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'My Corduroyed Life' - Mark A's Journal
To my horror, I discovered one today...
I purcashed a four finger KitKat for the first time in what is probably years today (I admit it: I'm a KitKat Chunky convert). I was mortified to discover that they've got rid of the foil wrapping with paper sleeve in favour of one those horrid standard plastic wrappers! There is no longer the opportunity to score the foil inbetween each finger, and break off the outside finger: something that made KitKat's special for me when I was a kid (Feh: I was of the generation where a worm would entertain for hours as opposed to a Nintendo, so a KitKat was a marvel). I feel cheated. How could Nestle do such a thing? Bastards.
It truly is a tragically lost ritual...
Have fun,
M
Current mood: That Friday Feeling.
Current music: Star by Erasure.
Here we go with the first of many (realistically this will probably be the first of one)...
Coming out stories: a gay man's staple. To be fair, everyone I have come out to has been great. Not one real problem. Of course there is still the problem that is coming out to Mum and Dad, so I'm not out of the water yet, but as I say, everyone I've cared about that cares for me has not cared a jot. Some of them are more interesting that others: I've come out hungover over a greasy breakfast, I've come out to people over MSM, and it's just kinda happened in other cases. Anyway, these are some of the more interesting ones, paraphrased into play scripts in my attempt to make them original and or actually interesting and funny to read...
Chris and Angharad
Making it easy for me...
Scene is set within the HogsHead pub within Wolverhampton: a relaxed pub in which guest ales are aplenty. Our three protagonists, Mark, Chris and Angharad are sat at a large wooden table in the corner out of the way, their coats and scarves heaped in the corner. Mark has an empty bottle of wine and a half full wine glass infront of him. Chris and Anghard have poncey beers. Mark sighs deeply.
Mark:
"Chris, Angharad: I have something I need to tell you."
Angharad (blurted out very loudly):
"You're GAY!?!?"
Mark grins, and turns away momentarily.
Mark:
"Thanks Angharad, you made that very easy!"
Angharad's face goes bright red, and she looks horrified. Mark and Chris look at each other and giggle like children.
Em W
Stating the obvious...
Scene is set with Mark and Em W sat on a picnic bench outside a public house called the Fox and Goose. It is a warm summers day, and Mark has a lager, whilst Em has a coke. Em wears casual clothes, as does Mark. Mark's clothing is particularly camp.
Em W:
"Go on then, tell me this important thing you wouldn't tell me over the phone."
Mark:
"Um, Em, do you have any gay friends?"
Em W:
"Of course I do! Loads of them."
Mark:
"Well, um, you've got another one."
Em W:
"Oh Mark, I already knew that..."
Mark:
"Oh."
Emily is completely unfazed; Mark is a bit gobsmacked.
Em W:
"Another drink?"
Alfie
Lack of tact...
Scene is set in a dingy club by the name of Jilly's Rockworld. The floors are sticky, the clientele are 75% juvenile, the decor black with black, and the lighting low to non-existant. Alfie, clad in black, is stood on his own in a room known as 'The Fishbowl' and Bon Jovi is playing in the background. He is approached by mcphee.
mcphee:
"Have you seen Mark?"
Alfie (completely unfazed):
"He's under that bloke dressed like a vampire over there."
Alfie points to Mark, who is sat with a slightly overweight and reasonably ugly bloke dressed like a vampire on his lap. They are snogging.
mcphee:
"Oh."
Crasiworld Andy
Making it easy again...
Scene is set in Andy's car on the motorway. Andy is driving, and both he and Mark are dressed casually.
Mark:
"There's something I should probably tell you."
Crasi Andy:
"You're GAY!"
Mark:
"Yup. Thanks Andy."
A moments silence.
Crasi Andy:
"Um..."
Mark:
"Don't worry about it: it makes it so much easier when people do that. Let me tell you about my mate Angharad..."
Mark L
Visual aids...
Scene is set in the front lounge of the Sutton Park Hotel in Blackpool. It's a cosy affair with many sofas and a telly. Mark A, mcphee and Mark L are sat watching mcphee's DVD of Robin of Sherwood (you know, the 80s telly series with Michael Praed).
Mark L:
"Phwoar! You'd do Maid Marion, wouldn't you?"
mcphee:
"Yeah, I would! Would you Mark?"
mcphee looks at Mark A with a mean smirk. Mark A scowls at mcphee momentarily, then shrugs.
Mark A:
"Actually, I'd prefer Robin, if you know what I mean."
Mark L:
"Huh... oh! Um, right..."
Mark A and mcphee giggle.
Ninja Rich
Ruining mcphee's reputation...
Scene is set in the Lowry Bar at Salford University. A number of camoflaged (dressed in normal clothes) Ninjas including Ninja Rich, mcphee and Mark sit around a table. A particularly attractive girl walks past.
Ninja Rich:
"Bloody hell! Look at her! You would, wouldn't you?"
Other Ninjas voice agreement.
Mark A:
"No."
Ninja Rich:
"No?!"
Mark raises an eyebrow mischeviously, and smirks at mcphee.
Mark A:
"She's, ha, not my type."
Ninja Rich:
"Huh?"
Mark A:
"Oh, bloody hell Rich... Can't you tell? I'm gay!"
Ninja Rich pauses and looks thoughtful.
Ninja Rich:
"That explains a lot!"
Mark scowls at Ninja Rich, and Ninja Rich grins.
Mark A:
"Just out of interest, did you think that Graeme was my partner?"
Ninja Rich:
"Well we knew you were, so we kinda assumed he was."
Mark A cackles nastily; mcphee fumes.
Ninja Dennis
Dropped in it...
Scene is set in the Lowry bar again. Ninja Karen, Ninja Dennis, mcphee and Mark are sat around a table.
Ninja Karen:
"So Mark, are you seeing your BOYFRIEND tonight?"
Mark looks sheepishly towards Ninja Dennis. mcphee's eyes widen.
Mark:
"Um... yeah... By the way Dennis, I'm gay."
Mark scowls at Ninja Karen.
Mark:
"Thanks Karen!"
One thing I've noticed as I write this that I hadn't before is that mcphee (http://www.monkeys-and-pirates.com/index.php) seems to appear in almost every 'amusing' coming out story I have. I think I'll have to promote him to my chief Fag Hag.
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Still got that Friday Feeling.
Current music: Angel by Erasure.