hrmm...interesting
    Thursday, September 25th, 2003
    12:48 am
    I thought I saw a new sun rising to greet a new day, alas it was a false shine....but, it's surely rising now.....
    Monday, September 22nd, 2003
    2:23 am
    Sleep? What's that? Oh....right....the friend of mine that hasn't visited since like the 7th grade. Where have you been you stupid fucker? What's that? You were hiding? You little dickhead....come here! ......................... GOTCHA!!!!! hrmmm....... ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
    2:28 am
    What do you mean this dresser is more than 5 steps to build? :-\
    Hrmm. Ok, so, I haven't typed in this thing in like....hrmmm...four or five days. Like, REALLY typed in it. So, there's some explaining to do in my life. heh. Kinda. Well, Crissy stood me up again the other night. Pretty pissed off about that. I'm better NOW, but, I was furious at the time. I actually care about the girl, and she's just never around when she says she's going to be. Something always fucking comes up. This time, her sister was crying when she got home. I could hear her sister in the background when she told me that......she sounded fine to me.....so, whatever. I haven't called her since that happened, and, I don't know if I'm going to, ever again. I might, but, probably not. I wound up going over to Stephanie's house that night and we went out to the movies. Stephanie's great....just, kinda shy and never talks to me unless I call her or something. lol. But, she's cool, I love da' girl to death. I've been trying to get close to Lisa lately too, but, that's probably never going anywhere...which is majorly disconcerting. I really like the girl, and, she's just...more or less afraid to do anything. Plus, there's this whole religion/Jesus thing going on with her, that since I'm not religious...she more or less doesn't want anything to do with me relationship-wise. Which, hurts a lot because personal relationships between people shouldn't be judged or decided on that kind of thing. But, she thinks that if I don't believe, I'm not going to heaven, and she doesn't want to marry someone who isn't going to heaven because she doesn't want to be alone up there. Which, if I was so dilluted to the point that I believed in all of that, I could understand....but, I'm a lot more logical than that....so, basically....it hurts, and, tough shit for me....story of my life I suppose. Ummm...told Ang the other night I didn't really see us going anywhere....she got REEALLLLY pissy for a good hour or so, but, now she's back down to earth and not screaming at me anymore.....even said she was sorry for yelling and that we're cool. God, I sound like such a player....hrmmm...don't mean to be....there's just too many girls out here and too many people I guess I'm not compatible with for one reason or another. A couple I've still got my eye on though....and, if and when I ever get tied down, you'll hear it here! lol. I've got no problem having an ACTUAL girlfriend.....it's really what I'm looking for. Someone to hold and love and call my own. Someone I can talk to about anything and someone who will do anything I ask of them, only because they know I'd do anything they asked of me. It's how it should be. I guess the struggle continues. Ummm...beyond that? Work is still really cool, however bored I am of walking around, making sure all the tags are in place and helping the same old stupid customers who never know anything about computers. Made quite a few new outside-of-work contacts this week too. Everyone is really nice to me too. Which is cool. I have one family who has me come over about once a week or so to fix things, they feed me dinner, they're really nice and talkative (but not in an annoying whiney way) and pay me pretty good too. I really like being in that house. :) Another "client" of mine actually lives down the same road, but, on the opposite end. He's cool too. Gave me fifteen bucks for an old Cat5 cord of mine, and for me making his Internet Explorer run off of the network....which was compromised of just deleting all of his previous connection means in the Connections tab, and then hitting reload. lol. Oh yeah, and, I edited his Outlook Express to auto-fill in his name instead of this one guy who had the comp first. Both tasks took approximately 10 seconds to do. hehe. Whatever. People are so nice around here. I think I've made a lil over 200 bucks in about a week and a half off of Clients. More to come, I'm sure. Ummm....beyond that, I'm just trying to stay sane. Patty's not driving me as nuts as she used to....mainly because I'm never around to see her to begin with, which is nice for me. :) I LOOOOVE the idea of never having to look @ her ever again. What a happy day it will be if she ever decides to just start walking down the road and never stopped. I don't want her to die....just to vanish. BIIIIG differnece. Oh yeah! And, I finally get my hair cut again tomorrow. WOOOO!!! hhhehehehehe. It's gotten so long since I moved out here. I swear it grows a centimeter a day. It's insane. I haven't had hair down in my eyes since I was in fucking 6th grade. It bugs me every morning when I get out of the shower.....likes it's trying to steal my eyeballs or something. :-| INSANE. lol. Oh yeah, went down and checked out an Alienware comp today down @ Best Buy. THAT THING IS FUCKING HUGE. Like....WOW. I could actually see it from the front-door when I walked in. Absurd is what THAT is. It's....2 feet tall, a foot and a half deep and almost a foot wide. The one they had there was the metallic green color, so, there was NO confussing what that was from the front. hehe. I can't wait to either have enough to buy it, or to have my mom help with it. It's going to be awesome as hell. I'll be able to FINALLY play ALL of my games like they're supposed to be handled, and, play HalfLife 2 and Doom3 like they're supposed to be played. I really can't wait for those. I got 6.1 surround speakers going on, so, I have to grab the Sound Blaster 6.1 Platinum for my comp. 200 bucks, but, hey, surround sound is awesome. It helps to HEAR where those Imps are coming from too. ;) You know it! And, those Striders in HL2.....although, I don't think there'd be any confussing where those are coming from.....if you've watched the preview movies for HL2....you know exactly what I'm talking about.....a 40 or 50 foot fucking spider-looking thing. Yeah, no mistaking where he's killing people from or destroying everything. lol. ok. I'm rambling. lol. I think it's time for bed. Oh yeah....almost forgot. A very weird coincidence might just happen, and, if you're really that curious as to what that might be....email me and I just might tell you....and, damnit.....will you people stop making comments in my blurty without signing them!? LOL. I love you all, but, it's annoying and confussing. lol. I think it's mainly Kymmy...she's funny like that. But, oh well. Time to collapse! WOO!!!!

