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'My Corduroyed Life' - Mark A's Journal
My friend Pete and I are childish. We tend to be particularly cunty (please see previous post: "10 Words That Should Be In The Dictionary) to each other quite frequently. In fact, it was Pete and I that started using the term, and it quickly became regular vocabulary for me and him with other people. Possibly not the most polite phrase in the world, but it's not like I'd say it in front of my mum...
Anyway, when drunk, we thought it would be an amusing idea to start a website called http://www.particularlycunty.com but neither of us are technologically aware enough to do it... and we'd probably be too lazy to bother, even if we were. The general idea was that we'd have a list of ways
to be particularly cunty and allow people to email us things they've done that were particularly cunty to form a particularly cunty database for all your particularly cunty needs.
As http://www.particularlycunty.com is never going to exist, Pete and I have worked together on this post to bring you a list of particularly cunty things that you might enjoy. So without further ado, here is a list of suggestions on how to be particularly cunty from two experts. These are actually things that we've either done to each other, or to other people, or had done to us.
When in the loos at work (or wherever) and they are deserted, pull all the locks across to look like the cubicles are engaged, and then pull the doors to. This will make it look like all cubicles are engaged when the next
person comes into the loo.
Amusing yourself by humiliating a mate and giving him well over 20 stupid suffixes to his name to make nicknames. These including: Greasy, Shit, “What a time to forget my condoms”, Pie, Pasty, Pastry Products, Scotch Egg, Saiwica, Black Pudding, Old Man's Cock, Ugly, Stalker, Stalkee, Fag Hag, Salvage, Gay Baiting, Necrophile, Paedophile, Sleazy, Cheesy, Petey, Vincey, and Wolverhampton.
Posting all of those vicious nicknames on an internet site that everyone in the world can read, not saying who the victim actually was, and then telling everyone it was Pete.
When a colleague is stupid enough to entrust you with his/ her password for their work PC, go into the autocorrect of their Microsoft Word (this is particularly, particularly cunty if they don't know how to use autocorrect, or indeed, what autocorrect is) and add a new autocorrect that whenever they
type the word 'the', the autocorrect changes it to CUNT.
Making a friend hurry up in the bathroom by putting on Kylie (or whatever particularly grates) on erally loud and singing along out of tune.
Saying a word a friend doesn't like, just because it amuses you to make them squirm.
Constantly correcting your friends grammer in emails is especially infuriating.
Giving a friend's number to a munter because you think he'll stalk him. This is particularly satisfying if the munter does stalk him.
Putting pictures with phone numbers on the back into your pocket then sending heartbreaking texts for weeks; when I have more time I'll write this out in full. With glee. If I can find it I've still got the phone somewhere with a lot of the messages saved...
Eating someone's black pudding and cheese, when you know they're his favourite food.
Sending a picture of a monkey eating spaghetti to all your friends and saying it's how your ex-boyfriend eats.
Sending random private jokes to your friends with the specific intent of making them laugh loudly in the office.
Inviting someone's gay stalker to a bar because they wouldn't buy you drinks.
Me telling the truth: "Imagine dealing with women, but with machismo and arrogance added: that's what dealing with gay men is like.
Pete replying to that with: "Imagine that sort of thing'? I have to deal with you all the time!"
When an ex says: "The best things come in large packages." You reply with: "Indeed I did."
Sending someone 429 pointless messages to their email account knowing they're definitely not gonna pick them up for ages.
http://www.frenchmilitaryvictories.com/
Upon being told you spell the name Mark incorrectly, replying with:
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC MARC
Pointing this out to all your friends in an email:
There are a few reasons why you might not see posts on this friends page:
Mark A might have no friends defined. If you are Mark A, you can edit your Blurty friends so they show up here.
Mark A might have friends defined, but all of their friend's posts might be over two weeks old (according to the times on our servers), and thus wouldn't be displayed here.
Mark A might have friends defined that post only protected entries that you can't view, because they haven't defined you as a friend in return.
Mark A has no friends
I'm sure there's more, but we're both crap at remebering cuntiness: cuntiness comes so naturally to us that we don't need to remember how to be cunty!
Upon a request for help with this post, Cunty Pete sent me some cunty quotes, and signed off with this:
I know most of that was cut & paste email cuntiness but alki-hol has destroyed my brain and memory... How particularly cunty of it.
Have fun (and be cunty),
M
Current mood: Cunty.
Current music: I Wouldn't Change A Thing by Kylie.