 |
Journal | Friends | Calendar | User Info | Memories |
'My Corduroyed Life' - Mark A's Journal
I have lost count how many times I have written that today...
The majority of this morning's work has been spent sucking up to employers by sending out Christmas Cards. In every single one, I personally have written "Best Wishes, The Graduate Gateway Team." Dull, dull, dull, dull, dull...
Bloody Christmas.
Have fun,
M
Current mood:
bored.Current music: Dammit: Jingle Bells.
I tend to watch a lot of it...
Before I go on, I promise for all you delicate hetrosexuals that there will be no direct/ crude/ TMI references to any actual sex acts on this blog. What I will do (hopefully) is make you laugh at the finer comic moments of imported porn. You see, it is blatantly obvious that the boyz in the majority of imported films (particularly SEVP - http://www.sevp.com) do not speak a word of English. They just parrot what they've been told to articulate, without knowing what it actually means. This, coupled with the fact that it's extremely corny in the first place, makes for hilarious viewing.
Possibly the most worrying thing is that most of my porn is borrowed from my boss...
Anyway, here I go with some 'classic' moments:
Scene is set where a postman has come to deliver a package, and him and the homeowner have got it on. The postman and the other guy have just finished off their 'business'.
Homeowner:
"Thank you for the delivery."
Postman:
"No, thank you for the delivery."
***
Scene is set with two lads in front of the telly.
Lad 1:
"There is nothing on television."
Lad 2:
"I'll entertain you."
Other lad snogs him and stuff happens. When they've finished...
Lad 1:
"You should be a TV produder!"
lad 2:
"I know."
***
Scene is set on a split screen telephone conversation. Porn star is talking to manager.
Manager:
"The reception is very bad."
Porn Star:
"Wait a minute."
Porn Star turns round, whips it out, and moves it around like you would a TV aerial.
Porn Star:
"Is that a better reception?"
***
Scene is set with a plumber working on the radiator with another boy in the bath watching.
Boy in Bath:
"That's a nice spanner you've got there!"
Plumber:
"Thank you. Do you want me to see to your pipes?"
They get it on
***
And finally, my favourite ever:
Scene is set with a guy in his pants making breakfast. Another guy comes into the kitchen.
Guy who just came in:
"What is for breakfast?"
The other guy whips it out.
Other guy (holding it):
"THIS is your breakfast."
Have fun,
M
Current mood:
okay.Current music: Discotheque by U2.