    Current Mood: thirsty
    Current Music: Tha Liks - Da Da Da Da......
    Monday, September 15th, 2003
    2:29 am
    I Just Wanna Scream
    I'll explain tomorrow/today when I have more time to elaborate and think clearly. Right now......I just wanna scream.....thanks for helping me out Lisa hun. :) Don't know what I'd do without you...... :) !!!!!

    Current Mood: enraged
    Sunday, September 14th, 2003
    2:33 am
    It's not my fault aliens like to anal-rape cows from France
    Hrmm. What to say, what to say. Work is still long and boring. Talking to the same old people that don't know anything about computers day in and day out. I get maybe one or two cool conversations a day with someone who KNOWS what's going on and what they want. But, that's about it. And, usually those people aren't even interested in buying....they've just come out of their pits to see what's new. I love my job, don't get me wrong.....I'm just happy for my bosses that they hired someone who isn't bitchy about monotony....or, psychotic. Dean needs a life too. I've taken to calling him the "Asian Hitler", or just simply..."Hitler". He never really helps out anyone by doing anything, he's always got this army/military stance going on, like.....he's at walking "Attention" and he's got the Hitler mustache thing going on. He's SOO annoying too, like, he'll walk by and point out ALL the missing tags in an aisle, but, I've never ONCE seen him put one up or take one down. He's kinda like Dar, but, she actually WORKED when she needed to. I'll be shocked when I finally see him do something. Everyone else at work is more or less cool as hell though. Lots of colorful people that I love to work with. Pay's nice too. Gotta love 9.25 start. But, I think I've covered most of this before........I'm just babbling right now because I'm killing time while talking to Vickie. I hope Chrissy doesn't bail out on me again today. I like her so much, but, she's soooo flakey. :-\ Maybe that will change if she starts to like me back....she says she wants to see if I'm dateable material....wtf ever that means. I dunno. I just feel like such a player right now....I talk to SOO many girls, but, I only LIKE a few of them. And, generally....the rest I don't like either like me....or hate me. I dunno. It's weird. But....whatever. lol. And, Ang....if you're reading this....we gotta talk. heh. Well, I guess it's goodnight from here on out. It's 2:31 right now and I have to be @ work by 9. yay for me. :-\ stupid money.....lol.....

