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'My Corduroyed Life' - Mark A's Journal
I actually clicked on one today!
Once in a while, I actually let a popup open instead of scowling and immediately closing it before it even finishes loading up. Sometimes (but we’re talking like next to never here) it’s even remotely relevant to me, and I think I’ll click on the link. I loathe popups, but strangely, occasionally, they actually advertise something I may want to look at. This is an extreme rarity: almost as rare as me having disposable income, but it does happen.
The most annoying ones are the ones that come up again and again: I think I hate ebay and internet washer more that they hate the guy who bullied me at school…
Anyway, the point of this blog (hmmm, if my blogs ever have a point) is that I actually clicked on a popup the other day. With it’s bold claim of ‘Visit the most annoying site on the web’, my curiosity was pricked and so I went there. Predictably, I was disappointed: it mildly bothered me, but I’ve been to much more annoying sites (ones with broken links and/ or having to excessively use the scroll bar frustrate me a hell of a lot more than this site did). Anyway, here’s the link if you’re curious…
MostAnnoyingWebpage.com - Most annoying webpage in the world!
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Impatient (for D&D tonight).
Current music: Battle Without Honor or Humanity by Tomoyasu Hotei.
Firsty, start with one sentence under the title, and make sure it ends with three dots…
After that, do a much larger paragraph. This paragraph should talk a load of irrelevant waffle. Throughout the blog, make sure you have some tpyos and spelling mistakes. Never use those revolting and irritating abreviations like m8, gr8 and all the crappo. Use ridiculous words that you made up yourself like ‘crappo’ (You’re not Lewis Carroll, mate – get over it!). Make sure you use silly things like ‘wanna’ and ‘gonna’, despite the fact you fuss about the other abbreviations like m8. Most importantly when it comes to the writing, be more bothered about the grammar than the spellings: ensure that you overuse semicolons. In fact, show off your grammar (bracketing is good [especially if you can bracket correctly within brackets]), with as many pointlessly poncey sentences as possible (even if they are grammatically perfect). Swear profusely in your blogs, and then take pretty much the lot out when you proofread it because you don’t want people to think your vocabulary is limited (despite the fact that you fucking swear all the fucking time when talking [and pretty much everyone who reads this thing has met you], for fuck’s sake!). When you want to emphasise something USE CAPITALISATION. When your ineptitude means you can’t express yourself properly, put a square bracketed emotion after it [sigh].
Nine times out of ten, you should include a list. This should be introduced with one sentence and a semicolon:
1) Include at least five things in the list.
2) Make sure that it’s probably about something irrelevant and boring that people don’t care about.
3) Some entries should have bracketed comments after them (because it’s ever so funny, you know).
4) Do the list off the top of your head so that it’s a bit crap really.
5) Always try and make the last one a really funny comment: ‘Did you know that gay ghosts put the willies up each other?’
Make sure you always use the Current Mood and Current Music options at the bottom. When doing this, you should always type your own option for your mood because you want to be different. When choosing your music, fret for a while about looking cool or ironic and think to yourself: “Shit, all I’ve listened to for the last three months has been the The Darkness album and the same playlists you made on Winamp ages ago.” Finally clutch at straws and either put an old classic, or (on the rare occasion this is possible) a track that has been recommended to you by a 16 year old you’ve never met, or your mate who has good taste in music (and despite the fact you like it, you feel like a bit of a fraud in your attempt to show you have music taste).
Finally, and most importantly, always try and come up with something ironic, clever, witty, satirical, daft, and intelligent as ideas for your blogs instead of talking about your life. Then think to yourself that it’s a bit rubbish when you read through it, but post it anyway because you were arsed to spend time on it.
Make sure you always end with:
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Happy (D&D is great).
Current music: Stalker by Audiovent.