| Moving to a diff site. |
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| 11:15pm 06/05/2003 |
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alright.. well if any of you people are intrested in reading my journal still.. i changed sites.. link is.. www.livejournal.com/users/killjake .. byebye for now.
Ja Ke |
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| im lazy.. so sue me. |
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| 03:00am 06/05/2003 |
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mood:  lazy
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ya. today went bad, but then got better.. id talk about it but im to fuckin lazy.. so maybe some other time.. but dont count on it. im going to go watch a movie..
Ja Ke |
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| blah. |
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| 06:12pm 04/05/2003 |
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mood: okay music: Finger Eleven "Drag Me Down"
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eh, nothing has happend yet today.. no one is here.. for the first time in along time, nick is out with some chick.. i dunno where kelly is and eveyone else is doing something else. SO IM ALONE.. for once.. its nice. But i miss kelly.. lol. so.. what did i do today.. hm. walked to the store to get cigarettes and condoms.. went to go take my stupid test to get me drivers permit.. but i "dont have the proper id" so.. we went home and got what we thought was what we needed.. but NO. cockfaces.. wouldnt take it so i have to wait now.. and im afraid im going to fail the eye exam.. because i have bad eyes.. and i really dont want fucking glasses or contacts.. to much work, fuck that... id rather have bad eyes. ack. well im off to do nothing. so maybe i will post later tonight.
Ja Ke |
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| lada lada. MEH! |
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| 02:04am 03/05/2003 |
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mood:  bored music: Mindless Slef Indulgence "Tornado"
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yes yes.. what a fun filled day.. or NOT. Well i woke up at 12:00.. not by my choice, to go see family for this so called holiday "easter". Which sucked because i didnt get to sleep untill about 8am. Eh.. just hung out with family... and shit. I had to sneak out away from my family to have a cigarette.. that sucked balls. Got home.. called kelly, more problems of course.. not between us, but just problems that seem to effect us. My good freind sean now knows that i know the he likes kelly, and is afraid i will hate him now or somthing.. which is stupid because i have known for along time now. But whatever, he will relize soon that i dont care. Well i do care, but its not in my control so whatever. I can deal with it.. considering i have been already. Meh. Well yes, kelly left and i played my new addiction.. worms, a retarded game with worms and bombs and guns.. its very fun, but my brain hurts know because i have been playing it for to long. I finnaly washed and put away all my cloths, my mother has been bitching at me about it for 4 days now.. so she can leave me alone now. Eh, i guess cops have been "monitering" my house.. lol.. fucking pigs I HATE THEM!@@~#@$ AHHH!!#@!# but ya.. my parents are afraid they are going to raid our house because they think im a dealer or somthing, which i am nothing close to.. at all. Just because i have freinds that stop in at random times in the day makes me suspicous i guess. Meh. Fuck it. Fuck cops. yes yes. for once i am not horrible depressed or pissed off.. im proud of myself. My buddy manda is scareing me right now.. She said something about her mother.. like something bad is happening to her.. and she also said she (manda) just had an panic attack... and now her away message is "FUCK!" but ya.. i hope shes ok. Also today is 4:20, and i didnt smoke pot.. i hate pot. it makes me depressed.. and hungry... but im supprised i didnt get offerd.. considering almost everyone i hang out with are potheads, which is fine with me.. but im not a pothead.. i hate pot. and thats all i have to say for now.. maybe ill write more later.. peace and destruction for all. ... you know, id kill myself if i wasnt such a pussy.
