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[25 Nov 2009|02:46pm] |
Sorry! Change has brought the end to public viewing of my journal. I have set up an account for those who still want to read, ask me for the username and password.
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[23 Nov 2007|10:22pm] |
i will try to be the backbone for those who need it. i will be the backbone for my family.
my head is on straight. uncle carmen gave me a pat on the back. grandma came upstairs to my room. she can barely walk to the kitchen and back. i am surrounded by people that love me.
my brother laughed today. i havent heard that in awhile. he laughed after he spoke to me, i havent done anything effective in awhile. i think things will start to get better
today matt and i went to the football game at northern. he hung out with his friends and i hung out with bryan. jake had pizza in his truck and bryan wanted some so we went there. harry and keith were there too. i dont like keith. he left and they ate pizza. i drank coffee. i made bad coffee. i left it next to a lamp post. im glad i didnt eat any pizza as i just lost 7 pounds over the last couple weeks which is a lot for me since im like 99.9 percent muscle. but yeah i came home a frozen popsicle. i should have brought an ass cushion.
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[22 Nov 2007|12:00pm] |
its thanksigving.
my family is a bit broken right now. with this whole brielle thing. i am so sick of this fucking bitch talking to my brother. shes a fucking piece of trash and doesnt deserve someone that great. hes sad all the time. he loved her. and she doesnt even want to see him again. i can hear him cry. i hate it. if i was in school right now id punch her fucking lights out.
even when nothing new has hapened he has this sadness about him. he used to be so happy. i know he doesnt need a girl to make him happy. but this is the same exact thing that happened with me and pat. i was depressed for months after the whole thing. i just hate knowing hes going to go through the same thing. my parents keep calling her a bitch, i know its not helping. it never helped me when they called pat and asshole and prick. you have to learn on your own. learn the hard way.
but i really want to knock this girls lights out.
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[18 Nov 2007|01:28pm] |
i push you because i love you.
one day you will see it.
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[17 Nov 2007|04:03pm] |
so my first car will probably be a pontiac g6. its an awesome car and im really excited. less than four months till i can drive!
last night bryan came over. then this morning i went to work and tonight is the weenie roast!! i may bring my camera im unsure yet.
ill update later!
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[14 Nov 2007|05:12pm] |
time goes on
i miss the friends ive lost. i miss who they were. i get angry and want to talk about them too when other people do but i try to remind myself that i was once close to them. ive already been hurt to the extent that i wont ever be close friends with them again but i still like to look out for those i once cared for.
i cant keep trying to fix people that cant be fixed. that dont want to be fixed. that cant be fixed by someone like me.
the search for a job for bryan continues. his family is unreliable. i try to help but i dont think he'll ever get a job till its me driving him to work everyday. no one else will.
my grades for this marking period go as followed:
chem: 94
child dev: 99
AP history: 90 without the added seven points. so its really a 97
pre calculus: 96
spanish III: 96
english: 88, the hell?
gym: 92
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[11 Nov 2007|10:26am] |
nine months!
and going strong. its insane that in three months it will be one year. and yeah we have our little arguements, sometimes big arguements, but its all worth it in the end. all completely worth it.
and and and this weekend is a five day weekend. ive been out with bryan pretty much everyday. i got a big chunk of christmas shopping done and thanksgiving hasnt even come yet
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[03 Nov 2007|11:09pm] |
not such a good day
bryan came over and everything was alright. then we went to zacks show and we had a fight. this is how it went down :
bryan wanted me to meet this girl and my first impression of her was her sitting obnoxiously close to him and touching his leg when she talked to him. i didnt like her. and i told him that. i guess it made him mad because when she came over later and sat like right over top of him and when she left i was like see! the whole basement was quiet and all you heard was "she was sitting next to me! youre ridiculous sometimes"
i was so mad i was afraid id break out in hives. the only thing that kept me from walking out of the place was the fact i didnt know how to get to the front door. i was so close to calling my dad and telling him to come get me. i never ever want to be yelled at let alone in front of a lot of people.
so we went outside and the arguement continued. i looked at his face and it made me feel like shit the way he was so aggravated. i felt my eyes start watering up. so i stared at the ground. he felt bad and started to say he was sorry and hugged me. i couldnt think of anything to say. my mind was blank from being mad and embarrased and upset.
soon jake walked by and said we could have his car keys incase we got cold. that doesnt have any relavance to the story, i just thought it was nice. but we sat on the road instead. and for those 20 minutes it was just calm and ok. it was alright to be at that place in that point in time. we pulled ourselves together and went back inside.
im still very hurt by the whole thing. im hurt by just the fact of it happening.
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[02 Nov 2007|09:37pm] |
its finally friday!!
tomorrow consists of work in the morning. then bryans coming over and then were heading to zachs show.
i wasnt going to go. i heard that potts wanted to punch a girl in the face and i thought it was completely wrong. it seems like they dont know where to draw the line. but zach basically told me he was sorry and hed make sure that nothing happens. it was nice. i rarely talk to zach like hes a normal human being haha
but im excited!
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[31 Oct 2007|09:46pm] |
ween!
i spent it with brie and lainey and we went trick or treating around laineys neighborhood. i will go trick or treating till im like twenty. brie was ragedy anne, i was alice in wonderland, and lainey was the white rabbit. we had fun and im mad tired.
happy ween!
