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'My Corduroyed Life' - Mark A's Journal
Oh dear... I appear to be in a silly mood...
I'm such a child... I know this... I really shouldn't put utterly, utterly, utterly pointless stuff on this, but I just had to.
Bunty.
Yay! Bunty!
Am I the only bloke who has to smirk at the mention of this delightful publication (Bunty)? I seem to remember my utter amusement and disdain for said magazine (Bunty) when I saw it next to the Beano in the local newsie.
Bunty.
Why the bloody hell Bunty? I've never known a girl called Bunty. I've never even heard of a girl called Bunty except Bunty in Bunty. Imagine being called Bunty! How awful would it be to be called Bunty?
Of course the fact that Bunty rhymes with cunty is not lost on me. Can one be particularly Bunty do you think?
Bunty.
I really should go... I'm making myself giggle like a five year old in my childish attempt to see how many times I can say Bunty in one blog.
Bunty.
Have fun,
Bunty... I mean M
Current mood: Bunty.
Current music: Pretty much the whole Darkness album.
If you've ever been to a gay club, you see it every night. A pair of fucking queens going at it, and then crying into a friend's arms. You don't care what the argument is, you just look at them and shake your head in dismay. It could be an argument about leaving who's turn it is to do the washing up or the fact that one of them has slept with the other guy's brother and sister simultaniously. It matters not: you just look on, avoid them, and think "For fuck's sake: argue at home, not in a club, you pathetic pair!"
That is, of course, until it's you.
I can't believe it. I can't believe that I was one of those arguers. Fucking Philip.
Now before I go on, I DO NOT make specific references to people I know on this thing when I'm slagging something off. I've done it once in fuck knows how many posts. I think it's shocking and unfair to plaster someone's name all over the internet and slag them off to hell. But fuck: Philip deserves it.
Philip is my ex-boyfriend. One of two 'serious' boyfriends I've had actually. The other one, Sean, is an absolute sweetie and I think the world of him. Now Philip, well after Saturday night, he's a different story...
When it comes to exes, I think I've done pretty well at staying mates with them, or at least being civil with them. It's something I like doing. There's Sean who I'll always adore and always give a hug, and there's the random shags who I am perfectly comfortable saying 'hi' to and having a quick chinwag. There's also the mildly uncomfortable ex-shags who I either fancied lots and they didn't recipricate or vice versa: even them, I'll always say 'Hi' (even the one I obsessed about for MONTHS). A couple of randoms I've never seen since, but would say 'Hi' if I saw them. Now Philip, well I just can't believe him...
A little bit of background: we were going out for about 6 months (maybe a little longer). After a rocky patch, he dumped me by text. I DO NOT for one second think I was the perfect boyfriend. To the contrary, I was a right bastard to him sometimes: moody, unresponsive, and selfish. However, there is no way I deserved being dumped by fucking text message. The fact that I had pretty much convinced myself I had to dump him myself kinda helped though. I was just angry that he didn't have the balls to even phone me, let alone speak to me. Talk about pathetic: we'd been going out 6 months, not six days!
I don't know how far I actually want to go with this post now I've started it... I could really, really bitch and tear into him. But what would that prove? I could mention anything from the fact that he stopped exercising when he met me and put on a stone (and as soon as we split, he started exercising again and took it off again) or the fact that he never trusted me at all, but said that he loved me. However, he could say equally bad things about me, including one of the greatest crime of all: telling someone you love them, when deep down you know you don't. I'm not particularly proud of that...
But Saturday. Saturday was just horrible. We'd met up the weekend before and got on really well, and all seemed good to salvage a friendship out of the relationship. Despite the fact he dumped me by text, I made the effort to try and talk to him/ contact him after the break up. Finally, he decided he wanted to be friends. Or so I thought. It was obviously a transparent way of getting to upset me. Because in Poptastic on Saturday, we got chatting and he then told me that he knew I didn't want him when we were going out and that he still loved me. He then asked if we could give it another go. I said irrefutibly no. It was at this point that I realised I wasn't going to lose him all night. He followed me around telling me how unhappy he was and then told me he'd never cope with me pulling another guy infront of him and would hit whoever it was if I did. Well that was it. I told him in no uncertain terms that he had no right to tell me what to do when he was going out with me, let alone when he wasn't. He threw a screaming fit, and so did I and we became the queens I so hate.
He accused me of this, accused me of that, and when I said that if he couldn't cope with me having a sex life after our relationship then we couldn't be friends. Then it just got more heated and he stormed off. My friend Tom escorted me (in something of a pathetic tearful mess) out of the club. I never want to see or hear from Philip again, and regret the fact I ever tried to recontact him.
The point of this post? I guess I'm saying you should trust your instincts. I *knew* it was a bad idea trying to rekindle a friendship with Philip. I *knew* he had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old, but I still had to do it. I liked the guy, and didn't want to lose him as a mate, but deep down I knew something like this would happen, and it did. So I guess it's my fault. I really should have let it lie.
M
PS:
Will post something a bit more cheerful in a bit.
Current mood: Vented.
Current music: Gunboat by Vixtrola.
As promised...
This is blatently nicked from my friend James' website, but I'm sure he won't mind.
Have fun,
M
Current mood: Cheered Up.
Current music: Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park.