Hilary's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

hey [06 Aug 2003|11:28pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

hey you guys, i have been so into change that i have decided to change my journal, heh, sorry you guys, add
pyro_sinner24 to your friends list and i will add you back :)!! sorry for the delay on updating, i will update a lot more there!!

Give Me Satisfaction

what to say about today? [30 Jul 2003|09:43pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Staind "For You" ]

Today was our mother-daughter day which kind of turned into shit at the end of the day but oh well. My mom took me to get a manicure while she got a pedicure. It was really refreshing to have nice nails for once in my existence. It is a pretty sparkly shiny pink color, not me at all, but I like it so :-P!

My mom took me to Needham Street in Newton where we went to Filene's Basement, it kind of sucked but my mom baught me a wallet which I desperately needed so it was all good. We then went to Marshalls where my mom bought me a bunch of clothes. The shirt I really wanted which was a Rock' N' Roll Concert shirt wasn't appealing on me so meh, i didnt get it but I got 2 other gorgeous shirts and cordoroy colorful belle bottoms which are so hot.

Yeah, so this is when our day started to get a little shaky. While eating lunch at Fresh City (I had a peking duck sandwich was mmm delicious but made me full), I was thinking a lot about Nate and how I am supposed to visit him Saturday. At that point I was sick of lying to my parents about where I am going because we might end up going out for a long time and then my parents would eventually find out about him so I made the mistake of asking my mom if Katherine and I could go to Sommerville on Saturday and the answer I had been expecting was no which infact it was. I didn't know why it surprised me so much. Maybe it was the fact that I was sure I could argue my way out of it by promising my mom I won't go to his apartment and that we would just walk around Sommerville but of course she wants to meet him, good request, right? but then she goes on and on about how he is too old for me, 2 years, 2 fucking years! god...that's nothing! she let me go out with a guy who was 1 year older than me but just because this guy is going into college she thinks he's bad news....man parents are confusing and can suck sometimes. I really like him and I want to see him. Parents don't understand that just because we are teenagers we can actually like someone a lot!! It doesn't take guys who are 2 years older than us to do something stupid in a relationship, i mean, look at Nick! arr, it just aggravates me, i know I shouldnt have brought him into this whole thing. I am hoping that Nate will drive over here Saturday or use the money he has been saving for drugs to come visit me, it will show how much he cares, and I know he does! argh, I just want him here right now! maybe hell come pick me up on Saturday and I will just tell my parents that Katherine and I are going for a walk :) while really we are cruising with my parent's devil :)!!

arr ok, sorry for all that ranting, you guys didn't deserve it!!

<3 Stephanie <3Anthony <3Benny <3Jason <3Sarah <3Arthur <3Jessica <3Andy <3 Nik <3Pat <3Stef <3Katherine <3 Jen <3Jane <3Vannesa <3Meghan

<3<3<3<3 Nate

haha, i took Nik's idea :P!!

later people

Ps. Join my community pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase *down on my hands and knees*,

5 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

hey [29 Jul 2003|10:00pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | Plush- Stone Temple Pilots ]

this night was kind of shitty. I went to a Samaritans meeting and while we were coming back my sister was acting like a selfish bitch like she usually is and my my mom said "fuck you" to her but in this case I respected my mom for it because my sister was really acting like a bitch and it got her to shut up. Now I think she ran away to some place, she will come back but yeah, I am just kind of pissed.

On to other things, i just created a community every1_rox , please go check it out and join :)! Tell all your friends to join!! dont worry, I am fair and to all my blurty friends, you guys get first priority because you alll rock! i love you guys!!

well, later

2 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

::meh:: [28 Jul 2003|05:48pm]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | Eight Stops Seven- Question Everything ]

So, I have decided that my username really sucks ass and I don't know what I was thinking when I made it but I really don't want to change it now....135 entries later! blah!

Anyways, today was awesome. Katherine came over at 8:30 in the morning which was a bit early but if I wanted to have any fun, she would have to come in the morning. We sat around for a while acting like lazy fucks watching 2 episodes of Dawson's Creek, meh, what were we thinking? for the most part that show sucks ass but nothing else was on so we watched it. Then, we watched videos on VH1, good fucking channel! meh! Then, we got in a small fight but it is all good now! Katherine made me breakfast which kind of sucked but I love her for the effort :)!

We were going to go out for lunch but the fact that we were low on cash kind of spoiled those plans. Instead we made pasta and salad which was pretty good.

Then, we went to 711 and got 2 ice creams each, wow, we are such pigs! hahaha, the second ice cream melted all over us, i looked like a fucking 5 year old! :)!

We then came home and I jumped in the pool fully clothed because I was too lazy to change into a bathing suit, it was a good fooling around hell of a time! I realized that if only my parents would leave for a week, it would be great parties! I mean, there is a pool, a hot tub, the works! if only they would leave!

So, Katherine stayed a bit longer and I went to Friendly's with her to get an aplication and it was good, it would be awesome if she got the job!

yeah, so my boring ass day! :) i hope you are still awake!

oh PS. Steph, pyr0_leprechaun, inspired my current music :)! hehe, she's awesome!!

4 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

PICTURES [28 Jul 2003|12:47am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Orchid ]

you finally get to seee pictures of me!!! I finally got my pictures to work!! don't be too scared, i will get new pictures on here, because, bleh, these arent very good!!

Pictures )

11 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

Yesterday [27 Jul 2003|03:12pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Jane's Addiction ]

Wow, I have been too lazy to update lately, the story of my life. Anyways, yesterday was pretty boring and depressing until the evening. The whole day I was just moping around my house feeling sorry for myself which wasn't cool but whatever. Later, Katherine called me and she was going to call Nate, telling him how I feel. I feel bad for making her do that but I was so scared to call him and I really wanted to talk to him. Anyways, he told her that he was just about to call me anyways and I think he was majorly flattered :)! He called me back and we talked for a wicked long time. He was being wickedly sweet to me. awww, which just makes me want him more than ever. He told me how he really wants a girlfriend and I didn't really know how to respond at the time so I kind of switched the subject, i feel bad for that now, but whatever. He wanted to come pick me up last night but I was afraid my parents wouldnt be up for that so we arranged to do something next weekend which should be awesome, we will probabally watch a movie in his apartment or something.

Then, last night I went over to Lauren's house with Leslie. We walked there together. Lauren's parents weren't there for the week so she had a lot of people over. Leslie and I were kind of nervous to go to her house so we made the deal that if any of us wanted to leave we would leave right away. Both of us really wanted to get high though. We arrived at her house and we scared the shit out of some guy that neither of us knew. Then, Lauren let us in. it was, Lauren, Ben M., Chris M., Matt C., Laura S., Erin, and 2 kids we didn't know but apparently Matt and Laura were in the attic fucking. heh, they were passing around the weed and Lauren was trying to give us some but everyone else wasn't sharing and Leslie and I kind of felt like the rejects in the corner so Leslie wanted to leave so we were like fuck this and we just walked out of her door. Now, I feel horrible because apprently they didn't pack any more because they thought we were going to come back but we just hung around uptown for a while. Leslie then spent the night. It was cool.

