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'My Corduroyed Life' - Mark A's Journal
I'm on my lunch break, and I have one...
I have a cheese sandwich. I am eating my cheese sandwich, and enjoying it a lot. Now, when I say cheese sandwich, I mean a cheese sandwich. It is a homemade cheese sandwich (made by me) that is nothing but a cheese sandwich. It is a cheese sandwich just how I like it: two bits of wholemeal bread with marge on and sliced cheddar inbetween them. Nothing else. It probably cost a maximum of 40p to make.
You go to these oh so vogue and cosmo sandwich shops like Pret A Manger, FT5K, Costa, etc and if you want a cheese sandwich, the closest thing you can get in an 'Italian Emmenthal cheese and honey roast Parma Ham chiabatta with Rocket Lettuce, juicy tomatoes, sliced cucumber, French herby mayonnaise, flecks of gold dust and extract of partridge in a pear tree'. And it'll cost you four quid. You cannot get a normal, simple cheese sandwich. Don't get me wrong, once in a while I quite fancy an Italian Emmenthal cheese and honey roast Parma Ham chiabatta with Rocket Lettuce, juicy tomatoes, sliced cucumber, French herby mayonnaise, flecks of gold dust and extract of partridge in a pear tree, but sometimes, all I want is a cheese sandwich.
Now is one of those times. Yay! I have a cheese sandwich!
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Mmmmm, cheese sandwich.
Current music: Have had Darude going through my head all morning..
Just done another testy thing, but it's a bit more practical and meaningful that the usual 'Which CareBear aer you' type...
It was a psychology test that I saw on Casp posted on his LiveJournal (http://www.livejournal.com/~casparian) that he'd given a go. Despite the fact it was quite blunt and negative on what they'd said about Casp, I decided to give it a go anyway.
This is what they said about me:
Friendly, sociable
Enjoys being with others, lending a hand
Wants to accommodate others but tends to be quietly stubborn and controlling
Works best in a structured, low-stress work place
Experiences anxiety and worry
Inconsistent behavior: can be deferring at one moment and aggressive the next
Has very strong beliefs
Conservative, conforming
Prefers routine, likes structure and rules
Moody; gets angry and irritable
Finds it difficult to relax, to enjoy things
May behave impulsively
As much as I'd like to deny it all, and say that I'm lovely and sweet and butter wouldn't melt, it's scarily accurate. However, the one thing I have an issue with is: "Finds it difficult to relax, to enjoy things", because that'd one thing I really can do. Wonder why it came up with that? I probably ticked the red box rather than the blue one...
Anyway, if you want an electronic pyschologist to diss you, go here: http://psychologytoday.psychtests.com/tests/act_access.html
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Mmmkay.
Current music: Witches of Angelholm by Rachel Stamp.
I have some, but that's not what this post is about...
Firstly, I thought I would declare my porn name. To make your porn name, you take the name of your first pet, and your mum's maiden name. That would make me Terry Brown. That's bad enough, but I know a Trixie Fox and a Sniffy Collins.
Secondly, over the last day, some friends and I have been emailing each other with some daft versions of famous films that could be porn. Not experts, you never know, some of the ones we came up with may actually exist!
The following people all contributed to the list that follows - Paul, Huw, Stoff, Alex, Sara and a number of other people (Mine have a * after them). So, here I go, with our list:
Shaving Ryan's Privates
Porn on the 4th of July*
Peeing John Malkovich
Boing John Malkovich*
The Man Who Went Up a Dildo And Came Down On Her Mountains*
Shagnet*
Bumming To America*
The League of Extraordinary Gentle Bum*
Porn To Be Wild*
Clam Busters*
Bum Hur*
Ben Whore
Bram Poker's Spankyoula*
Hairy Willy's Wankenstein*
Tit-tanic*
La Wanka*
House of 1000 Cuntsies*
Wank By Me*
Shcitty Lickers*
The Whores Whisperer*
The Italian BlowJob*
Blade Bummer* (this one's been banned, and people have been sent down for it)
I know what you licked ass bummer
Uncle Cum's Cabin
Muff Assidy and the Bumpants Skid
Titty Titty Bang Bang
Goldfingered
Indian Boner and the Ass Crusade
Harry Cocker and the Philosopher's Bone*
Harry Cocker and the Chamber of Secretions
Robocock
Sperminator
Thunderballs
Big Nobs and Broomsticks
Mary Cockins
Forrest Hump
You Only Cum Twice
Cock Gun
Bum and Bummer
One Fine Lay
Rosemary's Booby
Big Fuck and the Benderbums
Never Been Fisted
Rimming Miss Daisy
Sister Snatch
Sister Snatch 2: Tw*t in the Habit
Schindlers Fist
Pearl Necklace Harbour
28 Lays Later
Cock Stock and Poking Two Barrels
The Empires Tight Crack
Womb Raider
Goodfelchers
Rimfan
Snow white and the Seven Whores
3 Men Do A Baby
3 Men Do A Little Lady
ET: The Extra Testicle
Star Whores: A New Grope
Close Encounters Of The Turd Kind
Dirty Woman
(Golden) Water World
Jurassic Pork
The Good The Bad And The Dirty
A Fistful Of Cock
The Im-glad-he-ate-her
Good Willy Hunting
Willy Wanka And The Chocolate Factory
Lord of the Ring
Fill Bill
The Mumming Man
The Hairy Bitch Project
one Blew Off The Cuckoos Knob
Seven Hides For Seven Bummers*
The Man With The Golden Porridge Gun!!!
Halloweeing*
Bum Feast*
Bumming for Columbine*
Beyond The Scat*
Dark Shitty*
Equilibribum*
Pube*
2001: A Sex Odyssey (this one actually exists I think)
The Truman Blow*
Star Sex 3: The Search For Cock*
Whorehouse on the Left*
Whorehouse on Haunted Hill*
Straw Cocks*
Scatman*
Scatman Returns*
Scatman Forever*
Scatman and Ass Robbin*
B-layed*
B-layed too*
Pump Friction
To The Manor Porn
Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
Honey I Blew Everybody
Breast Side Story
The Anus Family
Beetlejism
Little Shop of Whores
Breakfast at Stiffany's
Once Upon A Time In The Breast
Sleepy Swallow
Twin Peaks (Fire Pork with Me)
Str-whore Dogs
(S)Cum
The Deer Humper
Dr Strangelove
Full Metal Packet
Stalslag 17
Arselick and brown face
Fannie Hall
Requiem for a Cream
Ass Boot
Ride the High Cuntry
The Hoodsucker Proxy
Muff Assidy and the Bumpants Skid
Citizen Quimm
Teenage Mutant Minge-r Turtles
American history Sex
Alfred Itchycock’s ‘The Turds’
Casabonka
White Men Can’t Spunk
Gay-Team the Movie
Titty Clitty Gang Bang
Bender Like Beckham
Pochacuntas
The Lion Quimm
Sex Toy Story
Never Say Nethers Again
My Brest Friend’s Wedding
King Dong
Honey I Shrunk the Clits
Much ado about Muffing
The Stephen WanKing Box Set:
Dolores Clayporn*
Mingesery*
Tit*
Sleepwankers*
Then there's one's you just don't need to change like The Hole, The Ring, Grease, and Shaft...
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Mmmkay.
Current music: Am actually listening to an online radio play ATM!.