    Current Mood: sore
    Current Music: Warren G - this dj
    Saturday, September 13th, 2003
    12:56 am
    zzzzzzz

    Current Mood: sleepy
    Friday, September 12th, 2003
    2:44 am
    Blurty....my friend. It's been almost a week since I last violat.......errr......wrote in you. lol. I've just been so busy lately. Between work, and work and then stupid chores from Patty....and, more work.....and going to customer's houses to hook stuff up for them and getting insane amounts of money from them for it.....and, work....I just haven't found time to do anything. I've found myself scheduling my days with people and only having like....15 minutes of flex time between them....most of which is used to get from place to place. So, I've been going through gas like crazy too.....filled my tank two nights ago, and it's already half gone. Wtf? lol. Got paid today. First full check is 570 bucks. WOO! I'll have my credit cards paid off in no time. Especially since Dave just gave me some AWESOME news.....I guess I don't have to worry about car insurance for a bit longer than I thought. So, that's cool. Gives me some more flexibility with my budget. So, now, it's either....pay of the credit cards, or clothes. lol. After I get both of those stabilized....I'm going after a new comp, and then saving money to either get a different BMW, or, spend some money on this one to make sure it runs FOREVER. lol. Ok, well, I have to drive out to Laguna tomorrow mornign to mess with this one old bitch's comp because her stupid address book won't import correctly. So, I'm going to go kick her in her old head. lol. Well, maybe not. I'm nicer than that. But, it's still me having to get up @ 8:30. :( :-\ lol. G'night!!!!!

    Current Mood: good
    Current Music: Mystikal - Tarantual
    Friday, September 5th, 2003
    7:11 pm
    "This is the beginning of the end of your lives...." - The Postal Dude
    Yeah, so, it's Friday...my last day before I go back to work tomorrow. I'm really glad I worked SOOO much last week, like...really. I'll have a lot of money next week come Wednesday night. :) And, I need money really bad right now. I think I have like....100 in the bank left. lol. It's drainign every day too. It sucks, but, it's part of living in this glorious place. heh. I couldn't survive out here on the pay I was getting in Michigan....I could barely survive in Michigan on that pay. hahah I'm SOO bored right now....and, seeing as that's it my last night before work.....I *really* wanna go out and have a good time doing SOMETHING. lol. I could go back and hang out with Angela some more...cuz, I saw her earlier....but, I dunno. :-\ I've seen her SOO much this week, and, it's not like I'm bored of her..just, I want a fresh face I haven't seen in awhile. Maybe Aly? But, she seems pissed off @ me. :-( And, Crissy like normal flaked on me. She says she *wants* to see me very soon cuz she misses me....and then she like....is in this constant state of changing what she's doing....like, she's got everything planned out all day, and allows like....10 minutes between things to do. So, she tries to cram time with me into those 10 minutes.....but, never remembers that it takes me at least 20 or 25 just to get to her....so, even if I got there QUICK, she'd be leaving to do something else. It's stupid, but, I love the gurl to death....so, I guess I'll let it slide...god knows I've let it slide a lot more than I should....but, whatever. Everyone who knows me knows I let them get away with shit. So, what's new? lol. Ummmm......put up the dry-wall on the under-side of the floor we put up. It looks a lot better now. And, I took some time out of my busy day and dug in the backyard like was requested of me earlier. Stupid fucking step-mom. lol. Just because she wants to have some kind of Christmas party......so, we have to fix the backyard and put up a brick divider or something. I dunno what the hell is going on....Dave practically just put a shovel in my hand and said....DIG. lol. Well, I'm off to find something to do! Wish me luck!! heheheh
    Thursday, September 4th, 2003
    12:11 am
    In the life of Jason...day # 6969 (no, but, really...19 years, and 35 days...assuming 365 days a yr)
    lol. That's really funny...considering I never even thought about calculating the days I've been alive, and the day I do....it's 6969. hehehe. LOL. Wow. ok, whatever. hehe

    So, I wake up today to my flaming step-brother needing help with the printer....it's my first day off in like a week or more...so, I was SOO excited to get up and help him! :-\ Fag. Anyway...so, I wind up spending like three minutes on it and then saying "it's not gonna work" and him just saving it on a disk. I tried to go back to bed...hahah....yeah, right.