Now, Katherine is over and we have no clue what to do


5 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

Hey [25 Jul 2003|04:27pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Green Day ]

Hey you guys, while responding to one of my friends journals, dropdeadfred, I realized that this should go out to all my blurty friends because they may not know how much I actually care for them...well, here is my response:

This goes out to all of you:

"I know that you took me off your friends list and i understand because i havent been commenting as much as I should be and I guess that isnt my greatest quality. I just wanted you to know that I read your journals ever day...sometimes with happiness, other times with great sorrow...and I guess I just wanted to let you know that I care...and I empathise with you...if there is anything that you want to talk about, I am here on blurty or you can IM me at FingerPaintSin15. It is up to you but I just want you to know that reading your journal and all my other friends journals give me something to care about and is my source of reality. I mean, it might sound sad that I read these journals with such a deep care but I find that these journals are our source of openness and people truly state their feelings here, while they keep their feelings closed up in real life. ah, im sorry, this is a lot of blabbering...i just wanted to let you know that I care even though I might not always show it."

Well you guys, on to other things:

I woke up with the biggest hangover this morning which really sucked. Man, how come I have become so fucked up lately? this isn't the person I am supposed to be. I should really stop drinking but I find it to be my release these days. If something different and exciting should walk into my life right about now, I would throw away all the bacardi I have left in my pepsi bottle in my room. preferably, a guy. That sounds childish, doesn't it? yeah, I guess it is, but I can't help how I feel and I guess I just feel used. I wish a nice guy who wouldn't use me for sex or anything else would walk into my life right now. I admit, at first all I wanted was action but now, I want a relationship...one where I don't have to be paranoid all the time about being used or getting cheated on....do i really deserve this? Maybe I'm being selfish. That is probabally the case but *sigh*...this is my journal and I am just stating my god damned feelings blatantly. *sigh*...on to happy things. I understand the feeling of just reading sad journals so I am going to try to put my chin up and be hpapy for you guys :)!

I went to see Pirate's Of The Carribean today with my mom which was a fucking awesome movie :)! Everyone, get off your lazy asses and go see it because Johny Depp is hoooot, fucking hot you guys!

Yeah, so...now what?

8 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

eh yeah [24 Jul 2003|12:45am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

So, today was interesting. Katherine's mom was supposed to pick me up at 11 but I got a phone call at 9:30 in the morning, while I still sleeping. I thought it was a sales person like it usually is at that time so I said "fuck it" and didn't answer it but thinking about it for a second, i realized it could be something important so I trudged over to the phone and see who called. It was Katherine and of course it was important. Katherine's mom had to pick me up in 30 minutes so I hurried to have a shower and get dressed and shit and then Katherine's mom took me over to Katherine's house.

We just chilled and shit for a while and then I was supposed to walk over to meet this Jim kid from Xaverian, Katherine's friend. Since he was from Xaverian I was expecting much so I met him and he was hot but he seemed like the biggest asshole in the world...i really didnt feel like dealing which was good because he totally ditched me because he saw his dad and got caught for hanging out with a girl, his parents seem like army sargeants. Maybe he isn't an asshole but it seemed like he really didn't want to hang out with me...eh whatever. it was all good.

So, the rest of the day was boring crap with my parents visitors from Minnesota, barbeque, ice cream and shit. and here I am now...well I was going to rant some but now im thinking screw that idea im too damn tired. Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting. good night y'all.

2 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

hehe quiz [23 Jul 2003|12:40am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | 311 ]

Gangsta Bitch!
You're Gangsta Bitch Barbie. You're tough and you
like it rough, and of course you like to pop a
cap in any wiggers ass.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

isnt that silly?

Give Me Satisfaction

oh well [22 Jul 2003|12:53am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Disco Biscuits - Rainbow Song ]

wow, I can't sleep. I guess it is the fact that Nate said that he would call and then he didn't but that's ok, I completely understand. I mean, he had work all day which could get tiresome and then he had to go to a concert which is a long and tiresome day. Also, I didn't really expect him to call tonight, he had a long day, I'll let him relax. I think I'll wait until Saturday until calling him because he has to work all week which could get tiresome...but now that I think about it, he said so many cool things Saturday that I dont think his personality could completely have changed. It is just not possible. He was a completely different person talking to him today, probabally because he was tired of his long day of children. He can't just change his whole perspective on me, I mean its not like I did anything bad, or did I? well, i couldn't have since then, because he was nice to me even after we made out so it was a pretty good day. I really want to hear his voice. Man, I should really stop being so paranoid. Everything will work out in the end...and if it doesnt work out with Nate then it wasnt worth it anyways. Well, I am officially going to bed now. It is so late.

Give Me Satisfaction

errrrrrrm [21 Jul 2003|06:48pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Jurassic Five- Quality Control ]

Now I am just feeling really really awfully depressed! If you really want to be happy, I don't reccomend being drunk, it just feels awful and it really doesnt help at all. I mean it might help for a short time but after a while all of your deppressions will come back to you and haunt you or you will really sound and look stupid:/.

I went over to Katherine's house today which was partly fun. At first I had Maccaroni and Cheese at 10:30 in the morning....it was actually not that disgusting...probabally because I didn't just wake up. We watched 2 episodes of Sex In The City on Katherine's computer which was cool and then we went to a walk to the gas station where I bought Diet Pepsi and Katherine bought a Coffee frap. It was cool. We did a bunch of other stuff. Then, Katherine and I decided to drink some alcohol, although I was the only one drinking at first. I had 2 shots of vodka and then I mixed a good amount of rum with my diet pepsi. Now I am just feeling so disgusting. I was so drunk for a while and then I simmered down. I guess I was hoping that my deppressions about Nate would go away but of course they didn't...none of that stuff ever goes away. So, I called him while I was home and I said a lot of stupid stuff. He sounded really tired...I feel like a complete jerk for calling him but I really wanted to hear his voice. It really didn't sound like he want to talk to me, why must I be such a loser? I guess I called at a bad time because he was going to a concert with a friend. He said that he would call me later...yes, we will see what happens. I am just so afraid that everything he said to me wasn't true and he just wanted action. I guess for once I just want a real normal relationship that doesn't get messed up by all that sexual stuff. I just wish I could have one with him...because for the first time I feel like I am talking to a normal guy who has a lot in common with me....and there must be something up for that is all I can think about.

*sigh*...until then

2 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

*sigh* I feel sad so here is a survey: [20 Jul 2003|09:22pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | ::silence:: ]

[current desktop picture] it's just blue
[current favorite group] I like Nirvana, 311, Incubus, Led Zepelin, The Grateful Dead, Pink Floyd, Jurrasic Five, 2Pac, Matchbox 20, and a lot more
[current cds in stereo] Incubs
[current color of toenails] normal .. color. o_o
[current worry] *sigh*, that I am going to lose one of my best friends because I am stupid and that Nate will never call me
[current hate] my school *sigh*
[current love] hmmm...this is difficult....I am sure it would be Nate if he would call me and I could get to know him better...for what I know about him, he is the coolest guy, if only he would call me back.