Ja Ke |
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| FUCKER!! |
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| 11:56am 02/05/2003 |
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mood:  angry music: none
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ahh.. god damn piece of shit.. i just put in a long entry and it didnt work.. so i guess ill wait to tell you how horrible i am. Happy 4:20.. and oh ya. easter. |
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| yup. |
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| 03:12am 29/04/2003 |
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mood:  drunk music: Outcast "Rosa Parks"
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IM DRUNK.. long day, again.. ill talk about it later.. maybe. But all goes well at the moment. |
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| wow.. a very long day. |
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| 03:27am 28/04/2003 |
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mood: drunk music: Red Hot Chili Peppers "All Around The World"
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Alright.. ill start from the begining, I woke up, sat around and kelly IMed me. Its mine and kellys 1 month. But its kinda differnt because we liked eachother for along time before we went out. I guess she called in sick to work, which kind of upset me because she needs to go to work or she will get fired.. shes takin way way to much time off. So she told me that when she woke up to go to work she didnt want to go and she wanted to come and pick me up at 5:30 and go off somewhere alone all day, and i told her well come and get me.. so she did. Made me very happy, i like being alone with her.. i love her. So we drove out into wisconson and went to McShitolds and ate breakfast. We left around noon and ended up there around 1:30. I dunno, we drove around for along time.. other shit happend that im not going to get into but one thing ruined our moods, right as we had to go back to my house.. around 7:00. So we had been gone all day, and i told my mom that kelly was running a few errons and i was going with... but i guess it took 7 hours. Well kelly was pissed off, we decided that me sean, will and kelly would all go out to eat at red lobster. My brother was coming over to show us somthing so we had to wait untill he got here then he did and we left but kelly had forgoten her ID.. and of course all of us being chain smokers were out of cigarettes. So we drove to kellys house to get her ID.. she was afraid to go in because her parents have been kind of pissed at her lately.. for one reason or another. But she went in, we waited in the carl. She came back and said "Well that went good" She walked into her room and all her shit was all in boxes and packed up, so she got kicked out of her house and to top it off she is getting in alot of trouble with oweing money... not gonna go to deep into it. Well you know, this set a lovely mood for the night, we ate.. mostly without talking, sean was pissed about some other chick crying or somthing. So we went back to my house, i was late.. but my parents went to bed so i didnt get bitched at.. not that i would care if they did or anything. So me and kelly went into my upstairs room to talk. We talked about what happend that day and i felt a little better and she seemed to also. we did some "stuff'" or we had sex if u want to call it that. So we came back downstairs to where will, nick and seans drunk asses were. I only had a little to drink so i wasnt drunk. We sat for along time, kelly just staring i guess tryin to figure out where to go tonight. She seemed very pissed or sad i really wanted to know what was getting to her. We suggested a few ideas, but she didnt seem to want to use anything of them and they were good ones.. but she wouldnt let us help. She made i think a joking comment about killing her self and even if it was a joke, it pissed me the fuck off. So i kinda spazed a little.. but nothing compared to what i can do when im really pissed. So she started crying, so i went out to her car and grabbed the knife that the comment was about (nick had left a giant knife in her car for one reason or another) and put it away in my room. Went back downstairs and she was still crying, so i took her back up to my room and made her talk. I got alot of shit out of her, and we have a plan to fix some shit that is getting to her. So she had to take sean home because his parents and him are in fight or somthing.. but hes been at my house for the past week or so. And then kelly was gonna try to go back home and get some sleep and hopefully her parents wouldnt kill her when they found out she was there. So she left.. i started drinking more and i came to write this giant entry.. my first real one ever. And im proud of myself for typing so good when im drunk. A couple of minutes ago kelly called me from seans, i guess shes stayin there which i guess is good. But im about to get more drunk.. so ill talk to you soon.. if im not to busy.
!@# Ja Ke #@! |
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| no sleep. |
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| 04:14am 26/04/2003 |
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mood:  exhausted music: Everclear *still* "I Will Buy You A New Life"
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Yup.. not tierd. I would try to sleep if there were not snoring people laying on my floor and couchs.. then i would lay down and try to sleep. Today was an alright day.. i didnt break anything, yesterday i broke our mail box and smashed my magazine rack and broke some light bulbs. The day before that i punched a mirror and left glass lying everywhere which i have been meaning to clean up, but i guess i am to busy doing.. um.. ya. Tonight me and Kelly (my girlfreind that i love deeply) talked quite alot.. about some of our problems that have been going on. Maybe ill explain some other time but not now. Kelly and me are getting very close, closer then i have ever been or wanted to be to anyone.. but i dont mind talking to her or being close to her, i love it. Its weird, i am not ussaly the one to get close to people. I mean sure ya, i have freinds.. acutally to many freinds half of them live at my house.. like right now there is 4 people sleeping in my room. Fucking sucks, i am never alone.. My freind nick is 19 now and lives with me and has for about a year and a half now. He has not graduated from highschool and has no job and no seen modivation to move out of MY house, and its really pissing me off. yes yes.. my random bitching i guess that is what i will use this thing for.. ethier bitching or writing about how happy i am. If that ever desides to sneak up on me while i sit in the dark.
Well on another subject here are somethings i think about myself.
Im ugly
Im stupid
I am worthless
I smoke to much
I have a bad temper
I enjoy breaking things
I resort to hurting myself
Id rather give then recive, but reciving is fine
I care to much about things that shouldnt be cared about
Im not always depressed, there is those few rare hours between problems
I enjoy other realites, more then the one i am ussaly stuck in
Well.. i think i got my self pretty well sumed up for all you people reading this. (no one) |
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| yup.. im gonna try this journal shit... |
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| 03:55am 26/04/2003 |
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mood: blah music: Everclear "A.M. Radio"
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Alright.. i thought i would start an online journal because ive seen my freinds look back at them and have fun and remeber stuff because of them. Im making sure no one i know will find this... I hope none of them will. I have shit on my mind right now.. mostly good thoughts for the first time in awhile.. but i think tommrow i will put in an entry. Im just kinda tryin this thing out tonight. I am tierd but cant sleep.. but im sure i will attempt sleep soon. Oh ya.. and if u dont like my grammer or spelling, please kiss my ass. |
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