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'My Corduroyed Life' - Mark A's Journal
Better late than never…
A while ago, some of my other blogger mates did a thing on their blogs. They were given a question, which they had to answer. At the time, I was too busy, but now I have a bit of time. Also, it’s relevant to all the 10 years later Wonder Stuff hype and sentimentalness about old friends that I’ve recently blogged about. The question was this:
if you were to meet yourself from a decade ago, would you recognise yourself? Would you have anything in common? Would you get on, or would you find yourself irritated with your naivety? Would you tell yourself to do anything differently or do you accept everything that has happened between then and now as necessary on the path to who you are now and who you are to become?
This is a very interesting question for me inasmuch as I’ve never really formulated my opinion on destiny and fate. I’m not sure what I believe. I like the concept of destiny, but I also feel that I must have some control over my own life. One thing I think I can pretty confidently say is that I do accept everything that has happened between then and now as necessary on the path to who I am now and who I am to become. I like who I am and where I am, and have had a good life getting here, so I wouldn’t change a thing!
Mark Adams at 16 was very different to Mark Adams at 26. Obviously, I was going through one of the toughest periods of my life. GCSEs, girls (with the added stress of the fact that I was repressing my feelings for boys), wanting to be cool, finding myself, and all that crap: quite how I dealt with it all, I don’t know! Despite my oldness, some financial worries and other personal problems, I’m a much, much happier person at 26 than I was at 16. I doubt there are many people that weren’t happier at 26 than 16.
As a 16 year old boy confused/ worried (horrified) about my own sexuality, I had no-one to talk to. Had I grown up somewhere like Brighton, London or Manchester, I’d have been in contact (even if only briefly) with gay culture. Maybe it would have been an easier transition? If I met 16 year old Mark, I might consider reassuring him that there wasn’t anything wrong with him, and that there are other people out there that are gay. A little comfort and understanding for poor little confused 16 year old Mark might have gone a long way.
I think I’d probably like 16 year old Mark in an wise Auntie kind of way. I doubt I could be truly friends with someone that young and naive, but I could certainly be fond of him and take him under my wing. I’m pretty sure that I was a relatively likeable chap at 16 having decided that my form of rebellion would be to not bother to rebel at that age (I was always, pretty much, a picture perfect good little boy until I was seventeen and started drinking).
In a nutshell, I’ve had a good life and some great times whatever problems I’ve had at whatever age, so I reckon if I did get the opportunity to meet 16 year old Mark, I’d probably decline it.
Have fun,
M
Current mood:
contemplative.Current music: Caught In My Shadow by The Wonder Stuff.