Basics : .
[ .001. ] first name: Hilary
[ .002. ] middle name: Esther
[ .003. ] last name: I'm not telling :-p
[ .004. ] nickname(s): Hill, Larry, etc.
[ .005. ] gender: female :D
[ .006. ] age: 16
[ .007. ] birthday: February 4th, 1987
[ .008. ] height: 5'7"
[ .009. ] hair color: light brown
[ .010. ] eye color: green
[ .011. ] race: white
[ .012. ] do you wear glasses or contacts: nope
[ .013. ] do you have braces: nope
[ .014. ] is your hair long or short: It goes down to my shoulders
[ .015. ] where were you born: Boston, MA
[ .016. ] current location: Needham, MA
[ .017. ] zodiac sign: Aquarius
[ .018. ] how many languages do you know: well i know english, i take spanish but I am so far from knowing it
[ .019. ] nationality: eeh... *sigh*
[ .020. ] bad habits: rolling my head *sigh* i've got to quit
[ .021. ] piercings you have: none
[ .022. ] piercings you want: lip...mmmm
[ .023. ] tattoos you have: none, i want bad
[ .024. ] tattoos you want: hmm .. I want one on the back of my shoulder
[ .025. ] today's date: July 20th
[ .026. ] the time: 9:28 PM
[ .027. ] ready for a bunch more questions: I am *sigh*, it keeps my mind off of things

. : Family : .
[ .028. ] mother's name: Justine
[ .029. ] father's name: John
[ .030. ] step-parent's names, if any: none
[ .031. ] brother(s)'s name(s): none :( I want though
[ .032. ] sister(s)'s name(s): Amy
[ .033. ] favorite aunt: Ann
[ .034. ] favorite uncle: .. hmm. I dun have one....it would be will if he was still a live :( *weep*
[ .035. ] favorite grandparent: they died :(
[ .036. ] worst relative: Leah, yick :-p
[ .037. ] best relative: Matt :-D
[ .038. ] do you get along with your parents: eeh, when I want to
[ .039. ]does anyone in your family understand you?: they try

. : Pets : .
[ .040. ] do you have any pets: yes
[ .041. ] what are their names: Bageera
[ .042. ] what kind of animals are they: a CAT :D.

. : School : .
[ .043. ] are you still in school: Umm .. it's summer but yeah Im still in school
[ .044. ] did you drop out: No
[ .045. ] current gpa, or last gpa you got: .. I dunno
[ .046. ] favorite grade: 7th
[ .047. ] least favorite grade: I dont know
[ .048. ] favorite teacher: >>; Dunno
[ .049. ] least favorite teacher: probabally Mr. Levy
[ .050. ] favorite subject: English
[ .051. ] least favorite subject: Math
[ .052. ] do/did you buy lunch or bring it: brought it
[ .053. ] play any sports on the school's team: nope
[ .054. ] do/did you do any extracurricular ativities: I did the musical
[ .055. ] are/were you popular: not at all but it doenst really matter
[ .056. ] favorite dance: umm...none
[ .057. ] favorite memory: -shrug-
[ .058. ] least favorite dance: all of them
[ .059. ] least favorite memory: *sigh* too sad to think
[ .060. ] most humiliating moment: -shrug-

. : Favorites : .
[ .061. ] number: I dont have one
[ .062. ] clothing brand: I dont care about brands
[ .063. ] shoes: my pumas
[ .064. ] saying: Eh. I don't have a saying
[ .065. ] tv show: hmmm
[ .066. ] sport: Swimming
[ .067. ] vegetable: hmm peas
[ .068. ] fruit: peaches, papayas, and mangos
[ .069. ] movie: Ghost World, Rat Race, Office Space, etc.
[ .070. ] magazine: Rolling Stone
[ .071. ] actor: I dont have a favorite
[ .072. ] actress: --
[ .073. ] candy: Gum? :D
[ .074. ] gum: Orbit. o.o
[ .075. ] scent: mmm cologne
[ .076. ] candy bar: Reeses
[ .077. ] ice cream flavor: Mint Chocolate Chip
[ .078. ] color: Red and Black
[ .079. ] season: spring
[ .080. ] holiday: Christmas
[ .081. ] band: you already asked this...silly :)
[ .082. ] singer: Bob Dylan
[ .083. ] group: whats the difference between bands and groups, i really want to know
[ .084. ] rapper: Jurrasic Five and 2pac
[ .085. ] type of music: I like all kind of Rock except most of the Pop :-p
[ .086. ] thing in your room: my bed
[ .087. ] place to be: Hawaii *sigh*, paradise
[ .088. ] radio station: 104.1, 107.3, 100.7, 92.9
[ .089. ] tv channel: Cartoon Network, VH1, Disney, lol
[ .090. ] junk food: I'll eat anything
[ .091. ] overall food: chinese food :D
[ .092. ] store: I dont know, outlet stores, thrift shops, and stuff
[ .093. ] shoe brand: I dont know
[ .094. ] fast food: well, if i had to pick it would be Burger King
[ .095. ] restaurant: Gourmet Wok
[ .096. ] shape: Heart
[ .097. ] time of day: Late at Night
[ .098. ] country: Jamaica :)
[ .099. ] state: Hawaii? :D
[ .100. ] boys name: Kyle
[ .101. ] girls name: Jillian
[ .102. ] mall: Cambrideside Galleria
[ .103. ] video game: DDR! :D
[ .104. ] shampoo: Prov
[ .105. ] board game: Wise Or Otherwise
[ .106. ] computer game: Frogger
[ .107. ] car: El Camino :)
[ .108. ] music video: Red Hot Chilli Peppers videos
[ .109. ] swear word: I dont think I have one
[ .110. ] word: Pickle, hehe :-p, isnt it silly?
[ .111. ] month: April :)
[ .112. ] cartoon character: Stitch :D
[ .113. ] scary movie: The Shining
[ .114. ] team: don't care
[ .115. ] possession: hmm...my computer

. : What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear : .
[ .116. ] eminem: white trash
[ .117. ] dog: cute :D
[ .118. ] hot: Nate
[ .119. ] britney spears: slut *cough*
[ .120. ] nsync: boy band
[ .121. ] real world: never real
[ .122. ] orange: juice
[ .123. ] choice: award
[ .124. ] fuck: me :D
[ .125. ] bisexual: hmm
[ .126. ] black: color
[ .127. ] icq: AIM
[ .128. ] insane clown posse: band
[ .129. ] linkin park: rock
[ .130. ] jack: in the box
[ .131. ] rainbow: rain
[ .132. ] cherry: pop!!
[ .133. ] cucumber: pickle, hehe
[ .134. ] shark: fish
[ .135. ] lifehouse: romantic
[ .136. ] bat: cool
[ .137. ] leather: sexy
[ .138. ] whip: kinky
[ .139. ] america: doomed
[ .140. ] water: dehydrated
[ .141. ] volcano: Hawaii