    So, then, me and Tiffany spent like the whole day together just chillin and watching movies...I haven't seen her in like....3 weeks or so? She's really an awesome friend. :) Just wished she lived closer than like....a 25 minute drive so we could hang out more. We went out and rented....some South-Park movie (which was supposed to be *the movie* but, someone fucked up and stocked the wrong thing) umm....Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Dead Corpses, Fight Club, and I had Jackass....so, we watched that too. :) Yeah, it was a long day of watching movies....started @ like....3? And, watched them all straight-through and didn't get done until.....11:30 or so. heh. Fight Club is a LOONNNGGG ass fucking movie. lol

    Sis (Lisa for those of you who don't know, and, probably don't because she's not my REAL sis...) started making a big deal all of the sudden when I got back online after Tiff left about how I was supposed to call her....so, I apologized like a good lil boy....but, then, I looked @ our conversation log....yeah, she never TOLD ME to call her....the away message she put up gave her cell number (that I already have) and that she'd be out @ 545. Not that I *should* call her or anything...so....we'll be having a chat soon about that one. lol

    I feel really bad though....cuz, I was SUPPOSED to call Crystal today so we could do something after she got out of school, but, since me and Tiff were watching movies until so late.....I couldn't. And, I feel bad not only because I was *supposed* to call....but, also because the school she goes to is ACROSS the street. lol. I'd bet 150 bucks that I could probably knock a building's window out with a rock from here it's so close. So, I'll have to be kissing ass later to make up for that. lol.

    And, of course....Aly, if you're reading this....I haven't forgotten about you....I got ur voice mail from the other day and I'll call you soon. lol. I haven't seen you in like a week...but, you live right down the road practically....so, sorry, but...it doesn't make me feel as bad when I dont' see you that often as when I don't see other friends who live further away.

    It makes me feel like shit to know everyone's going to school this year and that I'm practically two years behind already from everyone I went to school with. By the time I get back in....*my* class will be Junior's and I'll be a fucking Freshman. I feel like...Russell Gross....or, maybe Basel Brown. :-\ Or....Paul Kelley. hahha. Naw, Paul just looked like he was 25. hahah. I dunno....it'll give me time to have a lot of REAL $...but, I still feel awkward. It's gonna be another few weeks @ work before I get up to par with the rest of the guys there too. So, I'm just kinda in this perpetual state of mentally nomadic limbo. I really wanna feel like I belong somewhere...doing something, having a purpose. But, I still have yet to figure out what. I think I might just be stuck in this never-ending story of Retail Hell. Not that I mind it....I just wanna have the money to do with my life what I will. Which, of course....for those of you who *know* me....will be a very fast car and electronic gizmos out the ass. :)

    And, of course...lucky timing on my part....Patty's I guess going through menopause (sp? I don't fucking care) right now or whatever, so...it's to the point where I can't even heat up the oven @ 9 o'clock at night, with all the windows in the kitchen and the rest of the house open with her saying something smug and stupid like...."You know you're going to heat up the whole house, right!?" Like we have the AC on at like 9 at night and like the OVEN IN THE KITCHEN is going to miraculously make the WHOLE HOUSE jump 20 degrees. I fucking hate her...there's a difference between being irrational from the inlfux and therein, the lack of certain hormones....and, just letting it control your actions and being a stupid bitch. She crossed that line awhile ago. Why can't I have a normal mother figure? I've had two normal father figures.....just one mother figure would be nice. Oh well, I guess I'm meant to grow up hating my mom or something....it's gotta gimme a reasoning to give to my shrink if I ever kill someone. haha....not that I even have a shrink or would get pissed @ someone enough to kill them. Oh well. One can only hope and dream. lol

    Ok, well, it's only 1 am...but, I'm SOOOOO tired right now for some reason....my fingers keeps slipping around the keys....I keep having to erase shit. :( So, I'm going to sleep now. I guess I'll chat @ ya later.

