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'My Corduroyed Life' - Mark A's Journal
Oh dear...
I recently gave my mate Andy (http://www.fexter.net) permission to put me on his 'pooves page', which is an 'amusing' page on his website which involves putting pictures of his homosexual friends there.
He has deliberately put a particularly unflattering picture of me on his site. So if you fancy laughing at me looking crap, go to http://www.fexter.net and enter the site via the star in the centre of the screen. The click on the rainbow flag to the left with 'Pooves' written on it. There I am in all my unflattering glory.
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Meh.
Current music: Get off by Skunk Anansie.
I really dislike public bogs...
Whereas girls seem to relish going to the loo in public, even to the point of going together all relaxed and chatty, for blokes (well, definitely me, anyway), it is a horrible and harrowing necessity. If it was at all humanly possible, I would never go to public toilets: I get so upset...
First of all, ladies loos always have mirrors. Apparently, because men are all ever so butch and manly, they don't need mirrors in their bogs. This is, of course, utter bollocks. Men (including straights [some of them more so than gay boys]) are extremely fastidious. I have to admit I do like to have a mirror in the bogs, just to check my hair, make sure I haven't got food at the side of my mouth, etc.
Then there's the smell... ming.
By far the worst thing though is having to deal with urinals and other men being in them. You think table etiquette (all that eating away from yourself with the soup spoon, etc) are difficult? Try urinal etiquette!
Let me explain...
This is a set of urinals.
[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
If one walks into an empty loo, you must automatically go to one of the end ones:
[*] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
Here.
[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [*]
Or here.
If one walks into a loo and there's already another guy 'in position', like so:
[*] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
You must make sure you stand as furter away as possible, like so:
[*] [ ] [ ] [ ] [*]
If there are TWO other men (this is where it starts to get upsetting), they will be like this:
[*] [ ] [ ] [ ] [*]
You MUST, position yourself in the centre, and then proceed to look at the ceiling, like so:
[*] [ ] [*] [ ] [*]
This can be quite upsetting, as you begin to feat that other men suspect you're a 'willy watcher'. The kind of guy that goes into loos, stands next to other blokes, and looks at their nob. This can be a gay thing (rare), a paranoid thing (whereby you're trying to find someone with a smaller willy than your tiddler), or a 'I've got a big nob' thing (whereby you assert your masculinity by seeing that other men have smaller cocks than you).
I DO NOT willy watch. I am paranoid about being though of as a willy watcher to the point where I prefer to go in the cubicals. My worst nightmare is to be faced by this:
[*] [ ] [*] [ ] [*]
There is NO WAY that I'd go in either of those two free urinals. I'd rather wait. Anyone who goes in those two are either super confident or just don't care any more (IE: old).
Small loos are shit too. What the hell do you do when you're faced by either of these?!?
[*] [ ]
or
[*] [ ] [*]
Girls have it easy...
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Still meh.
Current music: Freak Like Me by Sugababes.
I've just updated my gaydar profile:
http://www.gaydar.co.uk/kingghidorah123
I've actually admitted that I have a boyfriend on it now. This means that no-one will ever message me from this point on. I sometimes think saying you have a bloke on gaydar is actually a showoff thing, 'vos it's the kiss of death regarding messages.
It really must be serious with Tony...
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Lalalalalalalala.
Current music: All The Things She Said by Tatu.