. : This or that : .
[ .142. ] rock or rap: rock
[ .143. ] rock or pop: rock
[ .144. ] rock or r&b: rock
[ .145. ] rock or metal: rock
[ .146. ] rap or pop: rap
[ .147. ] rap or r&b: rap
[ .148. ] rap or metal: metal
[ .149. ] pop or r&b: none
[ .150. ] pop or metal: meta
[ .151. ] r&b or metal: metal
[ .152. ] linkin park or limp bizkit: limp bizkit
[ .153. ] tool or korn: tool
[ .154. ] selena or jennifer lopez: ew
[ .155. ] hot or cold: cold
[ .156. ] winter or summer: Summer
[ .157. ] spring or fall: Spring
[ .158. ] shakira or britney: nah neither
[ .159. ] icp or eminem: Eminem for ive never heard icp
[ .160. ] marilyn manson or rob zombie: Marilyn Manson :D
[ .161. ] kittie or garbage: Kittie
[ .162. ] mtv or vh1: VH1
[ .163. ] buffy or angel: Don't like either of them >>
[ .164. ] dawson's creek or gilmore girls: Gilmore Girls
[ .165. ] football or basketball: Basketball. >>
[ .166. ] summer olympics or winter olympics: Summer
[ .167. ] skiing or snowboarding: i want to snowboard but I like to ski
[ .168. ] rollarblading or skateboarding: rollerblading
[ .169. ] black or white: black
[ .170. ] orange or red: red
[ .171. ] yellow or green: green
[ .172. ] purple or pink: purple
[ .173. ] slipknot or mudvayne: I like them both
[ .174. ] hot topic or pac sun: hmm, i like them both
[ .175. ] inside or outside: outside :D
[ .176. ] weed or alcohol: alcohol cuz i havent had the acutal effect of weed
[ .177. ] cell phone or pager: Cell phone, only druggies want pagers, lol
[ .178. ] pen or pencil: pen
[ .179. ] powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: charlie's angels
[ .180. ] scooby doo or dino: Scooby Dooo
[ .181. ] dragon ball z or pokemon: EWW. None.
[ .182. ] star wars or star trek: star wars
[ .183. ] tattoos or piercings: both..mmmmm
[ .184. ] prep or punk: I hate labels
[ .185. ] slut or whore: lol...whats the difference?

. : Private life : .
[ .186. ] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: kind of, sort of, yes, err...i wish he would call
[ .187. ] do you have a crush: I dont know if thats what youd call it
[ .188. ] do you love anyone right now: given time, i might
[ .189. ] have you ever been in love: Yes
[ .190. ] how many people have you kissed: 4
[ .191. ] who was your first kiss: Alex
[ .192. ] how many hearts of have you broken: 2
[ .193. ] how many people broke your heart: 1
[ .194. ] best quote to sum up love: "sometimes it's heaven, sometimes it's hell."
[ .195. ] so what is your bf/gf/crush like: He is extremely gorgeouss, brown hair, cute brown eyes, into tthe same music as me, has the same kind of humor as me, very nice, simply perfect, probabally very annoyed that I have called him like 10 times today.
[ .196. ] do you have a picture of him/her: no
[ .197. ] please post it if you do: I DONT
[ .198. ] do you have a picture of yourself: Sure. I have tons
[ .199. ] please post it if you do: I dont feel like it
[ .200. ] do you go by looks or personality: I go by both but looks only last a certain amount of time and then their personality is all that matters.
[ .201. ] ever kiss a friend: Noope
[ .202. ] are you still friends: i said ive never kissed a friend
[ .203. ] so moving along..do you smoke: No. not cigarettes
[ .204. ] do you smoke weed: I have
[ .205. ] ever trip on acid: no
[ .206. ] how about a little x : NOO, leave me a lone, lol
[ .207. ] crack, heroin, anything else: nope
[ .208. ] beer good or beer bad: some beer is good
[ .209. ] are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: no
[ .210. ] do you like smirnoff ice: ??
[ .211. ] prefer beer or liquor: liquor
[ .212. ] what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: nonnnee
[ .213. ] are you a virgin: yes :D
[ .214. ] if no, when was the last time you got some: well i attempted *sigh*

. : Would you ever : .
[ .215. ] bungee jump: yes
[ .216. ] sky dive: yes
[ .217. ] swim with dolphins: yesss o_o
[ .218. ] scuba dive: sure :D
[ .219. ] go rock climbing: I've gone rock climbing before, I'll do it again :D
[ .220. ] eat shit for $1,000,000: Ew. No.
[ .221. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: Not in a million years. :D
[ .222. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: No, thats horrible
[ .223. ] cross-dress: probabally not
[ .224. ] lie to the police: nope
[ .225. ] run from the police: probabally
[ .226. ] lie to your parents: sure. :D
[ .227. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: Nope
[ .228. ] be an exotic dancer: lol i dont think i could be, i would scare people away
[ .229. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: Nope
[ .230. ] streak: probabally

. : Your friends : .
[ .231. ] best friend: Jane, Katheirne, Kristina, Emily, Leslie
[ .232. ] known longest: Kristina
[ .233. ] wish you talked to more: Kristina
[ .234. ] wish you saw more: Kristina
[ .235. ] how many friends do you think you have: Hmm. A bunch :D
[ .236. ] who drives you insane after a while: no one
[ .237. ] who can you stay around forever and never get sick of: Jane
[ .238. ] ever lose a good friend because you took it to the 'next level': yes
[ .239. ] craziest: Alex
[ .240. ] loudest: Katherine
[ .241. ] shyest: no one, lol
[ .242. ] best hair: Kristina and Leslie
[ .243. ] can always make you laugh: All my friends can make me laugh :D
[ .244. ] best eyes: I dont know...lol, i dont really look at their eyes
[ .245. ] best body: Leslie and Jane
[ .246. ] most athletic: Leslie
[ .247. ] sex symbol: Jane, lol
[ .248. ] hot tempered: my friends are not hot tempered, lol
[ .249. ] most impatient: Katherine, lol, jk
[ .250. ] shortest: Katherine
[ .251. ] tallest: Leslie
[ .252. ] talented: Everyoneeeeeeee
[ .253. ] best singer: Leslie :)
[ .254. ] skinniest: Leslie i think, but all my friends are pretty skinny
[ .255. ] nicest: Nate
[ .256. ] best personality: Everyoneeeeeee
[ .257. ] biggest drug user: Alex and Nate, lol

. : Have you ever : .
[ .258. ] flashed someone: Yes
[ .259. ] told the person you liked how you felt: Yup
[ .260. ] been to michigan: Nope
[ .261. ] gotten really REALLY wasted: No, not realllly wasted
[ .262. ] gone to jail or juvi: No
[ .263. ] skateboarded: kind of, lol
[ .264. ] skinny dipped: yes
[ .265. ] stolen anything: yeaaah
[ .266. ] wanted to kick my ass for making this so long: no its helping me, lol and i could quit whenever i want.
[ .267. ] kicked someone's ass: no thats mean
[ .268. ] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: Sure
[ .269. ] broke a beer bottle: lol, we attempted to, long story, to make short we forgot a bottle opener
[ .270. ] gotten into a bar, under-aged: well in spaine it is legal
[ .271. ] kissed someone of the same sex: e_e; No
[ .273. ] gone on a road trip: yep
[ .274. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: Nope
[ .275. ] been to a concert: yeah
[ .276. ] been to another country: Yeah
[ .277. ] talked back to an adult: lol, yeah
[ .278. ] got pulled over: yeah
[ .279. ] got in a car accident: Nooo
[ .280. ] broke a law: yeah
[ .281. ] given money to a homeless person: Yes. ^^
[ .282. ] tried to kill yourself: Nope
[ .283. ] cried to get out of trouble: lol yeah
[ .284. ] kissed a friend's brother or sister: lol no
[ .285. ] kissed a brother or sister's friend: No
[ .286. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it: hahah lol yes