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[27 Oct 2007|10:07pm] |
bryan and i havent really talked in like two days. we have spoken, but not really talked. hes been buisy. its disappointing.
i feel like ive been making people mad lately or feel bad. like at the gym on friday i asked when we were going to floor again because we havent in a while. so they put me on floor by myself. and i did need to work on floor. i was alone the whole night though. it felt like they were punishing me.
i wish i wasnt so resistant to learning new skills too. but i am no longer the 12 year old that did whatever they were told. when youre 12 you dont see what you are doing as dangerous at all. im older now and realize the slightest mistake can have terrible consequences. i just dont want to regret anything. we have noah now, one of our coaches husbands, who does conditioning with us. he realizes we are humans, not drill machines. hes very encouraging and pushes a lot.
school is ruining my writing.
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[24 Oct 2007|07:05pm] |
you are the best one, of the best ones
went to school, came home. jayson was going to bries so he brought bryan to my house. its funny that my mom doesnt care if i hang out with bryan whether shes awake or not. she doesnt really care anymore if he comes over. usually shes really private and protective but now bryan just kinda comes whenever.
im not complaining.
but bryan and i had planned on going on a walk but it was raining. so we played scrabble! haha and i lost. a couple times. but we have fun together, regardless of what we are doing. im grateful for every day together.
and he brought me a sandwich from subway!
oh oh and gym was fun today! we were playing volleyball and everyone was just happy and laughing. no one yelled at each other for missing the ball. pressure free and we all just kept laughing. it was great. im looking forward to more days like today.
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[23 Oct 2007|06:32pm] |
weekend!
twas a good one. friday bryan came over. then saturday i went to work then to bos house. i helped get stuff ready for her party and then everyone came over for it. there was a bon fire and there was a lot a lot a lot of people there. i didnt know a lot of them because they were mostly from cross country. pretty soon i started feeling sick because i ate too much. so bryan and i went to lay down in bos room. then lainey boo got there! and we played zebra. i was suppose to sleep over but i was tired from psats and didnt feel good still so i came home.
( hey weekend )
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[18 Oct 2007|10:07pm] |
today we ran the mile run. three weeks ago i ran it in 12 minutes. and since noah, our trainer guy that came to the gym ive been working very hard. and i did the mile in 9 minutes. ive been working so hard everyday at the gym and everyday i come home in pain buts its alright. im getting better. i want to be the best i can be when competing season comes around.
ive been working very hard at getting my skills back on beam that i lost over the summer. and i went for every skill every time except once for each. consistancy is going to take a while to get back.
tomorrow i have school and then bryans coming over. then saturday is psats and then bos party!
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[16 Oct 2007|08:55pm] |
my dad said possible one of the sweetest things hes ever said to me today. he said
"kim i think youll got the farthest out of anyone in the family."
and i asked what he meant and he said
"you have a great head on your shoulders. you are determined with anything you do and in the end you will be happy. youll find happyness. youll be happier then the rest of us"
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[15 Oct 2007|10:42pm] |
i try to help people, and i get slapped in the face for it. i try not to take offense because some people cannot be helped. i had a period in my life like that but you learn from it and you grow. you learn to love. you learn to love your family and more importantly yourself. some people cant see the nature of their problem and thats the first step. admitting there is a problem. only you can do that. no one can make you do it. and until you can do that you will only be unhappy. i worry about safety the most. its not about your reputation or however you think it is. its not about the little things that dont happen. its safety.
we are not children anymore.
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[14 Oct 2007|08:30am] |
i ended up not going to homecoming. none of the people that id actually hang out with the whole time were going. minus bryan and lainey. but yesterday morning bryan came to work with me and watched me teach. then we went to the football game and northern won. bryan and i were more entertained by making shadows on the ground though.
today were going to allentown fest!
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[09 Oct 2007|07:28pm] |
today was pretty long and uneventful. went to school. bryan and i didnt fight at all today so thats a good sign. then i came home and went to work and the kids were very rambunctious if thats how you spell it. came home studied my ass off for this history test tomorrow.
yesterday a personal trainer came in to do our conditioning for gymnastics and holy shit am i sore today. hes a really nice guy but hes just really hard. hes also married to one of our normal coaches. but yeah i walked around all funny today because my legs hurt so bad haha
tomorrows going to be a good day!
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[08 Oct 2007|02:09pm] |
yesterday bryan and i went to fright fest and it was rather disappointing. there was like nothing going on. bryan and i still fight a lot but its ok. i get anxiety when im around large groups of people but thats ok because i have someone that supports me. i have someone that will sit me down and hug me when im yelling about all the people that have done me wrong, done us wrong.
people need to watch what they do and say, they dont know the effect it will have on someone else.
i dont know where my life is headed, what will happen next. but its ok as long as hes with me.
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[07 Oct 2007|11:52am] |
bryan and i have been fighting a lot.
but friday we went to a football game at northern and we were sitting on the bleachers when two girls/boys started yelling at each other. and they were going to fight. they walked in a different direction so we followed them and bryan told one of his friends "its going down!!" and one person told another and pretty soon there was a whole mob following us. more than 50 people at least. and the whole time i couldnt stop laughing as everyone flocked in one direction.
no fight actually happened.
it was just funny seeing everyone flocking together.
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