| 10:56a |
INDEPENDANCE??? day
alright, so i want independance from the rules created by my aunt and uncle.
but i SO want dependance on someone.
last night sucked so badly. i got in a huge fight with my brother on the phone during the day when Iana and Jess were here. I was screaming and swearing. Let's just say, anyone can say anything, and you can believe them. Anyone can lie. Words can be misused. So I went to fireworks and while I was gone my brother called me back because I had hung up on him earlier. He left like 3 messages, all of which were deleted by my uncle, but whatever. I was mature and I called him back, and me and him are fine. More fine than we've been in months. I still don't really know about my brother though. But my aunt and uncle here and my aunt and uncle there are still NOT fine. And that, I think, is the REAL problem.
I would like to welcome you all to my ACTUAL journal which I write my life in, without editing anything:
(I wrote this poem last night and here's a bit of my entry, which may help you and me better understand what's going on in my head)
"Lost in my own mind
To choose which world, I cannot decide.
As I factor in the person I cannot leave behind.
All these troubles they make me want to hide.
It just seems so unfair
I don't know how to deal with all of this.
And sometimes I think if I just had that one person there
They could provide me with a place to run and find bliss.
I just can't sit around as I hear story after story,
But I don't know where to stand.
Either way I appear to be ona side of the mystery
So shall I sit here and wait for eternity, or have I been banned?
Must I grab at what has been so familiar to me?
I can only question all these authorities.
THis conclusion I must come to will not come naturally.
Influtential opinions will come from majorities.
Can I not simply forget it all?
To experience life with so many events
And yet I still refuse to fall.
Nothing makes sense.
...I am stuck right smack in the middle of a tug of war. I am the line which decides who will lose. I have not chosen to represent such a destination of bitterness."
This is where I say I've had enough and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now. A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises and I don't believe that I'm getting any better.
Current Mood: hmm
Current Music: dashboard confessional- saints and sailors |