. : Opinions : .
[ .287. ] what do you think...about pop music: a lot of it should burn in hell
[ .288. ] about boy bands: UGH
[ .289. ] about flag burning: I don't really give a damn about that. Too many flags, I think. o_o Why so many? HMM?!
[ .290. ] of the war on terrorists: hmm no comment
[ .291. ] about suicide: I feel bad
[ .292. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: people have rights to their own opinions
[ .293. ] about abortion: i think teens should not have children and therefore they should have abortions
[ .294. ] about rock/metal music: good music
[ .295. ] where do you think you'll be in 10 years: Somewhere hopefully, but i will never know until it happens
[ .296. ] who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: All my friends, Hopefully

. : What did you do : .
[ .297. ] last birthday: nothing
[ .298. ] yesterday: went to Somerville to visit Nate with Katherine
[ .299. ] last weekend: came back from Wareham
[ .300. ] christmas: got presents, lol
[ .301. ] thanksgiving: went to Maryland
[ .302. ] new year's eve: Kristina came over
[ .303. ] halloween: went to Jane's house I think
[ .304. ] easter: nothing at all
[ .305. ] valentine's day: Nothing, *tear*

. : the last : .
[ .306. ] thing you ate: good pasta at Bertuccis
[ .307. ] thing you drank: Diet Coke
[ .308. ] thing you wore: what im wearing now? shorts and a tank top
[ .309. ] place you went: Roch Bros.
[ .310. ] thing you got pierced/tattooed: Ears. But, they closed up. >>
[ .311. ] person you saw: my mom
[ .312. ] person you kissed: Nate
[ .313. ] person you fucked: lol...half fucked Nate
[ .314. ] person you talked to: Katherine
[ .315. ] song you heard: some song on the radio

. : Now : .
[ .316. ] what are you eating: im chewing gum
[ .317. ] what are you drinking: nothing
[ .318. ] what are you wearing: Clothes.
[ .319. ] any shoes on: nope
[ .320. ] hair: down
[ .321. ] listening to: Katherine and myself
[ .322. ] talking to anyone: Katherine
[ .323. ] are you pissed i made this so long: nope

. : Yes or no : .
[ .324. ] are you a vegetarian: Nope
[ .325. ] do you like cows: Sure. They're cute. Moo.
[ .326. ] are you a bitch: At times
[ .327. ] are you artistic: yes
[ .328. ] do you write poetry: Yes if i can or I am sad
[ .329. ] are you a fast runner: no
[ .330. ] can you ski: yea
[ .331. ] are you british: No
[ .332. ] do you want to spear britney: Eh. I'm sure she's stupid enough to spear herself, lol
[ .333. ] do the voices talk to you: A LOT
[ .334. ] did you ever give barbie a haircut: lol yes
[ .335. ] would you eat mac &cheese with hot dogs in it: No
[ .336. ] do you think disney creators were on acid when they made alice in wonderland: I think it would be funny if they were. xD
[ .337. ] are you straight: ya
[ .338. ] are you ?stupid, ?insane, and another ?physically handicapped: lol all of the above

Give Me Satisfaction

*sigh* [20 Jul 2003|05:49pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | Jane's Addiction ]

I know that I already updated today but it was Katherine typing so I kind of forgot to put a lot in my entry and it is a lot easier to think when you are the one typing. I feel so ashamed of myself. Why did I make out for Nate for that long? I mean it would be all good if I knew that even though we were making out and doing a lot of sexual things, I would still have a relationship with this guy. I kind of wanted to get to know him first because as humiliating as it is, I don't even know his last name...why am I such a retard?

I am so scared because I didn't recieve a phone call from him all day and he usually calls me when he just wakes up. What if I did something wrong? or what if now that he has gotten everything he wanted from me, it is over? I guess...now that I have done that with him, I want him more than ever. Arrrrgh, why must I be such a retard? Maybe I will try calling him again tonight...hopefully he will pick up *crosses fingers*. I just want to know that everything is still cool between us and I want to get to know him so much more. I mean, this is everything I know about him: His name is Nate, he has great taste in music and he won 2 tickets to Lollapalooza lol... sp?...i want to go so badly, he has my kind of scence of humor, he is nice to kids which is a deffinite turn on, and he is an excellent kisser which makes me want him even badly. but, I feel like such a slut. I don't want him if all he wants to do is do what we did yesterday. I kind of want a real good relationship this time. He has said so many things to flatter me like I have beautiful eyes, a beautiful smile, i am good with kids. It has just all been so nice...but what can I expect from a guy that I have just met? I want to know more. Maybe he is just busy but I hope that he is not avoiding me *crosses fingers*

Alright, well, later

1 Orgasm|Give Me Satisfaction

the last 2 days... [20 Jul 2003|03:23pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | incubus ]


it all started with me being bored off my ass because noone was home. i recieved my daily afternoon call from nate, just when he woke up... he was flattering me with all these comments from meeting him the day before, then he asked me if i wanted to chill with him again in sommerville that day, but i had no cash, cos i spent it all the day before so i told him if he wanted to chill he had to take the train and visit me. he said maybe, and that he would call me back, so i waited awhile, then he called, saying he was coming.... he came at around 3 and we chilled around needham,although there is not much to do... i knew he wanted to kiss me, but umm i told him i didnt no him well enough, and i have made a lot of mistakes, and i didnt want to make the same mistakes i made with nick. so, we chilled in the playground and met a cute little 5 year old girl named michela who we hung out with for a while, i felt kind of uncomfortable cos i knew he wanted to kiss me and that was a bit scary. so i walked him back to the train and he wanted a goodbye kiss, but instead i gave him a hug. i know he is hott and all, but i dont no that much about him, and im dreadfully scared of being used. so ya that was my day


katherine came over at 12ish and we went next door to a really cool yard which was held by 2 college girls, who work and use to work at newbury comics, we got a lot of cheep and cool stuff, but maybe we shouldnt of spent 8 bucks on a yard sale.... lol... we took the 1:58 commuter rail train from the heights to south station, and then we took the red line to davis square, where there was a cool art-beat festival thing going on, nate didnt even know we were in sommerville hahaha but eventually, katherine called his cell and told him. so he told us to come over to his apartment, and he told us what street to go on, but we had no idea where it was, so we ended up asking a lot of people,who told us to ask the police officers who gave us junior officers stickers lol but they were very helpful and directed us to where we needed to go, we met up with nate at his apartment and he took us to the laundry room in the basement because the cable guy was in his apartment, it was a nice place if you wanted privacy, and there were 2 couches. nate decided that he wanted to play truth or dare, which started off like little kid truth or dare and ended up like a porn movie. i was dared by katherine to make out with nate, as long as he wanted to. which ended up being him almost giving me a hickey, him feeling and kissing my boobs with no shirt or bra on, and then him fingering me. he was about to take off my shorts but that was when i stopped because we already been going on for half an hour, and i felt bad for katherine, so we stopped and we talked a while and then katherine and i attempted to go out for dinner with almost no cash. fortunetly, the lady at the chinese restaruaunt was really nice, and was gunna give us a drink for free, although we came through with all the money we needed(even tho most of it was in change). we took the red line back to south station and waited a bit and then we took the train home. katherine slept over for the night, and it was a good time.

so that was my weekend

Give Me Satisfaction

Survey Kidds [19 Jul 2003|12:23am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Nirvana ]