    Goodbye day # 6969. hehe....stupid fuckign coincedences.
    Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
    2:48 am
    Latest Update
    Hrmm....what to say what to say? I dunno. I've been really tired like usual...but, there's hope at the end of the tunnel. I've got Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off. So, I'm think of hanging out with friends as much as possible. My step-mom was suggesting yesterday that I do some work in the backyard. Not that she ever does anything around the house anyway except like....laundry, the dishes and her stupid flowers...and then makes it seem like I'm some sort of lazy-ass because I don't dig down in the back-yard about half a foot across the whole thing. She's been a large source of much of my anger lately. When I'm here TO be angry that is. I've been working some mad hours at work. like, wow. I'm still trying to learn all the FUCKING SCREEN NUMBERS FOR EVERYTHING. :-| 60/credit lookup, 45/credit app, 46/credit app approval screen, 195/print tags, 197/print open box tags, etc, etc. Then...store numbers for customer lookups.....3313 = us, 0414 = laguna, 0418 = orange, 0353 = our district's warehouse, etc, etc. It's just all a lot to take in all at once. But, I've got a good handle on things...except I seem to have bad-luck with two things: Warranties...cuz, who the fuck REALLY wants an extended warranty for 3 or 4 hundred bucks!? And....those damned warehouse gremlins. Ok, sorry...in the frantic scurry to get me on the floor, I must have somehow missed the differences between L, H, and C as release types. So, fuck off or else I'm going to L you into the damned ground. I'll L a 56'' widescreen tv for the customer w/the pinto and see how you fucking like it. Biotch! Or, I'll H one and see if you can't squeeze it through that damned doggie door....so, if I fuck up once or twice every now and then, sorry...got a lot on my mind. Anyway....

    Been thinking a lot about my friends back home. Turtle's talking about moving out of his house because he's sick of his dad and his siblings. Which, I completely understand....because, his dad's a nice guy and everything.....but, that's his problem. He's too nice...lets people walk all over him. I felt really bad for Turtle when his mom died. I felt the same way when Joe's mom died last year....it was such a hard time for everyone, because all Joe had in his life were his friends...no dad, no relatives that really gave a shit except for some of his Aunts in Houghton Lake...it was horrible. We really bonded during that time. But, anyway...back to Turtle...so, he's trying to disembark from the next...but, I'm really afraid he's going to wind up in the "no-where" trap of MI. All of my friends now are either : A) Happy I'm doing something with my life, or B) Think I'm a snob somehow for living out here and driving a nice fucking car and getting good pay @ work. But, I would really trade it all back to be with my close friends again. Anyone who knows me, and I mean...REALLY knows me would understand that. I really hope to start flying my friends out here to give them motivation to get the hell out of MI. I mean, they KNOW they need to leave...but, to actually come and see what's on the other side of the wall....is a complete transition. And, a lot of them do and should need a kick in the ass to get them working on being successful. Not saying that *I* am right now or anything, but, still.

    I'm happy about finally being able to get my cards paid down though...very happy. I get paid again next Wednesday, and, wow....it's gonna be big. :) My first check was like...280 bucks for...33.75 hours....I can only imagine how like....70+ is gonna be. Yum. :) Couple of small things I have to take care of: 130 (?) for my traffic school thing....20 for my last phone bill in MI......65 for BMG cuz I ordered like....10 cds....and, I think that's all of my little obligations. Oh. I have to pay the step-mom 40 for lending me money for my dad's b-day when I was still unemployed. But, that's....what? 255 or something? And then another 2-something for my car insurance...so....4 hundred out of the way this month....I have 150 or something left from my first check in the bank, 40 in my wallet (which will last MMMMMAAAYYYBBBBBEEEEE until next week if I only spend on gas/food...yeah, right) and, I'm expecting a....5 or 600 + paycheck. So, I'll have all my little shit for this month gone and like...a hundred a piece for my cards? That's cool for me I suppose. It's not like I spend a lot anyway. I'm going to save up a bunch of money and either spend it on really nice clothes....or, possibly try to get a nicer beemer. Mine's great and all....it's just got SOOOO many miles, and, the engine...I'm sure...has been ragged on far before we got it....it revs real nice and high like it should....but, I dunno....it just doesn't SOUND somehow right. But, I'm thinking if I save enough and get enough hours @ work...I could possibly upgrade to a 99+...or, maybe an M3 from 98? That'd be killer.