I am too lazy to write an actual entry about my day, meh, but i promised i would update frequently so here is a survey to entertain the both of us:

1. Name: Hilary
2. Birthday: February 4
3. Age: 16
4. Nicknames: Larry, Hill, etc.
5. Zodiac sign: Aquarius
6. Sex: Girl

7. Your best friends: Jane, Katherine, Kristina, Leslie, Emily, Lauren
8. Craziest: Alex
9. Loudest: Katherine :)
10. Cutest: Nate...mmm
11. Friend with the best hair: Leslie and Kristina
12. Friend you trust with all your secrets: all my best friends
13. most understanding: They all are
14. Last friend you went to the movies with: Kristina
15. Happiest: Leslie
16. Funniest: most of my friends are pretty funny
17. Weirdest: Alex
18. Scariest: Uh.. none of my friends are scary
19. Most outgoing: umm im not sure
20. Least outgoing: not sure
21. Spends the night at your house the most: that is very rare
22. Has the cutest brother/sister: uh..none
23. Friend you would most likely die for: All
24. Do you have any tattoos? If so, what of?: None yet
25. What's the last thing you bought?: train tickets and tokens
26. Do you have a job? If so, where?: Nope
27. What was your most embarrassing moment?: Too many
28. Last 4 digits of the last phone # you dialed: 3735
29. What is in your pockets right now?: lip gloss
30. What was the happiest moment in your life?: Im not sure, I have had many
31. Have you ever egged a house?: nope
32. Whose?: nobodys
33. Who is your role model?: my cousin, Matt
34. Whats your favorite holiday?: Christmas
35. When is the last time you stayed up all night? when I had a bunch of people over for a sleepover
36. What is your favorite book?: Better than running at night
37. Who is your favorite author?: Dont got one
38. Where did you have your last birthday party?: Lauren's
39. Who came?: Leslie, Erin, Alicia, Rachel, and me
40. Who is your most recent ex?: Nick
41. Do the two of you get along?: not at all
42. Who has changed your life the most for the better?: I dont know
43. What's your favorite song?: Too many
44. What's your favorite cd?: Too many
45. What are your favorite pizza toppings?: pineapple :)
46. Where do you order pizza from the most?: Cowlicks, mmm, hot guy
47. Have you ever been in the hospital for more than a day?: i dont think so
48. How many days is your record for time spent in a hospital? i dont know
49. Why did you have to go to the hospital?: i didnt
50. How long has it been since you went to the mall? : wow, a while ago
51. What's the last movie you saw in a theater?: Legally Blonde 2, highly dont reccomend it, dont see it
52. What's the last movie you rented?: Swim Fan
53. Do you like to write poetry?: yeah when im in the mood
54. Do you like to read poetry?: Nope
55. Have you ever written a song?: i tried to
56. After you read it to yourself did it sound stupid?: yeah
57. What's your favorite band?: I like The Grateful Dead, Pink Floyd, Led Zepelin, Nirvana, Jurrasic Five, 2pac, Incubus, 311, Sublime, REM etc.
58. Who is your favorite solo singer?: Bob Dylan
59. If you suffocate a smurf, what color does he turn?: lmfao.....red???
60. Do you believe in ghosts?: im not sure
61. Have you ever seen a ghost?: Nope
62. What is your favorite ride at the fair?: the ferris wheel
63. What is your favorite inside joke you have with a friend?: I dont know, i have too many
64. Name the people who know and understand that inside joke: hmmm
65. Have you ever thrown a party in which complete strangers have attended?: no
66. Was there a guy named True there?: Uh..
67. Would you ever name your kid True?: nah
68. Would you make fun of some1 if you knew their name was True?: Nah
69. Do you look more like your mom or your dad?: Mom
70. Are you an only child?: nope
71. Do you have any brothers or sisters?: yep
72. Their names: Amy
73. Their ages: 13
74. What color is your computer?: White
75. What is your favorite color of ink to write in?: Black
76. Would you rather write in pen or pencil?: Pen
77. How tall are you? 5'7"
78. What's your name again?: Hilary
79. Do you believe in God?: Nope
80. Do you pray often?: Nope
81. What's your biggest fear?: Bugs and rapists
82. Do you believe in love at first sight?: Nope, it is based on the personality, and you cant love someone by just looking at them, it is very shallow
83. Have you ever been in a car accident?: no
84. Who was driving?: --
85. Did anybody not survive?: --
86. What is your lucky number?: i dont know
87. Do you still believe in the tooth fairy?: No
88. Does the tooth fairy still give you money?: No
89. Did someone knock out your teeth?: No
90. Who is your favorite family member?: I dont know
91. What is your favorite breed of dog?: Lab
92. What is your favorite name for a dog?: i dont now
93. What is your favorite name for a cat?: Bageera *my cats name*
94. Have you ever been drunk?: not drunk
95. Have you ever gotten high?: well ive smoked joints but i didnt get high
96. Have you ever been on the radio?: Nope
97. Have you ever been on TV?: Nope
97. Have you ever been in a movie?: Nope
98. Who is your favorite actress?: i dont know
99.Who is your favorite actor?: i dont know
100. Do you have a cellphone?: yeah
101. Do you have a pager?: Nope
102. What's the worst/stupidest thing you've ever done?: so many
103. Why are all the fun things illegal?: I dont know, its true tho.
104. What's your favorite quote?: hmmm
106. Who is your favorite person to talk to offline?: Katherine
107. Who is your favorite person to talk to online?: Leslie, Jane, and Josh
108. Who do you wish you were talking to right now?: Nate
109. Do you have any nicknames that you liked that your friends no longer use? Nah
110. Who is your hero?: I dont know
111. What do you think of racism?: I dont
112. Are you racist?: Nah
113. What is your favorite day of the week?: Friday, but it doesnt matter cuz its summer
114. What is your least favorite day of the week?: Monday but " "
115. Do you like rain?: Hell yeah
116. Do you think lightning is awesome?: No
117. What is your favorite word?: Pickle :)
118. If you could visit any continent, were would you go?: Australia
119. How long would you want to stay?: a long time
120. Who would you want to take with you?: My friends
121. How old do you act?: young
122. How old is your best friend?: They are all my age except Kristina who is 15
124. When you were young what did you want to be when you grew up?: a mom, lol
125. What do you want to be now?: Psychologist or a writer
126. Do you think you were an adorable little kid?: nah
127. What were the names of your imaginary friends?: umm
128. Do you have any pennies sitting on your computer desk?: No
129. What is the most unique thing about your bedroom?: it is in the attic, it has a bathroom with a window to peer in, lol
130. Do you have a black light?: No
131. Do you have a strobe light?: Haha no
132. Do you have glow-in-the-dark stars?: Nope
133. Do you have anything that glows in the dark?: lol yes, my pajamas
134. What color is your pillow case?: well it has flowers on it
135. What is your favorite thing to wear to bed?: Pj pants, shirt
136. Do you like Pepsi or Coke better?: Pepsi
137. Can you tell a difference?: Yeah
138. What are you thinking about right now?: Lots of things
139. What is your favorite song to listen to when you are mad : There are lots of those
140. What is the last song you listened to?: Incubus
141. What is your favorite movie?: i dont know a lot
142. What is your dream car?: hmmm
143. How many times have you had the chicken pox?: Once
144. When was the last time you brushed your teeth?: This morning
145. What is your middle name?: Esther
146. Do you have a girl/boyfriend?: well, im not sure, kind of
147. What is his/her name?: Nate
148. How long have you been together?: were not really together but he wants it and i want it once i get to know him better
149. Do you love him/her?: not now, i dont really know him that well
150. Are you in love with him/her?: --
151. Are you sad and alone? : nope
152. do you like being alone?: yeah, it gives me space to think sometimes
153. How many people have you dated?: 3 not including Nate
154. Can you still name them all?: Alex, Jamie, Nick
155. When was the last time you went on a date?: today
156. How long was your longest crush?: 1 1/2 year
157. What was their name?: Matt
158. Who do you have a crush on now?: you know...
159. How old were you when you had your first crush?: First grade
160. Do you regret dating anyone?: yeah
161. Who do regret dating?: Jamie and Nick
162. How old were you?: I was 15 while dating Jamie, 16 while dating Nick
163. Did you get used or did you use any one of your boyfriends/girlfriends?: I was used

Other Stuff
164. What is your favorite emotion?: Cheerful
165. What is your favorite TV show?: errrmm, i dont have any anymore
166. What was the stupidest thing u ever heard someone say?: Eh, I cant remember
167. How many cds do you own?: aaaah, sooooo many
168. When you go to the movies do you throw stuff at people?: No..but that would be fun, lol
169. When you go to the movies do you throw stuff at the movie screen?: Nah
170. How many times have you been kicked out of the movies?: None
171. Have you ever been kicked out of a grocery store?: Nope
172. What annoys you the most?: when people have low self esteem
173. Who annoys you the most?: Hella shit
174. Do you know any fake people?: Yeah
175. What are their names?: ------
176. Where did you meet them?: School mostly
177. How long have you known them?: i dont know
178. Did you ever want to smack them?: probabally but i am peaceful
179. Did you ever smack them?: Nah
180. What's your favorite season?: Spring
181. What's your favorite subject in school?: English
182. What's your least favorite subject in school?: Physics
183. Who is your all-time favorite teacher?: i dont know
184. What school do you go to?: NHS
185. What is the mascot at your school? im not sure
186. What grade are you in?: Im going into 11th
187. What grade are you supposed to be in?: ^^
189. What song reminds you of yourself?: Dont know
190. What is your best friend's birthday?: I have many
191. What is your favorite flavor of skittles?: Cherry
192. Would you rather have friendship or love?: Friendship because they last forever :)
193. What makes you nervous? boys
194. Describe yourself in 1 word : I cant
195. If you knew the truth was gonna hurt you would you still wanna hear it?: Yeah
196. Do long distance relationships work?: Yeah, if you really want em to.
197. Would you change yourself to make someone else happy?: No
198. What one thing makes you happy?: My friends, <3
199. What phrase or saying do you use the most?: I use many
200. What's your favorite scary movie?: hmmm...
201. What would you do with a million dollars?: good question
202. If your house was burning down and you could only take one thing with you, what would you take?: My computer, the TV, the phone, my disk man, or all of my CDs
203. Were you shocked when you heard Princess Diana died?: No
204. Who is the biggest flirt you know?: out of my friends it would be Jane
205. Do they ever flirt with your crush?: no
206. Do you ever want to hurt them?: no
207. Do they know you like that person?: no
208. Are you glad this survey is over?: i dont know...it would be nice to go to bed

1 Orgasm|Give Me Satisfaction

Wow....what to say about today [17 Jul 2003|09:53pm]
[ mood | loved ]
[ music | The music we listened to at Nate's house ]

There are many words to describe most of today, a few of them would be amazing, spectacular, and just...wonderful. Katherine and I were planning on a guy scoping day and I woke up this morning just thinking how that wouldn't work out at all. I was in a pretty sad mood this morning...when Katherine was over. We went out for a coffee at starbucks which deffinetely cheered me up a bit although Dan and his hot friend were not there so it wasn't going to be a very succesful guy scoping day. Well, we walked around for a bit and then we decides to return to my dreaded house. We did some crank calling a bit, calling people's cell phones and such but after a while crank calling isn't that much fun. Then, Nate called my cell phone like he did the morning before, when he just woke up. I was glad to be the first voice he heard in the morning. Since he just moved to Sommerville, he didn't have friends there so he invited Katherine and me to Somerville. This is when my adventure started. First of all, I lied to my mom about where I was going. I told her I was going to Newbury street with Katherine because I am sure that if I told her I was going to Sommerville to meet some guy I have never met before, she would probabally get mad so I kept it from her. Well, we arrived in Sommerville and you have no idea how nervous I was, I just wanted to turn around running back into the train but it would be a waste of money so I pushed myself to go further. We arrived at a place where there were two different paths so I called him from one of the streets telling him where we were and we saw a guy walking over who looked like a wigger from afar...we wanted to run screaming but then he came closer and he was the hottest guy I have ever seen in my entire life. He had two hemp necklaces on, he had a half goatee, he had the most beautiful innocent brown eyes I have ever seen and he had hot brown hair...mmm....he was good. He was limping because he got in an accident. The other driver was drunk. Damn Drunk Bastard! I think he knew it was us but he called my phone just to make sure and sure enough it was him. I was in awe. He showed us around Sommerville and then we arrived on the street his apartment is and he asked us if we wanted to go to his apartment and even though I promised myself I wouldn't go, I gave in and went. I was scared of what he might do to us though but he was probabally the coolest guy ever. Katherine and him sat on the couch and I sat on a chair far away from them. We talked for a while and then I had to piss so badly I used his facilities. Apparently while I was in the bathroom, he told Katherine that i was hot...aaah! I want him. Anyways, when I returned from the bathroom, he was smoking a joint ...Katherine gave him permission to. He asked us if we wanted to but we refused because I had a meeting that night and Katherine had to babysit. I also found my chair very close to them. He said that he couldn't see and hear me from afar. Wow, there must be a catch. He is the most wonderful guy, has great taste in music, is so funny, so nice, and he wants to chill with us again on Saturday. Yikes!!! I don't know if I will be able to contain myself next time, I will probabally start making out with him...yum!

Anyways, some other exciting news about today is Jane! She has finally arrived in Needham, the deadest town ever!! aaaah, i missed her so much!! Well, until next time!


2 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

Yeah [17 Jul 2003|12:38am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Geppeto's Workshop ]

Today I hung out with Leslie which was a good day. I mean, it was very gloomy and this town seemed deader than usual but it was just fun hanging out with Leslie. I enjoy talking to her a lot and we have a lot to talk about. We just sat in my room for a long time chatting and she stayed over for dinner. She also got to see me driving while my dad drove Amy to Lida's house and then I drove home. Well, it's the end, i don't really have that much to say.