    But, I'm babbling. So, I'm gonna stop. I'll be back soon to update this thingy yet again...until then, cya!!!

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Current Music: Warren G - Regulators (come on, you know you luv old school)
    Friday, August 29th, 2003
    2:30 am
    Long Day...
    Well....it's finally the end of this long, weird, exciting day. Had tons of fun today. Built my new computer desk, which is surprisingly big and multi-purpose for the amount of time I put into actually building it. But, I'm SOO super-tired right now. I have to get up in the morning and go to work and blah blah blah. I would switch all my 6.1 speakers and shit over here tonight to my new desk, but, I'm so exhausted right now...so, no fucking way. hahha. Too many damned wires. :-|

    Adding to my not-feeling-well-ness-despite-good-day was an odd episode around 7 tonight. This has only ever happened to me like, 3 times in my life...but, despite having ate about an hour and a half before this happened....my whole body started to go numb an my hand was trembling and the little voice in my head was **SCREAMING** for food. I rushed downstairs and made two large sandwhiches and some chocolate milk and downed it all, and I felt so much better. I really wish I knew what the fuck that is. It only happens maybe once a year....and, as soon as I have food, I feel fine...but, it's awkward none the less. :-\ Oh well. I'm not dead.

    Well, I'm going to bed. Good night all. See you tomorrow night @ 9:30 when I get home from work! WOO! (And, for you east-coasters...that's not until midnight-thirty!)

    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: Cold - She Said
    Thursday, August 28th, 2003
    7:02 pm
    Finally, super-cool day! :)
    So, I woke up this morning with a few plans for the day. I was going to finally meet a couple of new people from HON, and I was gonna clean my room and do my laundry. Of course, knowing me, the former got done, and, as I'm sitting here writing this while I could be doing the latter, I'm procastinating like a mofo. lol. Met Mai this morning @ a park. She's only like 17, but, she's a super-cute asian chick. Really talkative and up-beat. Very nice to hang with. If she was a little older and wasn't totally in love with this other guy, I might try for her...like, seriously. But...that brings me to the other chica that I met today. Crissy. WOW. Um, my age...just as cute if not cuter than Mai, but, she's always busy doing something...always making me think we're going to do something and then flakes on me. But, I don't take offense because for one thing, I *know* she's busy and I know she's not doing it on purpose. Neither one of them have ever met anyone from online, so, I got to pop a couple of 'net cherries today. ;) It's always interesting to see people's reaction to meeting someone from online for the first time...they get this look of un-knowing terror in their eyes as you walk up, and then when you get closer, their eyes soften and their faces brighten when they realize that you're not some kind of stalker rapist person. lol. Mai was worried about that, I had to "promise" her like 5 times that I wasn't before she'd come see me. hehe. I just wish Crissy wasn't always so friggin busy. I got to hold her a lil bit today while we hung, and, she's just.....so soft and inviting. I just wanted to kiss her the whole time I was around her. :-| I've felt that way about a couple other girls I've hung with....but...I dunno....not like that. I think Karee was the first girl I felt that for. Just...the whole facial beauty with a gorgeous smile always gets me...Karee definately had that going on. hahah. But, not too many girls make me feel that way. Oh yeah, and then I was supposed to go hang out with Stephanie (*another* Asian chick) sometime tonight, but, she totally flaked on me....which is COMPLETELY not like her to do that. But, I guess I just can't have three hot Asian-chick meetings in one day. I'm lucky...just not that lucky. heh. But, I also guess that since I'm still kinda looking and browsing for who to be friends with and who to try to go out with and be around...it's all in all no big deal. Just wish Crissy lived next door and wasn't so damned busy or that Mai was about 2 years older and without Stephen. Oh well...life goes on. Even if nothing ever happens with anyone around here....I know I'll be making some of the best friends in the world in this place....god....I love California. :)
    1:17 am
    Feeling so lonely....
    I promised myself I wouldn't blab about personal, emotional stuff on here...but, somehow already it's gotten to the point where this is going to be the only place I can say things without getting a depressing response.

    So...I know I've only been here like a month now, but, I'm still feeling lonely none the less...and, like the three girls I've met so far that I think I would be perfect for/with I can't have. The one just doesn't think of me like that. Which, is the mother of all fucking excuses normally....but, she's really a great person and really makes an effort to keep in touch and be involved in my life when she can...so, I respect her. The other one I can't be with because of religious reasons, which I think is SOO stupid, but, we're so tight it's unbelieveable. She's a great person, very smart and intelligent...at least I know she's not some kind of religious zealot...*that* I couldn't take. She just practices what she wants and ignores the rest of the church, but, can't be with me none the less. And, the third just lives too fucking far away and is always working or I can't come over for the stupidest of reasons. But, I guess that's how life throws you your curve-balls. You just have to learn to let it not phase you and keep on going....roll with the punches as they say. I've been doing it for far too long though. I'm going to catch one of those curve-balls one of these days....I just wish it was sooner rather than later. It's just that it's been almost a year now since me and Colleen broke up...and, I'm really missing someone to hold and love and look after....I just can't help wanting it again so badly. I'm just a big ball of proliferating depression right now...don't mind me. I guess that's why some bright guy invented these damned journals...not the online ones, but, journals in general....to have some place to vent and just be yourself with worrying about being persecuted for your thoughts.

    Well, good night....it's been a long day at work with the refurbish and all...trying to planogram the whole fucking store and shit not having homes and other things not fitting...but, such is life. It's work....it's why I get paid. I guess I just have to deal. It's better than Kmart ever was...so, I don't know why I'm bitching....maybe it's because my back hurts and I'm depressed and lonely....oh yeah. DUH

    Current Mood: stressed
    Current Music: Linkin Park - Faint
    Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
    2:13 am
    First Entry
    I've been struggling with whether or not to make an online journal for a long time. I know most people have them, it's just always been an emotional security issue for me....you know, saying something about myself or about others during my day that might offend some random person reading what I typed. But, I realized that not only does it not matter, but that anyone reading this thing is going to be a close personal friend or else they wouldn't have taken the time to look it up and read it. I suppose it was merely a decision I had to make on my own.

    Nothing real emotional or juicy is going to go into this first entry, unless you somehow have a deep under-lying fetish for wanting to feel sleepy. Because, I feel completely drained right now. Emotionally, physically...and, it's not so much hard work at Circuit City or anything, I guess it's just that I was at Kmart for SOO long and I can already see where my new job could probably start getting REALLY boring REALLY fast. I love talking to people about computers...it's just my thing...but, to have to deal with some of these really stupid fucking people...it's just really nerve-racking. And then some customers are like the best people in the world. They smile and try to make nice conversation, it's awesome. But, I guess I'll just see where all this goes. Umm...as far as emotionally, I guess I feel so bogged-down because right now I'm always so alone. I hate feeling that. I mean, I know *everyone* usually hates that feeling...but, it's gotten to the point where I feel like crying sometimes late at night when I'm just sitting here, being bored...wishing I had someone to hold and to love me. But, at the same time I look outside at all of the people that are outside now...and, I want to be alone. It's such a paradox for me right now....coming from Michigan....not knowing anyone around here....hating the massive population but at the same time loving the anonymity of it all. Knowing that if I see some really gorgeous woman, I can wink or do an air-kiss thing and not have to worry about seeing her next week and being all freaked out or something. In Roscommon...or Grayling....you do something like that and she'd probably go home, get her boyfriend and be able to come back and find you HOURS later. It was just that small of a town, and I hated it. It IS so much better here...but I'm just going to have to get used to it. To all of those friends I've made thus far....I love you all very dearly and you guys mean the world to me. Without all of you, I would be super-depressed and wanting to go back home.

    Ok, my head hurts....I'm sleepy, I have work in the morning and I'm babbling un-controllably. Good night all.

    P.S. Kym...this is for you...for all those times you gave me your journal link and I lost it or didn't read your journal at all for days at a time....I'm sorry. I can be an asshole sometimes, but...despite it all, you still love me. You're an awesome friend and if I ever lost you, I'd cry for days.

    Current Mood: drained
    Current Music: Nine Inch Nails: The Becoming
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