1 Orgasm|Give Me Satisfaction

Wow... [15 Jul 2003|09:36pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Wow, it's been a long time since I have written in this thing, I guess I have been too lazy...but Nick, even though I find his actions infuriating, I was reading his journal and I must say, he is a good writer and he inspired me to write again. Also, this is a wonderful way to sort out my feelings. Still on the topic of Nick, I just want to make one thing clear...I don't hate him...I mean, he has done a lot of things that have seriously hurt me and I will find it hard to trust a lot of guys again but I cannot hate him for what he did, he is a guy and it is a guys nature to do anything they can to have sex...girls look for so much more in a relationship but they have to realize where their guy stands and the difference between boys and girls. As guys get older, they will find someone they truly love and sex will be something completely different to them...I hope. I guess I need to find a guy who truly loves me...and maybe the purpose of life is to search for that perfect someone and everything else is a preparation for when we finally find that perfect someone and the things that have nothing to do with love are just details in our life that will sometimes make us happy and other times they are so agonizing that you just can't find a way to get up in the morning and all you want to do is cry but no one is in the same mood for so long unless they are mentally ill. I mean the people who care are peoeple who make us get up every morning. If i didn't have good friends or a loving family I don't know where I would stand right now. Nick is off my list of topics for journal entries from now on...I just wanted to have a conclusion.

On to other things....

Today I hung out with Katherine. It was a good day overall...but maybe I was expecting too much. We went into starbucks where we saw the man of Katherine's dream. We saw a lot of extremely gorgeous guys. One of them...he looks like a guy that I have known forever....his eyes can tell me his whole personality. He is just someone that I want to get to know better. It makes me so frusturated because I know guys like that could never return the same feelings to me. He just looks so thoughtful, like the guy in the good girl except not a suicidal alcoholic. I just want to know everything about him and I wish his gorgeous eyes would tell more. Maybe I am just prone to assholes but I'd like to think positively. Katherine and I also went into Zathmary's where we wanted to see that flirtatious skater dude that we met at the commuter rail. He said he worked at Zathmary's and he dropped out of Highschool his senior year which I found sad but he seemed very smart and like someone I wanted to get to know better but it seems like that could never happen because he hangs out with Cam and his friends...but everything is worth a shot. Do I sound desperate? because I don't mean to sound that way...I am really not that desperate...I have just been feeling so lonely lately and these guys have kind of brought up my mood, lol, i wouldnt just go out with anyone, now that I know what kind of creeps are out there. Well, I think this has made up for the lack of journal entries...I will deffinetely write a lot more...now that I am motivated.

9 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

*sigh* [15 Jun 2003|12:05am]
[ mood | nauseated ]
[ music | Super Man ]

Today was a horrible day but you guys are going to have to hear about it anyway!

So, I had a driving hour at 1 which was okay but the whole driving hour all I could think about was Nick and if he really sees anything in me...so I was really sucking at my driving. Today we worked on parellel parking which was a pain but it was fun I guess.

Then, after my driving hour Nick was online so I kind of wanted to mess with his head a bit to see if he was really the kind of guy Leslie said he was so I asked him what's up and he said nothing, you, and I told him that I was really horny. I asked him how he was feeling and he said he was feeling pretty bad but if I came over and had sex with him, he was sure that it would make him feel better so I gave in and I went to his house. I walked the 2 miles to get to his house, all for him, this is how much I loved him, or so I thought. So I get to his street, realizing it was a longer walk than i thought, a 40 minute walk, so I called his phone at home to see if it was still ok if I came over and he said it was so I came over. His sister opened the door who seemed nice enough. I went down in the basement to Nick where we watched the music video to Superman by Eminem for a while. It hasn't made TV yet because there are so many naked people in the video. At this point I'm sitting on Nick's lap and I guess he was using this video for excitement or something because there were a bunch of naked girls in the video. Then, after the video ended, he asked me if I really wanted to do it and I made the mistake of saying yes, I am a really really big loser so he took off all my clothes, having trouble unlatching my bra so I helped him a bit and then he took off all of his clothes...he put some lubricant into my vagina and then he told me to suck on his penis to make it easier to put a condom on so he was sitting on a chair and I got on top, then when he was trying to put his penis into my vagina it wouldn't go in and he could tell I was nervous. Actually, what I was really thinking was how much I really didn't want to be doing this and how I imagined my first time special and with a guy I truly admired. I realized I didn't admire him at all and my love for him decreased the moment I walked into the room. So, he fingered me to make it easire to make the penis go in but I guess I thought my period was over and it wasn't . He got blood on his fingers. Although, I was incredibly embaressed, I was also quite relieved. I got off of him, put all my clothes back on and I apologized to him. He said it was allright, although I knew it wasn't and I was feeling kind of nauseous. All I wanted to do was go home. Why did I get myself into this situation? Am I prone to guys who just date me because they think I'm a whore? Right now I am just so jealous of Jane...she gets all these great guys who truly like her for who she is and would never preassure her into having sex with them...they love her for who she is. Right now I really want that kind of relationship...the kind of relationship that makes you float without any discomforts. Right now I just don't ever want to see Nick again, just the thought of him makes me really nauseous and want to puke...but I have to see him again next week at the pool party, and then at the dead concert...shoot me now....shoot me now. So after out attempt at sex, I wanted to call home and tell my mom to pick me up but I knew she would scense that there was something wrong because I told her what Leslie told me about Nick last night so instead, we watched the hot chick on his computer but I was feeling all awkward and umcomfortable. Although it was a great movie, i really didn't want to be there. We finished the movie and my mom arrived at 5:40...I was so relieved when she came.

She dropped me off at babysitting around 5:45 and I guess that was ok although all I could imagine the whole night was Nick's penis and our attempt at having sex which just made me nauseous...I was so relieved when the kids went to bed...I needed to talk to someone and I knew Leslie was my girl because she always makes me feel so good about life...I love talking to Leslie, she is a great friend and i dont talk to her enough. Well good thing I am no longer broke :):)!! I am going to go reflect some more!!


4 Orgasms|Give Me Satisfaction

*double sighness* [13 Jun 2003|11:21pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | The Little Mermaid ]

Ok, days depress me because there is no thought behind them so I am going to be putting a thought in here instead of a day. Anyways, after a great day, it ended on a miserable note. Leslie told me something that I guess she should have told me weeks ago but she didn't want to be the barrier of bad news and she didn't want to hurt me. She told me that when she was walking to the woods with Nick and Tom so that they could get high, Nick told Tom that he had sex with some girl and then he dumped her a couple of days later. He also told Tom that he tricks girls into taking their clothes off....for example, when they are getting high and stuff. This just made me think a hell of a lot, because I really enjoy talking to Nick and I enjoy his company and I guess I would do anything for him. As slutty as it sounds, I guess I would lose my virginity for him. Even this hasn't stopped me from liking him. I mean there has to be a story behind it, maybe he just really wants to be friends with Tom and that is what he thinks Tom likes which is bull shit but I really think I love Nick....everything about him, his smile, his eyes, his way of always making me smile, he just always made me feel comfortable, he was nice, funny, great smelling, everything I ever dreamed of...I don't know if he could find a girl who cares so much for him as I do, after hearing all that stuff that he told Tom, I'm still there for him...anything he needs....I just kind of want to hear his story and to see if he ever really did like me because I don't mind taking my clothes off for him but I kind of want to know he cares. My idea of a slut is someone who will have sex, not caring what the guy thinks of her...but see, I'm different, I truly care about nick and I care what he thinks about me...I just want to hear his side of the story....arr....why has this happened? why have I fallen for him? I never knew it would be so hard.

1 Orgasm|Give Me Satisfaction

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